| Latest articles: How to avoid being used financially
This question has 13 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
30 October 2010: I have tried to keep my relationship problems away from this site as I do not want my advice to be assosiated to my own questions. However I have now learned an important lesson that I want to share with the rest of you, in the hopes that you will ...
What I've learned from my family.
This question has 4 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
14 June 2010: In order for aunts and question askers to see who they are getting advice from, I will continue to write some more about me, and where I come from. The things that I draw on when giving advice, what type of experience I have in life. This arti...
How one person changed my life
This question has 12 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
8 June 2010: I've been an aunt on this site now for quite a while, at first I started as an anonymous, until I finally took the step to make an account and dare to be identified somewhat. As I've gotten to know a few people on here, albeit still strangers ...
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How can I break this cycle? My life revolves around finding someone
Q. My life revolves around finding someone how can I break this cycle ? I just had my heart broken by my ex he left me because he didn't want to invest the time in our relationship and I can't get over it. It was only six months and although I did e...
A. 11 June 2016: You spent 6 years in an abusive relationship, you say. Have you stopped to wonder how this affected you? Abusers leave their victims feeling helpless and worthless. Do consider that part of why you feel helpless, alone, and like nothing matters but ... (read in full...)
He's turning my space into a slum - help!
Q. This is going to sound extremely petty rant,but just want to ask other people if they think I am being over the top? Me and my boyfriend don't live together (Im at my mum's still,he has a flat) but my mum mostly stays at her partner's house an...
A. 9 June 2016: This is a valid concern. Things like this also tends to escalate over time. Imagine the mess he leaves at YOUR room now, when he is there NOT full time, and it's not even partially his room. Imagine how it will look when the room is also HIS, and he ... (read in full...)
Not long before we started to date he had sex with a girl who is one of my friends. Now I know I feel uncomfortable about it. How should I respond?
Q. Would you date a guy who had slept with your friend not long before you decided to date? Note that it was not a one night stand, but happened a few times... I have known this guy for a while and only recently have we hung out a lot and gotten t...
A. 8 June 2016: If you feel uncomfortable about it, then why does it matter what we think?
I think most people would feel uncomfortable with this though. This is why there's a bro code and a girl code, and why homie hopping is considered a bad thing. It's gen... (read in full...)
Should I tell her Bf what she is like?
Q. A female who fancies me wants to have me and isn't happy in her relationship currently with a man she's with. He's not the best looking but he is a nice guy and really loves her, and I feel sorry for him as he does and she doesn't feel the same ...
A. 8 June 2016: No, don't tell him. He probably already knows, and is just trying to ignore it. Just walk away and don't fall for her tricks. ... (read in full...)
Was I in an abusive relationship?
Q. I recently spit up with my boyfriend of 6 months. It was a very rocky relationship and I feel very depressed, confused and angry after it. I just want to explain what happened and wonder if anyone can tell me if his behaviour was controlling or ...
A. 7 June 2016: He broke you down. Now is the time to build yourself up again. You CAN go back to who you used to be. It just takes work and time. And you will not be alone forever. It feels like this down, only because he broke you down. He wanted you to feel this ... (read in full...)
How can I be more interesting in a relationship?
Q. hey guys so I need some advice on how to be more interesting in my relationships. i'm kind of quiet and my last boyfriend stated how I wasn't enough of a 'challenge' and he wanted someone who brought more to the table. I don't want to make t...
A. 7 June 2016: Let me finish this post for you the correct way:
"I don't want to make the same mistakes in the future"
..... So I need to pick different boyfriends. How do I discover early on who would be a good fit for me and not? I would like someone with... (read in full...)
Would anyone see a problem with a partner offering to pick up an ex from work in his car ? Why is he offering?
Q. My ex boyfriend and i of 6 and a half years broke up around 2 years ago. Recently he has been offering to pick me up from work instead of dropping our little girl off later on when im in. Hes now married and im wondering if his wife knows about...
A. 6 June 2016: Then why aren't you just asking him: does your wife know and is okay with you giving me a ride?
Seems simple enough, if you want to avoid drama.... (read in full...)
Why is my Bf refusing to tell me why he wants a tracking device?
Q. Hi, first all thanks for reading this. My bf of 2 years suddenly asked me about a gps tracking device that he knows I had in the past. I told him I don't have it with me. It is in my locker ( work locker) and I asked what do you need for that ...
