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What should I confess here? I am a quiet and shy introvert. You can piece together a bio by reading through my early posts. I'm a baby-boomer past the half-century mark, a gray-haired grandfather, so I guess "superannuated" is the most succinct term. My wife & I have been married (to each other!) for over 35 years, but she doesn't like to be called "my first wife". We have two adult children, plus one at university, and one who only lived about a day due to birth complications. We now live in St Louis, Missouri (roughly the center of North America) but grew up in Michigan and have lived in half a dozen different states.
I know how things look on BOTH sides of the hill. I have been 15 years old; I don't know many 15 year olds who have been 55. I have been with my own kids as they grew to be adults, and have been around many other parents (and kids) going through the same thing. (If I tend to sound like your parents, there's a reason. Most of us parents belong to the same union, so we have this "solidarity and brotherhood" thing among ourselves. Most teenagers view that as an Evil Conspiracy against the younger generation.)
I think that Forums such as this are generally helpful, since many factors pertaining to a question can be expressed in a short time. If I said something useful, or if I was way off base, I'd like to hear about it. |
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Are there any creams or remedies that dimiss the hurt during the "first night"?
Q. I am 22 and I am a virgin. More so, I am a virgin who just got engaged. I really want to have sex and so does my man - not that hes pressuring me at all. The problem is every time I try it hurts too much... i've used copious amounts of lube ...
A. 18 January 2008: I'd say August is a pretty good month for getting married. On August 31, 1974 we had been back from a wonderful honeymoon in Nova Scotia for about a week.... (read in full...)
Are there any creams or remedies that dimiss the hurt during the "first night"?
Q. I am 22 and I am a virgin. More so, I am a virgin who just got engaged. I really want to have sex and so does my man - not that hes pressuring me at all. The problem is every time I try it hurts too much... i've used copious amounts of lube ...
A. 17 January 2008: It is VERY REWARDING to know that somebody at least reads the replies to a question! Please return at least one more time and let us know how it went. Which suggestions were useful, and which were way off base. Your first-hand experience might be ... (read in full...)
He wants me on top and I don't know how! Any tips?
Q. Hello, i know this probably sounds stupid but id really appreciate your advise. I've been with my boyfriend for 6 months now (his my first) and we love each other very much, every time we sleep together he is normally on top but recently he is hinti...
A. 16 January 2008: Just experiment to find what feels best. You might prefer to squat over him, or maybe laying out full-length on top of him feels better. If you lay out full length, try putting your legs together with his legs outside of yours. You can use your ... (read in full...)
Is there a correlation between the amount of ejaculation and the intensity of orgasm?
Q. Does the amount of ejaculate correlate with how good the orgasm is? My boyfriend sometimes ejaculates much more than other times. And from his facial expression, it seems to me that he enjoyed it much more when there was more cum. Is there a corre...
A. 16 January 2008: My orgasm is more intense (stronger contractions) when there is more fluid to ejaculate. That usually means it's been a few days since the last time, or there has been a longer period of foreplay. A more intense orgasm isn't necessarily more ... (read in full...)
Sex hurts! We've tried everything! Any suggestions?
Q. I am 22 and I am a virgin. More so, I am a virgin who just got engaged. I really want to have sex and so does my man - not that hes pressuring me at all. The problem is every time I try it hurts too much... i've used copious amounts of lube ...
A. 16 January 2008: This question is repeated from the thread "Are there any creams or remedies that dimiss the hurt during the "first night"?" at http://www.dearcupid.org/question/are-there-any-creams-or-remedies-that-dimiss.html - she's already getting answers ... (read in full...)
Are there any creams or remedies that dimiss the hurt during the "first night"?
Q. I am 22 and I am a virgin. More so, I am a virgin who just got engaged. I really want to have sex and so does my man - not that hes pressuring me at all. The problem is every time I try it hurts too much... i've used copious amounts of lube ...
A. 16 January 2008: "birdynumnums" gave the technical, medical, answer that you should carefully consider.
If you want to have one more try at doing it the "old fashioned way", here's a suggestion:
The best "cream or remedy" is about an ounce of ethanol, mixed w... (read in full...)
What makes you are Virgin?
Q. Okay so i have a question about what makes you a virgin. I know that different people fell different ways about this subject but i want opinions. I havent had sex but i have given oral, and hand jobs, and i have been fingered. Am I still considered ...
A. 16 January 2008: The ancient, verifiable, definition is that she is a virgin until her hymen has been ruptured.
Physiologically a better definition might be that she is a virgin until a man's penis has entered her, not only rupturing her hymen (if present)... (read in full...)
