A
female
age
30-35,
*iogeorge
writes:Long read, thank you for reading Hi everyone, I’ve had a friend, Serena for a while. I noticed we definitely have grown apart but I thought it was normal until... I asked her to hang out and she told me she couldn’t that she promised a relative she would babysit that Saturday night. But then on social media I see she hung out with two other girls. I confronted her about it and she said it was last minute that her relative said they were going to stay in and no longer needed a babysitter. But I stated she made no effort to contact me saying something like hey girl, I don’t have to babysit do you still want to hangout. But she said nothing. She then mentioned that I ditched her during the fall a few times which I agree I did. But I was in a terribly abusive relationship and Wasn’t exactly allowed out sometimes. We haven’t had that discussion yet but I wanted to explore it more with her but In person not over text or the phone.So yet again I ask her to hang out and she says in two weeks on Sunday she has a day off. She said let’s hang out around 5 on that Sunday she is off. Around 1 on Sunday she says hey I have to be at Jennifer’s house at 6:30. I felt alittle offended because Jennifer lives like 20 minutes away so we would basically have an hour to catch up. But more so because they were just chilling not going to an event, so why couldn’t she push it back or why didn’t she invite me as I’ve met Jennifer before. But whatever, I just said another time is fine and she said she was sorry she forgot. Then we make plans for Friday.On a side note. It’s her 25th and she said let’s go to Miami me, her and Jennifer. She then later changed the destination to an international destination and its somewhere I don’t have interest in. So I told her it’s just to much for money for me as it’s international now and thanked her for inviting me. I then told her a few weeks later hey I found this Miami deal, after ur trip out of the country we should do this. She agrees but my friend she doesn’t know and I put down the deposit. I started getting somewhat annoyed because we all agreed to put down a deposit but so far just my friend and I did not Serena. Instead a week later I see Serena booked a trip to Miami with Jennifer on sm but still hadn’t paid our deposit even though she said soon. She’s paid it by now so she’s going on our Miami trip too. She’s going in mid April and again with us in early august. Friday comes and while we are on our way to the aquarium. Serena says Jennifer is on her way, so we end up getting there and waiting about 20 minutes for Jenn to show up. Jenn is kind of a shitty friend, she puts down Serena, ignores her often and is doing a lot behind her back such as making moves on her boyfriend which my friend now knows. We go out to eat and Jennifer keeps mentioning their upcoming trip and all the things they need to get. Then she mentions they are going to a lounge later, which was weird because Jennifer told me that our late night plans of the movies we’re cancelled because no one else wanted to go so let’s get dinner together instead. Serena invites me after Jennifer mentions it twice but it felt like a pity invite. She had all morning to invite me but didn’t until it came up in conversation. Like she felt bad Jennifer mentioned it but otherwise wouldn’t have invited me. I felt like a third wheel and I think our friendship is over. It feels like she wants to hang out with Jennifer and I’m just an after thought. Or am I wrong? Also the time before we got lunch she also brought Jennifer and didn’t mention it as well. The reason I don’t like Jennifer is because she moved in with Serena’s dude and Serena has mentioned that jenn and her man make sexual jokes to each other. I totally think they are knocking boots and I think jenn is trash for putting down my friend but it is her life so I’m not sure what to think/do. Serena invited me to her birthday party but I just feel disrespected.
View related questions:
money, moved in, text Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 March 2020): Unless you enjoy drama, seems to me both Serena and Jennifer need to be kicked to the curb!
It's almost embarrassing how she lied to your face, and they sat there disclosing their plans made excluding you. After all the times you got ditched, I couldn't sit there without losing my cool. I couldn't bring myself to wiggle my way in; after it was so evident I wasn't a part of their plans. I am not one to insert myself after the fact. I'd have to be one of the planners at the time of conception! We made plans first...then she pulled a switch for the other bitch? Oh, that's not how I roll!
Let me say this, you and Serena have a strange connection between you. You've allowed her to not only ditch you, you caught her in lies; and she insulted your intelligence to your face, and in-front of Jennifer.
Why catch somebody in multiple lies, then guilt-trip them into including you on an excursion you nearly had to twist her arm to agree to? Then they change the destination and upped the excursion to a higher price-range. To price you out! Then tacked your suggestion onto the end of their trip...minus you?
Girlfriend, as they say...oh-no she didn't?!!
They kept changing the plans to throw you off; yet you still wouldn't take a hint. It pretty much seems that they (especially Serena) don't really want to hang-out with you! Trying to shake you off! Like she had fly-paper stuck to her hand, or toilet paper on her shoe.
Please don't be catty and get in the middle of that thing about Jennifer and Serena's boyfriend. You don't need to be spiteful; it would look so petty and somewhat pitiful! Like you're jealous and twisted that she chose Jenn over you. It's time to clean house. Serena has to go! Jennifer was always left by the curb; and never really got past the doorstep with you anyhow!
If you ask me, you should have taken a hint the three times you got ditched! Three strikes, you're out! Those two are casting way too much shade your way!
You're a woman. Women pretty much see through each other; and I guess you must feel you've got to give Miss Serena a piece of your mind. If not, this will probably nag you something fierce. Although taking the high-road would be the better route. It would be more dignified and mature to just distance yourself from the whole situation. There's no shame in letting her choose Jenn. You know the tea! The boyfriend thing!
I guess from a gay-guy's point of view, I'd ghost both them bee-yotches! All they'd ever see of me is my back; that is, if they'd ever see me again! Not a word to be said to either of them. Let them figure it out. I'd wave from a distance and keep stepping! Knowing Jenn is boinking Serena's boyfriend, and I don't care!!!
Go make some new friends, and leave them to grow mold in yesterday's drama!
Hope you don't mind the campy-humor! I just wanted to take some of the sting out of it for you. You've already made of up your mind what you plan to do about it.
A
male
reader, N91  +, writes (26 March 2020):
 I think you’re right the friendship is as good as over, everything sounds extremely forced.
You called her out on it and she gave you a reason, she said YOU were dipping out on her initially. Is she expected to wait around forever until you decide you want to start hanging out with her again? You blame it on an abusive relationship, but that’s not really her issue is it? She reached out to you and you admittedly shunned her, what exactly are you expecting here? She found another person in the mean time who wanted to hang out.
I’d let this one go, if you weren’t trying to initiate the meetings then I doubt you’d be hearing from Serena. Let this be a lesson not to ditch your friends because of a relationship. Friends are the ones who are always there to fall back on! Providing you don’t flake out on them and take the piss of course.
...............................
A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (25 March 2020):
 OK whatever is going on with Jenn has nothing to do with your friendship with Serena.
If Serena likes her, then she likes her. YOU don't have to.
I think, (REGARDLESS of your previous abusive relationship) and how you had to cancel on her a few times he feels she can do the same.
Yes, your relationship has changes. Yes, it seems she prefer the company of Jenn, maybe to simply keep a closer eye on the girl, who knows.
I wouldn't want to feel like a 3rd wheel either in anything. The thing is if she plans things with Jenn and then add you, it's because she doesn't want to change her plans all the time to revolve around you. I think she wants to make sure that there is someone to hang with in case you flake.
Also, might I add, that International flight and trips sounds a little idiotic with the pandemic going on? So many countries are shutting down borders and flights which means they can get stuck in another country. OR State. It sounds like no common sense is used here.
My advice? Cool down the doing things with Serena a bit. Do things with other friends. Let her be the one to reach out and try and make plans, and IF you still want to see her, ask her if it's just to two of you. No trash taking Jenn, but just say it's been a while that you two hung out.
...............................
|
