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People are like stained - glass windows. They sparkle and shine when the sun is out, but when the darkness sets in, their true beauty is revealed only if there is a light from within.
Elisabeth Kubler-Ross
I've been on DC since 2007. I have seen just about everything you can imagine on here. I am a "softer" responder. I try to always give good advice with kindness. I genuinely want to help people and never want to hurt someone by the words I type since most people that come to DC are already hurting in some way.
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Do women like to catch a glimpse of a man's penis or balls?
Q. Do women like it when men wear shortish kind of shorts and maybe you catch a glimpse of what he is packing here or there (san undies, of course). I love it when I happen to catch a glimpse up a woman's skirt, or into her shorts, or down her top to ...
A. 21 October 2010: No, not in the least. It seems like the man is screaming for attention, and quite frankly, its just plain yuk. If I seen something like this out in public, my first reaction would be "God, what a pervert". Women as a whole aren't turned on by the ... (read in full...)
My husband needs to clean up! Please help!
Q. I've been married to my husband for almost 19 years. We have no children and probably won't at this point since we are both in our 40's now. We have cats we love and adore so this kind of fills the parenthood gap for us. We are pretty happy and get ...
A. 18 October 2010: This is where you sit your husband down in a non threatening way, quiet peaceful environment and start out by saying "Honey, you know I love you....and then gently but firmly let him know that you are worried/concerned about his health. Let him know ... (read in full...)
Away Backpacking - How or When Can I Break Up?
Q. I've been going out with my girlfriend now for several years. Sometimes things are good, but a lot of the time I just want to end the relationship. We argue a lot and then just end up making up again. Much of my love for her has died and I now care ...
A. 18 October 2010: I actually had something like this happen to me, I was on the receiving end of the break up. PLEASE DO IT SOONER THAN LATER! I went on a 10 day vacation with my then boyfriend, it had been planned for months, all reservations paid, $$ spent..you get ... (read in full...)
Threesome gone bad...
Q. i just had a threesome with my boyfriend and another female that i have known and now i feel like all the attention was on that girl and i dont know if i still wanna be with him... the threesome was his idea and i feel like maybe it wasnt a ...
A. 18 October 2010: Well, I'm afraid its too late now to go back. If you read on DC, the majority of the time, threesomes never work out, someone always winds up getting hurt. I don't think even the most strongest of relationships can honestly handle a threesome unless ... (read in full...)
My family want me to forgive my dad for sexually abusing me!
Q. I was sexually abused by my father when I was little and I kept it to myself until few months ago. I told my mother and my father's sister. My mother refused to believe me which hurt me so much. My aunt sort of believed me and spoke to my mother ...
A. 13 October 2010: I've had problems with my family my whole life, (not as serious as yours but just hurtful). I've never forgotten a conversation I had with an older gentleman once, a very wise man. He told me that people are always told that they should love their ... (read in full...)
My ex who dumped me is now drinking excessively! what can I do?
Q. My ex has started going out drinking since our breakup, she very rarely drank alcohol before we broke up and now she's out doing it a lot. I care about her still, as much as I want to move on, I kinda don't want her out doing stupid things, she's ...
A. 2 October 2010: When a person has a drinking problem, the only one that can help them is them. All the talk in the world won't make them stop..they have to want to stop. I live with an alcoholic, trust me I know. Its sweet and kind of you to show her that you ... (read in full...)
After 25 years of no contact,can he be 100% trustworthy?
Q. Twenty-five years ago, I fell in love with a Turkish man, and he with me I believe. He was very kind and very protective of me. After 3-4 months, he took me to meet his entire family in two different cities. And he asked me to marry him. I had been ...
A. 2 October 2010: Was he able to send you anything in writing proving that he really invested? If not, I wouldn't trust him. And even if there was a document, it could have been doctored..I still wouldn't trust him. No contact for 25 years is a very long time to go ... (read in full...)
What were you like as a teenager?
Q. I have recently have been thinking about my teenage years since now I am a young adult and I have been thinking about what I expected when I turned 16. I live in a small town but the teens here were weird. They were the party girls who slept with ...
