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What should I confess here? I am a quiet and shy introvert. You can piece together a bio by reading through my early posts. I'm a baby-boomer past the half-century mark, a gray-haired grandfather, so I guess "superannuated" is the most succinct term. My wife & I have been married (to each other!) for over 35 years, but she doesn't like to be called "my first wife". We have two adult children, plus one at university, and one who only lived about a day due to birth complications. We now live in St Louis, Missouri (roughly the center of North America) but grew up in Michigan and have lived in half a dozen different states.
I know how things look on BOTH sides of the hill. I have been 15 years old; I don't know many 15 year olds who have been 55. I have been with my own kids as they grew to be adults, and have been around many other parents (and kids) going through the same thing. (If I tend to sound like your parents, there's a reason. Most of us parents belong to the same union, so we have this "solidarity and brotherhood" thing among ourselves. Most teenagers view that as an Evil Conspiracy against the younger generation.)
I think that Forums such as this are generally helpful, since many factors pertaining to a question can be expressed in a short time. If I said something useful, or if I was way off base, I'd like to hear about it. |
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22 year old virgin. What can I do?
Q. I am 22 years old and still a virgin. My friends think it's very strange and laugh at me. Are there other women in the same situation? Even my bf was turned off when I told him? How do i get him back?...
A. 7 January 2008: A female reader, anonymous, writes (7 January 2008):
I was 23 when i lost my virginity . . .
So was I! My wife and I "exchanged" virginity - she took mine and I got hers in return. It was lousy sex, yet extremely meaningful and s... (read in full...)
Anyone got any experiences to share?
Q. hiya! im just kinda interested and i was wondering if people could share their experiences with me. their experiences with their first bfs. how did you meet? what age? how long did it last? were your parents ok with it? and finally.......what...
A. 6 January 2008: I see I missed a couple of your questions in my earlier post.
Age for "dating" depends on what you define as "dating". I wanted my kids to have a wide range of interactions with the opposite sex, in professional, casual, and personal situatio... (read in full...)
What positions can spice up your sex?
Q. hi i hope you can help me with this whats the best sex position if you want to have a more funner sex life with your partner, wat positions make orgasms more and more funner sex cause i would like to try something diffrent for a better experience ...
A. 6 January 2008: A lot of women find it easier to orgasm when they are on top in some variation of an inverted missionary position. My wife puts her legs together and uses her thighs in conjunction with hip movements to make things rub "just right".
Other... (read in full...)
Anyone got any experiences to share?
Q. hiya! im just kinda interested and i was wondering if people could share their experiences with me. their experiences with their first bfs. how did you meet? what age? how long did it last? were your parents ok with it? and finally.......what...
A. 5 January 2008: I was about a month short of 18 years old. A girl in one of my classes, who sometimes ate lunch with a group of 6-8 friends, let me know that Patty sort of liked me and needed a Prom date. Patty started eating with us occasionally - I eventually ... (read in full...)
Could you all tell me about your sex lives please?
Q. I'm just being nosy and curious, I suppose, but I just wanted to know about peoples sex lives. Of course, most people will make out that they have sex every night, they do this that and the other... But really...There must be some peop...
A. 5 January 2008: It's interesting that few want to answer your question in the first-person, but prefer to talk about surveys, averages, and what "they say" (whoever "they" are!).
I was 23 and a wedding night virgin when I started having sex. (You can read abo... (read in full...)
At what stage in our relationship should we be more comfortable around each other?
Q. hi! well my bf and i went our on 3rd date coupld of days ago and it was still kind of awkward. we didnt talk much and it was kind of embarasing. i dont know if it should still be like this. please help thanks ellie xxx...
A. 5 January 2008: Another vote here for group activities, rather than 1-on-1 "dates"!
A similar idea is to find some activity or club you can BOTH enjoy - like a Historical Re-Enactors Group; Red Cross Volunteer; coed-sports league like tennis or bowling - and pa... (read in full...)
He's shy--So how can I let him know that I want him to ask me out?
Q. I have feelings for my friend of over a year and recently he admited he has feelings for me to. It is really important for me that he asks me out because he is shy and it would show me that he cares about me as much as I do him and it would show me ...
A. 5 January 2008: Am I that shy guy by any chance? I think you're making good progress, but let me back up to the original question and make a suggestion that might help others who come upon this thread in the future.
"Jamer70" gave a pretty good answer. But I fo... (read in full...)
Can you give me some tips on spicing up our sex life???
Q. dear readers, i have been with my wife for a year now, and our sex life is already terrible. its not the same as in the past as u would understand. what can i do to spice things up? toys, games, punishment - if u get my drift ;) i want to do ...
