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Why do men sexualize women this way?

Tagged as: Big Questions, Sex, Trust issues<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (20 November 2016) 18 Answers - (Newest, 22 November 2016)
A female United States age 26-29, anonymous writes:

Why are men so disgusting?

I'm not trolling. From what I have seen of men, they are foul. They admit to looking at every woman as a sexual partner, imagining her naked... They think disgusting things. They use disgusting words when referring to women. They don't see an issue with strippers and prostitutes.

Why? Have they no standards?

View related questions: prostitute, stripper

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A female reader, aunt honesty Ireland + , writes (22 November 2016):

aunt honesty agony auntFemale anon, you made me laugh and then I thought it was more than likely you that posted this question as well to get a reaction out off people. It is like saying all men are built from the same mold. Am a woman but I know that my Fiance is faithful and always will be. I know plenty of men that cheat I know plenty that don't. Same can be said for women. But I don't judge all books by the one cover. You must live a bitter life.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (22 November 2016):

Female anon, it is fairly hard not to bite at what you say. Most guys I know have at some point been cheated on by their girlfriends, including myself. I also have no interest in hookers, nor in strippers. I have a beautiful wife and family and have no interest in betraying their trust. In addition you really need to lose the chip on your shoulder as it is grossly unhealthy

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A female reader, Eagle'sfan1986 United States +, writes (22 November 2016):

I don't think all men think of women as a sexual prize at all but most do because sex is kind of important to the wrong men.

Let me aso you this question, do you look at a man thinking he is a model from a Calvin Klein category or do you admire his personality instead of thinking of the guy and his looks?

Yes some women cheat on men and some men cheat on women. But most of them aren't like that at all. You just got to smell the roses and keep a list of the kind of guy you want to date.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (22 November 2016):

All men cheat.

All men are racist.

All men are sexist.

All men are violent.

All men are stupid.

All men are immature.

See how stupid it sounds when you throw broad generalizations across whole groups?

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (22 November 2016):

Women would cheat just as much as men if given the same inability to get caught, statistically speaking.

What you are basically saying is women are not allowed to own their sexuality or enjoy it.

I have never cheated and never will. That isn't to say there will never be temptations, but the love I have for my partner and our child is too strong to throw away for such a frivolous thing as an affair.

Generalisations. Stop hanging around or dating arseholes and you might find that what you are saying is ridiculous.

And women can and do want sex, and enjoy it, as much as men. Why is it so wrong for a woman to own and embrace that desire? It is the most base instinct we have. Why should only men be allowed to admit to that?

So, yeah, change your attitude and stop judging people based on your own preconceptions and you will be a lot happier.

Peace, and long life.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (21 November 2016):

Here is a study about how people process men's and women's bodies/parts differently when they see them:

http://www.livescience.com/21806-brain-male-female-objectification.html

People see women as more specific parts and men more of a whole.

I use the word "people" and not "men" because that is what they found. Here is a direct quote from one of the (female) researchers:

"It's both men and women doing this to women. So don't blame the men here."

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (21 November 2016):

N91,

Let me rephrase:

WOMEN CHEAT.

ALL MEN CHEAT.

Big difference.

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A male reader, N91 United Kingdom + , writes (21 November 2016):

N91 agony auntTo the female anon - who do all these pigs cheat with? If a girl knows these pigs have a girlfriend surely that makes the female equally as in the wrong?

I know plenty of females who have cheated on their BF even though they've been nothing but faithful. What's your counter to that?

Have you ever walked past a man and thought he was good looking? Because you're guilty of your own accusations if so. Males and females sexualize people, it's very common to see someone you think is attractive and I think you're blowing it ridiculously out of proportion.

Why would ALL men Cheat? But women wouldn't?

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (21 November 2016):

Hope the Mod prints this but it is the God's honest truth that 99.9 % of MEN ARE PIGS.

And it's no generalization.

Men do sexualize women and size up every woman they meet for sexual purposes. Old, young, fat, thin... whoever crosses their path.

I have heard many men say they rate women's asses. Just because they're guys. That's what guy's do. And they look at women's asses and other assets just because. They're guys. And I have heard some say they have "bangable scales" where they rate if a woman is good enough to sleep with by their own standards. And their excuse is they just can't help themselves because they're MEN! So they have their built in excuse for pathetic, debasing behaviour and cheating! So, what else would you expect?

If a man has sex with one woman for too long, beware! He is going to be looking to find another vagina to conquer! They get sick of the same one for too long. It happens with ALL MEN. That is why we women are always worried and insecure. Because no matter how great we are or how much he claims to love us, we will never be a match for shiny and brand new as well as unconquered. That is not something we could ever give them since they've already conquered us a million times.

For example, suddenly I have some guy messaging me on Facebook. He is married! I see his page and his wife is rather attractive and in good shape. Why the need for this guy to be TROLLING around? They get sick of the same one for too long. Too boring. Too domesticated. Too familiar. Guys who are faithful are a rare breed. Because they need to conquer the inner pig that all men are. And so many men succumb to their cocks. Not their brains. So, I get turned off by this jerk. I unfriended him too. WTF? Starting Secret Conversations with me?

Today social media and the internet and there being an APP for that and everything else under the sun makes it way too easy for men to be trolling and being unfaithful. Yes, same for women. But we are talking about men here.

Men get the milk for free and then some nowadays. They have sexualized women more because women are more accessible sexually today more than ever. They make themselves this way.

