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People are like stained - glass windows. They sparkle and shine when the sun is out, but when the darkness sets in, their true beauty is revealed only if there is a light from within.
Elisabeth Kubler-Ross
I've been on DC since 2007. I have seen just about everything you can imagine on here. I am a "softer" responder. I try to always give good advice with kindness. I genuinely want to help people and never want to hurt someone by the words I type since most people that come to DC are already hurting in some way.
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How do I stop myself from regretting losing my virginity after its done?
Q. So i've met this guy. it was through a friend of a friend and we met only briefly but i have him as a friend on facebook. So we began talking and the conversation quickly became sexual. We swapped numbers and have continued this to and fro-ing of ...
A. 18 January 2011: You have received some very good advice, please consider it carefully. If you're worried about losing your virginity and the consequences, then plain and simple..don't do it..at least not at this point, in this situation. For some people, losing ... (read in full...)
Two long-term girlfriends, both in love, one pregnant - looks vs. personality
Q. I am in a bit of pickle situation and it's pretty deep and I don't know what to do now. I thought I could handle it and that the answer would present itself by way of circumstance, but this hasn't happened and now I'm in desperate need of help. ...
A. 11 January 2011: I have always remember what a very wise old woman (my grandmother) told me once when I was young and dating. "Look fade, but a pure true heart beats true forever". Looks don't last, I don't care how gorgeous a person is, and if that's all they've ... (read in full...)
Controlling mother becoming too much for me.
Q. I've been having problems with my mother since I was a child, she's extremely controlling and it's becoming worse in the last few years. My mam has brought me up as a single parent for all my life and we've always lived with my elderly grandmot...
A. 10 January 2011: My sympathies to you. I have a mother just like yours, except that my mother has a husband. She ran our entire family, controlling everyone and making everyone's life hell if we didn't do what she said. I'm almost 50, and she's still the same way. I ... (read in full...)
I have fallen out of love with my wife
Q. Hi. I really need some help.I've been married for 3 years now but have been with my wife for almost 9 years.we Were high school sweethearts not so much anymore. we have a 6 year old daughter That we had when I was 19 and a 4 month old.we fight alot ...
A. 8 January 2011: You owe it to your wife to be honest about your feelings. Perhaps she feels disenchantment just as you do. How will you know if you don't talk to her? You know deep down inside that its wrong for you to be hanging out with this other woman until you ... (read in full...)
How do you get rid of boredom?
Q. How do you get rid of boredom?...
A. 6 January 2011: Take up a new hobby, learn how to play a musical instrument, go to the library, take a walk, ride a bike, call a friend, read a book, learn how to cook a something new, go running or cycling, volunteer at a hospital, nursing home or animal shelter! ... (read in full...)
I left my wife for another woman but she chose to get married, what do I do next?
Q. This is a story about doing everything wrong....it is a story about two people and their partners. One of those people had a new marriage which is now at an end. The other was engaged and is now married. The story begins at the place where I wo...
A. 5 January 2011: My take on this situation is that the woman at work wanted what she didn't have, and once she had you, conquest completed, so no longer wanted you. Some people like the thrill, the chase, and once they catch it, they no longer want it. If she had ... (read in full...)
We've been dating 10 months and she still doesn't know my number by heart?
Q. So, me and my girlfriend have been dating for 4+ months and I came to realize that she doesn't know my number by heart. No big deal is what I initially thought but then I found out that she still know's her ex's number by heart (they dated for 2 ...
A. 4 January 2011: No, I believe you're being a little too sensitive about this. I still remember an ex's number from 6 years ago, because I had to dial it all the time! I agree with everyone else, now with cell phones, you really don't have to memorize numbers ... (read in full...)
I was in love with a terminal cancer patient and she passed away...
Q. I need help with laying old ghosts to rest. I'm 17 years old, a senior in high school and for 4 months, I was engaged to 15 year old girl who had terminal Leukemia and CIPA (she couldn't feel any pain or sensation in her entire body 8 months ago, my ...
A. 22 December 2010: Oh sweetie..I am so terribly sorry for your loss! What a tragic end to a relationship that sounded so sweet. Now, you need to grieve, and take care of yourself, alright? Why do you hate yourself? What on earth did you do wrong? You are a kind, sweet ... (read in full...)
