A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I’ve been talking to a guy (via messenger) for around 10 months now, we originally met on a dating site. It’s very casual and flirty but we’ve not met due to us both agreeing the distance was a bit too far, however after months of us both dating other people and it not really leading anywhere we have decided to finally meet as we have nothing to lose. This guy is good looking and we have a lot of banter, it’s very chilled. If I’m honest I’m not looking for anything serious right now and I get the strong feeling this guy isn’t either which is cool, however he has posted pics of him looking very cosy with another girl on social media which makes me very wary, don’t get me wrong I’m not an idiot and realise he’s probably hooking up with other girls and I’m no innocent either, however it seems quite weird to post pics that others including me can see. I don’t really understand this, is he just a complete player? Is he actually seeing someone? Am I just entering a situation I shouldn’t? What are his motives?
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reader, anonymous, writes (7 January 2019): Sounds conceited and pretty self-centered, if you ask me. If he's posting pictures of himself with other women; he's making it clear he's a player, and possibly a guy who manipulates lonely-women for money.
He has touched on a human-sensitivity that makes you want him even more. You want to compete for his attention and affection; and be validated as one of his chosen. You're placing your self-esteem at risk, and wasting your precious time with a narcissistic knucklehead.
Search for someone closer, single and available; and not advertising on social media to the whole female race how much of a true dick he is.
Mind-twisters like that will mess you up, sweetheart. Take a pass on this guy, girlfriend!
A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (7 January 2019):
 We should define first who is a player. I don't think that by player you mean someone who is not monogamous, has several casual relationship going on at the same time and keeps his options open. Because you know or imagine that he is like this and you say you are ok with it and it does not bother you at all. So I guess we'd have to add an element of scheming, lying, conniving to the word " player ".. someone who tries to pull the wool over your eyes, to do things behind your back, to hide things from you… and in this case, poor guy, he'd make a very INcomplete player, since he is getting "cozy " with other girls ( which anyway he can do since you are not even dating, nor even discussed being exclusive ) and he is candidly posting it for all the world to see . It does not sound very deceptive , does it ?
I don't quite understand what would you want or expect from this man. Not a serious relationship, which would also probably not happen just because of the distance. Something casual, fun, flirty just for recreation- but you'd want him to be casual, fun and flirty strictly with you only ?...
Unrealistic, I'd say- and also neither reasonable not fair, if you really don't want anything serious with him.
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A
male
reader, N91 +, writes (6 January 2019):
 If you don’t want anything serious then why do you care? This post is very contradictory.
If you live too far away why are you entertaining it in the first place? Sounds to me like you do in fact want a serious relationship you’re just not willing to admit it. If you truly didn’t then you’d be happy to meet with this guy with no thoughts of who else he’s seeing.
In all honesty this situation seems a bit pointless.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  + ♥, writes (6 January 2019):
 I feel, you are not being honest with yourself here.
You write that you are totally OK with something casual blah blah, but you also worry about him seeing anyone else.
Casual by "nature" isn't necessarily exclusive. He is probably FINE with USING you for entertainment until he find someone closer by who check HIS boxes for a partner.
So IF you are NOT really looking to just chat and hook up, wish him well and CUT him lose. You know there is no real future here with him.
WHILE you waste your time on this guy, you might miss out on several other potentially GOOD matches.
If someone live to far away, drop it and try again. Realistically looking WAY closer to home you have a better chance of NOT finding a time waster.
And why are you on a dating site if you are not looking for a partner? Why waste OTHER people's time? People who ARE looking for something serious?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 January 2019): For him to post a picture of him with another woman for everyone to see can be innocent could be a really good friend but also it could be he puts pics up to show anyone hes having a good time ,because he isnt bothered who sees him, and just wants to play around as he has no commitment to anyone he can do what he pleases. Personally id cut back with contact and fade away from him. Id look for someone nearer and not someone who enjoys womens attention far too much and for him to boast about it.
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