A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:My bf is throwing a fit about me posting bikini pics on Instagram . I really enjoy doing this and don’t feel I should have to explain myself to him. This is something I have done since before we met but recently with mire time in my hands I have increased the time I’ve devoted to my uploads He has no problem following other women’s on Instagram qbd follows loads of models and women who do the exact same things so why does he have a problem with what I’m doing . He says it’s just a bit of fun , well so is what I’m doing . This seems like a huge double standard . I’m not interacting with any of the men who like my photos
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 April 2020): Yes cognitive dissonance . Seems women just can’t win . If a woman tows the line she is stuck in a world where the majority of men she can partner with will have a lifetime supply of women . An endless virtual harem , never aging , being whatever HE wants at the click of a button. Is she chooses to rebel and be one of these women she is lablelled a wh..re . The Madonna whore syndrome at its best huh
Seems men excel at finding ways to keep women down . It’s really quite incredible how no matter what a woman does she can’t win when it comes to men . Be one of his harem which included he’s his online women of be labeled a jezebel.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 April 2020): So why is it so many men seem to hav ethos double standard whereby they feel perfectly comfortable in using naked women’s bodies and claim it’s is completely innocent as there is no touching therefore it’s not cheating however they take issue with the woman they are with being looked at even though the exact same ‘ no touching no cheating applies ‘
Why do so many men think this double standard is perfectly acceptable
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 April 2020): TBH I believe that both you AND your boyfriend lack class.
Sure, you have the RIGHT to post scantily clad pics, just as he has the RIGHT to watch porn or other women's pics.
Maybe BOTH of you should reconsider your decisions together, rather than saying BOTH of you should get a green card to do what you are doing / whatever you want.
It depends what values YOU have though. Some people think it is GOOD to go around sexualizing their bodies and/or watching porn. So it is up to you.
Personally, I think many people will perceive you as cheap and wanting attention, as well as wanting to compete with other women or make them feel bad about themselves by plastering your semi-clothed image. I mean, what if your friend's boyfriends or husbands were drooling over your bikini pics on Instagram? Is that what you want? I don't think that is being a good friend or human being to be encouraging that. But yes that is just my opinion and others may think differently.
I believe that we as women should be encouraging that women should be valued by our achievements and that we can look attractive fully clothed. I have no need for men to see me in bikinis, certainly not multiple pics of me in bikinis. Maybe one if I happened to be at the beach.
A lot of men who see your instagram will NOT respect you. They may think you are attractive, but they will also think you are promiscuous. If that is the image you WANT to present then far be it for any of us to stop you. But that is what it presents. That you don't care who sees your intimate body parts.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 April 2020): Op here no I think it’s fine for him to look as long as he is fine with me posting . What I have a problem with is him saying he has the freedom to do what he likes but I do not . I don’t care what he does as far as post pictures . I don’t try and control his eyes hands or penis so I don’t understand why he thinks he has the right to control me It seems extremely hypocritical for him to sit back and say that men looking only want to use me as spank bank material when HE is doing the exact same thing with other women . If he thinks that concept is so bad why does he do it . What makes it ok for him to participate in that world of play but not me . He says it’s harmless fun fir him cause he’s not touching or meeting those women . Well the exact same goes for me .
