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*91 agony aunt

*91

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*91's profile:

"Advice is what we ask for when we already know the answer but wish we didn't"

"Resentment is like drinking poison and expecting your enemy to die".

'If you're going through hell, keep going'

I do not sugarcoat my advice. I am straight to the point as I feel that is the best way to get through to someone who doesn't like to face the truth.

Latest articles:

Afraid to commit

No replies yet...

8 May 2018: Hello all, Im not quite sure why but I had a little urge to write something about a great fear of commitment that I used to experience, in case maybe it can help someone who is going through similar or has their own story to share. This is a...

Thank you DC!

This question has 1 answer by a reader of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted

23 October 2016: Hello to everyone of Dearcupid, I'd just like to say a massive thank you to everyone I've ever come into contact both receiving help from or giving help to over the time that I've used this website. I first started using DC back in 2011, w...

Why not everyone we find ourselves emotionally invested in is made for us

This question has 5 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted

14 August 2016: I watched a film a few days ago you may of heard of, '500 days of summer'. I had it recommended to me by a friend who knew of the bizarre situation I was in with a girl I know. I thought a rom com isn't really my idea of fun but thought what the ...

< Prev1234567891011Next > [73 pages, 2867 answers]

Ghosted after 2 years

Q.   My 2 year relationship just ended by the guy ghosting me. We went bowling for our 2 year anniversary had a good time and we got into a fight that night when we got back home over the status of our relationship. We have been on and off for 2 years ...

A.   30 January 2020: I wouldn’t call what you guys had ‘going out’. By the sounds of things, you didn’t know where you stood. Is that really the basis of a solid relationship? It sounds like you hung out every now and again and slept together. Sounds more like fuc... (read in full...)

My husband says he's too special for me and too special to go to counselling

Q.   Hi and thank you I have been married almost 10 years. First 5 were good then it started going downhill, especially this last year. My husband can be very mean to me. Calls me stupid, idiot, dumb, b****, bast***. I think he calls me a ...

A.   30 January 2020: Okay so do you think this all you’re worth? You’ve told him you’re not happy with how he speaks to you, you’ve suggested a way to make the situation better and he’s ignored you. What else can you do? What’s wrong with finding someone who respects... (read in full...)

Is he normal? He says he doesn't want to sleep with me right now.

Q.   I had a date last night with an amazing guy! We went out for drinks, ice cream, and to browse books at the local bookstore. After that, he invited me back to his place to play chess. We didn't get to play because we were too busy talking but then he ...

A.   28 January 2020: Nothing wrong with waiting. Maybe he wants to build a deeper connection as opposed to fucking on the first date. Maybe he’s waiting back for STD results? Who knows?... (read in full...)

Is it possible for this to happen?

Q.   My boyfriend was married at twenty years old, he is now forty. He has said he was naive, manipulated into getting married and knew he didn't love her. Is it possible people do get married when they know they don't love someone and know it wont last ...

A.   28 January 2020: I think you’ve been here asking this question multiple times before. Why does it matter? Seriously? You don’t believe what he says so why keep asking? Same advice as last time, get a grip before he gets sick of your nagging. ... (read in full...)

Was it silly to throw away my entire life on the back end of a few messages and meetings?

Q.   I’m 6 months out of a long term relationship. When we first got together he had what I can only describe as a flirtationship with a woman at work - just messages and flirting and I let it go, but assured him next time it happened he would be gone. ...

A.   28 January 2020: Nope, I don’t see any mistake here. You set your boundaries, you said anymore and he’s gone! He still wanted to mess around with other women so he’s gone! Simple as. You stuck to your guns, well done for that as we have so many posts here of peopl... (read in full...)

Is he trying to or currently cheating?

Q.   I am a little concerned as to whether my OH is in fact trying to or is currently cheating. Let me give you a bit of background. 6 years together. Engaged. Living together 2 and a half years, dog, cat, saving for house etc. He has cheated in the p...

A.   21 January 2020: You’ve told him it’s fine to cheat on you in the past so why wouldn’t he do it again? Who can blame him? If you let people treat you like a doormat they will wipe their feet all over you. Don’t you think you can do better than someone who obviousl... (read in full...)

My girlfriend appears to be stalking people I know.

