A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I have been thinking of leaving my job and returning to full time education to start my career, however, I have been having a big crush on my male colleague for almost three years now. I really like him and he is always on my mind. He is so handsome and just gorgeous! The problem is that I've reached a point in which I just want to tell him about my feelings and let him know about everything, but I am reluctant to do so as he might not reciprocate my feelings or take the relationship any further. It would just feel awkward. He has however been showing subtle signs of interest. He always smiles at me when he sees me, always stares at me from afar especially when I'm not looking and makes me feel appreciated and special. Whenever we talk, he gets a bit shy and keeps the conversation short and sweet. He is such a gentleman towards me and treats me like a real lady. The thing is I feel that if I tell him I will be able to move on...black or white..but I am currently in the grey area. I get so emotional and cry almost daily over this. This is my first serious crush and I am not very experienced when it comes to relationships and dating. Seeing him everyday just heightens my emotional state and it's causing me pain that he does not know how I feel about him. Friends and family have told me to move on and I will find someone who will appreciate me and do anything to be with me. I can't move on though...he seems to play a very big part in My life and occupies a huge chunk of my mind. He deserves to know how I feel before I leave right? I mean, if your advice is to tell him how could I begin? I know he is single too so that's already been found out. Thank you!!!
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (21 September 2016):
 It is great that you have decided to change career. But do not pin your hopes on Mr Right coming along and chasing you. Sometimes that is not how the world works. Nobody is saying you cannot chase a man and ask him out, just that three years without doing so is a bit obsessive. Take one step at a time and live your life as best you can. If you struggle there is always professionals there to help.
A
male
reader, Fatherly Advice  + ♥, writes (20 September 2016):
 I'm quite happy with your decision and your method of reinforcing your determination. I'm a bit worried about your faith that there is a MR. Right, and you won't have to do anything to catch him. Don't rule out the idea of some therapy.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 September 2016): Thank you so so so much to all those who responded. Your responses really have opened up my eyes and I feel I have a better clarity and perspective of everything now. I have decided to pursue my career and will prepare the move to leave and get on with my life. I know I will find Mr Right one day, it will be at the right time and in the right place and he will be the one chasing me not the other way round. Reflecting on everything you have said, every time he crosses my mind I wil simply read your posts and suppress the idea of any false hopes in my mind. I think that's already working too! X
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 September 2016): This isn't a crush it's an obsession. 3 years is a crazy amount of time to build feelings for someone without asking them out for lunch or dinner or even a coffee.
The signs you think show he likes you (smiling, seeming 'shy' during short conversaton) could just be him being polite and actually trying not to give you the impression he has a crush - as he may have picked up the signs you like him and wants to just be professional.
Before you leave, you could ask him to lunch but I actually think you've obsessed over him so much you like the idea of him more than the real him. So you have an idea of what life would be like with him in it but this isn't based on reality. It would probably be much healthier for you to cut all ties and move on.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 September 2016): Friends and family are correct. Move on. Three years has past and this man has not made one solitary move?
You are infatuated and on the verge of obsession, my dear.
Time to grow-up. There are safety-limits to harmless crushes; but crying and all that drama?
Seriously?!!
Your behavior is not healthy. Do not tell him how you feel. He will think there's something wrong with you. He hasn't reciprocated those feelings. The fact you are co-workers will make his work environment quite awkward and uncomfortable. He just may not have any romantic interest in you at all.
I think after three years of smiling and being nice, he would have taken the initiative to let you know he was interested. I don't think you're on the same page. Maybe you might need to get out and seek single available men away from your workplace. If you're single, available, and making goo-goo eyes at him; I would think he would feel it's okay to ask you to lunch or out for coffee. He may even be gay. No signs of a girlfriend or wife, no reaction to your subtle flirtations, and no hints he is interested.
I'd say you should stay professional and leave it alone.
You might consider some counseling if you're that hung-up on someone who doesn't have a clue; and isn't showing you much more than politeness and professional-courtesy.
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A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious + ♥, writes (15 September 2016):
 I agree with you that spending a lifetime wondering "what if" is far worse than knowing, one way or the other. From your post, I could imagine you fantasizing about this guy for years to come - and even, possibly, a lifetime if you didn't find someone else to fantasize about.HOWEVER, please please please don't "tell him how you feel"! That is just too much too soon. A declaration of "love" like that would send any sensible man running as fast as his legs would carry him. At best, he would feel sorry for you. At worst, he would freak out completely and avoid you like the plague. Re the "making you feel special", is it possible he is just a nice caring human being and hence this is the reason you are drawn to him? Not knocking that, as that is a good reason to like someone. However, don't build up caring politeness into something it is not. As others have suggested, next time you are talking to this man (I assume you do have conversations? If not, then you need to start.), casually ask "Listen, it's hard to talk at work. Do you fancy a quick drink one lunchtime/after work? I have possible plans for the future which I could do with discussing with someone."
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty +, writes (14 September 2016):
Three years and you are emotional daily? Sweetie this is not a normal crush at all. It should not have went on so long. You have built this man up in your head to be Mr perfect and you have convinced yourself that you are in love with him.
I think you leaving that work place is for the best because it really has taking over your life, and not in a good way. If you want to ask him out before you leave then do that, ask him out for lunch or a drink. See how it goes. But don't declare your love for him, or tell him it has been three years of crushing or he will run a mile.
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (14 September 2016):
 No, don't tell him. ASK HIM OUT.
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A
male
reader, Fatherly Advice + ♥, writes (14 September 2016):
Just for clarification. Crushs last up to 6 weeks but sometimes a little as six minutes. Any Crush that exceeded 6 months is an Obsession. At this point you are pretty much at the creepy stalker stage.
Now don't get upset or think I am making fun of you. Based on all the information you have given us it is time you got some therapy This is not something you can resolve yourself. You will need help either to get over it, or to move forward.
FA
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A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (14 September 2016):
 Don't tell him how you feel. Ask him out for lunch or a cup of tea.
You may THINK you "love" this guy but you OBVIOUSLY don't really know you, you are "in love" with the fantasy you have created in your own head about this guy.
IF you ask him out instead of "declaring your crush" you might not overwhelm him IF he is interested. If you declare your crush and your BIG feelings he might just run screaming in the other direction.
Chill. Ask him out for something simple and mundane. TALK to him, get to know him, see where it takes you.
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