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People are like stained - glass windows. They sparkle and shine when the sun is out, but when the darkness sets in, their true beauty is revealed only if there is a light from within.
Elisabeth Kubler-Ross
I've been on DC since 2007. I have seen just about everything you can imagine on here. I am a "softer" responder. I try to always give good advice with kindness. I genuinely want to help people and never want to hurt someone by the words I type since most people that come to DC are already hurting in some way.
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Could this be called psychological abuse?
Q. Hello. Advice would be really welcome here. In a long distance relationship of over a year. Good times and bad. Currently we had a heated discussion last week which we did not share a view on, and he did what he has done before and totally ignor...
A. 9 March 2016: I agree with all the other lovely aunts. I wouldn't consider what he does abuse as much as I would him being childish and manipulative. Its rather like the old story of the child who is playing ball with the other kids and when things don't go right ... (read in full...)
Why was I not good enough for him? After all I did and going into debt?
Q. I need help... My relationship with a guy 18 years younger than me ended 9 months ago.. I was the one to leave.. But I can't seen to get over him. You see we lived together for almost two years, of the two there was no intimacy for a year.. He would ...
A. 6 March 2016: Love blinds us and can make us do things that normally we would never do nor would we tolerate. I've seen people tolerate all kinds of behavior from a loved one when they would flat out tell their sister or best friends to walk away. Its sad but ... (read in full...)
Would you ever be friends with an ex bf/gf who 'broke your heart' ?
Q. Would you ever be friends with an ex bf/gf who 'broke your heart' ? I was in a relationship for 3 years with a guy who I was really in love with and saw myself marrying one day. We talked about marriage and kids in the future, it was a pretty ser...
A. 6 March 2016: No I wouldn't. Why subject yourself to what could possibly be more pain down the road? The past is the past and you can't go back, you can't change it and every time you see the man you will be reminded of how he hurt you. Why do it?
Delet... (read in full...)
My husband won't let me go back to dancing at the strip club so I'm leaving him
Q. My situation is far from conventional and I'm prepared to get some hate. I met husband while dancing at a strip club in Las Vegas. We fell hard and fast for each other, got engaged quickly and married quickly. I moved to Texas to be with him and ...
A. 29 February 2016: I urge you to think things through very carefully before you leave and divorce your husband. Your decision will not only affect yourself but 3 other people...2 of them children. so you can't just make this about you..there are others that need to be ... (read in full...)
We kissed on our last date. Should I stay with her, even though I am not attracted to her?
Q. Dating a girl I'm not completely attracted to? I met this girl on a dating app and we've been on two dates so far. I like her personality so far and think shes kind of pretty but I'm not as attracted to her like I was with other girls I've da...
A. 27 February 2016: Wise decision. It wouldn't be fair to either of you. You can really care about someone but it doesn't mean that you want them to be your partner. Good luck to you! ... (read in full...)
LDR boyfriend isn't taking pride in his appearance and its turning me off
Q. Hi. I'm in a LDR of a year now. My guy is by nature a big framed man, who has struggled with his weight on and off from what he says. He talked about diets etc and gets fired up, buy never actually sticks to them, and recently having managed to lose ...
A. 24 February 2016: Chigirl brought up really good points and I will wholeheartedly second them. We all have prefences about what we look for in a mate. Anyone who says that they don't have certain qualities that they like and look for is fooling themself. We als... (read in full...)
My boyfriend would rather go into the bathroom and wank off than to touch me
Q. My boyfriend and I have been together for 7 yrs and he won't touch me sexually he'd much rather go into the bathroom and lock the door and watch other females and he chats with them and tells them that he wants to go down on them and then make love ...
A. 23 February 2016: Aw hun...I am so sorry for you. What your guy is doing is really hurtful and disrespectful to you. I think you have been given some wonderful advice and I'm not sure that I can add much except to say that you deserve FAR better treatment that this. ... (read in full...)
My married boyfriend is acting distant but he still wants to be with me. I am not sure what's going on?
Q. Please no judgment. I have been having an affair with a married man for close to 3 years. It's been amazing. But lately he seems a little more distant. His texts are less frequent and shorter. He says he is just being cautious. He sexted me ...
