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People are like stained - glass windows. They sparkle and shine when the sun is out, but when the darkness sets in, their true beauty is revealed only if there is a light from within.
Elisabeth Kubler-Ross
I've been on DC since 2007. I have seen just about everything you can imagine on here. I am a "softer" responder. I try to always give good advice with kindness. I genuinely want to help people and never want to hurt someone by the words I type since most people that come to DC are already hurting in some way.
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Can I tame this player?
Q. Hi. I’m a 23 year old girl and I’m falling head over heels for a boy at my university. The problem is he’s a real player and sleeps around A LOT. But could he be relationship material? He’s literally all I can think about lately. He’s 21 and ha...
A. 2 December 2015: Don't ever try to change someone. Many people make the mistake of being in a relationship thinking that their love/care/concern will change a person. You can't change someone and they will only change IF they WANT to. This guy sounds like he is ... (read in full...)
I'm angry that my partner returned the iPhone he found to its owner
Q. What would you do if you found a I phone? My partner found one by his car and it belonged to a woman because it had a case with flowers on to protect it and a photo of her and her fella. My partner said to see if she rang for her phone and if...
A. 30 November 2015: Call me innocent or too trusting, but I believe the majority of people would return the phone to the rightful owner. Both my son and I have accidentally left our iphone at a public place and both times they were returned. I was so greatful, I ... (read in full...)
I'm 67, she's 54 and she thinks I'm too old for her
Q. I am 67 year old man, widowed and I have met a 54 year old lady but she thinks I am to old for her. We have gone out several times and I feel like I am in love with her. But she thinks that I am too old for a relationship with a woman her age. ...
A. 28 November 2015: Aw..I'm sorry hun. Some things are just not meant to be. Sadly she doesn't share the feelings that you have. There isn't anything that you can do to change her mind, as was said..a woman of 54 knows what she wants/likes. The harder you might try to ... (read in full...)
Am I over-reacting to his harsh and hurtful comments?
Q. Hello Everyone! Boyfriend and I have been together for almost a year. Last weekend, he said things to me that really broke my spirit and was very hurtful. We were getting intimate and he said that I was the only woman who's never made him come,...
A. 25 November 2015: Sometimes in a relationship we ask questions that we probably shouldn't because we don't get the answer that we want. This is what happened to you. You asked, he answered truthfully and you didn't like the answers. Rule of thumb for the future is ... (read in full...)
How can I get past the fact that I'm not tall, improve my confidence and successfully date women?
Q. Ashamed to be a short man. I don't feel like I have the same potential as a taller man. Anything positive that I do would be much better if done by a taller man. I am also the shortest guy in my family and every time I meet a relative, family friend ...
A. 24 November 2015: There are women that like taller men, that is for sure. There are also women that like shorter men, bigger men, heavier men...etc...but now that we've gotten that out of the way, let me say this.
Most women like a man who has confidence. I don't ... (read in full...)
I feel he may be simply taking advantage of my generosity, how do I ask him?
Q. I am 55, my partner 28...I feel he may be simply taking advantage of my generosity until he has gained what he wants and will then disappear. How can I know? How can I ask him this very difficult question?...
A. 23 November 2015: You really can't ask him because the odds are slim to none that he will tell you the truth. Be honest and ask yourself..do you really think the conversation will go "are you taking advantage of me and my money/generosity?" And he looks you right in ... (read in full...)
I want out, but how and when should I end it?
Q. I am a woman in my mid twenties. I have been with a guy for about 3 years. We are engaged. We moved in together way way too fast. Once I moved in I eventually found out that he had a drinking problem. He would black out and yell/throw thing...
A. 21 November 2015: The other ladies gave excellent advice. Please quit kicking yourself and saying you're a bad person. People fall out of love, it happens all the time. You have sound reasons for not wishing to be with him and you can't help how you feel. I was ... (read in full...)
How would you have handled ending an internet friendship?
Q. So...I'm dealing with some friendship issues... Is it wrong to back out of a newly-made friendship if you no longer feel chemistry with that person? This will be long because it's sort of a complicated situation. Basically, I make ...
A. 19 November 2015: I think you handled things in a very mature manner. You tried to be friends, you realized that you didn't have much in common, you didn't like the way he acted and so you no longer wanted to be friends. Absolutely nothing wrong with that! You were ... (read in full...)