A. 26 September 2010: I was shy in high school, I never dated anyone from my own school. I didn't drink, smoke, and was one of the few girls in my high school was was a virgin when I graduated. Ashamed of it? NOT AT ALL. I wasn't ready/mature enough for relationships.My ... (read in full...)
Age taking it's toll...
Q. I am about to meet up with an old friend the same age as me. He remembers me fondly, we went out once 40 years ago. I am probably fairly attractive, but I wear a hearing aid and have false teeth. I have already put him off once but am meeting this ...
A. 24 September 2010: Aw sweetie..I'm sorry it didn't have a more happy ending for you! But look at it this way..now you know. What if you had never met up again? You would have always been wondering and asking the big "WHAT IF"??? SO you found out he's not for you, and ... (read in full...)
I'm thinking of leaving my husband, insights please!
Q. I am finally getting up the courage to leave my husband who I have been married to for 17 years (I am 38). My husband has never made any solid plans for us as a couple during our marriage, has just drifted along on the personal side of things, ...
A. 22 September 2010: Hi. You are so very right..life is very short, it goes by before you know it. If you stay in an unhappy unfulfilling marriage one day you will wake up be 60 and say "What happened"?
I am now almost 50. I was married for 16 years, woke up in my la... (read in full...)
Wedding already paid for but I'm not attracted to her and don't think I love her!
Q. Hi im a 25 yrs old man. I find very difficult for me to say no to other people or to tell anything that will make anybody feel bad. I been almost all my life a strong christian, trying to save myself to my wife. in until i was 23 i had never been in ...
A. 16 September 2010: Please do not get married the way you are feeling right now. You will only be hurting her and yourself even more than calling off the wedding would hurt.
My fiance was in a situation similar to yours in some ways. He is Japanese, and still a ... (read in full...)
My girlfriend left after her mum died...
Q. hello i am 25 and been with my girlfriend for 3 years, i love her so much but on august 17th her mother passed away, her father died when she was young so now she only has me, she was telling me how much she loved me and never wants me to leave her ...
A. 15 September 2010: It hurts so very much to see the one you love in pain and to have them push you away. I'm sorry that this is happening to you. My ex husband lost his father unexpectedly (they were best friends)...my husband basically had a nervous breakdown and ... (read in full...)
My heart says not to end this buy my head says I should? interracial relationship
Q. I am a white male, live and have lived in a mainly white suburb all my life, and most of my associations have been with others of my race. We are a pretty liberal family and I have always been raised that everyone is equal, but that being said our ...
A. 14 September 2010: I am involved in a very complicated relationship with a Japanese man, this has been going on for almost 9 years. I am a white blonde haired, blue eyed blonde. The 2 of us get along extremely well and we really love each other. My family has NEVER ... (read in full...)
Age taking it's toll...
Q. I am about to meet up with an old friend the same age as me. He remembers me fondly, we went out once 40 years ago. I am probably fairly attractive, but I wear a hearing aid and have false teeth. I have already put him off once but am meeting this ...
A. 13 September 2010: Sweetie...do yourself a favor and stop worrying so much. I am close in age to you and I really do understand what you are feeling...trust me. Age brings us unwelcome gifts, doesnt it? But surely he has aged too, don't forget that. He may be older, ... (read in full...)
How do women deal with former lovers who were better?
Q. How hard, or dissapointing is it for you women to go from a guy who is very well hung and mind blowing in bed to a guy who is just average in both the size and skill departments. Let's say that the well hung guy was great in bed, and you were only ...
A. 10 September 2010: The man I love would not be considered the best lover if based on skills or size. To be honest, he's the smallest man I've ever been with, and totally sexually inexperienced (he had sex with only 1 woman before me..his wife and it was very ... (read in full...)
This boy I like is making jokes about my height!
Q. I'm actually 14, I don't know how to change the age. Basically, I've been with this boy for only like 4months so not very long but I'm pretty small and he's always making jokes about my height. He's 16 and always talks about me to his friends and ...