A. 18 February 2016: Its possible that his wife got wind of things and he's trying to distance himself and keep it on the down low. If he can juggle a wife, you and another woman then wow..he's really got it going on.I don't mean this to sound condescending but it ... (read in full...)
I feel like his mom always comes first!
Q. Please can I have advice on how to deal with my husband and his mother, she has always been very reliant on him but in the last few months since he became a house husband, he spends all his time on the phone to her and going round to her (she lives ...
A. 18 February 2016: I hope you won't make the mistake of trying to come between a son and his mother. The saying goes "Blood is thicker than water" and its oh so true. He sounds like a caring son. I don't really understand why you are feeling the way you do? My ex ... (read in full...)
How do I politely tell this man that I don't wish to stay in contact?
Q. How do I let someone know politely that I don't want to be in contact with them any more? So there's a guy who I used to be kind of friends with in another city. I've met up with him a handful of times and we chatted occassionally on skype. For the ...
A. 17 February 2016: OP, you honestly don't need to extend any courtesies to this man! Its not like he is a boyfriend or a close friend. He's already shown that he doesn't respect other people's boundaries. I agree totally with Ciar. The easiest, safest and most drama ... (read in full...)
Trapped by love I can't return
Q. I've been with this girl for over a year. She loves me like no one has ever loved me before. She wants children with me and wants a life with me. We've travelled together and we get along great - we have fun together. She can make me laugh, I can...
A. 17 February 2016: I don't think you are an idiot or an ahole, I think you are confused and you don't want to hurt the girl. Bottom line though is that you cannot help what you feel or don't feel for someone. If the attraction isn't there, it just isn't there. You ... (read in full...)
How do I get the strength to leave the boyfriend who has been violent in the past?
Q. I've been in a 12 year relationship with my boyfriend. We never married. I'm 36 years old now and we don't have kids etc. We have had loads of ups and downs and yes I'm ashamed to say he's been violent in the past. I have little money etc, ...
A. 17 February 2016: I have been in a physically abusive relationship and if you have the means to get a job and get out then DO IT! You say you are afraid to go it alone, but you should be more afraid of what might happen to you if you STAY. Please think about what ... (read in full...)
Hw came in my mouth and it left a burning sensation. How long does that last?
Q. Hi, I'm 22 aND my bf and I gave our virginity to each other last yr. We only have had sex once sinxe and he pulled out before he ejaculatd. The other night I gave him a bj and he came in my mouth. He didn't givea warning aND held my head down so ...
A. 15 February 2016: Is it possible that he could have used some sort of soap or lotion that you were sensitive to? I know some women are allergic to semen, so it could also be a possibility. As the other aunts have expressed it could even be that because he forced your ... (read in full...)
How do I know the girl I met on European dating site is for real?
Q. Hi, I am an American man in my early 40s. I joined a European dating site 4 or 5 months ago out of curiosity. I've never been married, never related so well to Americans. Always liked Europeans more. I am employed but shy, never so good with wom...
A. 12 February 2016: I cannot state this strong enough...Be VERY VERY careful in your feelings and dealings with this woman. There are so many stories of men getting screwed over by "internet romance"!!
I see 2 red flags right from the start...She wants to move to ... (read in full...)
How does he get away with cheating and then get the perfect girl and relationship and I'm left looking like the big bad wolf.
Q. I'm probably going to get a lot of hate over this but this is why I'm writing, for help and advice. Around 19 months ago I had an affair with a guy 11 years younger than myself who was in a relationship with an extremely beautiful girl a...
A. 11 February 2016: I'm not going to hate on you but I think you are a little gullible if you don't realize that the "other woman" is always painted as the bad guy(girl). Its just always been that way. You plotted and schemed to take someone that wasn't yours. It ... (read in full...)
Does it make one a terrible person if he or she does not want to see someone else because they've been together with too many people sexually?
Q. Does it make one a terrible person if he or she does not want to see someone else because they've been together with too many people sexually? My boyfriend said it doesn't and shouldn't matter, but I feel like I wouldn't want to be with someone who ...