She only tolerates the missionary position, saying almost all others hurt. Can this be corrected?
Q. My girlfriend and I have regular sex, averaging once a day. When we do, she prefers a very strict missionary position. She says she has comfort/sensitivity issues and it hurts her in almost every other position. Are there any women who have felt ...
A. 16 January 2008: Do you bring her to orgasm before attempting insertion? That should make her as ready as she'll ever be to receive you.
Other responders have already mentioned lubrication (she may not be producing enough of the natural kind), foreplay (she nee... (read in full...)
HENPECKED!! How Do I deprogram a friend that seems to be controled??
Q. Dear cupid, Our group of friends meet up every week, once a week to a local pub for seveal years now. We all enjoyed having a few drinks and listen to local music acts. We have always welcomed our single friend's new love interests. Now it seems t...
A. 16 January 2008: Well, I am NOT henpecked - and I have my wife's permission to say so!
As you relate the story it does sound like the seeds of future problems are being sown. I have to wonder if he agrees with your observations, though. It could be - as suggeste... (read in full...)
A move means we will break up. What should I do?
Q. My family are planning on moving house but I don't want to. Mainly because I am with a girl I know I could spend the rest of my life with, but we've both agreed that we mean so much to each other, a long-distance relationship wouldn't work. What...
A. 15 January 2008: How separated will you two be? At your ages, a significant separation will probably harm, and perhaps kill, your relationship. Older couples with a more solid foundation of shared experiences are much better positioned to survive, or even grow, ... (read in full...)
I want kids and he doesn't. What should we do?
Q. Hi i am 26 years old i had and lost a child when i was 16 she passed away from complecations and ever since then i have always felt the need to have children. I was marred for 2 years and he left me to be with the bosses daughter. I am no with i ...
A. 15 January 2008: There are several things going on simultaneously here. I don't know how all the pieces fit together for you, but perhaps describing them will help you complete the picture.
If your B/F is truly sincere, his reasons actually show that he understa... (read in full...)
25 year old virgin who's never been in a relationship
Q. I'm a 25 yr old English bloke who is a virgin and has never been in a relationship with a girl. As I get older, I suffer bouts of anxiety and depression, whereby I fixate on a girl and fantasize about asking her out. Then a voice in my head laugh...
A. 15 January 2008: I certainly know that "girls avoid me like the plague so everybody will be better off if I keep my distance" feeling. You are very accurate and honest in your last paragraph, where you said "... I don't just want sex (although obviously that would ... (read in full...)
Want to lose my virginity but uncomfortable with the way I look.
Q. i will be turning 17 in a few months. I am still a vrigin and one of the select few in my school. I kinda want to lose my virginity but i am very uncomfortable with the way i look. I feel totally disgusted wen i look in the mirrors. My friends say i ...
A. 15 January 2008: "baby duck" gave a pretty good answer.
It sounds like your main reasons for having sex are just to satisfy your curiosity, and "get it over with". I won't tell you that "virginity is your most prized asset", but I WILL say that a LOT of people r... (read in full...)
Worried about pubic hair and a guy's reaction to it. Options to shave?
Q. I am 16, I was wondering if guys expect you to have no pubic hair?? If they do what are good ways to do this? I have tried to shave but my hair is too thick and it does not work. I do not want to go to a salon or wax it myself? any other option...
A. 14 January 2008: I'm a guy who prefers a more natural looking bush. Shaved girls sometimes make me think of plucked chickens, or somebody who is too young for sex.... (read in full...)
I am 15 and pregnant I need advice how to tell my mom
Q. i am 15 years old and 15 weeks pregnant i dont know how to tell my mom and i told a lady that has been helping me through all this i would tell her within my winter break which will end on the 7th i am scared my mom will hate my boyfiend and there ...
A. 12 January 2008: It's after the 7th - I sure hope it went well for you. Can you give us an update?
As a parent with (mostly) grown-up kids I know that I would want to know, sooner rather than later. I'm quite confident saying that, even though I didn't have to ... (read in full...)
He jokingly said I am not active whilst in the missionary position, when HE is in charge. Any suggestions - to surprise him?
Q. Usually, me and my partner have sex in the missionary position. I'm not sure I like this as much as I did to begin with though, for several reasons. 1) It's hard to change into other positions, as he is in charge. 2) He jokes that I don't do much ...
A. 12 January 2008: I'm not YOUR guy, but I AM a male guy person of the opposite sex so maybe I can give some insight.
Being on top doesn't automatically make him "totally in charge". In general, being the person on top - guy or girl - does make it easier to orgas... (read in full...)