A. 9 September 2010: For boys that age, joking is very often a sign of affection. They are usually still immature and don't quite know how to handle feelings so they use joking and playing around to get attention. I seriously doubt if he's doing this to hurt you. He ... (read in full...)
Do most booty calls turn into relationships? Or not?
Q. do most booty calls turn into relationships?...
A. 9 September 2010: No, they don't. More often than not one person starts caring too much and gets hurt because the other person really only wants sex. ... (read in full...)
Separated wife is now dating a woman???
Q. Me and my wife split up recently and now i hear she is dating a women. she has two bi siblings and has always talked down about them and said she could never be with another women. she does suffer from depression. she is 37 years old and has never ...
A. 6 September 2010: Hi. I can imagine your confusion right now. As strange as it may seem to you, this does happen sometimes. My ex mother-in-law had been married twice, had 6 children, and one day her husband came home unexpectedly to find her in bed with another ... (read in full...)
Please help me find the strength to leave my abusive b/f
Q. I have recently been in a very abusive relationship with a lad who is three years older then me,we had been together for a year and 5 months but continued to keep something going between us. Durin this time i have been with him he has been extremley ...
A. 3 September 2010: Yes sweetie, more than likely his anger will result in violence. Stay strong, and do not go back with him. I'm glad you confided in your mom. As a parent, I wouldn't want my daughter with a guy like yours, and would do everything I could to keep her ... (read in full...)
Please help me find the strength to leave my abusive b/f
Q. I have recently been in a very abusive relationship with a lad who is three years older then me,we had been together for a year and 5 months but continued to keep something going between us. Durin this time i have been with him he has been extremley ...
A. 2 September 2010: You just keep believing in yourself, and that you can and you will make it without this guy alright? I married a guy this guy, and trust me, it only got worse until I started to fear for myself and our child. I was very young, only 19, and I made a ... (read in full...)
Please help me find the strength to leave my abusive b/f
Q. I have recently been in a very abusive relationship with a lad who is three years older then me,we had been together for a year and 5 months but continued to keep something going between us. Durin this time i have been with him he has been extremley ...
A. 2 September 2010: Oh sweetheart..you are so young to be in this kind of a relationship. You do understand that its destructive, right? This kind of guy will not get better with time, trust me. He'll continue to knock you down until you have absolutely no pride, or ... (read in full...)
Is his anger the start of something more serious?
Q. Hello, I need some advice. I just moved to a brand new state and city to be with my boyfriend. We've been dating for over a year long distance. We have spent time each other through out that time period. But since I've moved to his home town we...
A. 1 September 2010: I'll be point blank with you..if you aren't frightened..you should be. How do I know? Because this is how my ex husband started out. He had a VERY bad temper. He would punch lockers, walls, he once broke the windows in his car, and often he would ... (read in full...)
I love a married man, could he do to me what he did to her?
Q. Im writing this so my head doesn't explode and so i feel sumone is listening, im madly in love with a marrid man, we live together and yet i doubt our reltionship, i that maybe i wont eva stop doubting it as how can you with the cicumstances we met ...
A. 31 August 2010: More than likely, yes he could, and more than likely he will. There's an expression, I can't remember all of it, but it goes something like this: "If he cheats with you, he will cheat on you." Pretty much sums it all up. If he left her for you, odds ... (read in full...)
Sex with an ex
Q. I'm curious about something, and getting different perspectives on it, this is a hypothetical,primarily girls, cause I already know how men think seeing I am one, but can someones sexual ability's be overlooked at the expense of your love for them? ...
A. 31 August 2010: I wouldn't go back to an ex if it was just for sex. When I love someone, I love them, and sex is nice, but its definitely not everything. I care more about how someone treats me. And to me, unless your partner is totally unwilling to compromise, and ... (read in full...)
I'm feeling depressed, hurt and feel like a fool in giving him another chance.
