A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hey I'm looking for some advise on what to do... heres my situation it's really long so please bare with me...I had been in a 2 year relationship with someone I thought was my soul mate. Things got complicated and I felt trapped (Had moved in together etc). One night a few days after moving out. I saw a status on facebook that caught my eye, someone on my friend list but not someone I actually knew, anyway he had just been dumped and was angry/upset. I sent him a quick email to try and cheer him up. I got a reply almost instantly and he decided to tell me everything that had happened in his relationship in this reply. I was a bit shocked he had sent all that to a complete stranger but long story short we got talking. I was at work one day when I got an email asking me to call him. Now Im naturally a timid and quiet person and would always choose texting over phonecalls I find them akward really, so I was trying to think of excuses as to why I couldn't call. However two minutes later HE was ringing me! So I answered and we spoke on the phone for ages it was really nice to talk to him and he seemed lovely, then he asked me to meet him one night. Now I don't think i'm supermodel good-looking or anything but I don't think I'm that ugly either, but this guy I was talking too is possibly the hottest looking person I've ever seen, so naturally I was weary as to why he wanted to meet me because I did feel "out of his league". I drive to his house one night and he comes out and meets me at my car, and my god he is absolutely breathtakingly beautiful gorgeous blue eyes and the most amazing smile. Seriously he was looking so fine. We went back to his room and just chatted for awhile then he sat next to me on his bed and we just started kissing. One thing led to another and well I don't think I have to type out the rest. I woke up the next morning disgusted in myself and feeling depressed at how easy I had been. In my head I knew it was a one night stand but my heart hoped it was the start of something great. We started talking again that morning and we agreed to see each other again at the cinema. When we got to the cinema he had brought his other friend with him, (A friend who I also know, and who had a crush on me at the time). I was confused as to why he had brought him but the three of us enjoyed the film and I dropped everyone off. I went home feeling even more confused as we didn't even have a kiss on the cheek tonight. When I got home I had an email saying thanks for a lovely night etc etc and he had invited me to a night out at his friends house party. We went to the house party and he told me he wanted to be "close" to me basically not going out but pretty much dating. After he asked me we went back to the main party, and he started dancing quite provokativly with another guy, I was really confused now but acted like it was nothing. Later that night we shared a bed again and he asked me why I was in a mood, we argued because he insisted the guy he danced with was just a friend. A few more days past and we met up a few times for lunch etc. We had an invite to a movie night at a mutal friends house so we both went round, the guy I was seeing immeditly jumped in the double bed where three guys already were sat (One of the guys was the guy from the other night he danced with). I was sat on a dining table chair next to the bed and the room was dark except from the film light. I kept glancing over to the bed and I could see the two of them cuddling up and giggling. I got up and stormed out of the room to the spare room where I was sleeping for the night. The guy I was with shouted through that he would join me in 10 mins. 2 hours later he still hadn't appeared. I went back through and they were all asleep. I packed my things and got ready to drive home very angry, but my guy saw me and came running downstairs begging me to stay and not to leave him stranded. I asked if anything had gone on in that bed and he swore on his mothers life nothing had. So I believed him and we continued our relationship. Again more days past and we saw more and more of eachother and had lots of silly ups and downs. We had one big row when I said that I felt like I was putting 100% into making things work where as I felt he was only putting in 10%. Then we agreed that we would give our relationship one final go, and he would do his best to be a good boyfriend. I was looking forward to a fresh start with him. We went out that weekend to Manchester we were having a great night until someone approached my now boyfriend and whispered something to him. They both went to the bathroom and he came back a few minutes later. I got that horrible gut wrenching feeling in my stomach I knew something wasnt right. 10 minutes later he started vomiting everywhere. We got chucked out the club and he was just throwing up his lungs, load after load it was relentless. All over his clothes and all over me. He was crying and begging me to get an ambulance. I was crying too and asked him what he had taken, he told me he snorted some cocaine, horrified I walked away because I've always been anti-drugs and he told me he was too. I eventually went back and carried him to a hotel where he could get some sleep. I couldn't afford two rooms so I made sure he was stable and sleeping in the recovery position before I got chucked out by security. I was then stranded in town miles from home with no money left. I had to wait 6 hours for the first train home. I was sick with worry about my boyfriend and phoned constantly. He didn't answer his phone until 5pm the next day. Relieved I asked how he was, he told me he was doing great and just had some old man buy him drinks in a club. I was shocked, he had actually gone back out the day after almost dying and went to party again leaving me at home worrying. That was the final chance over, I met him the next day and he begged me to forgive him and he told me he loved me, sadly I had fallen in love with him too. We made up and continue our relationship. 2 weeks past and everything was FINE, not great but just OK. We certainly were not close we hardly ever kissed or cuddled. I felt like a friend nothing more. He would often say things like it's a shame I cant love you as much as I would if you were as good looking as me. I just learned to accept what he was saying and accept that he that he wasn't attracted to me at all.We both went to a friends house one day after college and had an argument, he then went out the room with his friend and stared talking about me. They were downstairs but I could hear every word. He was saying things like, "I've never liked him more than a friend, I just dont know how to tell him I don't want to be with him" I was upstairs heartbroken. He came up an hour later and asked why I was crying I told him I heard it and he said, "Oh good well I finished with you days ago I just hoped you would find out sooner". I was angry/upset/confused/depressed my mind was all over the place. 20 minutes later he was downstairs flirting on the phone with a guy he had been speaking too for ages. When he broke up with me he promised me he wouldn't move on for months just to ensure he had time to think about everything. A day after we broke up he got super jealous that his friend had been speaking to me and he begged me to come away to Scotland for a week with me, he said he wanted to work things out and start again with me. When we got to Scotland he confessed he had lied about working things out, he just wanted a little holiday and it was the only way he knew I would bring him.Well it's been a week and 3 days since we broke up and hes already dating another guy. He met and had sex with this new guy first time meeting him. It's almost exactly the same as things panned out with me. Worst thing is my head knows I should HATE this guy for everything he did to me but my heart is still craving to be back with him. My dilema is, do I continue trying to move on depressed everyday or do I call him and let him know my feelings and hope he will want me after all ?--- Oh and I also found out last night that the night he swore on his mothers life he done nothing, that he actually had been in sexual contact with the other guy.