I'm going through puberty but I can't ejaculate, why??
Q. I can't ejaculate yet im already growing pubes though And I'm 15 How much longer will it take do y'all think?...
A. 12 January 2008: I presume you know the difference between "ejaculate" (semen coming out of your penis) and "orgasm" (sexual climax, which includes the muscular contractions that push the semen out). For fully grown men the two almost always happen together.
... (read in full...)
Swallow or not? Pros and cons please!
Q. Ok, this area REALLY worries me - Blow-jobs!! Firstly, do you have to swallow after giving a blow-job? Secondly, would anyone think less of you if you didn't? What is it like? And finally, is it actually a good thing to do?...
A. 11 January 2008: As a guy, it doesn't matter much to me if you swallow or not - just stay on me until the main contractions are over. Then, if you wish, use the towel or napkin that one of you has thoughtfully pre-positioned for the purpose. And kiss me! Long and ... (read in full...)
Met a man online, he's much older and suggested that I lose virginity to him! I am not sure what to do.
Q. hi i have meet this man online. at first he used to annoy me but now he is easy to talk to and a right laugh. he is very forward though and has never hid the fact that he likes me. he has given me confidence about my hourglass size 14 figure...
A. 11 January 2008: This is NOT a good idea!
On the physical side of things he may indeed be able to give you a comfortable, pain-free, experience of first intercourse. He may feel guilty over a poor performance with another virgin in his past and wants to prove th... (read in full...)
How does a "late bloomer" become emotionally and intimately close with a man? Any tips?
Q. How does a 26 year old female become emotionally close and intimate with a man if have never done that before?Have always been busy with work, school, family, and guess a late bloomer! :)...
A. 11 January 2008: Do you have a particular guy in mind, or are you asking more for general information?
I should probably take the "... been busy with work, school, family ..." line at face-value, but I have to wonder if there's something more behind it: A truly qu... (read in full...)
Does a bigger Penis mean better sex?
Q. I can't stave off something that has made me massively insecure and jealous. My girlfriend of 3 and a half years recently broke up with me for another guy. It was the worst experience of my life, literally :( but it's been 4 months since then and ...
A. 11 January 2008: Yes, some women prefer "larger" guys (or at least say so) but they don't seem to agree on what is "large", or even if it refers to "long" or "thick".
If that was the ONLY reason, I suspect you could have worked through the problem. Some pos... (read in full...)
Why do men during sex sometimes cum fast and sometimes hold off longer?
Q. Why do men during sex sometimes cum fast and sometimes hold off longer?...
A. 11 January 2008: It's a complicated mixture of things including:
- their age, young guys tend to cum quicker - and recharge a LOT sooner!
- general mental state, stress can either make him last longer or cum sooner
- physical state, some go longer at the end of t... (read in full...)
24 year old virgin. What will guys think? I need advice.
Q. im 24 and ive never had sex. how lame is that? what will guys think when i tell them? i pretty much have no experience..i need advice....
A. 11 January 2008: Take a look at the thread "22 year old virgin. What can I do?" at http://www.dearcupid.org/question/22-year-old-virgin-what-can-i-do.html for more thoughts about this.... (read in full...)
What is sex like?
Q. I'm asking this totally out of curiosity i do not have a bf or intend on having sex anytime soon. I just want to know what does the pleasure sort of feel like? What does it feel like when your having sex? Is it a warm feeling or what? What sort of ...
A. 10 January 2008: Like others said - First, everyone experiences it a little different, and each individual experiences it differently from encounter to encounter. Plus, there's the dual physiological/emotional nature of sex.
There are technical and medical ... (read in full...)
Should I lose my virginity?
Q. i am 14 along with my boyfriend of 4 weeks. My boyfriend is not a virgin and lost it with a girlfriend of 5 months. i know that he had it very young and i have told him that i dont really mind. (he was worried that i would) i am still a virgin and i ...
A. 10 January 2008: I think you made a wise decision. It's a strange paradox - the fact that you decided NOT to go ahead with sex actually shows that you are closer to being mature enough to have sex.
Your B/F may decide to break up because of this. That will hur... (read in full...)
Is clingfilm an adequate birth control method?
Q. Is it good to use plastic wrap as protection for intercorse?...
A. 9 January 2008: OK, "~*babyfat*~" (the original questioner) has had enough sarcasm and ridicule.
No, plastic food wrap is NOT even close to a good way to prevent STD's, or to prevent pregnancy.
A friend of mine once told me how he and his wife used plasti... (read in full...)
How should I give him oral sex, for the most pleasure?
