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People are like stained - glass windows. They sparkle and shine when the sun is out, but when the darkness sets in, their true beauty is revealed only if there is a light from within.
Elisabeth Kubler-Ross
I've been on DC since 2007. I have seen just about everything you can imagine on here. I am a "softer" responder. I try to always give good advice with kindness. I genuinely want to help people and never want to hurt someone by the words I type since most people that come to DC are already hurting in some way.
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Why did my boyfriend tell me to be a good girl while he is overseas on a trip?
Q. My boyfriend is travelling overseas to visit his family. He just texted me before boarding the plane saying he will miss me and that he'd see me in a few weeks. Then he told me to be a good girl for him while he is gone. That he will be a go...
A. 18 June 2016: My boyfriend (now husband) used to travel alot, especially overseas sometimes for 2 weeks at a time. At the airport, he would always smile and say "Now be a good girl while I'm gone" and we would both laugh. It was just a joke between us nothing ... (read in full...)
My manager sent an angry text on my day off! How should I respond?
Q. My boss has sent me a shitty text message saying the following: "you have authorised 'john' to have this saturday off as holiday and not put anyone in at 8am, so as it stands, i cant enter the store. not your finest rota this week, needs impr...
A. 17 June 2016: The best way to handle it is to own up to the mistake, apologize and state that in the future you will be more careful so this situation doesn't occur again. You were in the wrong and getting into a battle with the boss is one that you won't win, ... (read in full...)
Am I entitle to feel the pain of loss and grief over my parents' breakup? Including my loss of connection to the family home?
Q. Hi there, I am 23 years old and live with my boyfriend of the same age. We've been together 3 years, lived together for 1. Recently my parents decided to divorce. They have sold the family home I grew up in and moved quite far away from me (...
A. 13 June 2016: You have suffered the loss of 2 important things that were a stable in your life growing up..your parents being together and your family home. Neither is easy to handle and yes most people would feel the loss. My parents sold our family home when I ... (read in full...)
I'm stuck in a one sided relationship with a guy who tries to deliberately belittles me. Can someone please advise what to do?
Q. So heres my problem, Ive been in a relationship with my boyfriend since October (9 months) and have lived with him for 8 months. We are always together. For the last 6 months, I havent been happy in life or in our relationship. I keep trying t...
A. 9 June 2016: It doesn't matter what anyone else thinks if you are unhappy then you need to get out. That's all there is to that. I am not going to lecture you but I think you realize that you moved in together waaaay too soon. I made that mistake when I was 19 ... (read in full...)
Why Am I unable to leave my married lover?
Q. I am seeing a married man. I don't see him often. Once a month but we keep in touch on text / email. He is my friend.. The person who gives me advice. Who is my mentor and my agony aunt. He is 10 years older than me. Married with no children. I have ...
A. 8 June 2016: There are many reasons why you don't leave your lover but I'd say perhaps the main reasons might be 1) Its comfortable. You know him, you know what to expect and at this point I doubt that there are any surprises. 2) Fear of the unknown--being ... (read in full...)
Should I tell her Bf what she is like?
Q. A female who fancies me wants to have me and isn't happy in her relationship currently with a man she's with. He's not the best looking but he is a nice guy and really loves her, and I feel sorry for him as he does and she doesn't feel the same ...
A. 7 June 2016: She can't have her way with you unless you ALLOW her to do so. Feel sorry for the guy, he deserves better but I'd stay out of it and I'd most certainly stay away from her. She sounds needy and just seeking some extra attention wherever she can get ... (read in full...)
Is there a bias to the answers here?
Q. I was wondering why aunts and uncles are more willing to answer questions that are related to below belly button , thresum, Fwb, F buddies, but are less likely to help on some serious questions regarding other issues? Have we gotten some preferences ...
A. 6 June 2016: I've been here for almost 10 years. People answer what they are interested in, what they have experience in for the most part. When it comes to serious questions, they may not get as many responses because folks may not feel comfortable answering ... (read in full...)
I (F) upset my boyfriend and he's now being so cold with me. What do I do?