A. 5 January 2008: My wife & I have a tradition of spreading blankets and bedding on the floor of the great room during the holidays and making love by the light of the Christmas tree. As every child who ever waited for Santa Claus knows, the light from a Christmas ... (read in full...)
I have had sex once but I don't wish to repeat the experience since I'm underage. What can I do to keep my bf interested?
Q. Hi, I Am 14 Years Old, And I Have Had Sex With My (Also 14 Years Old) Boyfriend. However, It Was The Once, And I Want To Keep It To The Once But He Wants It More Now. I Dont Want To Lose Him Becuase I Love Him But I Want To Wait Til I Am Legal (...
A. 5 January 2008: When you add sex to a relationship the sex itself becomes a major emphasis of the relationship, at least for a while (months to years). You don't have to do ANYTHING to keep your B/F interested because he already IS interested - interested in sex! ... (read in full...)
Scared about Sex for the first time. Can you help?
Q. hi me and my boyfriend have decided we want to have sex, but i have never been fingered or used a tampon before so i'm scared it will hurt alot i tried to use a tampon the other day but i'm not sure what hole to insert in so can someone please t...
A. 4 January 2008: How did you and your B/F go about deciding it was time to add sex to your relationship? As others have said, it sounds like you haven't reached the level of physical development where you can truly enjoy sex, and there is NO indication that you ... (read in full...)
Anyone think this might spark her interest?
Q. I'm trying to find ways to get my wife horned up and wanting sex by leaving sex dvd's laying around my room. I have a nice variety and she is home alone on weekends but she doesn't seem interested. I was thinking male masturbation dvd's? Does anyone ...
A. 3 January 2008: Are you kidding? I doubt that would spark her libido. All the information I've seen says that very few women are turned-on by the material you mentioned. If she was one of the exceptions, you should know by now! I suspect you'll have MUCH... (read in full...)
Do condoms really work?
Q. Okay so im really in love with my boyfriend and we want to have sex. Im scared the condom may break and so is he. He has everything going for him amaazing soccer player, super hot, and smart. He feels like it would be one of those " he had ...
A. 3 January 2008: Yes, I have had condoms break. My daughter tells me that she and her husband had a child sooner than planned because a condom broke. Aside from the problem of breaking, folks your age often use condoms incorrectly - and don't realize it until much ... (read in full...)
I'm 15 and self conscious about my 32AA boobs. I envy other girls with bigger boobs. What can I do?
Q. I'm 15, and have very small boobs, only a 32AA. I get so depressed when I see my friends and they've got lovely, B, C and bigger cups. I envy them so much I get obsessed and stare at them because I dont know how it feels to have big boobs. It's ...
A. 3 January 2008: What can you do? - Work hard to accept yourself for what you are. Yes, it may take some real WORK. - Don't try to be what you're not. People are turned off by phonies, or else try to exploit their insecurity. - Make the most of what you have. ... (read in full...)
Could the fact he is (one year) younger hurt our potential relationship?
Q. The love of my life that I can't get off of my mind, well I'm thinking of another problem. He's one year younger than me, but it's not even a year, but some people take offence to it and I think he would be okay with it. We're not together yet, but ...
A. 3 January 2008: My wife is older than I am by about 5 months and it hasn't been a significant factor. I can (accurately) refer to her as "my old lady" from January thru May - and she tells me that her NEXT husband won't do that. But her "next husband" better show ... (read in full...)
I am female and over six foot tall! I'm insecure about it. Tell me-- Do men find tall women attractive?
Q. This is a stupid question, but I am very insecure as I am so tall. I am six foot and tower over people, especially when I wear heels. I am very slim and used to be a model so everyone thinks I am so confident, but the truth is I hate it so much. I ...
A. 3 January 2008: A female reader, anonymous, writes (29 December 2007):
I hope you're still reading answers. I'm 16 and 5'11,
my boyfriend is only an inch shorter 5'10 . . .
Don't give up too soon! It's my understanding that most women (at least in N... (read in full...)
I lost my virginity a while back and it hurt A LOT, but it didn't bleed, is that normal?
Q. I just lost my virginity to my boyfriend about two months ago.. it was hurting alot. and i mean ALOT! but i didnt blead.. idk why because hes realy big.. about 10 in or 10 1/2 yet even thow i was in so much pain i didnt bleed.. is that normal?...
A. 28 December 2007: They say it's not unusual. The consensus is that the bleeding usually comes from a ruptured hymen. Not all girls bleed when this happens, and there are several common reasons why first intercourse might not rupture your hymen. Much of the pain, ... (read in full...)