A. 7 February 2016: No, it certainly doesn't make you a terrible person! Everyone has their own likes/dislikes and preferences and "deal breakers". Most of the population won't just date anyone..we are all selective. I truly understand how you feel because I have ... (read in full...)
What should I consider when dating a younger man?
Q. I have come across and found I am very attracted to and have a 'crush' on a younger guy. I feel as if I'm back in high school again! I started noticing him because he would sort of stare at me when we were around each other. He is 20. I feel he is ...
A. 6 February 2016: My husband is 6 years younger than I am. We met when he was 34 and I was 40. Age has never been a problem for us because we both have the same interests, the same temperment and the same goals in life. I look far younger than I am and no one ever ... (read in full...)
I've fallen out of love with boyfrind and am looking elsewhere
Q. I've been with my boyfriend for almost three years and recently I've started to feel different. Last year he broke the trust in our relationship but I stayed with him (stupid I know). He used to not really give much interest in our relationship ...
A. 6 February 2016: At your age, its perfectly natural and normal to grow apart from someone that you have dated for a long period of time. You have changed and don't want the same things that you did a few years ago. People change, they grow apart it can happen at ANY ... (read in full...)
I broke up with him a year ago. Is it okay to wish him a happy birthday this year?
Q. I dated someone for three months a year ago. We had a wonderful relationship but realized we wanted different things in life. We ended up having a serious talk on his birthday and I ended up breaking up with him. It was on decent terms but he was ...
A. 5 February 2016: Although you might have the right intentions at heart, I wouldn't pick this particular time. Its been a long time and considering you broke up with him on this day, its probably a memory he's rather not think about again. If an ex did this to me, ... (read in full...)
Is my premise possible? Is it decent folks, who try to live right, who are the people who get screwed over?
Q. Maybe it's because I am feeling really low these days- but increasingly feel that it's the decent folks and the ones who try to live right that get screwed over. The lying, cheating, selfish ones live peacefully. How come?...
A. 3 February 2016: It does feel like if you are a good and kind person that bad people seem to get ahead quicker in life. To me though, it goes right along with the "life isn't fair" saying. Life isn't fair and sometimes bad people do get ahead, they get away with ... (read in full...)
Is he being insensitive or really think of not wanting to meet so he plays this *game*?
Q. So Ive been in a relationship with my BF for 7 months. He likes to call me by 30+ pet names and at one point started playing a game where I should say my real name is not my name or he will count strikes and skip meeting days we meet up on. He even ...
A. 27 January 2016: My ex husband used to play what he called "mind games" like this with me. If I didn't do something or say something right he would withhold kisses, affection even sex from me. We were 19-21 at the time but it was still extremely childish. Notice I ... (read in full...)
I've come to absolutely detest my husband's mother and his family because of her behavior towards me
Q. I got married almost a year ago to a wonderful man. Trouble is, I’ve absolutely come to detest his mother and his family. I met my husband at my place of work; we had a fairy-tale romance and finally a dream wedding. When my husband used to t...
A. 22 January 2016: It sounds like there are several things going on with your MIL.
She's unhappy in her marriage and is trying to please a man who doesn't appreciate her. That right there will make a woman snipey and unhappy.
You took her favourite son wh... (read in full...)
How can I ever recover from this broken marriage?
Q. Dear Cupid Members, My husband has left me for someone else and I am really struggling. My question is will I ever get over this, honestly? Or will it affect me long term. This happened a few months ago. I have two young children and I am ...
A. 17 January 2016: You WILL recover if you want to. You've received quite a shock and right now I'm sure the pain is completely overwhelming. I'm sorry..I've been there. People deal with things in different ways, and in different time frames. Its up to each person how ... (read in full...)
I lied to my dying friend and told him that I loved him. Now he's gone and I feel sick
Q. I slept with my friend because he was dying and because I felt guilty for leading him on. Each time after having sex he would cry and hug me and profess his love for me. He had a crush on me for years. During his last days I lied to him that I loved ...
A. 15 January 2016: Please do not be so hard on yourself! You cared for your friend, you comforted him and made his final days on earth more comfortable. I'm sure you made him happy. I don't know anyone with a heart that would fault you for your actions. He died ... (read in full...)