Q. My ex-boyfriend who has been trying to get back with me for the last couple of months verbally and physically abused me pretty badly a year ago. He also cheated on me behind my back on more than one occasion. He smokes marijuana pretty heavily. ...
A. 18 July 2010: Listen to that little inner voice. It doesn't sound like he has changed at all, and he certainly doesn't put you first. You already know what you need to do, and you've taken the right steps. I know its going to hurt, but continue to shut him out. ... (read in full...)
He said if I cried during sex because of the pain it is all on me because he is not stopping!
Q. This is a conversation between me and my ex. hes 19 and im 16. we were talking about visiting each other, we live in different states now, and he is coming here at the end of the month. please read! him: "how many guys have you had sex with since me...
A. 13 July 2010: Sweetie, you would do well to stay clear of this one. He obviously doesn't have your best interest at heart and truly won't care if he hurts you or causes you discomfort. His only interest is making himself feel good. Definitely NOT a keeper. Do ... (read in full...)
Could a prior abortion affect my fertility?
Q. When i was 15 i had an abortion, at the time i thought i was doing the right thing and now 4 years later i think about the baby i could of had everyday! i regret what i have done but i can't change the past. I have been with my bf for 5 years now ...
A. 9 July 2010: First of all, I am sorry for how sad you feel. I can certainly understand the feelings that you are having. I am not a doctor, so I only have my own experiences and the experiences of others to draw from, but unless you had a botched abortion or ... (read in full...)
Long distance relationships: a recipe for disaster?
Q. I read quite a lot of situations concerning long distance relationships. Some people give up their social lives for that signficant other who happens to live miles away, maybe even in another country. Their means of contact is usually internet or ...
A. 4 July 2010: I was in a LDR for almost 6 years. I wouldn't recommend them. Unless both people are TOTALLY committed to each other and truly understand how hard they are to maintain, they don't work. You have to be an extremely trusting, independent person to ... (read in full...)
How do I get him to come back without coming right out and just asking him?
Q. I have been seperated from my husband for 19 months now. he lives with his parents and i live with our 3 children. i really really want him back and i dont know what to do. i dont want to come right out and ask him. how can i let him know i want him ...
A. 23 June 2010: Caring guy gave such a perfect answer. Sweetie, if you want him back, you'd be best to just come right out and say so. Men (no offense guys!) can be sooo obtuse! They really don't get hints. Don't assume he'll get the hidden meaning..he won't. Just ... (read in full...)
Should I meet this 43 year old online friend?
Q. On wednesday I'm supposed to meet up with a 43 year old man off this chat room, I'm just not sure if I want to. We first started talking when I was 16 and he really wanted to meet me and we would talk fir hours on the phone an skype etc, i dec...
A. 22 June 2010: Good choice sweetie...very smart thing to do! ... (read in full...)
Should I meet this 43 year old online friend?
Q. On wednesday I'm supposed to meet up with a 43 year old man off this chat room, I'm just not sure if I want to. We first started talking when I was 16 and he really wanted to meet me and we would talk fir hours on the phone an skype etc, i dec...
A. 21 June 2010: Sweetie..please don't go through with this. It just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen. You know on the computer a person can pretend to be anyone, or anything...its easy to hide. But truly..you don't know him. PLEASE don't meet him. If you ... (read in full...)
Farewell from an aunt
Q. After being an aunt on this wonderful site for well over 5 years, I've decided to finally see the writing on the wall and call it quits. I truly gave it my best shot and spoke the truth as I know it to be. I will always treasure my time here and the ...
A. 21 June 2010: Eyes, I have always loved your refreshing and insightful answers. I'm sorry to see you go and wish you all the best. Take care sweetie!... (read in full...)
Spousal loyalty...
Q. I found out yesterday my 16-year old step-daughter whom I have raised since she was 6 months is dating an 18 year old. The kicker... my wife's known for 2 months and kept it from me. How did I find out? I happened to ask the right questions and ...
A. 20 June 2010: Oh boy..been there..done this...Teenagers can be so trying, especially the girls. And when you are a step-parent, it just seems like you can never win. My husband and I went through this with my daughter from my 1st marriage. She was CONSTANTLY ... (read in full...)