Q.   I was using my girl’s laptop to finish off some work when I ended up closing my windows and having to open them up through my history upon clicking I realized that she had been pulling up instagrams for people on my Instagram. Upon clicking the ...

A.   20 January 2020: Very strange behaviour. are you open with her or very secretive? I could maybe see where she’s coming from if you never tell her anything but if you’re honest then this would make no sense. If I were you I’d just come out with it and ask her. ... (read in full...)

My boyfriend wont even text me while another boy will talk for hours on the phone.

Q.   my boyfriend don't give me the attention that I need in he always making excuses about why he did not talk to me. But it is another boy that like me in he been there for me more than him in. me in the other boy be on the phone for 10 hours or 8 ...

A.   20 January 2020: You want to be with someone who makes excuses NOT to talk to you? Why? Why would you want to be with someone like that? Where’s the logic behind it? Also why would you spend between a third and half of your day on the telephone? Don’t you have bet... (read in full...)

I'm trying to put myself in my boyfriend's ex's shoes and wonder why she's behaving the way that she is, but I can't imagine why

Q.   My boyfriend's ex is still in the picture but on the peripherals, and I'm finding it hard to understand why. I have tried, so I'm just going to put the facts, coupled with my thoughts, and would like anyone to give me their feedback on what they ...

A.   18 January 2020: She may have cheated but she still clearly has feelings for the guy. Just because you cheat on someone doesn’t mean you don’t care about them. It just means you definitely aren’t in love with them and you definitely do not care about them as much as ... (read in full...)

My boyfriend treats me terribly, maybe I deserve it.

Q.   Hi everyone, hoping someone can offer some advice.. I'm a 31 year old woman and I've been with my boyfriend for 4 years. He's the same age. He's been living with me for six months, around the same time he lost his job. It wasn't something we ...

A.   18 January 2020: Please have this man evicted immediately. He has already shown violent outbursts towards you and is leeching off you. What are you getting out of this? How long before he starts hitting you? No one deserves to be treated this way. You can do ... (read in full...)

I've not met this girl, but we talk and I'm smitten!

Q.   I want a lot of advice so I'm not sure this question will fall into a single category. I'm a 34 year old virgin - something that I'm not proud of but I guess that's life. I've been with girls and done stuff before and even without the sex I think ...

A.   18 January 2020: If she wanted to meet you, she would do. It’s really that simple. 2 people that want to be together have to meet at some point so if you extend the invitation and they dance around the subject it’s obvious that they don’t want to meet. Who w... (read in full...)

The affair ended when I became jealous that she had sex with her husband but I love her and want her back

Q.   I have no interest in anything since my affair with a woman I cared deeply for ended. I had an affair for over a year with my cousins wife months before the affair I was attracted to this woman she made my heart race and made me imagine life in ...

A.   3 January 2020: So why are you still married? The amount of posts we see where people claim they hate their partner and they can’t stand the sight of each other. Don’t love each other anymore and don’t have sex yet they’re still together. Why? What’s the point? W... (read in full...)

I didnt get an answer, should I approach him again?

Q.   Hi, male in my late fiftys, always been by curious, never been with a male before, a woman friend has a gay friend,well I ask him straight up, if he interested in having sex , told him I was a virgin, he said he has been, staying away from sex for ...

A.   1 January 2020: You did get your answer. It was a very clear no! If he wanted to accept your proposal you guys would have had sex. He was being polite about it now leave him alone.... (read in full...)

I'm shy and not sure how to work out if this could be more than a friendship.

Q.   Hello I've recently met a guy at my workplace I'm gay and I'd like to know if he's just being friendly or maybe likes me or just want to be friends because a few days ago we walked together and a girl approached me and greeted me and not him also, ...

A.   1 January 2020: Ask him. None of us here know if he’s gay, only one way to find out.... (read in full...)

I'm in love with a boy who brought his girlfriend to my house to sleep.

Q.   Dear Aunties, Happy New year. I am a 36 yr old male. I have been with this 21 year old boy. We have a huge age difference. I have wanted this boy to be my boyfriend for a while now. He has been resistant to my advances and asked me to be patient...

A.   1 January 2020: Do you honestly see anything happening here? If he wanted to be with you, he would be. He gets a kick out of knowing that you like him and he can make you run around after him. Block him and move on with your life. You’re 36, you should have ... (read in full...)