Do the loudness and moans mean a higher level of enjoyment during sex?
Q. My gf and I just had sex for the first time. Does the loudness and the amount of noises and moans mean a higher level of enjoyment? Do moans mean that I am satisfying her sexually?...
A. 28 December 2007: Explain "just had sex for the first time". Does that mean, first time with each other? Or first time ever, with anybody?
Even though a girl might use moans, gasps, etc to fake her pleasure the fact is that women are generally more vocal during s... (read in full...)
I'm a virgin and my boyfriend and I feel ready to have sex. Just a few questions.....
Q. My boyfriend and I feel ready to have sex. Just a few questions..... Approximately how long will it hurt after we've had sex? (I'm a virgin) He's had sex before, and I don't know what position would be most comfortable. Should we stick wit...
A. 27 December 2007: Do a little internet research and you'll find the pain of first intercourse varies from "none at all" to "pretty intense", and it lasts anywhere from "a second or two" to "every time we had sex for several weeks". I'd guess the "average" is that it ... (read in full...)
I'm a virgin and my boyfriend and I feel ready to have sex. Just a few questions.....
Q. My boyfriend and I feel ready to have sex. Just a few questions..... Approximately how long will it hurt after we've had sex? (I'm a virgin) He's had sex before, and I don't know what position would be most comfortable. Should we stick wit...
A. 27 December 2007: I'll tell you about the mechanics of first-time sex in a moment but you and your B/F really need to look into contraception and disease prevention a little more! These are VERY REAL problems, and your approach is absolutely frightening. While it ... (read in full...)
Is there any way I can stimulate her to the point of orgasm without actually having sex with her?
Q. My girlfriend and soon to be finance Kristin and I are getting married in Dec '08. Well she wants to wait until we are married to have sex (including oral sex). She does become very aroused whenever we kiss and I caress her beautiful body. Is there ...
A. 26 December 2007: You and your girlfriend (I hope she said "YES!" to becoming your fiance' !!) have set a very admirable goal. Yes, I've been there. I hope you understand that this is something very significant to her, and you respect her wishes, and are fully ... (read in full...)
What are my chances of being pregant??
Q. I was wondering if anyone could help me out? Me and my hubby are trying to have a baby and i had my period on dec.11th and i used a fertilty calculator and it said im most fertile on dec.25th but i can am fertile as well the whole week up to the 2...
A. 26 December 2007: No, most women are most fertile about half way between periods. I don't think I can write an effective explanation of how this works. You should take this question to your family doctor, or a health education professional. (Write it out be... (read in full...)
What are my chances of being pregant??
Q. I was wondering if anyone could help me out? Me and my hubby are trying to have a baby and i had my period on dec.11th and i used a fertilty calculator and it said im most fertile on dec.25th but i can am fertile as well the whole week up to the 2...
A. 25 December 2007: The whole Fertility/family planning thing can be very puzzling. it seems that some 16-year olds can get pregnant just by going to the Prom, while some 26 year olds have to work for years to start a baby. Of course there are medical professionals ... (read in full...)
I'm still skeptical about real love at my young age(16), but everything I've read about love applies to how I feel about him. Is it possible?
Q. I'm 16 and my boyfriend is 18, about to graduate and join the Navy. We've been going out for 3 months now. We're so happy together, and I catch myself thinking about him all the time. I feel like I'm living in a fog when I'm not with him, and when I ...
A. 24 December 2007: You may be in love. Feels great, doesn't it - knowing that another person shares a mutual adoration for you. In my circle of acquaintances there are several couples who met when they were your age and are still together decades later. But even ... (read in full...)
I plan to lose virginity with this boy but I'm very paranoid about the condom splitting and very self conscious about my body.
Q. Well.. I really wanna have sex with this guy.. and it would mean losing my virginity but I'm scared if the condom splits. I am really really paranoid about it splitting and me ending up with getting pregnant and i cant afford to get pregnant. But i ...
A. 24 December 2007: If you're bothered that much by the possible consequences then you're not ready to have sex. And you are right to be concerned - young people, ESPECIALLY inexperienced young people, often don't use condoms correctly. Pregnancy and diseases are ... (read in full...)
With or without a condom....which way is less painful??
Q. My girlfriend said that it hurt's her less with a condom but i have also heard that it hurt's more with a condom. What do you think? Any tip's will help becouse i want to hurt her as little as i can....
A. 24 December 2007: Hey "anonymous original poster" -
Like the first two answers imply, this question seems to have a pretty obvious answer, unless . . .
- You and this girl have not yet had sex
- One (or both) of you is a virgin and has never had sex wi... (read in full...)