My ex smashed my confidence and I have all the insecurities in the world!
Q. My ex used to call me fat sometimes, even though i am only 5'3 and 125 is that normal, and sometimes he would be like oh i don want to have sex with you b/c ur getting bigger. or like put some makeup on.. everyone says im beautiful and he would too ...
A. 20 December 2010: To put it in a nutshell, your ex was an emotionally abusive, controlling, manipulative jerk. After 5 years of listening to his nonsense, of course you have self esteem issues! Well the hardest part is gone, you're rid of him. Now you have to work on ... (read in full...)
He forgets to call, should I be worried?
Q. I have been in a relationship for two years and a half and recently every time my bf goes on trips for a couple of days he forgets to call. We live together. I am worried he doesn`t miss me or love me for that matter. What is it???...
A. 19 December 2010: You may get varied answers on this, but my feelings are "How can he forget to call? He's gone for days and can't remember even once to call? For 5 minutes?" I'm sorry..I wouldn't be buying that line. My guy goes back to his home in Japan for 2 weeks ... (read in full...)
Am I able to pull it off as my boyfriend's baby?
Q. Hi I'm in a tough situation,I think I might be pregnant with my ex boyfriends baby. My current boyfriend and I have been trying for a year for a baby and haven't had any luck. He cheated on me 3 times a while back and out of anger I went and cheated ...
A. 17 December 2010: Please do not try to pass the baby off as someone else's child. Secrets don't stay secrets very long, and its very likely that your boyfriend will find out. The longer you wait to tell him, the worst it will be. I hope for your sake that you are not ... (read in full...)
Birthday blues...
Q. My bf of almost one year didn't bother to give me so much as a card for my birthday. He did take me to dinner, and this isn't a money issue. I went all out for his birthday six months ago. I still can't get over feeling really hurt, should I ask ...
A. 17 December 2010: I don't know if I can make you feel any better, but I'll try. I'm in the same age group as you, and have had a boyfriend/fiance for almost 9 years. We lived together for 2 years, and now are in a LDR. (Just a little background so you'll understand ... (read in full...)
Long distance, nosy mom and commitment issues?
Q. This is the first time I have a long-distance relationship due to school and work, and it totally bums me out not to be able to see my boyfriend more often. Anyway, I met this guy online about 8 months ago and we started dating. Everything has been...
A. 15 December 2010: Being a veteran of LDR, perhaps I can shed some light on things. As you are finding out, being in a LDR is VERY difficult. It adds stress that normal dating situations don't have. If you know that this man doesn't want to marry and you really do, I ... (read in full...)
Love Letter with a Twist
Q. Dear Cupid. Hello. My girlfriend and I broke up over a silly issue two months ago. Our first and thus far, last fight. That's fine; we've both moved on. Being Christmas and all, I wrote her a thank you, merry Christmas and happy new year letter. ...
A. 11 December 2010: Its fine to send a card saying "Merry Christmas", "Happy Holidays" and wishing her well, ect, but PLEASE don't send some sexual fantasy with all the details, she won't be impressed, and it might be passed around to all of her friends, and as Ceberus ... (read in full...)
The only thing I feel when I'm with him is sadness and loneliness...
Q. I wonder if anyone else has ever been in my situation. And if yes what can one do? I'll start with some background. I am 30 years old and have never even dated anyone. I have many friends and I have a good education, job etc. I'm not ugly or fat ...
A. 10 December 2010: There is absolutely nothing wrong with wanting companionship and wanting to be loved! 99% of us want these things, and look for the person who will make us happy in life. Your problem is that you aren't happy! So, take a deep breathe,and end itwith ... (read in full...)
I wasn't who he thought I was... haven't heard from him in 5 days, help!
Q. Hey... so I did a very bad thing.. I lied to this guy over the internet about my appearance (not by choice) I just got caught up in something that I never should have been. soo.. yea it was this one dating site called Tagged.. anywayz at first I ...
A. 10 December 2010: How can you lie about your appearance "not by choice"?? I don't understand that at all. To be honest with you, he might have gotten freaked out about your age, thought it over and decided it was best not to stay in touch. You have to admit, its not ... (read in full...)
After almost two years I asked that he commit to me and he found it absurd!