My boyfriend acts single and doesn't respect me.

Q.   Hello My boyfriend and I have been together for about 3 years now. I’m having issues because his social media. He brings his exes to it a lot. Particularly one that I caught him having an emotional affair. As well as a bunch of flirting. He...

A.   31 December 2019: How much more? Why have you accepted this in the first place? By staying with him you’re telling him it’s fine to act this way and there’s no punishment. Why would he stop doing it if you continue to stand by him? I’m sure if you acted the way ... (read in full...)

I'm in love with my cousin - a followup to my previous question.

Q.   I am re posting this question with extra details as I need more advice he has a girlfriend of 4 years, we have NOT had sex, he has never threatened me or hit me est... , i think I’m in love i want to know what he thinks and what I can do etc... I...

A.   31 December 2019: This is super strange. This has been going on since you were 5 and he was 10? This is creepy as hell. Just because you haven’t had sex doesn’t make this okay, if he’s touched you in any sexual way then this guy is a paedophile. Would you think th... (read in full...)

What is this girl doing? Is she into me or not?

Q.   This girl at college stares at me a lot. Ive walked over to her while with her friends a couple of times to make conversation but I ended up speaking with her friends and she walks off, not instantly but usually pretty soon after. She has the mo...

A.   31 December 2019: Man you’re at least 26 years old, grow up. She has a partner for goodness sake. Would you appreciate someone trying it on with your GF?... (read in full...)

I was so sure about this girl so her rejection has me off kilter.

Q.   I (22m) really hit it off with someone (26F) at a party and she turned me down, blaming everything on the alcohol. Sorry in advance for the novel, but the story goes as follows: A few weeks ago, my friends in grad school were having a combina...

A.   29 December 2019: You can feel whatever you want and nobody can tell you any different. The thing is, this kind of stuff happens all the time. I’ve had it myself when I was younger, got numbers off girls after spending full nights with them and as far as kissing ... (read in full...)

How do I stay friends when I want much more?

Q.   I have been interested in this guy for years, we have been in almost constant contact for years, he worked away and didn’t want to be in a long distance relationship. All of our friends say they don’t understand why we aren’t together and I’m ...

A.   29 December 2019: Why WOULDNT you tell him? Seriously, it makes no sense. You tell him your feelings, he replies with his. You either get together or you don’t, either way you have your answer. ... (read in full...)

I'm in love with my cousin but not sure about his feelings for me

Q.   I am I love with my 20year old cousin. I am 15. I don’t know what to do. He has a girlfriend but he acts like he likes me : he always teases me and we cuddle and other more intimate things. However I don’t know if he feels the same. I need him he is ...

A.   28 December 2019: Okay you really need to stop this immediately. The fact that you’re here asking this question anonymously means you know that this is wrong. Would you tell your parents about this? They would hit the roof and I’m pretty sure your father would want ... (read in full...)

I feel a complete romantic disaster!

Q.   Hi all, and happy holidays! Any help or advice is much appreciated. A few years ago I liked a girl at my school (so much that it became more of an unhealthy obsession than a crush), but was never able to muster up enough courage to finally ask h...

A.   28 December 2019: Welcome to the world of dating. A lot of the time it sucks, can feel lonely, like you’ll never meet anyone. It will feel like everyone is just out to hurt you or embarrass you and like you’re the unluckiest person going. On the other hand, wh... (read in full...)

My boyfriend is financially dependent on me, did I make the right choice?

Q.   Dear Everyone, I am writing this today because to be completely honest, I feel completely lost. I have been in a relationship for about 7 months. It started pretty slow, I didn't necessarily plan on being in a relationship so fast. We started ...

A.   27 December 2019: How are you even questioning if you made the right decision? You said he abused you so of course you have made the right choice. That alone was the reason to end things, everything else just sums up what a bum he is. Block him and move on with you... (read in full...)

I'm in love with my cousin but not sure about his feelings for me

Q.   I am I love with my 20year old cousin. I am 15. I don’t know what to do. He has a girlfriend but he acts like he likes me : he always teases me and we cuddle and other more intimate things. However I don’t know if he feels the same. I need him he is ...