View related questions:
at work, broke up, crush, depressed, facebook, flirt, heartbroken, jealous, kissing, money, move on, moved in, one night stand, soulmate, text, trapped Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, aaringurl  +, writes (11 April 2011):
Woah! Stammered.Well, straight to the point, if I were in your heels, I wouldn't go and pursue it anymore.Honestly, I could even say you're previous boyfriend of 2 years was a better man than your latest. That latest ex of yours isn't worth your efforts actually. Basing on how you narrated your story, he seemed as if, he's still in a daze. He's still lingering in his childish ways, treating every guy like a toy. Wow--now boring--*throws away*. He's probably still immature and insecure of himself. You can't expect from him a serious relationship if he, himself, isn't stable enough to lead his own life properly. Making out just like that, drugs, recklessness, insensitivity -- he's got everything I personally hate in a man written all over him. What I could advice you, is to still remain as a friend, not as a lover, but as a friend. Be there for him when he's ass is on trouble. Try and help him get his life back on track. Lessen the closeness, and detach yourself from the world you built around him. Don't get fooled anymore by his charms and magic when he'd try to lure you back. Learn from your mistakes, but you don't necessarily need to hate him. Just be you, continue with your life and with what you do best. Don't be a doll, a toy. Everyone deserves to be treated special, of worth, loved. Find someone who can do that for you. Remember, he's not the only hot guy in the world!Oh yea, don't go and give everything you have to a guy you just met. Don't get carried away so easily, lol. It's not wrong, what you did. Just learn from it and make sure it doesn't happen again. It's painful to be labeled an easy catch.For the record -- I'm guessing that ex of yours might get STD pretty soon, if not already. ^.^ ciao!
A
male
reader, Boonridge McPhalify +, writes (11 April 2011):
 he is a slag- its true, just move on.
frist time he met you he wanted into your pants, thats not the kind of behaviour pattern that lends itself to relationships.
move on as he is a gorgeous piss taker who doesn't repect you and doesn't want a relationship.
move on, move on, move on
otherwise your wasting your time and that ain't something we have enough of to be wasting
...............................
A
female
reader, nokutenda  +, writes (11 April 2011):
Continue moving on,its for your own good.you deserve so much better.give it time-one day u will meet a guy who wil love you.there is no need for telling him how yo feel,he knows it already.do not have contact with him till you are over him
...............................
A
female
reader, Denise32  +, writes (11 April 2011):
 Well, he is obviously not the kind of man you really want or need in your life........sleeps around, takes drugs, lies to you......I can understand that you found him attractive right off the bat, but your first mistake was that having had sex with him, you said you felt depressed and disgusted at how "easy" you were.......you said you knew it was a one-night stand yet hoped for something more.
We are all capable of not listening to our own better judgment, because we want what we want. If you're guilty of anything, that's what it is.......no point in being too hard on yourself. Best thing you can do now is to learn from the experience, and move on with your life.
One final word: you didn't ask, but I wonder if you shouldn't consider getting checked out by a doctor, considering this man's behavior.......for your own sake, and for that of a partner you'll be much happier with in the future when you meet him.....
...............................
A
female
reader, here_2_help +, writes (11 April 2011):
 I really do feel for you it sounds as if you have been through so much in such a short amount of time and this guy sounds confused to say the least!Right you from your problems have shown that your a strong, loyal and trusting guy and it to me you deserve someone who you can trust and who will be there for you.This relationship seems much too complicated so maybe yes you should say I want the whole truth or you can say that your better then that relationship and you are going t move on to someoe who will realise what a catch you are.Hope this helps :-)
...............................
|