Q. I need advice on what to do about my boyfriend. Whenever we have an argument and I am slightly to blame, he gives me the silent treatment the next day and sometimes for a few days. He has mental health problems and I will admit that he is very ...
A. 31 May 2016: I'm not sure that you can really help him unless its to encourage him to get treatment/take medication. Is he doing these things? If he's not then its not in your best interest to be seeing someone like him because it might be very hard for him to ... (read in full...)
Should I stop cooking for my Bf after what he did? Any suggestions on how to get him to appreciate me more?
Q. I've been with my boyfriend for 6 years now, living together for 1 year. He can be super sweet, loyal and sensitive and we have a lot in common... but sometimes he can just 'lose it.' Though he would never be violent he has lost his temper over ...
A. 27 May 2016: Your post disturbed me and made me sad. You say he's not violent but a person who punches holes in the walls IS violent! Today its the wall, tomorrow it could be you. How do I know? I LIVED this life! I was married to a man just like your boyfriend. ... (read in full...)
My introverted daughter is in her 30s and loves animals. She hates her work and hates being single. At 71, what advice can I give her that will help her?
Q. I'm worried about my daughter. Recently she was upset about something and she blurted out that she hated being single. She is in her 30s and a highschool teacher, and she never got married but she always seemed okay with it. Recently, sh...
A. 26 May 2016: Why not focus on the positive? She's still young..very young and the world can be her oyster..if she just reaches out and grabs it! Why should either of you resign yourself to the fact that she can't get a husband? WHY can't she?? People meet and ... (read in full...)
What's the sexiest thing about your partner?
Q. What's the sexiest thing to you about your partner whether it be past/present/future. What do you find most attractive in someone else? ...
A. 23 May 2016: His laugh. I will say the silliest craziest things just to hear him laugh. When he laughs its like the sunshine has just come streaming into a dark room. We both have very weird senses of humor but I feel like I've won a prize when I can make him ... (read in full...)
How should I respond to his hurtful comments during a argument?
Q. Hi, Just wondering if any body has had a partner who would often say hurtful comments during an argument and if so what did you do? My fiance often says things like he doesn't love me, can't see a future with me, doesn't want a child with me...
A. 19 May 2016: My 1st ex husband was like this. We were both very young but he was quite experienced at making me feel very unloved and insecure. He would make comments like "I don't like the way you kiss, I can't stand to kiss you, my ex girlfriends are thinner ... (read in full...)
I'm disappointed with my girlfriend's weight and health, any suggestions?
Q. So we've been going out for a few months with this girl and in the beginning, we promised each other that we'll make lifestyle changes. I used to drink quite a lot before her and also smoked quite a lot. She was overweight (she should lose at l...
A. 18 May 2016: I think its great that you want to work with your girlfriend and help her but the cold hard reality is that unless she WANTS to change her lifestyle, she's not going to..not for you, not for anyone. It would appear that she talks the talk but isn't ... (read in full...)
Is it normal to be really horrible to someone who has hurt you emotionally physically and financially?
Q. Is it normal to be really really horrible to someone who has verbally, physically, financially and emotionally abused you? When you just can't take anymore? To the point where I scream and shout at that person everyday and never used to be that way. ...
A. 16 May 2016: I would say its very common to feel the way that you do. My ex husband was an alcoholic, a liar, a cheater, he ruined us financially by defaulting payments on a house, a new car, he was emotionally abusive to both of our children and myself and put ... (read in full...)
How can I cope with this? His intelligence is eroding my self confidence
Q. I've been married to a man for 10 years. And who is extremely intelligent. I consider him to be a genius because he has an incredible ability to learn and retain new information and skills which far surpasses any other human I've met. This could be...
A. 12 May 2016: My husband is brilliant. He is a cardiologist specializing in genetics with a Phd. He has written papers and given seminars that I could never hope to fully comprehend.He speaks 2 languages fluently, whereas I struggle to speak in his native ... (read in full...)
My in-laws are making my life a misery. I need advice on how to deal with this, please?
Q. Hi all, can anyone give me some advice on my partners parents, because I feel like giving up. I have been with my man for 3 years now and we live together, and are extremely happy together, I am older than my man by 12 years but it's not a big d...
