A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes: Hi everyone, maybe you can help me out with an issue I'm having. I've just began exploring casual dating but not sure whether I'm fully ready or comfortable with it. I don't even know if I fully grasp the concept. I've been in one serious relationship that ended over a year ago and I'm totally over that situation now so it's not like there are any hang ups or anything. I know for sure though that I'm not ready to be in any type of serious relationship at the moment. In fact, I joined this casual dating site online and met with this guy for the first time this past weekend. There was of course, the mutual attraction for each other and at the end of the date, we decided to go back to his place. Now this is the part where the line between intimate sex and casual sex appears so thin to me. While we were having sex, he was kissing me, holding me, and saying things to me that you'd think a bf or a husband would while they're making love to you. He just didn't say "I love you". Afterwards, he must have realized how sentimental he was because he seemed very distant and stand-offish when we were done. Keep in mind that I was emotionally unattached because for me, it was mainly about physical attraction but I can't help but respond in some way to behavior like that. So ever since then, I've had this question mark over my head, wondering if we were on the same page. It was essentially a good time, good sex, and I can see myself casually hanging out with him again. I just don't want there to be a misunderstanding. After a weekend of being too busy to program what has happened, today I decided to text him to see how he was. He hasn't yet answered and that could very well mean that he's had his fun and is finished but what do you all think? What qualifies as casual sex? For me, it's either going to be or not. I don't like to be taken for an emotional rollercoaster ride and if that's what happens when you get "casual" then you can keep it! lol
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 March 2011): Please never take sexual acts as an indication of how a man feels about you. It doesn't matter if he gazes into your eyes and gets romantic b/c he is in the moment and his behaviour is the same with everyone! Womanizers and players are notorious for this or else women would not be coming back for more...its a formula. He knows what women want and giving it to them makes him feel like a Casanova.
Hon, you are playing a dangerous game where the odds are tipped in the man's favor and you will come out empty handed again and again and again with lower and lower self esteem.
A
male
reader, Boonridge McPhalify  +, writes (16 March 2011):
 he just made pasionate love to you and for that moment was connected, then afterwards he simply detached from that mode and went back to friend/aquaintance.
some people are like that- i am one. i throw my heart and soul into sex with someone i feel very attracted to, releasing real passion, then afterwards i'm content to have a freindly chat before i leave.
i'm guess that was casual sex but that you aren't used to casual sex of that quality...
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (16 March 2011):
 If he's taking you for an emotional roller coaster ride you must speak to him and tell him that if he's going to hook up with you again he needs to lay off the boyfriend/husband mushy talk.
I think this guy just wasn't ready for the implications of casual sex really. Men love to brag about hooking up casually with this or that woman, but men have feelings too. They too get emotionally wrapped up when it comes to sex, and the distinction between casual and serious gets blurred.
You appear to be able to draw the line between casual and serious, which gives you the opportunity to do casual dating/random hook-ups or even one nighters. Other's get emotionally attached and find it impossible to do such a thing. Perhaps this guy was just one of those who get too emotionally attached.
If you do meet up with him again just have a clear chat about what it is you are doing and make sure there are no misunderstandings. Be aware that in casual dating and hook-ups, it's pretty standard that one person falls for the other, or emotions get involved. That is if you decide to meet the same person several times. You should avoid talking much about yourself, and avoid talking about any other men you know or are seeing. You don't want the guy to fall in love with you!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 March 2011): Perhaps he had such a good time he sees you as a potential long term gal. However, at the same time, he may also get the feeling you want something casual and as a result he becomes distant. Anything on here tho youll only get guesses of what ppl think is going on. Just be direct with him and ask him what his thoughts were on the "encounter". Good luck.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (16 March 2011): I have the same problem, I just finished with my gf of 3 years about 5 weeks ago and to be honest it was for the best. I've met another girl unfortunately she's only 18 going on 19 and I'm 24 she's very mature I'm not looking for a relationship at all for obvious reasons. But she is so much better than my ex in so many ways its scarey need to start diustancing myself, as do you otherwise emotionally attached wil cause pain at the end of the day my advice to u is to get ur self out and about more and meet new people- enjoy
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