He hangs up on me when he thinks I'm asking stupid questions and now he's broken things off
Q. Hi there's this guy I been dating for a month, recently the last few days whatever I say annoys him he hangs up on me when he believes I'm asking a stupid question when I don't think I am. So yesterday he thought I asked stupid question when all ...
A. 16 November 2015: You asked "What I am supposed to think?"
1. It's over
2. Thank God you weren't married to him!
3. Break all contact and run like the wind in the other direction
Why on earth would you even consider staying with someone who is so rude and child... (read in full...)
Why does my ex want to be friends with me and still want me in his life? He treated me very badly.
Q. My ex use to manipulate me a lot! I felt used, was treated badly and finally walked away after a terrible breakdown from the relationship. My ex tried to reach out to me many times and I ignored him. we didn't talk for 3 years. But we made up t...
A. 15 November 2015: If you are his "friend" then he can keep tabs on you, know what is going on in your life as well as make you see and hear what is going on in his.
Do yourself a big favor and end things. He was abusive to you, why do you want to be anywhere... (read in full...)
Online dating: When men say they do NOT want kids at 30, are they likely to change their mind later?
Q. Hi All Recently I decided to take the plunge into the scary world of online dating. I didn't know what I would find or if it would work for me (at present, it hasnt - mainly old men, people who are uneducated and those looking for a 'good time'). ...
A. 13 November 2015: I'm not a man but I have a 29 year old son. He does NOT want children and will not date a woman that has them. He says he just isn't interested in having kids. He thinks they are cute as long as they belong to someone else!
If a man says he doesn... (read in full...)
Should I explore the topic of three- and foursomes with my wife?
Q. So my wife and I have been friends with another couple for years. Got along great, no issues. They moved away a few years ago and recently came to visit. It was like they never left, just amazing friendship. All four of us are relatively young...
A. 10 November 2015: I cannot agree with the other aunts and uncles strongly enough. This is one of those things that if you truly love your wife and value your marriage you will leave this as some dirty little fantasy, never to see the light of day.
Swinging just does... (read in full...)
He called to say he'd been cheating. Do people usually tell the truth while drunk?
Q. Dear Cupid I am with my current boyfriend for 4 years, we have our ups and downs and i love him and he says the same though some times i do feel he doesn't love me as much as i love him. Long story short, yesterday he had few drinks too ...
A. 8 November 2015: My ex husband was/is an alcoholic. I lived with him for over 6 years before I finally realized he didn't want help and was perfectly happy being drunk all the time. One thing I learned is that drunks may tell the truth or lie while drunk, but one ... (read in full...)
I surprised him by doing the housework but he reduced me to tears. Is this guy worth being with?
Q. I have been with my boyfriend for 8 months. Last night I went over to his house but got there an hour before he did. The house was a mess with dishes and dirty laundry everywhere so I thought as a surprise before he comes home I would clean. (as a ...
A. 23 October 2015: No, he's not worth being with. He's a jerk and put you down and is very controlling. I wouldn't be with him and I wouldn't wait to marry him. Get out now before the verbal abuse turns to physical abuse. Take it from someone who has been there. You ... (read in full...)
Do I risk looking rude if I refuse to hug in future? Or do I have to fit in and do something I feel uncomfortable doing?
Q. Hi all, I come from an Asian country, where hugging is not common. I will be moving to Europe next year for my studies, and perhaps work there. I've lived there for half a year before. During that period of time, I met many people and they ...
A. 16 October 2015: My husband is from Japan so I understand exactly how you feel. In Japan, they do not hug. When I first met him I was amazed when he told me that they just don't do that and honestly don't know how to do it. With me being American, it was very ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend keeps tickling me, how do I get him to stop?
Q. Sounds like a really stupid question, but here it is. How can I get my bf to stop tickling me? I really really hate it. He gets a great kick from it and how I react and squirm. And he does it practically daily. Most of the times, he will end up p...
A. 13 October 2015: I know how awful this kind of situation is. When I was a young child, I had older cousins who used to love to hold me down and tickle me till I cried. The difference is..they were KIDS.
Your boyfriend's action are alarming, to be honest. ... (read in full...)
