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People are like stained - glass windows. They sparkle and shine when the sun is out, but when the darkness sets in, their true beauty is revealed only if there is a light from within.
Elisabeth Kubler-Ross
I've been on DC since 2007. I have seen just about everything you can imagine on here. I am a "softer" responder. I try to always give good advice with kindness. I genuinely want to help people and never want to hurt someone by the words I type since most people that come to DC are already hurting in some way.
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Help! Advice? Am I driving my daughter away? Am I being too controlling?
Q. My daughter will be 21 on her next birthday. She is a high achiever but also could be a handful at times. From the ages from 16 to 18 she was out a lot, yes she was doing her A levels, part time job and cared for her horse. She also did go out with...
A. 5 October 2011: I have a 30 year old daughter, and I can honestly tell you "WOW!" You need to let go..yes, you are too controlling and you will push her further and further away. I was honestly shaking my head when I read things like "I forbid her to ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend of two years dumped me a week before my 21st birthday
Q. I'm completely devastated right now. My boyfriend of two years just broke up with me, for the second time, and it's a week before my 21st. I feel helpless and lost and I don't know what to do. This might be sort of long. Some backstory:...
A. 29 September 2011: I am sorry, I can imagine how your heart is breaking. Sadly, you had some things working against you. LDR are very difficult to maintain, and many people have the right intentions at first, but as time goes on, they just can't handle them. This is ... (read in full...)
I'm not sexually attracted to my girlfriend!
Q. I've met a fantastic woman, she is funny, intelligent, thoughtful, sweet with a heart of gold... doesn't sound like much of a problem does it? The problem lies in attraction, I met her from a dating site, we hit it off immediately as we are both of ...
A. 24 September 2011: A person can be the sweetest, most lovely/attractive person in the world, but the sad fact is that if you aren't attracted to them, you just aren't. Its chemistry, and its either there, or it isn't. It doesn't make you a bad guy, you can't help what ... (read in full...)
Should you stay in a relationship if the one you love, only likes you?
Q. Hi.Need some answers to this please, Should you stay in a relationship if the one you love only likes you.Even though you have been together for yrs. There's no fighting or bickering just a lack of love on one's part.when you say I love you, and ...
A. 24 September 2011: If you love someone and they only like you, then you are selling yourself short. You will never be completely happy. You deserve to be with someone who can give everything, not just 75 percent. I wouldn't want to be with someone who didn't truly ... (read in full...)
Girlfriend is pregnant and our families are mad at us!
Q. I have been dating my gf for almost a yr now. She is 17 and I am 18. a few months ago we found out she was pregnant. Since we told our parents its been hell. Her parents were upset, her dad natural blamed me. Its been almost 2 months since we told ...
A. 22 September 2011: OP, its been 30 years ago now, but I have been where you are with just SLIGHTLY different circumstances. We were 19, graduated from high school and had minimum wage paying jobs. We used b/c every time except once...Uh yeah..you guessed it. I was ... (read in full...)
Are there any good stories about being conceiving despite the odds?
Q. I don’t quite know what I want to say here, I guess I am looking for some kind words, anyone who can say something inspirational, maybe I just need chearing up? Me and my bf have been trying for a baby for over a year and we havnt managed as yet. ...
A. 3 September 2011: I had two friends who had this happen to them. One was 42, she had been married for 7 years and wanted a baby so much. She was constantly stressed out about getting pregnant, and her age was really starting to worry her. She had 2 miscarriages, and ... (read in full...)
How can I make sense of what I am facing following the suicide of my ex?
Q. Dear Cupids Once again thank you for taking the time to read this. I do not have any parental support and I live alone with good support. Long story short i am a diagnosed and medicated schizophrenic. And i was in an abusive relationship for...
A. 24 August 2011: Oh sweetie..I am so terribly sorry for what you are going through right now. Suicide is such a terrible thing, and the survivors are just left being feeling helpless with all the questions going through their heads wondering if they could have ... (read in full...)
We didn't live together before marriage so I never knew the extent of his drinking
Q. Dear all, im married 6 months but hadnt lived together beforehand. My main problem is my husband drinks a lot whilst i really dont like drink but would take a glass of wine the odd time. I knew he liked a beer. Now that i live with him i find ...
