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female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes: Hi, ok so I'm feeling troubled about my relationship. In short I've been with my boyfriend just over a year, we moved in with each other after a short while as it just seemed right. I have no doubts about this, I'm happy in my living environment.The problem lies with my feelings. One day I feel so in love, the next I begin to feel this isn't right any more.We're having problems in the bedroom area, more from my side anyway. He has an extremely high sex drive, and I on the other hand, have never really had one.I'm not sure if there is an underlying problem here. Before my current boyfriend I'd been cheated on in pratically every "relationship". In my first relationship I'd got pregnant because the pill failed. I believe that some of this might be an underlying cause.I'm finding myself less attracted to him and it's really scaring me because I love him so much. He is the kindest person I've ever met, but these doubts are killing me.I don't really know what to do any more, it's driving a wedge between us.I'm sorry if that hasn't made much sense.
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moved in, sex drive, the pill Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, Dazzerg  +, writes (23 February 2009):
 Because you have not talked about him or any potential faults with him I think we have to flip this almost on it's head. Normally id wonder if you were just stuck in a rut but I cant help but feel that for some reason insecurities you have about yourself are surfacing and actually what lies at the root cause of what you are experiencing is basically that you feel unable to satisfy him so are almost detaching in a kind of self-sacrificial way.
I could be totally wrong but I get the distinct impression that this is not something you have talked to him about. This is problamatic because he needs to know some at least of how you are feeling to provide you with the reassurance I think you need. I think you need for him to start touching you and holding you in a non-sexual way so you can gain confidence. Incidentally, I think you are right that there is an underlying issue there cause by past wounds.
It's totally true that people have naturally different sex drives and some is lower and some higher but I can't help but feel that there is at least partly a psychological aspect to this with you; that will take time and paitence to overcome but it is something you need to do together. You do need to open up about this to him, how you feel and how your past experiences made you feel. I think then it will get easier and you will find that closeness returning. Also, you need to figure out what caused these feelings to surface now....good luck :)x
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