A.   27 December 2019: This is wildly inappropriate. I’m really hoping that your description of ‘intimate’ things is not anything of a sexual nature. If so you HAVE to tell someone about this immediately as this is illegal. Not only is this guy your family but you’re a... (read in full...)

He's ready to break up with his fiancee to be with me but is it the right thing to do?

Q.   Hello agony aunts, 7 years ago I was in a relationship with this man whom I met in college. We were so in love however I had to finish my higher education outside the country for 2 years. We were trying patiently to manage the LDR but after I ...

A.   27 December 2019: I don’t think this is the standard story of a man who can’t wait to leave his partner and would do this willy nilly with anyone. To me it sounds like 2 people who didnt want to break up but did so because of logistics which is a completely valid ... (read in full...)

Would I be judged for not wearing a bra?

Q.   I would like an honest opinion please I don't find bras comfortable. Would i be judged by men or women if I was to be without a bra in public I'm only small up top and I know it's my choice but even tho I'm small up top, to put it simply, ...

A.   25 December 2019: In all honesty, who cares? It’s your life and you can do whatever you want. ... (read in full...)

How can I learn to live, accept and move on from her past life?

Q.   I recently overheard things about my partner's past I wish I hadnt when she was talking with friends at a party. She is 33 and we have been together for over 9 years. Her past sex life was very promiscuous during uni. I have had only 4 sexual pa...

A.   17 December 2019: If you know everyone has a past then why are you hear asking this question? Either accept it or let her find someone who can deal with it. What she did before she met you is nothing to do with you. If she has been a good, loyal GF for 9 years th... (read in full...)

I'm having sex with my ex who is married to someone else.

Q.   Hello everyone, so I'm in a situation that I've never been in one before. And I don't know where to start so I'm going to try to keep it as short as possible. I have a daughter that is 8 years old. Her father and I have been split up since...

A.   2 December 2019: Goodness me. Are you for real here? Who cares if it’s your daughters father, you are CHEATING with someone else’s partner. How would you feel if the shoe was on the other foot and someone was fucking your husband? Where are your morals? If t... (read in full...)

Does he think we're official?

Q.   Been seeing this guy for a couple of months and uses “we” alot and even said the other day “ we make a good couple dont we?” Would you take this as him hinting or assuming we official? Or do you think I should wait for him to ask directly? I know I ...

A.   28 November 2019: Sounds like it. If you want to be then why not just ask?... (read in full...)

I'm tired of my 'bad boy' charade

Q.   I used to be a bloke with low self confidence. I remember celebrating my 21st birthday still a virgin. Not been in a real relationship either. I had many close female friends, though I somehow friend zoned all of them. They kept telling me that I am ...

A.   25 November 2019: Well, there’s only one way to find out. Cut the crap you’re putting on to feel more macho. Be ‘yourself’ and if she decides to leave, then what can you do? You won her by putting on an act so it will have come back to bite you in the ass and teac... (read in full...)

Older guy us making a move on me but wants to keep it quiet.

Q.   I have a friend (he's 20 years older). A couple of years ago, we had a talk about our feelings. He told me that he was interested in me but couldn't be with me because he had a girlfriend. We stayed in touch (close friends but nothing more) until ...

A.   25 November 2019: You’re 100% correct, that’s exactly what he’s doing. Listen to your gut! You sound like a switched on individual. If two people are happy with each other, even if they DONT want to get into a relationship, why would they actively be trying t... (read in full...)

My GF is not a virgin but want have sex with me until we marry.

Q.   I am dating a girl who is 40 years old , it’s almost two months . We have great chemistry but I have one issue. She don’t want to have sex until we marry. She is not virgin ( someone raped her ) I don’t think she has to refuse sex If she is not ...

A.   25 November 2019: You’re being extremely insensitive. She has been honest with you, she has opened up to you about a VERY traumatic and upsetting topic and the only thing you can come back with is that ‘she’s not a virgin so she shouldn’t be withholding sex from me ... (read in full...)

I've realised my partner is a lazy lowlife scrounger who doesn't bath frequently enough.

Q.   Hey everyone what do you when you realise your partner is a lazy lowlife scrounger when I first met my partner he had a job his own flat and looked after himself that was 6 years ago fast forward to now he is a selfish scruffy low life who thinks of ...