A. 5 June 2016: Why are you with him if you don't trust him? Some times, people just need to do things without having to answer to their partner as if they were a child. It sounds to me like he is tired of you and the relationship, and so he made it a point to not ... (read in full...)
Would anyone see a problem with a partner offering to pick up an ex from work in his car ? Why is he offering?
Q. My ex boyfriend and i of 6 and a half years broke up around 2 years ago. Recently he has been offering to pick me up from work instead of dropping our little girl off later on when im in. Hes now married and im wondering if his wife knows about...
A. 5 June 2016: I think you are leaving something out, and it sounds to me like you try to create drama.
I mean, what is it to you what your exes wife thinks? Thats between him and her. You and your ex also have a child together, from what you briefly mention ... (read in full...)
Honeymoon is over. What should I do? My Bf behaved badly in front of people I care about
Q. Hi guys. I've been with my bf almost a year and we've been happy so far. But I guess the honeymoon is ending cause I feel differently about him now. As I've come to know him, I've noticed childish behavior I don't like. We went out tonight with...
A. 4 June 2016: Oh yeah, you were on your period, I almost forgot about that little fact. It's a known fact that we get a bit sensitive around our periods. I for one, experience a whole set of emotional responses to something that ordinarily wouldn't bother me. ... (read in full...)
Why do we no longer have sex?
Q. Im currently in a relationship with my boyfriend and have been for 2 and a half years we have lived together for one. Were both incredibly happy and are very affectionate towards one another. All is going well except for one thing ... sex. In the ...
A. 4 June 2016: I think you have become bored of one another. You live together, and probably spend too much time together. Not every couple works this way, but it sounds like the two of you could benefit from occasional separation and doing things separately. Such ... (read in full...)
Honeymoon is over. What should I do? My Bf behaved badly in front of people I care about
Q. Hi guys. I've been with my bf almost a year and we've been happy so far. But I guess the honeymoon is ending cause I feel differently about him now. As I've come to know him, I've noticed childish behavior I don't like. We went out tonight with...
A. 4 June 2016: I don't think this is a lot to complain about. There was no scene, and although he didn't talk much to your friends on the way back, at least he was there with your friends and he gave it a shot. Not all people enjoy to double date. In fact, none of ... (read in full...)
Our sexual energies might not be aligned! What do I do?
Q. I have this incredible bond and friendship with the guy I'm dating. He's exactly my type. He's so endearing and cute. I want to take care of him and give him anything he asks for. I've never felt such a strong feeling of giving. He's so ...
A. 4 June 2016: I think your current guy just isn't as great in bed as your former lovers. Or, that your body just doesn't have that chemistry with him. But if you're attracted to him and achieve orgasms and have a great time with him, both sexually and otherwise, ... (read in full...)
I think I'm starting to hate my best friend.
Q. I really need some advice with a certain situation that my friend (we'll call her molly) got herself in to. We've been friends for about 5 years and we used to relate to each other so well. We were so close until about 4 months ago. That's when she ...
A. 3 June 2016: What do you mean "self harming a lot"? If she is actually causing harm to herself, then you need to contact the authorities and have her institutionalized. Don't play this down as if harming one self is something normal. What do you mean, exactly? ... (read in full...)
40 something women don't seem to frequent the places I frequent. So where should I go to meet the 40 something women I feel are so sexy?
Q. I'm a 25 year old black male who is biracial. My black side is more dominant as my skin color is more of a rich brown color. I have dated girls of all races without a problem. BUT my weakness is older white women. Usually 40 and up. I don't know...
A. 3 June 2016: Online? I would suggest different online chat forums, I have met several women there in the age group you are looking for. Mostly single mothers though, you didn't mention how you stand on the kid-matter. If kids are no problem, then I think there ... (read in full...)
Love my current LDR partner, but I am energised and in love with a colleague. What should I do?
Q. I met my GF in college 5 years ago and we have been together ever since then getting engaged 3 years into the relationship (wedding organised for summer next year). We have been involved in a long distance relationship over the last 3 years as...
A. 3 June 2016: Andies thoughts, how old are you? I ask, because your post appears to me as quite naive. Yes, some people have to be in LDR. But just because they have to, doesn't mean they like it, or that they too don't see each others as strangers when they ... (read in full...)