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 April 2020): HiYou're right. It's a huge double standard that will never go away. Because people usually like to keep their sexual lives/appetites/perversions private. By doing what you're doing, you're making your sexual appetite public and that rubs off on whomever you date, because friends and family can all witness the sexual proclivities of his girlfriend. I expect you pose as you do because it turns you on. Gives you a sexual thrill. Nothing wrong with that in my opinion, as long as you are aware of how it may impact you further down the road in life. What annoys me though, is if women pursue their own sexual gratification by pleasing men, that they are often vilified for it, often by the very men who use their images when masturbating. If you ENJOY posting these images then you are debased. What would men do without women like you? They'd be very sad indeed! With a lot of spare time! Men expect there to be a collection of women who enjoy performing sexual acts in public, so they can enjoy watching them, but these women must never be expected to be viewed by men as anything more than 'fuck' material. They mustn't expect to want a husband/partner because of their sexual exploits, but the blokes can enjoy watching them. Yes, double standard, no argument. I have had a husband and boyfriends who have watched porn and it never bothered me. Pure sexual relief, nothing more. But, if I took part in one of these films, I bet they would have had a problem with it! Men do things for their own sexual satisfaction the whole damn time. Such as look at porn which often upsets their girlfriends. But do they stop? No, they don't. They argue that they will never have any real life interaction with the porn women, so what's the problem? Same here. You will never have any real life interaction with the men you are turning on.If it embarrasses him or angers him to know that his girlfriend is being viewed in a bikini posing provocatively by people he may know, I can understand this. As I've said before, it turns a part of his life that he'd rather be kept private, public. He can pick and choose who he dates. Just as you can. And you are free to continue in your sexual exploits as men are free to continue in theirs. But, as in the relationships that flounder when men watch porn and their partner doesn't like it, you may have to find someone more in alignment with your bikini clad activities.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 April 2020): It is a double standard.I am glad that is a lw here that is smart.Not only a double standard but he seems a bit controlling....A good time to say by to him before it gets worse.You are no man's property...I hate that some men are stupid enough to think that way.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 April 2020): Yes thanks for the replies I do actually volunteer at a homeless shelter too and have some other stuff that keeps me sane and feeling worthwhile during these hard times Wise old owl all women are not one entity . Some may not like ‘ being objectified but wine may enjoy what I do . We are not one group that is all the same . I found that comment really strange coming from yoh as I’ve read other responses from you directed at women telling them not to group all men into one group and to remember we are all individuals regardless of gender . Perhaps some of your own advice might be useful for yoh whe. Giving advice lolI agree that those who see the double standard can see where I’m coming from . I’ve explained to my bf I won’t be changing my behaviour and of course he is welcome to not be with someone who posts integram pictures of herself just as a woman is free not to be with someone who uses those images I guess I just need to decide whether I want to be with someone who holds double standards for women
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 April 2020): If this is how you find relief in a difficult period the world Pandemic, then that's fine and your choice.Maybe you could add something else to your life that will make you feel good, a special home study course, something that you really would like to try and have not had the time to before. Maybe check that your elderly neighbours are alright, give them a phone call, old people have interesting life experiences that they can talk about and we can learn a lot from the elderly. Have you ever attempted to make bread? sounds old stationed but boy does it taste good none of this plastic rubbish. Hope you guys are ok, enjoy what you enjoy but remember there is a real world it's not all virtual. God bless
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 April 2020): Bikinis reveal a lot of skin. When specifically posted online for random and unfamiliar-guys to see; it sends a message to your boyfriend that he's nothing special to you. Your body is available on public-display and scrutiny. While some may admire, or masturbate to it; others are scrutinizing your flaws and imperfections as well. Other females see you as a cheap and needy-female. Maybe you get a lot of likes from random dudes; who wouldn't want their girlfriends to do what you're during. That's exactly the way they dehumanize and devalue women who pose nude for porn-magazines, those who prostitute, and do pornography for a living. They place them among the lower-ranks as far as females go. Pervs like viewing too!
Who are they to judge, you may ask? You've given them permission to do so. It's as much their right to judge you negatively, as to admired your partially unclothed-body. They can also criticize and degrade you for allowing them the privilege. There's also a downside!
It's not about double-standards; it's about your own self-respect, and what you feel is special for nobody but your boyfriend. You can argue all day long why it's fun, and justify it; but it doesn't make it right.
He looks at pictures of models and other women. Those women are doing exactly what you're doing. Just showing-off, and wanting attention. Some do it for money, they are paid-professionals. Some do it for thrills; because they need the validation of men to make them feel beautiful and desirable. Some do it to spite their boyfriends and husbands. Then there are others who just have no self-respect, low self-esteem, and they feel worthless. They display themselves partially or fully-nude; because they feel that's all men want from them. They can't see that they're better than that; because nobody ever really tells them so.
Being a tease and flaunting yourself is fun. Knowing people get-off on you might even boost your ego; and make you feel you're too hot to handle. It's not about your boyfriend, it's about you and what you think of yourself. Conceit and narcissism are character-flaws. If you got it, flaunt it? Not if you want to keep a boyfriend, and insist that men respect you as a woman.