Q. This is going to sound a little crazy...for two years I have been seeing a guy, who for the first 10 months told me we could not be together properly because he was still really close to his ex and they still saw alot of eachother. So we could only ...
A. 8 December 2010: why are you allowing this man to have such control and power over you? Are you his slave? Honey, this isn't the way a relationship should we! This isn't fair to you at all. Don't you think you deserve to have man that is all yours? I just don't ... (read in full...)
Should I get even with my ex?
Q. Hi , Here's a question for all you guys and girls. Whats the best way of revenge on an ex. My girlfriend of two years who I was extremely loyal and faithful to had an affair with two different guys. I don't mean just sex ... she was in an emotio...
A. 8 December 2010: I concur with the other aunt and uncle. You said you want to maintain your dignity and pride. To do that, you must stay above what your girlfriend did. I know how much it hurts to be cheated on, but to "get back" at her truly only lowers you to her ... (read in full...)
I feel guilty about cheating on my girlfriend, but I don't intend on leaving her for this other girl!
Q. i am cheating on my girl friend and i am feeling really bad about it.My other girl friend broke up with her guy for me and she is in love with me as well.And just to make her feel better,i ended up saying that she is the one for me and because of ...
A. 8 December 2010: The fact that you're on here says you know you're not doing right by either girl. How do you really expect this to turn out? Eventually the ladies are going to find out about each other, secrets don't stay secrets. Ok, you need to man up, and stop ... (read in full...)
I can't compete with his ex fiance!
Q. hey everyone :) Iv been with my boyfriend for 8months. Before i met him, he lived in america at uni for 5 years. he was with his ex for 4 years and they were engaged.he met me and split up with his ex for me, but i felt terrible about it!but h...
A. 6 December 2010: I agree with Caring Guy, if he loved her so much, why did he walk away? My guy is Japanese and his work visa ran out, so he applied for a green card. Why? Because he loved me and didn't want to return to Japan. Yes, we could have married, but he ... (read in full...)
My fiance has an incurable form of cancer, how can I make his remaining time the happiest?
Q. Okay so im only 19. I have been with my 32 year old fiance, matthew now for 4 years. We have always had the most amazing, honest, loving relationship you could imagine, we were planning to get married in 2013. We have the most beautiful little girl ...
A. 3 December 2010: I'm so sorry for you sweetie. This has to be so very distressing for both of you. The best thing you can do is to enjoy the time that you have. Show your man how much you love him, be there for him, laugh. Live every moment to the fullest. Make ... (read in full...)
Should I have sex?
Q. I am not sure if I should have sex or not and I was hoping for some input based on the following 1. I REALLY want to have sex 2. I trust my partner and have been with him for three years. 3. I feel at 25 I should be having sex or at least ...
A. 1 December 2010: This isn't really a questions that any of us should answer for you. You are the one who will have to live by your decision, not us. To be honest, the fact that you are on here asking a bunch of strangers tells me that no, you probably shouldn't have ... (read in full...)
Girls, what turns you off?
Q. Girls what is a major turn off about a guy? Is it appearance? Smell? What?...
A. 30 November 2010: Being dirty, unkempt, not seeming to know what soap, water and shampoo are...Constantly swearing or using vulgar language, rudeness and cruelty to people and animals. Smelling like smoke, tattoos. I may be in the minority, but I really find tattoos ... (read in full...)
How am I supposed to act when I've traveled 1,200 miles just to get rejected?
Q. Well I met this girl on facebook and we started chatting casually. We were truely interested in each other. We talked and texted on the phone with alot of pictures for a couple months and so I decided to make the trip over this thanksgiving holiday ...
A. 30 November 2010: Oh sweetie..I'm so sorry for you. I can imagine the disappointment and pain that you must feel.
I'm almost 50 and have been through this several times. I have been on both sides of this coin. I talked to a guy on line for 15 months before w... (read in full...)
Living with an alcoholic and drug addict... I'm at the end of my tether, help!
Q. I have been with a man for 12 years. He is an alocholic and drug addict. when he drinks he is very mean. he blames me for everything. when he is not drinking we have so much fun together that is only during the day. when night comes he starts ...
A. 28 November 2010: I don't know too much about drugs, but I do know about living with an alcoholic. My ex husband is one. You can cry, scream, beg, threaten..but in all honestly, until they admit that they have a problem, there isn't much that you can do. I tried for ... (read in full...)