I've seen the drink destroy my family and now I am dating a drunk!
Q. I have been dating a man for a little over 6 months. When we first met, he would call me on weekend trips with his friends or when he was at the bar and tell me how much he liked me, etc, but he'd be so hammered and drunk we couldn't have a coherent ...
A. 5 January 2016: I was married to an alcoholic. I wouldn't wish that life on my worst enemy. You cannot help them unless they want help. They have to help themselves and many alcoholics truly have to hit rock bottom and lose everything before they realize how messed ... (read in full...)
Without passion is it worth it?
Q. My boyfriend told me that he doesn't love me passionately, but he did say loves me and wants to be with me. He said the reason he doesn't love me passionately is that he has doubts because we fight sometimes and he thinks that I'm overly sensi...
A. 3 January 2016: I will speak from my own experience. I have been married and divorced twice. My first marriage was when we were both 19. The passion/lust was definitely there but he was too immature and far too firey for me and it turned physical. 2 years, and we ... (read in full...)
Glad they're happy, but should I let them know how well sound carries in their house?
Q. not sure what to do .but recently baby sat for my son and daughter in law..as they may have been late home i stayed over..was nice that they went out .as ive been feeling that they not realy in love .as they never show efection or kiss around the ...
A. 2 January 2016: Nope! Why make things awkward and uncomfortable for the 3 of you??? Trust me..the first time their young child walks in on them or starts asking questions..they'll figure it out! ... (read in full...)
I just want him to love and care about me but he never shows any emotion
Q. I'll try and explain this as simple as I can :) Right, am 29 years of age and when I was a little girl, I had a best friend who is a boy and we where the best of friends since the age of 6 up until we where 13, we had sleep overs, we where best fri...
A. 29 December 2015: There isn't really a kind way to put this. He really just doesn't care about you one way or another. He's happy to have you chase after him but he isn't going to lift a finger to do anything for you because it isn't important enough for him. Why ... (read in full...)
What's the best way to call it quits?
Q. My question is: Is it acceptable to split up with a woman via email or over the phone. I have been dating for someone for about 4 months but it isn't going anywhere and I would like to end it. I want to do it properly in the right way. I was going ...
A. 28 December 2015: Please do not break up by text or email. It comes across as being very impersonal and cold hearted. Unless the girl has done something terrible to you (abuse) she deserves more than that form of treatment. There is no easy or kind way to break up ... (read in full...)
What good excuse can I give my bf ?
Q. My bf and I have been dating for 6 months. I am on vacation right now with my mom, because she just retired. My bf didnt want me to go on vacation, but I had to because my mom had purchased the airplane tickets and everything before I even me...
A. 26 December 2015: Relationships do not last if built on lies and mistrust. Why makes excuses? Just tell him the truth explaining the trip was planned before you met. Its as simple as that. If he can't respect that or the fact that you want to spend time with your ... (read in full...)
Why doesn't she want to see the xmas party photos?
Q. I'm well over 50 and work with a lovely girl in her late 20s. We have always got along very well but due to the age gap and personal circumstances I've never made a pass at her and never would. I'm married and she has a long term boyfriend, who she ...
A. 21 December 2015: I believe it would be best to respect her wishes and let it go. If you push it, you could make things very uncomfortable for both of you. Whatever her reasons are..respect them.... (read in full...)
Dating has changed since I was last on the scene.
Q. I am recently seperated after 18 years (still married and wearing wedding ring) and been going out more so my question is 3 part... 1) what do men think of a lone woman sitting in a bar? Sad? Desperate? Prey? Easy? 2) A man bought me a beer a...
A. 20 December 2015: Things have changed quite abit in 18 years so proceed with extreme caution. The internet has become quite the way to meet people, either through dating sites or if you are into one night stands I'm told many people go on Craig's list.
Since... (read in full...)
I know he wants children and I don't, so what's the best way to go about ending the marriage?
Q. I've been married for 2 years and have been with my husband 8 years before we got married. I never wanted children - he did. I was honest from the start about children- he was upset- understandably but accepted that we wouldn't have any and th...