A. 11 May 2016: I don't think anyone here can tell you anything that you don't already know. If after 3 years his parents still don't like you, then I'd say the odds are that they are never going to like you. It doesn't matter how kind or understanding you have ... (read in full...)
How can you know if you are marrying the right person?
Q. How will someone know and sure about marry someone and live all their life with the others as there maybe unwanted things happen in the future. How will they know that they wont regret? How can people be so sure about other people? Or they just risk ...
A. 8 May 2016: You don't. You try to weigh all the pros and cons look for someone that makes you happy that you can see yourself growing old with, has basically the same goals and values...and you love one another. There are no guarantees of course and life ... (read in full...)
I never understand why my mother seems to push me out, yet favours my sister. Your thoughts please?
Q. I'm feeling pretty upset and am hoping someone can spare me the time to read my post. I have a sister who is 3 years younger than me- she has always been favoured by both my parents but my mother in particular...and they are very close- I'm often...
A. 8 May 2016: I am sorry for you sweetie and while this may be hard for some people to understand, this situation is very real in my family too. People may say "oh you're just being too sensitive" or "You have an axe to grind" but its not that way. Cold hard ... (read in full...)
Which future do I choose?
Q. i have a slight dilemma , im an independent woman who doesnt rely on a man i have had lots of times being single. anyway 3 months ago i split with my boyfriend we agreed we would be better as friends , we even agreed to be friends with benefits , ...
A. 8 May 2016: I suggest option #3...start all over again with a new man. Why date an ex when it didn't work the first time? Why date a man who doesn't want what you want and you already know this? Do not make the mistake that many people make..dating/marrying a ... (read in full...)
Has anyone here fallen in love with a married man?
Q. Has anyone in this group never fallen in love with a married man and decided to stay on the side in case he leaves his wife? If yes did he ever leave his wife? Is it a possibility that he may leave his wife?...
A. 5 May 2016: I am sure that there are situations where a married man will leave his wife for his mistress but I believe they are few and far between. Most men are not going to give up the security of their wife, their home and their family for a little "piece ... (read in full...)
Why will a married man NOT leave his mistress, even when affair is in danger of being exposed?
Q. Why won't a married man give up his long time mistress EVEN when their affair is in danger of being exposed to the world and to his wife? For example: Some people in their work place are starting to become suspicious. But he still won't leave hi...
A. 2 May 2016: There could be many reasons but here are a few:
1. To leave his wife would be far more expensive than staying with her.
2. He loves his wife/family and is only using the mistress for sex.
3. His wife doesn't know and he is stupid enough to... (read in full...)
He's drunk and abusive. How do you reason with someone like this, for the sake of your kids?
Q. I've been with my partner, "Bill", for 12 years and we have a family together. Tonight he told me for the umpteenth time that he was sick of my bad attitude and that I need to "know my place". Then he told me it's over and to expect all my thing...
A. 1 May 2016: First of all, let me tell you how much I sympathize with you. I have walked the path you are walking right now. My ex husband was an alcoholic, a very verbally abusive one. He never hit me but as you know, words can hurt just as much as being hit. ... (read in full...)
How can someone who claims to love you be so unfeeling?
Q. I got pretty sick this past week. I was bed ridden for days had no energy throwing up. My husband had it the week before so naturally I was concerned for him took care of his every need and made sure he felt loved and taken care of. Fast forw...
A. 25 April 2016: I'm sorry for you, I know what its like to have an uncaring mate when all you want is a little TLC. It really does depend on the person, but as a whole it seems as men are not as nuturing as the ladies. My ex husband threw a diva fit when I was in ... (read in full...)
I like this guy. But should I heed my brother's concerns about this guy?
Q. I met a guy on tinder. It turns out that my brother has known him for 7 years. My brother told me he didn't see us as a couple but said that he's a good guy. I'd like to add that my brother is a recovering alcoholic himself and has been sober for 2 ...
A. 21 April 2016: I hope that you will consider very carefully what your brother has told you and also the advice that you are receiving here on DC.
I was married to an alcoholic. They are very difficult people to be around. They can be charming, funny and seem... (read in full...)