How long until he is ready to commit?
Q. Just wondering how long it takes before a guy actually wants to commit...not just as in be an official couple, but when they "know" that this is the girl I want to marry. Background: My boyfriend and I have been together for 2.5 years. Since the...
A. 28 November 2010: You may not want to hear this, but some men are never ready to commit. They will string a woman along for YEARS always making promises, and in the end, they never do settle down. It all depends on the person, the situation, its a one on one kind of ... (read in full...)
I only asked her out on a date because it was a bet, now I'm having trouble brushing her off!
Q. I've gotten myself into a fix and I need help as soon as possible. A few months ago, a friend and I made a bet. She told me that if I could get this girl's attention and ask her out on a date, I would win some money from her. Let's call this ...
A. 27 November 2010: "Oh what a tangled web we weave...." Yuk, you've gotten yourself into quite a mess. Glad you realize (albeit a little late) that what you did wasn't too nice or smart. Alright, so suck it up, and just tell her as nicely as possible that "we're ... (read in full...)
What can I do about my mother? I don't have the money to move out!
Q. my mother is driving me absolutely crazy... i used to think she was just lazy or didn't care but i'm convinced she's really passive aggressive and does stupid things on purpose to piss me the fuck off.. she'll eat and leave dishes in my room gets ...
A. 27 November 2010: No sweetie, you aren't crazy, you are living in a VERY uncomfortable situation. It has to be horrible living with a hoarder, that alone is enough to drive someone crazy! If the hoarding situation is all your mother's doing, then you shouldn't have ... (read in full...)
How can we grow closer to each other?
Q. hi im in a LDR with my bf for almost one year i cant say that i love him and he loves me normally like the other couples do , our love story is unique and im so happy because im living in it though we love each other strongly, we still have ...
A. 23 November 2010: LDR are very difficult, take it from someone who knows! The best way to feel close is to always make the other person feel part of your life. Phone calls, talking on skype, emails, anything you can do to be able to feel that you are in their life. ... (read in full...)
Do women really prefer more 'masculine' men for sex but less 'masculine' men for relationships?
Q. I've read quite a few articles about evolutionary psychology and the theory that women tend to prefer more masculine men for short term sexual relationships, but prefer less masculine men for long term relationships. As I understand it, the theory ...
A. 22 November 2010: I like a man who knows when to be strong, and yet also knows when to be tender and caring. My guy is very intelligent, thoughtful, caring, works very hard and I trust him with my life to look out and care for me. Your ideas of a man being masculine ... (read in full...)
Manager at my new job is causing trouble. How can I handle this?
Q. Hello Cupids. Recently I've just got hired at a local walmart, and Ive been there about a month. Ive gotten really sick with the stomach flu and have called in today a day i know i wasnt working they called telling me Im a no show, I really w...
A. 21 November 2010: Hi. I worked at a Walmart in the states for 2 years, and Walmart doesn't tolerate employees mistreating one another. Go to YOUR manager and explain the situation.Ask to have a private meeting, and just tell your manager everything that has been ... (read in full...)
In love with a married man. What is my future? Is this a sin??
Q. i am unmarried and in love with a married man who's 22 years elder than me. He's got his wife and daughter in India and says if he divorced his wife she would commit suicide. I don't want to make her sad either. Currently he works in Dubai. His love ...
A. 20 November 2010: I'm not going to get into the "is it a sin?" but you are involved with a married man. Of course its wrong! And no, he can't be married and then get married to you, its called BIGAMY. Its a crime in most places. Your future? More than likely you will ... (read in full...)
He leaves me alone, I feel isolated and resentful, what do I do??
Q. My husband and I just moved to London from Birmingham for post-grad studies, and I'm having an absolutely miserable time here. He's never around because he always has a lecture, a seminar, a project meeting to go to, even at the weekend, so I ...
A. 20 November 2010: I'm not from your part of the world, but have you thought about doing volunteer work? It would get you out, meet other people, and occupy your time. I know how you feel, my guy was a doctor, and he worked sometimes 18 hour days, 7 days a week. I ... (read in full...)
My girlfriend wants me to hurt her during sex, is this normal?
Q. MOD NOTE: 2 posts combined ive been in a relationship for a year and 4 months now and my girlfriend has changed in terms of our sex life. she keeps asking me for 'punishment sex' and when we are having sex she tells me to hurt her and make her blee...