Q. I really would like to know how to give him the best oral sex I can, so how should this be done? Please help me!...
A. 9 January 2008: "Dear Cupid" insists on "editing" links so they don't work!!
Try this: The thread "How can we spice things up in the bedroom?" at http://www.dearcupid.org/question/how-can-we-spice-things-up-in-the.html has more ideas.... (read in full...)
How is sexual pleasure related to using tampons?
Q. I have been using tampons for about 6 months now. No one has fingered me, or given me oral and i have not had sex. So many people say that you are sensitive in your vagina. If this is so, why doesn't it feel "nice" when you move a tampon in or out...
A. 9 January 2008: Actually, many people believe (and my own unscientific observations support the idea) that you are NOT very sensitive inside your vagina. Only the first inch or two actually feels very much.
Do you masturbate? It's quite OK if you don't - and eq... (read in full...)
Is it normal to feel afraid of the first time?
Q. Is it normal for me to be kind of nervous about having sex for the first time. Its like i want to do it but not with just anyone and im afraid at the same time. I have only told a few girls that have had intrest in me that and only 1 male. He was a ...
A. 9 January 2008: Well, "Dear Cupid" insists on "editing" links so they don't work. Try "I'm a virgin and worried about my wedding night..." at http://www.dearcupid.org/question/im-a-virgin-and-worried-about-my-wedding.html and see if it works.... (read in full...)
Should I lose my virginity?
Q. i am 14 along with my boyfriend of 4 weeks. My boyfriend is not a virgin and lost it with a girlfriend of 5 months. i know that he had it very young and i have told him that i dont really mind. (he was worried that i would) i am still a virgin and i ...
A. 9 January 2008: You are NOT ready! It sounds like your B/F mostly wants to run up a score. Even at your age there are plenty of ways to give him pleasure without actual intercourse, though I don't think you should be doing those, either.
Look at the thread "... (read in full...)
How can we spice things up in the bedroom?
Q. Alright, you all are probably going to think I am silly, because I am almost 30 years old. But, I have not given "head" to anyone in over 2 years. I want to do it now for my new boyfriend. The problem is that I am scared. I don't know if I will ...
A. 9 January 2008: Why does "Dear Cupid" insist on "editing" links so they don't work?
Try this: "Can you give me some tips on spicing up our sex life???" at http://www.dearcupid.org/question/can-you-give-me-some-tips-on-spicing.html is what it should be!... (read in full...)
How can I make him orgasm without actual intercourse? I want to impress my boyfriend!
Q. I've been with my boyfriend over a year now and we've started having sex recently, but I really want to impress him. I want to make him remember me as his best, and not his least experienced. Could you maybe give me some tips, on how to make his ...
A. 9 January 2008: Practice, practice, practice. Learn to communicate your desires and pleasures with each other. Look at the thread "How can we spice things up in the bedroom?" at http://www.dearcupid.org/question/how-can-we-spice-things-up-in-the.html, and the ... (read in full...)
Is it normal to feel afraid of the first time?
Q. Is it normal for me to be kind of nervous about having sex for the first time. Its like i want to do it but not with just anyone and im afraid at the same time. I have only told a few girls that have had intrest in me that and only 1 male. He was a ...
A. 9 January 2008: I don't know if there is a "normal" attitude about your first sexual experience! I was afraid - and nervous - and concerned about pleasing my partner - and very eager - and knew a lot that just wasn't true.
They say "the first time doesn't ... (read in full...)
How should I give him oral sex, for the most pleasure?
Q. I really would like to know how to give him the best oral sex I can, so how should this be done? Please help me!...
A. 9 January 2008: See the thread "How can we spice things up in the bedroom?" at http://www.dearcupid.org/question/how-can-we-spice-things-up-in-the.html.... (read in full...)
How can we spice things up in the bedroom?
Q. Alright, you all are probably going to think I am silly, because I am almost 30 years old. But, I have not given "head" to anyone in over 2 years. I want to do it now for my new boyfriend. The problem is that I am scared. I don't know if I will ...
A. 9 January 2008: A few quick points for a "refresher course":
- Many guys get great pleasure from receiving oral sex, but not all. I enjoy it as an intimate part of foreplay but find it very difficult to climax from oral. If he doesn't respond the way you fant... (read in full...)
Is it ok to wait til your 18 to lose your virginity or do anything sexual?
Q. is it ok to wait til your 18 or so or at uni to lose your virginity or do anything sexual (other than kissing)? p.s i live in uk where everyone has sex before 16 [rolls eyes] id like everyones personal oipinions please, also not "don't be press...