A. 21 August 2011: I have lived this life long enough to know..you are either living with a soon to be alcoholic, or he's already one. Sad but true. And if he doesn't want to get help, there's nothing you can do. I totally understand what you are going through, ... (read in full...)
I would have a good life with the first guy but feel unfulfilled sexually and I would have a good life with the second but feel so guilty and upset about the first
Q. I need some help - and quickly. I am engaged to someone I have lived with for 12 years. He is a good and honest man who I love, but he is like my brother. We are both the same age and we are looking to buy our second house and start a family b...
A. 21 August 2011: Sex isn't everything, but at your age not having sex for six years..that's not a relationship, that's a friend or a room mate, certainly not a lover. I'm afraid if you do marry him you'd always be wanting more. Have the two of you ever tried to sit ... (read in full...)
My daughter is getting married and my ex husband will be there
Q. My gorgeous daughter is getting married in 6 months time, me and her dad divorced 11 years ago and he hasn't been around much. However, during this time I tried to be both Mum and Dad to her, his family stopped speaking to us about 9 years ago, ...
A. 21 August 2011: Oh sweetie...I really feel for you. You have completely let your daughter rule your life. Its one thing to want the best for our children, but to let her take over like she has is just really sad. But that is said and done. She will be married soon ... (read in full...)
Is there anyone genuine on the internet?
Q. Has anybody met anyone genuine on the internet? I have met some really rude people and am beginning to wonder if it's me. Met one guy who sent me an email with bullet points saying why he didn't want to meet again. Another guy brought 3 con...
A. 21 August 2011: I'm not a guy but I've had some experience with internet dating, so perhaps that will do? I got divorced in my early 40's and have been dating since then. For me, I wanted to date a very specific type of man, (I only date Asian men) so I had no ... (read in full...)
I am virgin, but do not fit the description of most virgins.
Q. Hi, I'm 18 years old, male, and still a virgin. With my ex-gf of 2.5 years, all we did was have oral sex countless times, almost every time we hung out. We never had sex because she didn't want too for some reason. But this isn't the problem. The ...
A. 17 August 2011: As the other aunts have said, this REALLY is no one's business but yours. I'd have to think you have some pretty intrusive rude friends/people you meet to be asking something so personal.I really can't imagine asking someone this unless it would ... (read in full...)
Should I get a sex partner for my fiancee?
Q. My bf is no longer attracted to me since weve had children. I gained 70 lbs with the first but nothing with the second. They are 15 months apart and our second was born 3 months ago. I have horrible stretchmarks. Worse than anyone ive ever seen. I ...
A. 15 August 2011: Why would you do this? Do you have so little faith in his love for you? I realize you aren't feeling attractive about yourself right now (I had 2 children, I know the feeling!) but PLEASE give him and YOURSELF some credit ok? I'm sure he loves you ... (read in full...)
I really don't want to be with somebody who treats me like this but am shocked and numb!
Q. My boyfriend of 2 years and I are 35. When we dont agree on things I prefer to agree to differ but he gets verbally abusive and swears and calls me a f*ing idiot. I find that so offensive. None of his family swear. He gets angry when he dr...
A. 14 August 2011: Can I give you advice from someone who has "been there and done that"? As one of our other wise aunts stated...verbal abuse is just one step before physical abuse. at 19, I married a man like the man you are dating. At first he would just get ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend doesn't want me to have any friends except him
Q. My bf and I had been fighting a lot. His main argument is that I have too many gay friends, and yes I do and I always have gay man friends in my life. I only go out occasionally to have drinks and talk, mainly about work since I work with them. ...
A. 8 August 2011: Sweetie, he is controlling you, and you are allowing him to do so. This type of a relationship will NOT get better with time. He has no right to tell you what to do, who you can be friends with, who you can go out with. Please don't stay in a ... (read in full...)
Head over heels in love with married man and I know he won't leave his wife for me!
Q. Okay, I'm writing this because I'm miserable and at my whit's end of things. You've may have heard this a thousands times before, but Im simply head over heels in love with a married man and I have being for the passed year. And the worrying thing ...
