A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I can't see a clear path in my situation ....... that is where your advice comes in......SO my BF of 3 years(now) with whom I have been living with for 2 years cheated on me last year with a coworker. It lasted 3 months and he ended it. He said he has cheated in most relationships and has never been caught. Due to the fact that how devastated I was he swears he is willing to settle down and never hurt me again. He went to counseling and wants to put the past behind us. Hi is 37 so you would think this behavior should have changed by now!Cheated with a 23 year old.The tragedy of it all is we work together and everyone at work knows. So I just don't know if I should give him another chance or move on. My coworkers think poorly of him stay I am stupid to stay!! Once a cheater always.......It kills me that this happened at work !!You could imagine the shame I feel..... Besides the cheating he does treat me well. Should I evern consider staying ?
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male
reader, eddie85 +, writes (16 April 2011):
 His cheating sounded pretty serious... 3 months is a mini-relationship to be honest.
It sounds like this guy has commitment issues. First, you've been dating him 3 years and living together for 2. Are there any plans for marriage at this point, or has he been stringing you along?
I agree with the male anonymous reader -- if this guy is a habitual cheater, I think you really need to be wary of diseases.
It sounds like he has taken the right steps in getting better by getting counseling concerning his cheating. Hopefully he can explain to you why he did it. Was it for sex? Lack of affection? Does he not get his self-esteem boosted from you? Does he constantly crave something new? I think by digging into this situation you can ascertain for yourself what his motives are and whether he has really changed. Perhaps, too, you should go to a counseling session with him -- if nothing more to see for yourself his maturity level.
But at this point, I do agree with your coworkers. I hope he is worth it because I think you are taking a HUGE risk in investing any more time with this guy. I am tempted to say he'll likely cheat on you again, if he hasn't done so already.
Hoping I am wrong...
Best wishes
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (16 April 2011): "said he has cheated in most relationships and has never been caught"You are forewarned, and this time he got caught. However, this does not mean he will or will not cheat again. The problem is he may have gone to counseling, but may not have truly addressed the issues involving his cheating, and you have no way of knowing.Why did he cheat? What did he tell you?Why did she cheat with him, a 23 year old with a 37 year old, who is attached. Why did she want him? You work with her, have you talked with her, found out the full story?What issues is he dealing with.Usually, I'd advise anyone who was without children or not married to end the relationship if any cheating got involved.Once you are married, with children, things change because the children get involved. Serial cheaters in a relationship are deal breakers though, no dice on repeat offenders, end any relationship irregardless if there is a serial cheating problem.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 April 2011): An open relationship would not be an option.
I have a little hope that one can change if they are afraid of losing someone they love.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (15 April 2011): If you stay then make sure you have him get STD tested regularly and the same for yourself. You could also make a pact that he can never cheat with a coworker but you'll probably have to agree to an open relationship or else you won't be able to regulate his cheating. When you know something is going to happen anyway (cheating), it's far better to have it accepted and out in the open instead of being kept in the dark and risk disease and humiliation.
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