A.   17 November 2019: Feel guilty about what exactly? Why would you want to stay with someone like this? Don’t you think you can do better? The relationship has run its course, what’s there to feel guilty about? I don’t understand. ... (read in full...)

I’m focused on school so I don’t see the need for relationships. Is that selfish or wrong somehow?

Q.   I broke up recently with my boyfriend of 7 months, because I was definitely mistaken love for infatuation. The problem is, I felt really good about us being together the first two months, although things between us happened quickly, and we rushed ...

A.   13 November 2019: I’d say you’re being smart if anything, focus on your education that will set you up well for later life! You can date at any time and you’ll know when you’re ready, the fact that you didn’t feel that way for your ex shoes he wasn’t the right person ... (read in full...)

Should I give up on my alcoholic boyfriend?

Q.   Hi. Iv been living with my boyfriend for 2 years.he is an alcoholic.he said he will never give uo drinking. Drinking is more important than me. He has met my family but doesnt want anything to actually do with them. saying they are lovely etc but ...

A.   13 November 2019: Yes definitely! Give up on this relationship immediately, you’re wasting your time, banging your head against a brick wall! You can do better and you know it or else you wouldn’t be here asking. You aren’t this guys therapist or carer and if he’s ... (read in full...)

Should I fade my manipulative friend out?

Q.   I have been "best friends" with a woman for over 25 years. I started to notice when the bill came at dinner, or anywhere we were, she'll begin to complain about how broke she is and I'd end up either paying the entire bill or some of her ...

A.   12 November 2019: I’d just stop contacting her and if she asks id tell her the same as what you’ve told us today. She is a user for sure, people will treat you as badly as you let them! At least you’ve realised her for what she is, move forwards without her in your ... (read in full...)

My ex is a jealous, negative-minded selfish idiot in the relationship area, should I take him back?

Q.   I have a tricky situation that will probably receive mixed reactions based on whether you're a dog-lover or not. Basically - I broke up with my partner a few months back. We fought at first but eventually learnt to be civil. We don't have any k...

A.   11 November 2019: Come on, is this serious?? I love dogs as much as the next person, my two Staffies are family members, but you’re honestly contemplating getting together with someone you categorically DO NOT want to be with because of a dog? Give your head a q... (read in full...)

Will I be able to stay away from my abusive ex when he turns on the charm?

Q.   I am gutted that my relationship that I clung onto has turned out to be nothing more than an abusive relationship. Someone warned me at the beginning but I couldn't take it in. It's taken an episode of near strangling for me to face facts. All...

A.   11 November 2019: Probably, that’s the way a lot of these relationships go down. Some won’t make it out alive because they believe it won’t happen to them. Don’t you think you can do better than this? Would someone who truly loves you ruin your mental state to... (read in full...)

My boyfriend has a separate SIM card for his cell phone

Q.   I've been with my boyfriend for 9 months now, and during all those months I noticed multiple times that he has an extra SIM card in his phone cover, but I didn't ask him why does he have another phone number, I gave it time and thought that he might ...

A.   9 November 2019: You think he’s cheating so why wonder what’s on the SIM card? It’s irrelevant at this point! Why stay with someone you can’t trust? Move on. ... (read in full...)

I want closure from my ex. Is it wrong or silly to want to talk to him about our ending?

Q.   Hi all! I have a question about a past relationship. Quick info: I am 27 and live in Nashville, I have been dating my current SO for 5 months. He is 28. It is my first healthy relationship, and I am very happy with it. The question I have ...

A.   6 November 2019: You have the closure. It’s over, done, finished. You weren’t right for each other, what more do you need? You are happy in a new relationship, so be respectful to your partner. What’s to say your ex would even give you a proper reason? O... (read in full...)

Don't like to see the signs of the girls he's been with in the past

Q.   In love with my boyfriend of a year sex and love life is great but I feel like I can’t fully give my self to him he has so many back scars scratches from another or other females in the past I hate seeing him in the light with no shirt seeing other ...

A.   6 November 2019: Break up with him then. What’s he supposed to do? Get a skin graft? We all have a past, even you. Should he leave you because you have slept with people in the past? Either deal with it or break up with him, he deserves better than a partner w... (read in full...)

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