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My friend told me he likes, but I didn't realize I was gay until he got a girlfriend. What should I do?

Tagged as: Big Questions, Cheating, Dating, Forbidden love, Friends, Gay relationships, Teenage, Three is a crowd, Troubled relationships<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (8 March 2011) 4 Answers - (Newest, 8 March 2011)
A male United States age 26-29, anonymous writes:

Ok so this may be a little long so please bear with me. I've known this guy (I'll call him C) for a long time. In the fall of 2009, he told me that he is bisexual. I of course didn't have any problem with that. After he told me, I began to see him in a different light, I didn't see him as just a friend anymore, I saw him as a love interest.

Sadly, shortly thereafter, he got a girlfriend (I'll call her K). C and K seemed to have a good relationship until around last fall when I told C that I was gay. Ever since then anytime we have group work at school he automatically partners up with me. He somewhat flirts with me by acting badly by breaking smaller school rules like no eating in class. I know C is trying to get my attention because he always looks at me when he does it. C also asked me to go to Homecoming with him but then cancelled because K had something planned. On St. Valentine's Day he gave me a sugar heart that read, "crush on u" but he also gave some to others at the lunch table but they were the more generic "txt me" ones.

I don't know what to do. He is still dating K but they always get in fights. Do you think he likes me? What should I do?

View related questions: flirt

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A male reader, jc2008 United Kingdom +, writes (8 March 2011):

do you really want to be someones sloppy seconds? i'd go find someone else and let him work out his sexuality in his own time.

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A male reader, AvgGuy1 United States +, writes (8 March 2011):

AvgGuy1 agony auntBoth of the posters below have good input... but here's an even different approach.

If you like him... Don't 'get in the way', so to speak, of the C & K relationship... but... don't let him go either. Afterall, you deserve affection too. When he pairs up with you or flirts... flirt back.

Here's the hard part though. At some point he'll have to make a decision about his relationship with K... and you could win over his affection... or (and you have to be ready to accept this) you might lose.

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A male reader, Boonridge McPhalify United Kingdom +, writes (8 March 2011):

Boonridge McPhalify agony aunthe likes playing you for attention.

this the nature of bisexuals in my experience. they take the easy road in the end unless they explicitly state otherwise that they want to be with men. there is nearly always one sex the prefer slightly over the other. being with a woman is socially less hasle for men as you get judged less.

basically step back and realise you are just a form of ego boosting to him until you see some real signs. sweets are not a sign of genuine interest.

asking you to the dance but then changing his mind to spend time with his girlfriend is a dick move anyway.

sorry to be harsh but this is what i have experienced myself-everyone flirts especially those with big ego's that need feeding

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A female reader, Mjfbla United States +, writes (8 March 2011):

Mjfbla agony aunthe does still like you,but even if he and her are always fighting you need to step back and let them work things out, and him decide to break up with her on his own account. I hope all works out with you guys. let time do its thing. maybe smile or hint just so he knows you are interested

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