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BF is upset because I won't pick him up at the airport. Is he being unreasonable?

Tagged as: Dating, Troubled relationships<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (9 April 2011) 5 Answers - (Newest, 10 April 2011)
A age 41-50, anonymous writes:

My boyfriend is flying into town to close on his house on Monday at night, and will be here until Friday. I have class Monday until 9pm and he expects me to pick him up at the airport after class even though his flight gets in at 7pm and i have work the next day. I told him i would have more time to see him on Tuesday since i wouldn't have class that night after work.

He got super mad and told all his friends about our fight and all his friends were shocked that i wouldn't come see him the first night he got here. Am I wrong here? should i be rushing to the airport after class and driving him an hour to his place (he lives an hour away from me) and then driving back home so i can go to work the next day?

He told me that he was going to stay with someone who does care about him when he gets here. I asked who, and he wouldn't tell me who. So, i have no idea if it's a girl or not. now i don't even want to see him at all since he is probably going to stay with some girl when he comes. He said i messed up big time, but isn't he being unrealistic?

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A male reader, shawncaff United States +, writes (10 April 2011):

shawncaff agony auntIf this incident is an isolated one, then I think he is being unreasonable. It is perfectly understandable that even though you may be excited to see him, there are practical concerns that get in the way. You should not be expected to jeopardize school and work if he is gonna be here all week.

But usually if someone is so upset about this, there are probably underlying issues of doubts about the relationship. I know that in a previous relationship, when the trust that a person cared about me was beginning to falter, I began to look at little things the person did with a lot more scrutiny. So maybe he is placing this in a context of other incidents where he felt you didn't care about him. And that is something you might want to talk about with him.

After all, the last thing you want is a relationship of ultimatums and conditions: "If you really cared about me, you'd do this..."

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A male reader, eddie85 United States +, writes (9 April 2011):

eddie85 agony auntI think both of you are being uncompromising to be honest. You should've offered to come get him and he should've said, "gee, I don't want to put you out and have you miss school -- especially if my plane is delayed, I'll just take a cab."

Either way, I am not sure where you go from here, other than apologize and say you don't mind picking him up. I think if you value your relationship and want peace while he is home, that is the least you can do at this point.

My guess is that he got a guy friend to help him out.

Good luck.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (9 April 2011):

This is verified as being by the original poster of the question

thing is he chose to fly out here during the middle of the week when im super busy. monday-friday, not on the weekend when im free. i know he could have scheduled his flight differently if he really wanted to.

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A female reader, person12345 United States +, writes (9 April 2011):

person12345 agony auntI think he's right to be a bit upset (though not nearly upset that he's insinuating going to stay with a girl, that's ridiculously over the top) that you don't want to see him. It's unreasonable for him to expect you to skip your class just to collect him at the airport. But I'd personally be upset if I was flying out to see my boyfriend and he couldn't make time to see me that night.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (9 April 2011):

OMG he is a douche, why are you even with him? break up with him, so he can complain to his friends what a great girl he lost for his foolishness.

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