Was I in an abusive relationship?
Q. I recently spit up with my boyfriend of 6 months. It was a very rocky relationship and I feel very depressed, confused and angry after it. I just want to explain what happened and wonder if anyone can tell me if his behaviour was controlling or ...
A. 3 June 2016: Yes, this was an abusive relationship from A to Z. It ticks every box. I am happy you made it out of that relationship after just 6 months. Do not talk to this man again, he is dangerous. He already tried to take away your future, your friends, your ... (read in full...)
Our sexual energies might not be aligned! What do I do?
Q. I have this incredible bond and friendship with the guy I'm dating. He's exactly my type. He's so endearing and cute. I want to take care of him and give him anything he asks for. I've never felt such a strong feeling of giving. He's so ...
A. 3 June 2016: Its probably not going to change. See how you feel after a while. If it doesnt pick up, and you arent pleased sexually, then end it.
Also, it could be he is just too feminine for you. Too sweet for your body to understand that he is a man.... (read in full...)
Why do I have no luck with dating and forming new relationships?
Q. I hope my life doesn't sound too miserable.... I never had luck in love. I'm not a weirdo. I have good taste in clothing and I try every possible way to make myself look nice, but I didn't start dating until I was 27. My ex who is also my first br...
A. 3 June 2016: I have to say, online dating is not at all desperate, or for people with problems, as the first poster says. This is an old cliche. Online dating is for people who live in the modern world, with facebook, smartphones and all that, who aren't that ... (read in full...)
Why do I have no luck with dating and forming new relationships?
Q. I hope my life doesn't sound too miserable.... I never had luck in love. I'm not a weirdo. I have good taste in clothing and I try every possible way to make myself look nice, but I didn't start dating until I was 27. My ex who is also my first br...
A. 2 June 2016: I think the fact that you didn't start dating until 27 says something about you. And if you want your "luck" to pick up on your dating life, the hard truth is that you need to change. My guess is, from reading your post, and the fact that you ... (read in full...)
Love my current LDR partner, but I am energised and in love with a colleague. What should I do?
Q. I met my GF in college 5 years ago and we have been together ever since then getting engaged 3 years into the relationship (wedding organised for summer next year). We have been involved in a long distance relationship over the last 3 years as...
A. 2 June 2016: A family member is not the same as a girlfriend. They were together for two years prior, but she's been gone for even longer than that. A full three years. Video chat every now and then and being on the phone can not replace sitting next to each ... (read in full...)
Love my current LDR partner, but I am energised and in love with a colleague. What should I do?
Q. I met my GF in college 5 years ago and we have been together ever since then getting engaged 3 years into the relationship (wedding organised for summer next year). We have been involved in a long distance relationship over the last 3 years as...
A. 2 June 2016: I think not all relationships can survive long distance, and long distance over such a long time as 3 years... well it's a lot! You're practically strangers!
I would vote against marrying her until you and her have spent time TOGETHER in the same... (read in full...)
I'm no longer sexually attracted to my husband
Q. I am no longer sexually attracted to my husband. He does not know this and I don't know if I should break the news to him or keep it to myself. I know the reasons I am no longer attracted. He was unfaithful and I haven't been able to forgive ...
A. 2 June 2016: In my book, there is no hope here. Because he cheated. It's not something you did, it's not something you wanted, and there is nothing you can do to change the past. It's all on him. He made the decision that you, and your relationship, wasn't that ... (read in full...)
Male virgin and now in my 20s. What can I do?
Q. I'm am writing to get advice and opinions about my virginity and lack of relationship experience. I'm a male who has never had sex or a girlfriend. The reason for this a rather personal and complex.I have always had trouble making friends and rela...
A. 30 May 2016: If you're looking for the girlfriend-material, then I can promise you, you will not be rejected on the account of being a virgin.
Virginity is not some magic spell, nor is it a big sign on your penis. Virginity is abstract. What I mean is.... i... (read in full...)
Need advice on how to handle child support after it "ends".
Q. I have a question regarding child support for my son, who is 18 and graduates HS next month (June). In my state, child support terminates upon graduation of HS at age 18. My ex-wife is the custodial parent, and I have paid child support ...