A. 19 November 2010: Everyone has their comfort zone, and your girlfriend has crossed into boundaries that you don't wish to deal with. No one can blame you for that! Its great that she is opening up to you, so now you need to talk to her and tell her what you can and ... (read in full...)
I cheated, confessed, my wife forgave me but I feel horrible!
Q. So this is my situation: recently I cheated on my wife...mostly emottional but it did almost go to the point fo having sex. I almost began the "act" with my lover but deep down I felt horrible and stopped. I just walked away and never looked bac...
A. 18 November 2010: The best way you can show your wife how much she means to you is to be there for her. Talk the talk, walk the walk. It doesn't have to be done with gifts of money, but the small things are what means so much. Just little gestures that say "hey ... (read in full...)
Lost without my lover but I can't leave my partner.
Q. So confused who or if im in love I had an affair with a girl 14 years yonger than me yet we think the same and act the same. we have been on and of for over 2 years. We both love cuddles and sex is great we are so hooked up. I have tried en...
A. 18 November 2010: You know this isn't fair to either woman, we don't need to tell you that. You are hurting both of them. As far as things go, you owe far more to your wife and mother of your children, than you do to your lady friend. You have to decide who you ... (read in full...)
Why does he always tell me there's someone else when we fight?
Q. Am i insecure when me and my boyfriend get into a argument he saids he got somebody else thats better than me he dont want me he dont want to sleep with me im a turn off he just living with me cause i let him. am i wrong for being insecure? Then ...
A. 17 November 2010: Whether or not there is someone else, your boyfriend is being cruel, this is considered emotional abuse. Do you really want to put up with this? Don't you think you deserve better? None of us can say for sure whether he does in fact have someone ... (read in full...)
Why would a person say "If I was not with my current boyfriend, I would have this other guy instead"?
Q. Its just a simple question, why would a person say "If I was not with my current boyfriend, I would have this other guy instead"? What does this show? Should I warn the boyfriend? This guy is my friend and I over heard this from a friend and worries ...
A. 17 November 2010: Its great that you have concern for your friend, but I think it would be best to stay out of this. It could possibly cause more damage than good. Its not like you heard the person saying they were cheating, or even wanting to cheat, right? People ... (read in full...)
Need advice on intimacy and getting pregnant, please help!
Q. Me and my husband have been trying for a while now to get pregnant, but it just hasn't happened yet, I was just wondering what is the best tips for being intimate? Can you please help us, we want a family but it hasn't happened yet, and just hoping ...
A. 17 November 2010: Seriously, the best thing you can do is to go see an good OB/GYN. If you've been trying for awhile with no results, rather than guess and be upset/depressed, get cold hard facts. Have your hubby checked out as well. Then you will know what you are ... (read in full...)
For all the young mothers, will I be throwing away my life by having kids at a young age?
Q. I've been with my boyfriend and am madly in love with him as when i first laid eyes on him, it sure was love at first sight for both of us. I never wanted kids but am getting really broody lately - he tells me he wants me to have his baby and it ...
A. 16 November 2010: I had my daughter when I was 19. I was never one of those girls who dreamed of having a baby and being a mommy..I had always wanted to go to college, have a career, to travel the world, ect. My life changed drastically when I found out I was ... (read in full...)
Why do some people never think before they open their mouth?
Q. I work for a pretty big company and there's one woman there who, in my opinion, really rude. I had the misfortune of seeing her today and it got me thinking: why are some people so tactless? I will give you an example: The subject came up of ...
A. 15 November 2010: I'm sorry, its very difficult having to work with such a negative person. I've been in that situation. I guess the best you can do is to have as little as contact with her as possible, and if you do have to talk to her, just make it very short and ... (read in full...)
Why do some people never think before they open their mouth?
Q. I work for a pretty big company and there's one woman there who, in my opinion, really rude. I had the misfortune of seeing her today and it got me thinking: why are some people so tactless? I will give you an example: The subject came up of ...
A. 12 November 2010: Its called "open mouth, insert foot". Many people really just don't think first, they just blurt out what they are thinking, later realizing that they made a mistake. Some people are just very direct, and blunt. They just state the obvious. And then ... (read in full...)
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