He's constantly accusing me of cheating
Q. I am absolutley fuming! My boyfriend is always accusing me of cheating, and I mean always! I put up with it because I know it's rubbish and he is just insecure. However, tonight we were supposed to go out and have a nice night out whi...
A. 10 October 2015: The big question here really and truly is "why do you put up with it?" Only you can answer that! Why do you? Do you feel you can't do better? Has he pushed you so far down that you don't have the will to leave? Many times if we hear something long ... (read in full...)
How can I find out how serious my father's health condition may be?
Q. I live with my father and today he sat me down to tell me something. He told me his doctors have found 2 rather large lumps on his brain and they don't know what it is until they do further testing next Monday. Now I'm someone who worries a lo...
A. 9 October 2015: I've learned through trial and error...ask your dad if you can go with him, chat with the doctor. Its the only way you can be sure that you are going to get all the information..by hearing it yourself. Go prepared, ask questions..listen to what the ... (read in full...)
How much do you have in common with your husband/fiancé/boyfriend?
Q. When I started dating my fiancé he told me all about the activities he did with his last girlfriend, such as them jogging together, bicycling and going to a concert. He told me the concert turned into a magical night for the both of them. The ...
A. 30 September 2015: They say that opposites attract and that might be true, but it didn't work out for me in my marriages. My first husband and I liked bowling and baseball, that was it. He liked working on cars, football and we had nothing else in common. My 2nd ... (read in full...)
I feel like he just charmed me to get me to the bed and now that it's over, he's withdrawing himself. I feel disrespected, humiliated, hurt and betrayed.
Q. I've been dating this guy for the past three weeks. He seemed to be a nice, caring and romantic person who made me feel special and showered me with attention. Now, we've entered a relationship since the last 15 days (the guy himself brought this ...
A. 27 September 2015: Don't be so hard on yourself! Almost everyone has been in a relationship where things didn't go right, we might have seen the signs and ignored them or just plain didn't think anything was wrong until it was too late. What happens next is what is ... (read in full...)
How do I soften the blow? I want to break up with him and he has no idea I feel this way!
Q. Hi. I've been with my boyfriend for nearly a year now and he says he's madly in love with me and that I'm his soulmate, but I haven't been feeling the same the past few weeks and I've decided I want to break up with him. My question is, how should I ...
A. 27 September 2015: Its good that you are a caring person and you don't want to needlessly hurt your boyfriend. The best advice I can give is to do it quick and clean. End it and do not say "lets be friends". Perhaps you can deal with that, but he may not be able to, ... (read in full...)
Can you face the thought of your partner dying without being upset?
Q. My partner will die unless he has an operation for his heart which he doesnt want to undergo.If i mention it he just dismisses it out of hand and as i know time is short i find it very stressful.It also feels rather like being permanently and ...
A. 19 September 2015: My husband has a very serious illness and although he is fighting as hard as he can, we both know that there is a possibility that he won't live to be old. I totally understand what you are feeling. Its a very sad, frightening feeling. I cherish ... (read in full...)
Should I just stop wasting my time with a guy who is so like my father? Neither my father nor my Bf have much patience.
Q. I have been dating someone for the last 3 months, and he painfully reminds me my father. They have one thing in common, it's the way they conduct all the conversations. My father has no patience listening to something that he thinks is not imp...
A. 18 September 2015: I wouldn't recommend that you stay with your boyfriend. After only 3 months you prefer the company of your friends over him? That's NOT good! We should be able to talk to our mate/partner about anything, and if they love us then they will be ... (read in full...)
My fiance has become the "Church lady" and I don't know how to deal with it
Q. My girlfriend and I have been together about 6 ½ years. Last winter we told our friends and families that we intend to marry someday soon. No ring but we went that far, so I guess she’s my fiancé. We are both in our 40’s. She has children, nearly g...
A. 16 September 2015: I have never experienced what you are going through but I know that if both people in a relationship do not share the same basic ideas the relationship can have some serious problems, often ending the relationship/marriage. You would be very wise to ... (read in full...)
He says he's ''comfortable'' with me. I'm seriously conflicted. What can I do?
Q. I am seriously conflicted by my man. My guy and I have been living together for almost a 1 1/2 years now, I love him but I am doubting if I do or not because although he says that he is comfortable with me. I can't relax knowing he's not in love...