Do I give him a chance? Boyfriend told ex girlfriend he still loves her
Q. Hi I've been with my boyfriend for about 4 months. I know that's a short time but I really care about him and am happy with him. Last night I was hanging out at his place and he went out with a couple friends to go eat. I wasn't feeling good and...
A. 20 April 2016: No, I wouldn't give him another chance. I agree completely with Honeypie. There are some people that just absolutely cannot stand to be alone. Its like they are terrified of not having someone and they jump from one relationship to another, never ... (read in full...)
Should you ever give flaky guys a second chance?
Q. When I say flake, I don't mean cancelling or calling beforehand to reschedule or calls afterwards to explain the bizarre emergency situation in which he was unable to call. A flake to me , Is someone that makes plans with you. You set the date...
A. 20 April 2016: Normally a person wants to make a good impression when first dating so you have to look at the big picture/long term. If a guy is acting like this now, what can you expect in the future? It makes you wonder. There are far too many fish in the sea ... (read in full...)
I've fallen for my best friend, his girlfriend hates me!
Q. Am I truly in love with my bestfreind? My best friend is a boy i have known him for several years now and we used to spend everyday together without fail. Now we live far away from each other. within the last year of us living close to each other we...
A. 17 April 2016: We always want what we can't have, but when its right in front of us we don't take it. You had your chance but you pushed him away settling for a FWB. Now that he's taken..you want him. Kind of messed up don't you think?
He isn't being a good boy... (read in full...)
What could be the consequences if my Gf and I did follow through with our wish to have sex, discretely, in a public place?
Q. My gf and I want to experiment more sexually. She wants to have sex some place public, like a mall changing room or movie theatre . What exactly would happen if we get caught? She has given me head in a movie but we were pretty discreet about i...
A. 16 April 2016: Humiliation, being arrested, having your name and picture in the paper...My daughter works for the city police and my son in law is a sheriff. It is against the law and if caught..you're going to be embarressed. Worth it? ... (read in full...)
Have any ladies ever been rejected in asking a man out?
Q. Girls have you ever approached a guy and had him reject you? I am not talking about being dumped. I am talking about when you meet a guy, you put yourself out there and ask him out and he shoots you down. I have this theory. Most girls seem to ...
A. 15 April 2016: Yes, I have been rejected after asking a guy out. First time was in my teen's probably 16. The one that hurt the most was when I had a room mate. We were buddies, but I wanted more and he didn't. I still had to live with him after he turned me down ... (read in full...)
What do you think of a guy who is torn between two women?
Q. This guy and a girl date for a year. it's not an easy relationship. They fight a lot but somehow make it work. One day he cheats on her, she finds out and they break up for 9 months. She wants him back so they get back together. Right around t...
A. 13 April 2016: I don't have a very high opinion of a man like this and I wouldn't want him in my life. He wants his cake and to eat it too. He's selfish and doesn't think that he is hurting 2 other people. WHY put up with it? Its one thing to not know your man is ... (read in full...)
What should I ask, when I speak to my Bf, about a stained black dress I found under my Bf's bed?
Q. I found a black dress with dried up white spots on the front under my boyfriend's bed. I do not live with my BF. I was in his apartment tidying it up for him. Now I wonder if he cheated? First I would like to know, does semen dry white when ...
A. 13 April 2016: Wow..I know how upsetting this has to be and to be honest, I honestly only have one theory at the moment..and that is cheating. Unless your boyfriend lives with other people that would be using his bed? his room??? I don't see how there can be any ... (read in full...)
Boyfriend traveling abroad is posting on Facebook but hasn't called me like he promised!
Q. Hi everyone. I am writing for help because I have never been so confused in my life. I have been in a relationship with a lovely man for just over a year and we have both said how happy we are together, we get on perfectly, do great things to...
A. 6 April 2016: My husband is from Japan and travels there once or twice a year to see family. I normally do not go. In the years we were dating he would always make it a point to call me when his plane landed. Sometimes he would scurry around to
buy a call... (read in full...)
How do I cope when he goes away?
Q. Hello My husband an I are middle aged, he is in his early 60s and still works full time in a factory. Conditions are not good there but he wants to stay there until retirement. We have been on vacations to Cuba but I don't really enjoy it there m...