A. 8 August 2011: I beg of you, please listen to the wise advice of the other aunts. Nothing good can come of this relationship! The sadness, wasted time will not be enough in the end for the stolen moments. My best friend got involved with an older married man, old ... (read in full...)
Is it okay for a beautiful woman to be narcissistic, rude and conceited?
Q. Right so I have this friend who is a woman. She's gorgeous. At first I fancied her a bit, but we soon realized it would not work. So we've remained mates. Thing is, she gets very conceited at times. She tells me these stories about guys she date...
A. 30 July 2011: No, not all "beautiful" people act this way. Believe it or not, there are some very attractive people who are humble and honestly don't think they are attractive. They are kind, and loving, beautiful on the inside as well as the outside. ... (read in full...)
Uncomfortable with my chest size...how should I deal with this? How should I react when I get sleazy comments?
Q. So in a nutshell, I have large boobs. I am 25, probably D cup size, and only 5'1" and 130 lbs; I don't know my cup size for sure because it's been so long since I got measured. And the reason it's been so long is because going to Victoria's Secret ...
A. 30 July 2011: Oh do I sympathize with you on this one! I am in your position exactly. I'm only 5 feet tall, petite, and yet my breasts are much too large for my body, and draw unwanted attention..which I have always hated. I actually had a friend tell me one time ... (read in full...)
I cant stop calling and texting my boyfriend! How can I stop this madness?
Q. Dear all, Please help!! I am so clingy, and insecure that I keep calling and texting my new BF of five months. Sometimes up to five times a day, and it's starting to drive him mad, and he says he thinks I am keeping tabs on him. I am so so scared ...
A. 25 July 2011: If you dated someone that disappeared for periods of time, then yes, of course you feel insecure. You just have to remember that your new guy isn't the old guy. Don't compare the two. Remember that, it will make you feel better. For me, I really did ... (read in full...)
I cant stop calling and texting my boyfriend! How can I stop this madness?
Q. Dear all, Please help!! I am so clingy, and insecure that I keep calling and texting my new BF of five months. Sometimes up to five times a day, and it's starting to drive him mad, and he says he thinks I am keeping tabs on him. I am so so scared ...
A. 25 July 2011: Yes, I have been where you are, and its HORRIBLE. Let's be honest, most men get very turned off be insecure clingy women, and turned off FAST. Do you have a reason for being so needy with him? Did he cheat on you? Or have you been cheated on in the ... (read in full...)
I took the coat to her, so surely she should be the one to travel to return it to me?
Q. I am hoping you could give me some objectivity here. You see my gf and I broke up a few months ago. It was an ugly break up. A lot of wounds. Still, there is anger and resentment on both sides. Now, while we were dating I lent her an expensive coa...
A. 25 July 2011: I understand where you are coming from, but remember you were dating at the time, so you were being nice to her, which was sweet. Now that you're broken up, she doesn't feel like going the extra mile. Argue all you want, but at least she's offering ... (read in full...)
Can being nervous mean a man can't keep an erection?
Q. I recently went home with a man I've had a crush on for the past year or so. He is twice my age and we've known each other in a strictly professional capacity, so it was quite unusual and exciting to have the chance to sleep with him. When we got to ...
A. 18 July 2011: Oh yes, this is far more common than you think. When a man gets nervous and starts thinking too much, he can and will lose his erection. And the more they think of it, the harder it will be to maintain it. They have that "pressure to perform" that ... (read in full...)
Is a sexless marriage common or should I do something about it?
Q. I have been reading a lots of different opinions on sexless marriages.Some says it is very common after long term marriage, that the marriage becomes sexless, for different reasons. And couples just keep living together sometimes a whole decade ...
A. 16 July 2011: I'm in my 40's and was married for 16 years. In the last 2 years of my marriage, intimate contact happened about twice. In my marriage, it was because my husband was an alcoholic, and also taking many prescription drugs. It was VERY distressing and ... (read in full...)
My friend is texting my man telling him she likes him , how should I react to this ?
Q. I have been in a wonderful relationship with a great guy for about two and a half months. Honestly, I haven't felt this in love/loved before in my life. Sure there are little things, but everything has been wonderful until a recent issue and it ...