A. 8 January 2008: You need to read the thread "Virginity questions, help?" at http://www.dearcupid.org/question/virginity-questions-help.html... (read in full...)
I thought we were both virgins, but she isnt , can we still have a future?
Q. I am just about to get married, and I am still a virgin. I just found out my future wife has had sex with a couple guys before me. I was hurt when i found this out...and still am...because I was expecting her to be a virgin too... I love her very ...
A. 8 January 2008: You are getting some thoughtful and well-reasoned answers. Take the time to consider them and the reasoning behind them.
This is quite similar to the recent thread "She's had sex four times before and I need a virgin. What should I do?" at http:... (read in full...)
She's had sex four times before and I need a virgin. What should I do?
Q. I have waited all my life to have sex when i am married, with someone who also is a virgin. My fiance has told me that she has had sex before with 4 guys..I don't like this....what should i do? I was always taught sex was a sacred thing and should ...
A. 7 January 2008: Armani, you were NOT taught wrong and you are NOT an ass for feeling as you do.
You obviously value and respect sexuality more than she does. Or at least, more than she did in the past.
This is a serious matter to be resolved between... (read in full...)
My bf said he could not see a future for us as we have two totally different career paths. Should I try to convince him or let go?
Q. well me and my boyfriend have been going out for about a year and a half.its been going really good, but the other day he wanted to talk about the future.he said that he couldnt see 2 people(as in us) who have two totaly different career paths to ...
A. 7 January 2008: My guess is that he's expecting a breakup in the near future. To be honest, it doesn't sound like either of you are engaging in the kind of adjustment, compromise, and accommodation that will be necessary for you to have a lasting marriage.
... (read in full...)
22 year old virgin. What can I do?
Q. I am 22 years old and still a virgin. My friends think it's very strange and laugh at me. Are there other women in the same situation? Even my bf was turned off when I told him? How do i get him back?...
A. 7 January 2008: A female reader, anonymous, writes (7 January 2008):
I was 23 when i lost my virginity . . .
So was I! My wife and I "exchanged" virginity - she took mine and I got hers in return. It was lousy sex, yet extremely meaningful and s... (read in full...)
What can be done to dismiss the pain of first-time sex, apart from using lubricant? Is something wrong with me?
Q. My bf and I have been together for a while...I'm a virgin, but he is not. We want to have sex and are ready, but everytime we have tried it really hurts me. I know it's supposed to hurt some the first time, but this is pretty bad...and he can only ...
A. 7 January 2008: Historically the pain of first intercourse (for a girl) has been associated with tearing her hymen. I've been told that some women have very strong hymens, and ask a physician to open it for them. It's said to be a quick, easy and almost painless ... (read in full...)
Do any men like giving oral?
Q. I have only ever been with the one man in my life and he does not enjoy performing oral sex on a woman. He claims that men just DON'T like it at all. This may be a stupid and very obvious question I should know the answer to, but because I have o...
A. 7 January 2008: Like others have said - most guys enjoy it, and some of us like to give oral sex more than just about anything else! Of course, you have to be clean and I'm turned-off it's the peak of your period. (Wash, insert a tampon, and wash again if you're ... (read in full...)
Anyone got any experiences to share?
Q. hiya! im just kinda interested and i was wondering if people could share their experiences with me. their experiences with their first bfs. how did you meet? what age? how long did it last? were your parents ok with it? and finally.......what...
A. 6 January 2008: I see I missed a couple of your questions in my earlier post.
Age for "dating" depends on what you define as "dating". I wanted my kids to have a wide range of interactions with the opposite sex, in professional, casual, and personal situatio... (read in full...)
Anyone got any experiences to share?
Q. hiya! im just kinda interested and i was wondering if people could share their experiences with me. their experiences with their first bfs. how did you meet? what age? how long did it last? were your parents ok with it? and finally.......what...
A. 5 January 2008: I was about a month short of 18 years old. A girl in one of my classes, who sometimes ate lunch with a group of 6-8 friends, let me know that Patty sort of liked me and needed a Prom date. Patty started eating with us occasionally - I eventually ... (read in full...)
22 year old virgin. What can I do?
Q. I am 22 years old and still a virgin. My friends think it's very strange and laugh at me. Are there other women in the same situation? Even my bf was turned off when I told him? How do i get him back?...
A. 22 December 2007: What can you do? Probably find a different boyfriend!
Most 22 year olds, both guys and girls, have had ample opportunity to have sex. In my mind, your situation boils down to "WHY is she still a virgin?". I suppose there might be a few 22 year ... (read in full...)
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