For women not to be sexualized, they need to make a man earn her. Work for her. To show him she values herself and that he must be worthy of her. Weeds out the majority of assholes.

But yes, for the most part, men are a bunch of pigs. And will take sex if you give it to them free. Relationship status does not matter. It is pathetic. But true.

I think that all guys would cheat given the opportunity. I mean ALL. If they have no other options, they are good boys but the minute something lands in their lap, off they go.

If they were away from their girlfriend/wife on business or whatever, ALL of them would cheat if given the opportunity. No strings. Means nothing. Harmless fun. Like I said, ALL MEN ARE PIGS.

PIGS. Every last one of them.

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A male reader, BrownWolf Canada +, writes (21 November 2016):

BrownWolf agony auntHAHA!!! What kind of men are you hanging around???

Any man who is thinking of sex first, is not the man for you. Do we want sex? Hell yes! Should it be the first thing to offer...NO!!!

First of all...there is some truth to what you say, but there is a whole lot of lies as well.

Do men sexualise women??? YES!! Why...Because we were created that why for a purpose. Women are sexy...they are always trying to be sexy...that is the thing that attract a male to a woman. The entire world is base on sexy and attraction. Don't believe me?? Check out nature... A peacock...spread his sexy feather to attract a mate. A flower produces the best smell to attract a butterfly to land on him, so it can transport his pollen to the female. Fish and their colours...So you seee...the whole world is full of sex and wanting to be sexy.

Why do men sexualise women??? How would you attract a man otherwise?? Let me hear your answer to this? Would you read him a book? Sing him a song? Cook him a good meal? No matter what you do before hand...it always comes down to how much you can sexually turn him on.

Do you have to have sex before marriage..NO. Of course not... But no matter what...sex is the end game, and the game that will keep you both together for years to come. When sex goes...the rest of the relationship is soon to follow.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (20 November 2016):

"...from what I have seen of men..."

Surround yourself with different ones.

My group of guy friends has no interest in strippers or prostitutes, for example.

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A female reader, chigirl Norway + , writes (20 November 2016):

chigirl agony auntThey have standards, same as you. But the standard in today's society is that this is acceptable behaviour from men, in fact expected behaviour. And if they don't behave as expected, sexualizing women, they will be ostracized. As studies show, people behave like packs and would prefer to NOT be singled out, when men around them act this way, they will conform and act the same way.

It's human nature. If you want this to change, you need to change the culture and the general idea of what a man is and how a man should behave, as well as change what a woman is and how a woman should behave. Welcome to the feminist movement/equality movement! We've been working at this for some 40+ years now, and still working at it. Glad to see you join the ranks! Together we can make it happen.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (20 November 2016):

We do have standards. Most guys indulge in this kind of talk at some stage in their life. But real men grow out of this phase. By no means should you be around an adult male who still talks this way. Especially if he does so in the presence of women. That's just downright disgusting.

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A male reader, Josh44 United States +, writes (20 November 2016):

you know all men are not like that somehow you got yourself around some stupid guys find a much better group of men they are out there and give them a chance for you to see all men are not that way

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A female reader, jls022 United Kingdom + , writes (20 November 2016):

Are you online dating by any chance? I've found this sort of talk to be SO common online and it gets me down too so I know where you are coming from. It's clear there are a lot of men out there who see women as a sum of their body parts and they are only interested in finding a way to access those parts for their own sexual gratification.

When I'm feeling particularly cynical, I find it helps to take a step back and look around at the men I know in real life. My Dad, cousins, friends and colleagues for example. While you will still find this sort of thing with some of them, there are also many that are lovely people and really do like and respect their partners. Maybe try that and see if it helps to put things in perspective? And whatever happens know you are not alone - sifting through the frogs can be brutal for all of us :)

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A female reader, Youcannotbeserious United Kingdom + , writes (20 November 2016):

Youcannotbeserious agony auntAs others have said, not all men are like this. However, in my experience, many of the ones who are like this use this sort of language as a sort of defence mechanism. They are usually insecure and many feel empowered by referring to women in the terms you mention.

I have a work colleague who used to be like this. He had exposure to porn from an early age and thought of all women in terms of humping (and worse). Roll on a number of years. He now has a long term partner and two kids, one of which is a girl (his princess - in his words), and he won't even jokingly have conversations like the ones he had many years ago. If someone were to talk like he did in front of his partner, they would be told, in no uncertain terms, to show some respect and refrain from talking like that.

If you have a series called "The Inbetweeners" in USA (I am pretty sure you do), these men are often like Jay: all mouth in front of his mates but total wimps in a one-to-one situation with a female.

Treat such talk with the contempt it deserves.

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A male reader, N91 United Kingdom + , writes (20 November 2016):

N91 agony auntI've seen and heard many woman talk in derogatory sexual ways about men before, I don't think this is a one sided thing.

Also I've never and would never visit a stripper or a prostitute. I don't think every male in the world is as you describe.

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A female reader, Slippers  United Kingdom +, writes (20 November 2016):

Not every man does that but I do agree .. I joined a friendship site with a friend to speak with people around the world I made it plain I wasn't looking for anything otherthan friendship but as soon as guys clocked my pictures they were asking for lots more ..

Men are very visual but being honest so can some women but we don't treat women like pieces of meat .. you know branded ..

But not all guys are like this and sometimes you have to weed through the weeds to find the rose haha .. your weeding at the minute .. so just keep chucking them into the bucket if they can't see you as a person them that's theor problem as well as how you look .

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