A
male
age
26-29,
*hevycheetah
writes:A few months ago I bought house and decided to take the leap and move in with my girlfriend. Other than a few kinks things have been good but recently I've found out that she's been masterbsting on a regular basis instead of having sex with me. She claims sex is much easier to have orgasms and is more enjoyable but she continues to masterbate. We have sex once a week at most right now which is disappointing for me. I can get over this but I do not understand why she would do this instead of coming to me. She's extremely self conscious and even more so with me (she described me as a model that people would make art of- which I am not) but I'm not sure why this would stop our sex life. It has made things very confusing and difficult on me and instead of enjoying living together each day seems to become a new battle if something goes wrong. Can anyone give me any advice on how to address this? It's kind of hurtful for me because it makes me feel as if I am not wanted by her all of the time, just some of the time.
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female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (19 October 2016):
 If she is self conscious then maybe getting naked in front off you makes her cringe. Therefore maybe she feels if she puts out once a week she can keep you. She seems to have built you up in her head that you are far more superior than she is, which is only going to add to her worries and concerns.
Remind her off how sexy she is. Plan romantic surprise nights in. Buy massage oils, light candles. Bring out romance and try and woo her.
A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (19 October 2016):
 Its a difference in sex drive, it has nothing to do with you or her being self conscious. I am sure you're a great lover, and that she cared for you a lot. She just isn't the type of person who wants sex more often than once a week. It's not something you decide on mentally, it's physically. Your body either craves it, or it doesn't. Masturbation falls underneath it's own category, it's sex with one self. You can have a very different drive to have sex with yourself, than your drive to have sex with another person. It's two completely different things, and although there are some similarities, they can not and should not be compared. What you do with yourself is not AT ALL the same as wanting to do it with someone else. So, it's not about you at all. It's not like she's super horny and you're not enough, or that she doesn't love you, or doesn't find you sexy. She just doesn't have a high sex drive.
You probably didn't pay too much attention to this before, because when you and her didn't live together you wouldn't have the opportunity to have sex every night. Perhaps you thought it would be more often because now you have the opportunity. But on the contrary, living together can more often result in LESS sex. Because now you are not new and exciting, and now a lot of energy goes into living together and getting used to one another, and the glamour is gone.
I think you need to re-evaluate whether sex once a week is something you can live with or not. It will probably not change. The only thing I can suggest is that she goes off hormonal birth control, if she's taking it. The hormonal birth controls are widely know to kill sex drive and make you not want it. The hormonal birth controls fool your body into thinking it's already pregnant, which again will mean that you no longer need to mate that often... It's all physical, remember, not mental. I used to have a high sex drive, but that one time I went on the depo-shot/birth control shot, I went from wanting sex twice a day, to wanting it once a week. Being on birth control pills also reduced my sex drive, and the moment I went off it, I suddenly felt this crazy urge again! So really, if she's on hormonal birth control, switch to condoms.
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