Being an amateur internet-model for thrills, and being on public-display; while holding-back little to nothing! It's great when you don't really look forward to having a good job, marrying a decent and respectable-guy, and being somebody's mom someday. When the sky is the limit, anything goes, and getting attention is worth more than your self-respect. What are your core values? How do you demonstrate to others you have a positive-sense of who you are? Aside from showing-off, that is!
Nothing wrong with wearing a bikini. Nothing wrong with sharing your pics with friends. You're spiting your boyfriend at your own expense??? How is that logical?
Your boyfriend's disrespect for those other women apparently doesn't extend towards you. He sets you apart from them. He doesn't expect his woman to flaunt herself for other men; no more than it would make you happy to see him flexing and posing with his ding-a-ling hanging-out for all your best female-friends to enjoy and gossip about.
I thought women hated being objectified and exploited by piggish-men. I thought they were struggling to seek more respect and to be taken more seriously by men. I thought it bothered them when they see other women lowering themselves to allowing men to see them nothing more than a rack and brainless.
Is there no room for compromise between you and your boyfriend? You'll stop showing-off, if he stops checking-out other women so much. What's next, pole-dancing? Stripping? Gets lots of male-attention! It's about your principles, and how you want to present yourself to others. I'm not tearing you down, I'm just offering you things to consider and think about.
I guess your boyfriend is wrong about placing you above that. You're young and free to do whatever you please; but this stuff catches-up with you at the most inconvenient time.
Serious well-paying employers concerned about their public-image scrutinize your background; and what they find online about you will influence their opinion on whether you're fit for hire. Yeah, there's definitely standards set; and much you need to consider when you do certain things for the public's viewing privileges.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  + ♥, writes (1 April 2020):
 I agree that it IS a huge double standard, but I also agree with CodeWarrior that SOME men divide women into groups (some women do that too, so nothing new there).
Your BF probably even saw and enjoyed your picture before you dated as he seems to "enjoy" looking at women on Instagram who post selfies in mostly undressed states. So you wonder why all of a sudden he wants YOU to keep your clothes on for the Internet when he looks at others who takes their of.
It's not a hard nut to crack, OP and you know it. He doesn't want OTHER men to see you undressed online, he doesn't want OTHER men to use your images as "spank-bank material" because you are HIS GF. He probably wouldn't want his sister to do this either.
He knows that these pictures will be out there "forever" and well, he doesn't want friends (of his) or family members to go, OH I have seen her near naked! And question YOUR morals and his... choice in GF.
And It's not just men who think that you get something out of posting semi-nudes online. You can get boat loads of attention, some get (maybe) ad revenue, people to "home sponsor" your life - think sugar "babies"). If you only did it for personal fun it wouldn't BE pictures of you in bikinis. Because, OP I have teenage daughters who ALSO enjoy Instagram and there is not a single bikini or underwear picture on theirs. One posts her artwork and the photos she takes - not a single picture of her. The other have a CLOSED Instagram that only people she knows in "real life" can be accepted to view, and her pictures are again, all fully dressed.
You can decide whether you want a BF who USES Instagram for looking at girls semi naked or not, if you want a BF who think it's up to him WHAT you post or not.
Just like HE can decide that he doesn't want a GF who wants to show her near-naked body to many many strangers, mostly men.
All I'm saying is this, once you post pictures online (in whatever state of undressed) they are out there and can be used for things without your consent and permission in a heartbeat.
If you think men just LOOK at your bikini pics and go:" oh she is hot" and that is it, you are a bit naive. If you like the idea to men, looking at your body and masturbating to that... then do you.
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A
male
reader, N91  +, writes (1 April 2020):
 You’re right, you don’t owe him any explanation. You can do whatever you want, just how he can do whatever he wants. It’s a petty argument but in my opinion it comes down to respect. Would you like him posting topless gym pics with girls liking and commenting on them? As code warrior said, the guys who are interacting with your pics are doing so because they’re sexualising the image and they think with their dick the majority of the time when browsing pics like social media, you know that just as everyone else does.
Is it worth arguing with your partner over? He upsets you by liking models pics and you upset him by uploading revealing pics. Why not just agree to stop doing things that upset each other rather then both being spiteful just to exercise your freedoms, which you’re both entitled to, but just for the sake of sanity ask yourselves if it’s worth it?
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (1 April 2020): It`s not about what your man wants its about what gets you off.
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