A. 16 December 2015: Are you sure that you shouldn't have a heart to heart with him? Is it possible that you are feeling guilty even though you shouldn't? TALK TO HIM! Don't assume that you know what he is thinking and feeling. He knew how you felt, he married you and ... (read in full...)
If nothing is changing on his part, then what do I do?
Q. I've been with my boyfriend for 3 years. When he's not at work, he's either playing video games, watching sports, or with friends. This has become a problem in our relationship because we barely spend any quality time together. I've been to...
A. 14 December 2015: People in relationships often make the mistake of thinking that they can change someone, or they want to change someone so that they can be their perfect partner. People change because they WANT to, not because someone WANTS them to. He doesn't want ... (read in full...)
How can I get experience when everything seems against me?
Q. I'm a male virgin who's never kissed a girl and I've never been on a date. I'm don't have a particularly attractive face, I'm overweight and bald, and I'm an awkward quiet nerd. I was recently talking a girl that I was interested in pursuing a re...
A. 14 December 2015: I can only speak for myself but I have never found an experienced man to be overly attractive. I steered clear of men like that my whole life. So what if they know things? It also means that they have done everything..many of them with EVERYONE. I ... (read in full...)
My mother is behaving differently a year after my father's death
Q. my dad passed away last yr in dec. i m living with my mom and younger brother. from some days iam seeing changes in my mom's behavior. i checked her phone nd thr i saw pic collages of my mom and my uncle who is my mom's frnd's husband. im totally ...
A. 12 December 2015: A little bit of advice that you may not want to hear..STAY OUT OF IT. She's a grown woman, I'm guessing she's in her 40's..and she needs/wants companionship. She's still young and has to go on living. Its wrong for you to be going through her ... (read in full...)
What can I do? Should I meet a man who can only tolerate my much loved resucue dog?
Q. I was really looking forward to meeting a man I have have been talking online to. This morning he dropped the bombshell he would only ever"tolerate" a dog and his argument is he thinks its cruel to keep them as pets anyway. I am quite hurt as my do...
A. 9 December 2015: This is a no brainer for me. My pets have been and always will be cherished members of my family. I personally would never date someone that could only "tolerate" a pet. My children have teased me that I treat my cats better than I did them. Animals ... (read in full...)
While hiking during rough weather my boyfriend would go ahead and just leave me. Are men like that?
Q. My boyfriend and I had a week end planned which involved a 3hr hike. The weather ended up being really bad with a storm that hit the country. It wasn't so bad where we had planned to go hiking. It was however very windy and wet. We decided to go ...
A. 7 December 2015: No, not all men are like that, at least not good caring men. I find it sad that your boyfriend knew you had been injured and that you were having trouble and yet he still wandered off ahead. You have to wonder "what was he thinking?" or worse yet ... (read in full...)
Am I a whore for cheating?
Q. I never thought I would be writing this story. I was a woman with integrity, morals and despite being treated like crap over the years by my selfish alcoholic husband, would never cheat on him..and then about a year ago when things were at the ...
A. 4 December 2015: I think you were a sad lonely woman who needed some love and someone to make you feel like a woman again. I was married to an alcoholic myself and I know how they can suck every bit of energy out of you and if abusive (mine was emotionally) their ... (read in full...)
He broke a cup I gave him, but has chosen to not replace it. Should I let this upset me so much?
Q. I bought my hubby a cup with the words, love you more then shoes on it. He accidently broke it and said he would get another but he still hasnt. it hurts me that he hasnt replaced it and it shows he doesnt care. I've reminded him to get it and s...
A. 3 December 2015: I agree with the others who say there is far more going on than just a broken cup. Its a glass. Why are you placing so much emphasis on it? What is REALLY going on? That's what you need to ask yourself. ... (read in full...)
Can I tame this player?
Q. Hi. I’m a 23 year old girl and I’m falling head over heels for a boy at my university. The problem is he’s a real player and sleeps around A LOT. But could he be relationship material? He’s literally all I can think about lately. He’s 21 and ha...
A. 2 December 2015: Don't ever try to change someone. Many people make the mistake of being in a relationship thinking that their love/care/concern will change a person. You can't change someone and they will only change IF they WANT to. This guy sounds like he is ... (read in full...)
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