A. 11 July 2011: If there was something going on, your boyfriend wouldn't tell you about it. Appreciate him for being a good guy and letting you know about things. It probably wasn't easy for him to do. This girl is NOT your friend. Perfect example of the expression ... (read in full...)
My GF wants me to remove a tattoo from my chest which spells my late sister's name, because my ex had the same name, and my GF doesn't want to be reminded of my ex!
Q. My twin sister died a few years ago in a car accident. I was really affected by her death. She wasn't just my sister but my best friend. I got a tattoo of her name on my chest so that she'll always be next to my heart. I have been seeing a...
A. 11 July 2011: Oh sweetie..I'm so sorry that you lost your sister. I know that twins have a very special bond, so of course you wanted a special way to remember her. Anyone with compassion would understand that. Your girlfriend unfortunately sounds very jealous ... (read in full...)
How can I stop them calling me this nickname?
Q. Hello - can anyone help with this please? It may seem so stupid but..two of my boyfriend's female friends (who he has known for over 10 years and they are married to his best friends) have started calling me a nickname. It isn't a nasty one, just ...
A. 11 July 2011: I'd say you are a saint if you've been putting up with this for a year! I don't think anyone likes to be called by the wrong name, I know I don't. There's 2 things I can suggest: First, next time you see one of the ladies, be direct and firm but ... (read in full...)
BF has drinking problem. How can I talk to him about it?
Q. My "boyfriend" has a drinking problem is the bottom line. The thing is, he only realizes he has a drinking problem and how much it effects our relationship when he's completely wasted. When he's sober and you try to bring it up to him he gets ...
A. 9 July 2011: After years of living with an alcoholic, I can tell you that drinkers/alcoholics get very protective and defensive when you try to talk to them about it. In their eyes, they don't think that they have a problem. They will make up all kinds of ... (read in full...)
Opinions on beards please!!
Q. Hiyaaaaa, Well this isn't really a problem more off a personal opinion and preference! I don't do art as a subject anymore but I recently bumped into my art teacher and saw him with a beard!!!!! So guys why would you guys grow a beard or ...
A. 8 July 2011: On some men, a neatly trimmed beard can be VERY sexy. On others, it just looks strange. It really does depend on the man's face. Some men can carry the look off, and some men can't. Same as women..some women can wear extremely short hair and still ... (read in full...)
How can I get the spark back into this relationship or has it gone for good?
Q. My girlfriend doesnt likes sex and hasnt for past 2 years. On the rare occasions we have sex, once a month if i'm lucky, she does it for me. There is no emotion, feeling or love from her during sex. She says its just the way she is and she would be ...
A. 27 June 2011: I have to be honest with you, this doesn't sound very good at all. If you don't mind, I'd like to give you a different perspective on it possibly. My guy and I went through something very similar to the two of you. He had asked me to move across the ... (read in full...)
A family member violated my privacy and I want to get back at her
Q. As we all know, you are not going to get along with your family all the time but still, that's no excuse for to do this.... I have been verbally abused all my life by a family member. She has physically assaulted me and my mother has just let it ...
A. 13 June 2011: You have a fabulous way of looking at this situation, I love it! Like you said...if they didn't care..why were they looking? You see..that actually does put you in control. You hang in there, I can tell you're going to be fine. I'm glad if I helped ... (read in full...)
A family member violated my privacy and I want to get back at her
Q. As we all know, you are not going to get along with your family all the time but still, that's no excuse for to do this.... I have been verbally abused all my life by a family member. She has physically assaulted me and my mother has just let it ...
A. 11 June 2011: This is kind of complicated, but I'll try to keep it as simple as possible. At 45, I had moved back home with my parents temporarily because I was going through a divorce. I had my own bedroom, worked 2 jobs. While I was at work, my mom would go ... (read in full...)
A family member violated my privacy and I want to get back at her
Q. As we all know, you are not going to get along with your family all the time but still, that's no excuse for to do this.... I have been verbally abused all my life by a family member. She has physically assaulted me and my mother has just let it ...
A. 10 June 2011: I think reading a person's diary/journal is one of sneakiest and lowest things a person can do, especially if it happens to be a family member. I certainly know where you are coming from...I have had both my mother AND my grown daughter read my ... (read in full...)