A. 12 September 2015: I am in your age range. If a man told me he wasn't in love with me, I'd move on. He's with you because you're comfortable, he knows you, knows what to expect. Its easy, like an old pair of shoes, they feel good and are still useable, so why get rid ... (read in full...)
We're not teens. So is not getting 'butterflies' in a relationship a reliable indicator that our relationship will not ''work'', as he seemed to claim?
Q. I'm not sure how to word this. Almost seven months ago I was with a guy and everything was good, texted all the time, he remembered things I said (so I knew he was actually paying attention) he would be open and share things that I knew were pri...
A. 6 September 2015: I agree with Honeypie. I would not settle. Not if I was 20 50 or 70. Yes companionship is nice, but you need more than a warm cozy feeling..there should be some sort of chemistry. Yes, lust fades over time, but in a deep meaning relationship ... (read in full...)
He owes me over $5000 US and he's full of excuses and says he can't live without me. What should I do?
Q. I am a British expat in Asia. I met my current boyfriend in an Asian city. He was unemployed so I let him live with me rent free and I also paid for everything: food, his clothes, watch etc, basically everything. He had promised that from the ...
A. 6 September 2015: To cut to the chase....4 words.....MOVE OUT....MOVE ON
Honey, you've been used and you are continuing to be used. Why is that ??? Love?? I doubt if at this point if you even love the man..search deep inside your heart. What is there to love?? ... (read in full...)
Does he just want sex or could we be friends?
Q. So I've asked similar questions, but now there's more to it. So I lost my virginity to a guy who was a co-worker, at the time when I lost my virginity we were no longer co-workers because i had quit due to some family issues. I don't think it m...
A. 5 September 2015: You would be wise to stay away from this guy. He used you once and he'll do again if you allow him to. The only kind of "friend" he would want from you is a friends with benefits kind of arrangement. Why would you chose a man who cheats and has 3 ... (read in full...)
I hit my wife. What can I do now to make her realize that I'm sorry?
Q. I need help. My wife and I have been in heated arguments near the beginning of our marriage (we're going on 6 years) which led to abuse. Both physical and emotional. I love her to death and can't imagine ever losing her, she is the best thing t...
A. 3 September 2015: I agree with Youwish..words cannot change what has transpired. The damage has already been done. You have started down a dark way and unless you get help IMMEDIATELY..the pattern more than likely will continue.
I detest men that hit...Th... (read in full...)
Four years of dating, so why is my Gf continuing to refuse penetrative sex, with so many "no" excuses?
Q. My girlfriend won't have penetrative sex with me, although we enjoy other forms of intimacy. She gives excuses like soreness, or thrush, but even on the few occasions I have started full sex she doesn't allow me complete entrance. I'm a 67 years...
A. 2 September 2015: I can only guess but perhaps she wants and needs companionship but doesn't like or want sex. My mother is 78 and has a boyfriend and she says they are intimate but she says she would be just as happy if they just cuddled and snuggled. She says she ... (read in full...)
He's showing no interest whatever in wedding planning
Q. What to do if he's stopped showing interest in planning the wedding? After two years in a long distance relationship, my fiance and I are finally living together(we've been engaged over a year)-going on three weeks. We have both been busy gett...
A. 2 September 2015: I'm guessing about 95% of men do not get into weddings. It just isn't their thing, they are out of their element, like a fish out of water. They don't have a clue what is involved and quite honestly don't really care too much as long as their lady ... (read in full...)
I'm 18 and he's 15
Q. Hi, I have a pretty big dilemma right now and I don't know what to do! I recently met this boy through some volunteer work I do, we got on really well in the group setting and had fun together, it started pretty casual but I could feel the flirting...
A. 2 September 2015: If you are smart you will ignore the attraction and walk away. 3 years is a huge difference when one person is 15 and the other 18. Over here in the US, he's jailbait. We have an expression "15 will get you 20"..meaning messing with a 15 year old ... (read in full...)
My Mother's said she's a married man's mistress. How can I respond and preserve our mother-daughter relationship?
Q. Dear Cupid, My mother told me recently she has been a mistress to a married man for the last 5 years. She got involved with him when my dad was terminally ill and told me about it after he passed away. She is still seeing him and wants to ...
