A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I'm 32 and am a complete and utter disaster when it comes to relationships. I am good looking, I'm not obese or anything, I can approach girls and talk to them, but I seem to always say the wrong thing and turn them off. I have followed the advice of my female friends for years and it has just failed, failed and failed. I always end up in the "friend" zone. Things are really bad, I haven't even made out with a girl. EVER. In the past, when a girl has been sexually interested in me, I have not been able to smoothly handle it, not knowing what to do. She gets turned off and I end up in the friend zone. And then there are some girls who have been really attracted to me, but I'm not interested in them and honestly I don't want to use anyone just for sex, or just to practice on. I wouldn't want someone to do it to me so I don't do it to others.When I was in my early 20s, I always had faith that the "right one" would come along and I thought I would "save myself" for her, but I have pretty much given up on that idea now. Or maybe the right one came along and I just messed up. It doesn't matter. I mean really, I have been waiting for over 15 years, and at this rate, I'll grow old and die a virgin.Girls seem to enjoy my company, they just don't look at me as a sexually attractive person.And the fact of the matter, is at my age, girls do expect a guy to have some experience and I have heard that a lot of girls are repelled by virgins, that is probably part of the problem.Now, having said all that, I'm a very religious person, but as the years go by I have become more and more tempted to simply go to an escort and get it over with. My religious side says no and my masculine side says hell yes. Anyone in a similar situation.
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male
reader, eddie85 +, writes (16 April 2011):
 I'd by pass on the escort service. You never know what you are going to contract with one those. I think you'll cheapen your honor and your class. Not to mention, you'll feel as guilty as hell about it afterwards. Let's face it, the escort is only in it for the money -- you really want a memory like that for the rest of your life?
My suggestion to you is to talk to your guy friends. Ask them to give you a brutal assessment of how you come off. Are you a loser? Are you a mope? Do you have a good job? Are you a geek? Are you too anal? Are you interesting? Are you too close-minded? Do you have a trait that repels people (talk too much, bad breath, BO, try to please a girl to no-end that you come off as fake, etc.)
These are all questions that you need to ask yourself and fix if you can. You may want to invest in some counseling sessions or get a hold of a life coach. Sometimes a wardrobe change will help as well.
I am not sure where you stand, but its time that you look in the mirror and give yourself a personal make-over, get some confidence, and don't get overly worked up about being a virgin. I also wouldn't disclose this fact to any girl you meet right away. Otherwise you are likely to become off as desperate and needy. Just be yourself and it'll happen.
Believe me, I was (and probably still am) a geek, a late bloomer in the dating world, but I made some serious changes in my life, built my self-confidence, learned from my miscues / mistakes and manned up. Life is out there for the living -- go out there and make yourself known.
Good luck.
A
female
reader, Anonymous 123  +, writes (14 April 2011):
 So what's going to happen if you DO go to an escort? You would no longer be a virgin. Thats it, right? Is that enough for you? How are you going to feel once the "act" is done?
I don't understand why there is so much shame attached to being a virgin!! Why are you putting all this pressure on yourself?? So what if you're a virgin? If it was me, I would choose to be with a virgin than a man who couldn't bear the self-imposed "weird" tag and decided to lose his virginity to an escort. Stop listening to one-sided stories of girls who are repelled by virgins. Thats NOT true. In fact, I would be glad to be with a guy who has saved himself for the right person.
Its not about religion or masculinity here. You dont have to have sex to be any more of a man than you already are. Stick to your beliefs, trust me, you will be more than happy when the right person comes along.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 April 2011): I don't think going to an escort is the answer. I think you should try going to a relationship counselor who can help you to adjust the way you approach and interact with women. Try reading some books on this also. Try to have friends and family help you meet women who will be good for you. There is nothing wrong with being a virgin. Take care.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares +, writes (14 April 2011):
 I am not in a similar situation, but I can tell you ,as a woman, that I would be turned off much more by a guy who pays escorts , than by a guy who has chosen to be a virgin because of his faith.
Then, what would you accomplish ?.. Yes, you'd lose your V-card. Big deal- then you'd still be partnerless, you'd still would be an utter disaster ( your words ) ...and you'd still have to pay for sex .
Better instead working on your social skills, personality and looks,- trying to figure out what exactly you are doing wrong with women ( IF you are doing something wrong )- and be patient.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 April 2011): I was in the same boat. I'm married now but if I weren't I might still have trouble picking up girls. To go to a bar pick up a one night stand, yeah right. I suggest an escort with Girlfriend Experience (GFE). This might help you to gain more confidence and at the end of the experience, ask for her straight up opinion. Ask for a critique. This might help you. OR, you could ask one of these "friends" that you have to give you the straight scoop. It could be your confidence, it could be that your body language doesn't jive with what you say to them. I lost my virginity to an escort and it was a great experience. Honestly, let's be real here, to a religious person, virginity might be something special. But in our "worldly" world is it really that special? People want to try to hang on to that "innocence" by saying it is. However, if it was that special, why do MOST people give it to someone that they are well past being with? Hrm...sounds like a lot of dishonesty to themselves.
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