A. 30 May 2016: I agree with you. Do as planned. Don't send any money to her, if your son needs it, you give it directly to him.
I don't know if your ex was necessarily using all the money for herself, though. We have no idea what she did with it. She didn't s... (read in full...)
How do I let go of who I THOUGHT he was?
Q. Last year I met a man that is 16 years my senior (I'm 21), I thought it was fate at first as we appeared to love all of the same things, share the same thoughts about life and he could not get enough of me. I quickly became attached to him and ...
A. 27 May 2016: How do you let go of a fantasy? You find a new one.
Look, this is manipulative guy in a nutshell. Over the top romance and amazing, sweeps you off your feet, makes you love him the way you never thought you could love anyone, and then at the blin... (read in full...)
Do I take a chance on my friend who is being flaky or just move on?
Q. Me and my friend decided to be more than friends , yesterday i got some plans mixed up and messaged him saying i couldnt meet friday he didnt see the message straight away but 2 mins later i told him it was ok to still see each other and he saw id ...
A. 27 May 2016: You're the one who cancelled. You're the one being rude. So what, it took him 30 seconds to change plans? He changed plans! Accept it and set up a new date.
You need to be less stressed and freaked out by such small matters. You already sound co... (read in full...)
How do I keep a healthy balanced perspective on my finances?
Q. Sorry, this isn't really a relationship question, but it's really weighing on me. I'm fairly young (or maybe 30 isn't considered that young anymore), I have no debt and as of a couple months ago had low 6 figures of savings. With all that said, I...
A. 25 May 2016: Practice, practice, practice! Practice with a friend. Pretend she is a client. Trust me, you will be equally nervous, despite knowing it is pretense. I have practiced like this for job interviews, which put me in the same mumbling and blabbering ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend is touchy feely with other girls.
Q. I've been with my boyfriend for 5 months. The problem is that he's extremely touchy and always tickles and teases other girls, even in front of me. I talked to him about it but it seems that it's pointless. I've never told him not to hang out with ...
A. 25 May 2016: ... I just have to ask, what makes you think you have any right to say who he gets to talk to and not, what so ever? No, the other person being deemed by you as "a bad influence" is NOT grounds to tell him he can not talk to them. You are not his ... (read in full...)
Chance to see a girl at a party who I talked to online, before she rejected me. Do I try to speak to her? Do I just pretend it never happened?
Q. This is quite embarrassing but I met a girl online. I found out recently I have the chance to meet her. Really random and unlikely, so maybe its a sign we are meant to be? Either way all this time I still have not moved on and forgot about her...
A. 25 May 2016: Don't believe anything will happen with this girl. She's done with you and the lies. That was a finite line. But, you can use the opportunity to apologize in person. And then leave it at that. If she wants further contact, she will be the one to ... (read in full...)
I live with my boyfriend but so much want to be with another guy.
Q. I have been in a relationship for 3 years, i live with my partner, but i am not happy have not been happy with him for a while. I have met this really nice guy who i have known for a while and i want to be with this new guy so much, but i dont know ...
A. 24 May 2016: Come again, you can't leave your boyfriend because he's had a tragic past? Wtf is that crap? No, excuse my bluntness, but you're not hos social worker, or psychologist, and you have every right to end the relationship regardless of what fragile ... (read in full...)
How do I stop saying the wrong thing and convince H that I love her ?
Q. I've been dating H for five months and it's just gotten weird... With like all these things where she gets mad at me. First time, my friends said I could have been nicer about it but I think she was over sensitive. She got her braces adjusted ...
A. 24 May 2016: "Her brother got kicked out for being gay but dude's 19 and I bet he's harmless. I'd probably get along with him. If he had a bad swim accident I'd do my best with CPR. "
Can you explain what you mean? I have no idea what this means. He is gay, ... (read in full...)
What should I do? Is it understandable that I'm hurt that my boyfriend wants to be friends with a woman he cheated with?
Q. Last night my phone was dead and I could not find my charger. So I asked my boyfriend if I could use his phone because I had to call my sister for something important. I'm not the type to snoop but I saw 3 calls in the call log from a woman my...
A. 23 May 2016: I think he is within his rights to be friends with whomever he wants to be friends with.
What he does NOT have the right to do, is cheat. Yet, you didn't end your relationship with him. Although, you should have. And this is why. Because it still... (read in full...)