As an American woman, is it possible for me to find a Mexican man to marry?
Q. I`m feeling blue and I don't see how I can ever be happy. I don't want to date or marry someone just to be dating or marrying someone, I want to share my life with someone I really love. Being lonely is horrible but I won't settle for someone I ...
A. 7 June 2011: I can tell this is really bothering you because I believe you have posted this in slightly different forms several times on here. Perhaps I can make you feel a little better. I am a petite blonde haired blue eyed woman from the US. I too am not ... (read in full...)
Help me romance her with roses to show how beautiful she really is!
Q. hi I have a new gf, but I want to show her how beautiful I think she is, but I have a idea, but need advice on if its good or bad. basically im going to buy a bunch of roses(12 but take one out), and give them to her, with the one of followin...
A. 27 May 2011: OH...how very sweet and romantic! What a lovely gesture. I'd go with number 1, but trust me, we ladies love roses, so the flowers alone will touch her heart. And to be different, I agree to go with pink...they normally have a lovely scent to them. ... (read in full...)
Penis size and sexual satisfaction..
Q. Does penis size matter? Can a woman be satisfied with a small penis? ...
A. 19 May 2011: It depends on the woman's preferences and the man's skills. There truly is no "catch all" answer for this.... (read in full...)
Should I marry this bad boy?
Q. How to deal with possibly marrying a bad boy who is slow at shaking his bad boy image......
A. 17 May 2011: Marriage is difficult enough when you have complete trust in a person. If you have doubts about this guy, then no way should you marry him. People CAN change, if they really want to, and if they really try and are committed to change. But if he's ... (read in full...)
How can I avoid turning into my parents?
Q. I'm 24 and I'm afraid of this happening one day. I don't like my father, he's always in a foul mood, he's very negative. So I don't like being near him much. He tries and rules the house through fear. He sears and yells alot. Not a good way to ...
A. 8 May 2011: I really understand where you are coming from. Growing up, I realized very early on how very cruel and mean spirited my mother could be. I decided at a very young age that I wanted to be NOTHING like her. In my mind I burned in the experiences with ... (read in full...)
Did I inadvertently influence my brother to become bisexual?
Q. My younger brother came out to me recently, telling me that he is bisexual. I really do support him, but I also am feeling overwhelmed by the situation. I feel I may have influenced him. When we were 12 and 15, I went through an experimental...
A. 7 May 2011: I don't believe that you had anything to do with his decision. As he got older, he just made his choices. Unless you held a gun to his head, there is no reason for you to feel that you did anything wrong. I think its so wonderful that he feels ... (read in full...)
Is he worth waiting for?
Q. So I've been with this guy for about 5 months. He cheated on me but we're still talking. He tells me I deserve better, in fact everyone does. He isn't with the other women anymore but they still hang out a lot. He says he loves me and wants to be ...
A. 6 May 2011: This is really only something that you can decide. In the end, it doesn't matter what anyone says, because you are the one that has to live with your decision. The fact that he cheated on you doesn't speak too highly for him. Is he worth it? For me, ... (read in full...)
I'm pregnant and wondering about being induced before the baby gets any bigger
Q. I'm 5 ft 1" and I'm pregnant. The last ultrasound I did the baby's weight was 7 lbs 8 ounces and that was at week 36. I did one more at 38 weeks and he is 8 lbs 4 ounces. I would really want to deliver the baby vaginally. Should I talk to my doctor ...
A. 6 May 2011: Hi! I'm just under 5 feet tall, and had 2 children, both of my children were under 8 lbs, and that was tough enough. I had them both vaginally with no complications but... WHEW! I really wouldn't have wanted them to be much bigger! You are so close ... (read in full...)
Bought a sex-toy, but I'm not sure if it is safe to use.
Q. So, I have recently purchased a sex toy called "Ring o's" which is a small rubber hoop, which you put on the base of the penis, it is described as "enhancing the lastability and hardness". Now, I tried it out once, and it was pretty tight, so tight...
A. 25 April 2011: Doesn't sound like a good idea to me. What if you get it on and can't get off? Think of not only the pain, but the embarrassment of having to go to the hospital for help. Uh no, not a good idea at all. As ampersand says, cutting off the blood flow ... (read in full...)
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