A. 5 April 2016: Your 2 choices are to go or to be left behind. It seems you need to decide which decision will make you happiest and then go with it. You don't want to go with him and yet you worry about him and will be anxious the whole time he is gone. So why put ... (read in full...)
How do I ask my Mom for the package I ordered? It's a vibrator
Q. Okay I've been thinking about sex a lot and often. At my school and area it's not hard to hook up and I'm not like that,so I bought two bullet vibrators. My mom ordered a mouse pad for her computer and lucky me they came on the same day.... She got ...
A. 2 April 2016: Hey mom, a package came in for me yesterday..did you happen to see it? Thanks!... (read in full...)
I don't want to hurt him but we're not compatible. How do I exit this relationship?
Q. This is going to sound so bad but I really need help. There's this guy, a co-worker who came by my workplace as temporary. We got along very well and became friendly. He met my family due to his offering to help us shop for a home. My mom told me ...
A. 2 April 2016: It shows that you're a good person that you don't want to hurt the man, but the longer things are drawn out, the worse it will be to end things. Just keep it short, sweet and to the point. Something like" I think you're a nice man but I can't see ... (read in full...)
I don't want to be fired but feel uncomfortable with what my boss is requesting me to do
Q. I started my job yesterday as an administrative assistant, at a private accounting firm. My boss told me today she wants me to call tomorrow a credit card company and be her and ask them to waive a fee for her. I feel kind of uncomfor...
A. 31 March 2016: Do not compromise your principles even if it means losing your job. What your boss is asking is wrong and also you would be committing a crime. There are several reasons why your boss may have asked you to do this, the other lovely aunts/uncles have ... (read in full...)
Is it right to stay in a relationship when your partner indicates that someone before you was his ''perfect match''??
Q. I would really like some opinions about my situation and I'm not sure if I'm being an idiot staying with my boyfriend or if I should leave him. I've been with him for three years and from the second date he started talking about a female friend qu...
A. 22 March 2016: I could probably handle things if I knew that person was in the past and was not in the present, but the fact that he is still in contact with her would be a deal breaker for me. Why live in someone's shadow?? ... (read in full...)
Should I bother with a man who is always so busy?
Q. Met a guy and hes single with 3 young children who live with his ex. He works away all week comes back for the weekend. We went for a walk because i suggested it, chatted for a hour then i thought he might of said to go for lunch but he didnt, h...
A. 19 March 2016: Its probably best that you just let things end. You already sound disappointed and letting things go further will more than likely just cause more disappointment and frustration. Its ok to want more..I'd move on. ... (read in full...)
Would it be too forward if I got my crush's phone and put my number in it?
Q. i have a crush on this guy that works at my local coffee shop and I'm pretty sure that he like me too. every time i go in, he would give me compliments and ask about my day. for example yesterday he gave me a hug and told me i smelled really good ...
A. 17 March 2016: Well put it this way, you'll never know if you don't try right? The worst that will happen is that he will decline and things might be a little awkward but at least you'd know. I think most men would be flattered if a lady asks them out. ... (read in full...)
He's not hit me. But could the other things he does be called abuse? what should I do?
Q. To be blunt and simple, when my year long boyfriend and i argue, he pushes me around. He'll grab me and squeeze my face, throw me down, he'll push me in front of almost anyone.. All throughout the year, he's never hit me though. He will punch...
A. 13 March 2016: Its abuse. Abuse can be physical or mental. I was married to an abusive man (he was both physical and mentally abusive). He wasn't that way when I married him but he had a temper and I knew it. He would punch walls, doors, windows..never touched me. ... (read in full...)
Could this be called psychological abuse?
Q. Hello. Advice would be really welcome here. In a long distance relationship of over a year. Good times and bad. Currently we had a heated discussion last week which we did not share a view on, and he did what he has done before and totally ignor...
A. 9 March 2016: I agree with all the other lovely aunts. I wouldn't consider what he does abuse as much as I would him being childish and manipulative. Its rather like the old story of the child who is playing ball with the other kids and when things don't go right ... (read in full...)
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