Am I suffocating her by wanting to stay in touch?
Q. Dear Agony Aunts and Uncles, Im in my first ldr, and Im having some communication issues. It seems like my significant other is perfectly fine and kind of aloof to the communication we have now. She has apologized for not replying and has...
A. 19 June 2010: LLindy87..I never for a moment said the LDR isn't real...I said they are hard work. I should know..I was in one for 8 years. I'm just saying that most people can't handle them. ... (read in full...)
Help! I've trapped a nerve!
Q. Hey all. It's mine and my fiance's first year anniversary today.. But i've woken myself up this morning by trapping a nerve in my back! I was dreaming i think.. And i stretched, but at the same time something i was dreaming made me flinch, so i kin...
A. 19 June 2010: If you're in that much pain, it might be a really good idea to go get it checked out. Water bottles, a how shower, heating pads, and some pain reliever MAY help, but if you've pinched a nerve you may be in pain for awhile. Always best to get it ... (read in full...)
Am I suffocating her by wanting to stay in touch?
Q. Dear Agony Aunts and Uncles, Im in my first ldr, and Im having some communication issues. It seems like my significant other is perfectly fine and kind of aloof to the communication we have now. She has apologized for not replying and has...
A. 19 June 2010: AskOlderSister is 100% right. The odds for LDR working are slim because they require so much trust, time and maintenance and most people just can't handle the distance for very long periods of time, they lose interest. They just require way too much ... (read in full...)
Will my heart ever mend?
Q. Ever had your heart broken so badly it hurts physically inside too, like you have had it ripped out without painkillers? I have. My ex destroyed me, my self esteem, my confidence and faith. He led me on for years believing he wanted me, wanted to ...
A. 18 June 2010: Hi. I am so sorry for your pain. I know EXACTLY what you are going through. I'm in the same age group, and it just feels like your whole world has fallen apart. The love of my life abandoned me (at least in my eyes) after 8 years of being together. ... (read in full...)
The married man I am having an affair with is cheating on me!
Q. im having an affair to a married man and we are now six years, the problem is he's having a fling relationship to another woman, how can i stop him on this kind of habit i feel so hurt and jealous..what will i do for him should i leave him but i ...
A. 16 June 2010: Seriously...what were you expecting? Did you REALLY think he would be faithful to you? You are just a pleasant diversion to him, the dessert..and guess what? Now he's found a new flavor! Its sad but true, and if you are smart, you will drop him like ... (read in full...)
My husband doesn't love me!
Q. Please Help me!! I feel unloved and alone in my marriage....let me start with some backround....please read everything and help me..i dont know what to do....ok..... well let me start by saying im 19, but married last year to a forign 14-15 year old...
A. 16 June 2010: Oh sweetie..my heart cries for you. I can feel your pain. You are very young dearling, and with him being quite a bit older, that could easily intimidate you...BUT..you're an American woman (I'm assuming?)..and we are tough. I totally understand ... (read in full...)
Will I ever recover from the affair?
Q. I am 42 I have had a very deep affair and caught. i so regret it and I am paying deeply. I am so sorry for hurting my husband and also going against the person I am. Will I ever recover? ...
A. 12 June 2010: I too am confused as to what you mean by "recover". If you mean recovering from the guilt...then the answer is probably not. The trust and intimacy between you and your husband has been broken and it will need to be rebuilt. If you mean will your ... (read in full...)
We are not dating but he was my first, is this wrong?
Q. I dated a guy for a month in hopes to get over my ex of almost a year. After me and the guy broke up he started coming over to see me and we began to "mess around" this has been going on since 10 months and last night we finally did it. Is this ...
A. 8 June 2010: This is a question that only you can answer, dear. Is it wrong? Does it feel wrong to you? It doesn't matter what we think..its what YOU think. You have to live with what you have done..not us. So if you feel it was wrong, ok..maybe it was wrong for ... (read in full...)
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