I am about to have sex with my new partner, and don't want to scare him off!
Q. I've been seeing a great guy for some time now and we're about to start having sex. I'm in my late thirties (he's of my age), divorced after 15 years. Almost half of my marriage the sex was... well just going through the motions before becoming...
A. 23 May 2016: You're not "having a problem". You are a woman. Women don't orgasm like men do. We rarely orgasm, and certainly not from intercourse. I only know 2 in 50 that orgasm on a regular basis. I know about 5 in 30 who never orgasm at all. And the rest have ... (read in full...)
I never realized how lazy my boyfriend was until we moved into together!
Q. Hi everyone I've been with my boyfriend just under 4 years we have a 17 month old daughter and have just moved in together the problem is I didn't realise how lazy he is he goes to work and admits he does nothing comes home I have tea ready I sort ...
A. 22 May 2016: Btw, just stop making tea for him and dinner for him etc. Get that list of tasks done. When he's done all his tasks, he gets the tea and dinner etc. If he doesn't do his part, and YOU end up having to do it instead, then he loses his privileges. If ... (read in full...)
I never realized how lazy my boyfriend was until we moved into together!
Q. Hi everyone I've been with my boyfriend just under 4 years we have a 17 month old daughter and have just moved in together the problem is I didn't realise how lazy he is he goes to work and admits he does nothing comes home I have tea ready I sort ...
A. 21 May 2016: How old is he?
I don't think there is much to do, he sounds immature and not like he will ever step up, if you ask me. If a kid wasn't enough to get him to grow up and take responsibility, then I don't know what will. Maybe he needs a few more yea... (read in full...)
Is it time to say 'NO,' (with no guilt), to E and mean it? Do children have to attend parties put on by overbearing parents?
Q. There is this lady "E" who is driving me nuts! Her kids (boy and girl twins with the SAME gender neutral name,let's say J Lee and J Leigh) are turning 10 next month and she drove to our house to drop off an invitation and itinerary. Yes. An itine...
A. 21 May 2016: Sounds like you handled it well! Hope it works out.... (read in full...)
Should I cut ties with the friend who still hears from the mutual friend I fell out with?
Q. I have a dilemma about a friend (Girl A) of mine who is also a friend with another girl that I had a bad fall out with (Girl B). The thing is - I got hurt and betrayed badly by Girl B - so after the fallout I tried to disassociate myself from bot...
A. 21 May 2016: Are you a child, or an adult?
Children play these games of who they can and can't play with, and who is in what group and who isn't invited to the tree house....
Adults stay civilized. If you don't get along with someone, fine, then you don't h... (read in full...)
Is it time to say 'NO,' (with no guilt), to E and mean it? Do children have to attend parties put on by overbearing parents?
Q. There is this lady "E" who is driving me nuts! Her kids (boy and girl twins with the SAME gender neutral name,let's say J Lee and J Leigh) are turning 10 next month and she drove to our house to drop off an invitation and itinerary. Yes. An itine...
A. 21 May 2016: How to tell her?
You write it down, the notes you need to talk to her about, so you don't forget.
Then you visit her at home and ask if you can have a word with her. Then lay it all on the table. This method will ensure that she never speaks... (read in full...)
Did he or did he not? I am 16, why did my BF lie about losing his virginity and then change his story?
Q. So I have been with my boyfriend who I met at a concert for a month. We are both sixteen. We hadn't discussed sex at all until now. I was curious to know if he had sex before, but I wasn't bold enough to ask outright. So when we were finally talking ...
A. 21 May 2016: He was a virgin. Men see this as something negative, something that makes them less attractive. Saying he is a virgin is the same to these men/boys as saying they have a small penis. They are embarrassed, and think it makes them less of a man. So he ... (read in full...)
At wit's end. My husband is icing the cake of frustration. What's my next step?
Q. I have been married for almost four years, and of those four years, my commute to work has been 45 minutes to an hour. My husband, however, has only worked the past three years. His job is nearby, so his commute is quite short. I was recently pre...
A. 20 May 2016: And there are no houses in the middle, so you could both have a 30-minute commute?
How about you move out and get a place of your own, then visit him and the house on weekends?
Or, just do the commute. Several people commute an hour each way... (read in full...)
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