A. 30 August 2015: I think you need to "agree to disagree" and don't discuss the matter. She's going to do what she wants apparently regardless of how you feel. She knows what she is doing and the more you try to talk to her about it, the more you will push her away. ... (read in full...)
I'm dating a woman who's bigger and I'm totally into her. Why do some people question my choice, my preferences and my motives?
Q. There seems to be an issue that's come up a lot in my life and I'm wondering if others have perhaps have experienced the same thing. Ever since I was a teenager I have been more attracted to females that are more full-figured. Its not that I don...
A. 23 August 2015: Short answer to you question...because people can be nosey, thoughtless, insensitive, close minded and just plain stupid! Some people just like to butt their nose in where its not needed or wanted. Some people think that their way of thinking is the ... (read in full...)
I don't want children but my boyfriend does, can our relationship work?
Q. I am a 28 year old woman who has been with my partner for over 4 years. This is the best relationship I've ever had and I love him dearly and I'm very happy. Him and I have a bit of an issue however. He wants children while I do not. Whe...
A. 21 August 2015: Sadly if you both stay the way that you are, with neither one compromising, then no I don't see how it could work. One person is going to have to give in one way or the other and you both seem like its not a subject you will compromise on. Either ... (read in full...)
We dated for a year I treated her badly and now she ended things
Q. i am 19 from india and i am really confused!! I was dating a girl for a year and first 2 months was amazing and then later i didn't spend time with her and i was super possessive and i always use to fight with her and when her birthday was there i ...
A. 20 August 2015: Learn to be kind and gentle, OP. Disrespect, carelessness and cruelty will eventually turn love into hate. Even animals learn to shy away and run from an unkind/cruel owner. If you want love you have to give love, its as simple as that. Its over ... (read in full...)
My father left everything to my stepmother! How do I cope?
Q. My father passed away in early August. I am devastated because we were very close. I am also very upset about how his will turned out for my sister and I. My father was quite wealthy and literally everything went to his wife, a woman he was onl...
A. 18 August 2015: Aw..I'm sorry for your loss. Its enough to have to lose your father but to be smacked with the fact that you were not in the will cannot make the pain any easier. I agree 100% with Ciar. Do not say a word to your stepmother but seek out the services ... (read in full...)
Why does he seem to have so much rage?
Q. Im in need of relationship help.... Heres the problem: Ive been with my guy for almost 3 years now. And just like any relationship there are arguments that happen. My guy has a problem with me "being real / speaking my mind" but that's just the type...
A. 17 August 2015: I hope that you will read very carefully the advice that you have been given. I can tell you first hand that men with anger issues may start out just expressing it verbally, but most of the time the anger burns out of control and turns into physical ... (read in full...)
My fiance wants total control of our lives and I don't think I can handle that
Q. I have been through a lot in the past three years with my fiance, we have been fighting about our finances. I am more of a saver, and he is more of an investor. I say investor because he has this "vision" of being successful. Howver, I feel as ...
A. 14 August 2015: A relationship/marriage shouldn't be about control. It should be a partnership..give and take, compromising, working out what is best for BOTH people. I dont' blame you for being upset and not wanting to go along with his ideas. It sounds like its ... (read in full...)
Do I let my wife have a threesome with 2 guys? I feel I'll lose either way
Q. My wife wants me to watch her have sex with 2 of my buddys Do most girls want to have sex with 2 guys at the same time ??? I don't know what to tell her. If I say no. ??? She may cheat. ?? If I say yes she may always wAnt it. ???...
A. 11 August 2015: If this isn't something that you want then put your foot down and say "absolutely not". I would never accept such a situation in my marriage and would go kicking and screaming before I would ever say yes to something I did not want! As the other ... (read in full...)
Could this man even know what true love is? Is he crazy?
Q. I know curiosity killed the cat however, I need to know if I am the only one that thinks my ex is nuts. To recap several yrs. my ex was in an abusive marriage for 14 yrs- the abuse was on both ends, she leaves him for another man and then he hooks ...
A. 11 August 2015: I don't know if this is going to make you feel better but I'll share this. My 1st ex-husband is 53 and has been married 5 times. I find this absolutely appalling. I don't think he knows what love is but he is terrified of being alone. We were ... (read in full...)
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