I am female and over six foot tall! I'm insecure about it. Tell me-- Do men find tall women attractive?
Q. This is a stupid question, but I am very insecure as I am so tall. I am six foot and tower over people, especially when I wear heels. I am very slim and used to be a model so everyone thinks I am so confident, but the truth is I hate it so much. I ...
A. 24 December 2007: I'm attracted to tall women! (Well, provided she's somewhat close to height/weight proportionate.) Put on those high heels, if you'd like, and show it off.
Even for a guy, I'm moderately tall at 6'2 but I don't think it would bother me to have ... (read in full...)
How long will a guy wait for sex??
Q. So heres just a general question to see what everyones point of view is. How long is a unreasonable amount of time to expect a guy to wait for sex? What I mean is, say a girl isnt ready to have sex with her bf (whether she be a virgin or not) but...
A. 24 December 2007: I probably fall into your "overly religious" category, but I waited until marriage - which, coincidentally, was a little over a year.
I'd like to say I could wait longer than that if necessary, but I don't know if that is true. As the relation... (read in full...)
I'm 20 and never been kissed or had a bf! Any advice?
Q. Hi, im 20 years old and have never had a boyfriend nor been kissed...I keep telling myself its God's will or that the time will come. Yet I really dont understand. I dont think its my looks since people keep telling me im good looking (and i mean ...
A. 24 December 2007: The feeling of "being the only single in a sea of couples" can be devastating. I was there!
In fact, the "onliness" of your situation is probably not true - there are probably more unattached (and never attached) people around you than you real... (read in full...)
Do guys get turned off by pubic hair?
Q. Do guys get turned off by pubic hair? Im 16 and im scared guys wil think im dirty. plz help ...
A. 24 December 2007: This is like asking "Do guys like blue eyes?" or "Do guys like dark hair?". It is a fashion thing that varies from time to time, culture to culture, and guy to guy.
I personally like a fairly natural bush down there. A lot of shaved genitals... (read in full...)
What does a orgasm feel like?
Q. Hi this is a question for girls only cuz i don't think guys can answer this question. Anyways i'm 13 and i have a boyfriend who's 15. And yesterday he was finger banging me but it wasn't the first time. But yesterday was different he got me ...
A. 24 December 2007: Well, I am NOT a girl but the overwhelming consensus (like, 95% of people - maybe even 98% or 99%) is this: If you have to ask whether it was an orgasm, it probably wasn't.
Some studies I've come across say that people have quite a range of... (read in full...)
Anyone know why a guy wouldn't ejaculate through oral sex?
Q. i just gave my boyfriend a 20 minute bj and he didn't have an orgasm [cum] he told me it felt really good but he was confused that he didn't and i gave him one before and he didn't have an orgasm that time either so me and him are confused why, ...
A. 23 December 2007: Some of us just don't respond very well to oral sex. I can seldom cum from a BJ alone.... (read in full...)
How can I make my boyfriend ejaculate?
Q. I kind of have a problem, see i can give my boyfriend boners all the time but i have never made him ejaculate. Can you please give me some ways i can get him to ejaculate. Thanks...
A. 23 December 2007: Does he know you want this? Depending on your personalities, upbringing, moral conditioning, etc. he may be either too embarrassed or too ashamed to let it happen with you.
What methods have you tried? For example, most guys think it's awesome ... (read in full...)
I never seem to last very long during intercourse. Any advice please?
Q. Hi, i'm abit shy about talking about this but it's easier on the internet than to a persons face, when i have sex with a girl, i don't worry about things like foreplay etc but when it comes down to having intercourse with the girl i never seem to ...
A. 23 December 2007: At your age, lasting 5 - 10 minutes inside a girl is probably longer than most guys can manage!
Has she said this is a problem? If so, you should make sure she climaxes before you slip into her. Or have her bring you to orgasm (with her hands or... (read in full...)
Do I tell him I'm a virgin or not?
Q. Hello, I was wondering if anybody could help me? I am 20 (almost 21) years old and at university. I am still a virgin, mainly because I am very shy around guys and have always got cold feet whenever I got close to getting intimate with a guy. But ...
A. 23 December 2007: You really should let this guy know you're a virgin. And don't wait until you're both naked to break the news. For most people - both guys and girls - there are both physical and emotional factors to consider for "the first time". If he's not ... (read in full...)
22 year old virgin. What can I do?
Q. I am 22 years old and still a virgin. My friends think it's very strange and laugh at me. Are there other women in the same situation? Even my bf was turned off when I told him? How do i get him back?...
A. 22 December 2007: What can you do? Probably find a different boyfriend!
Most 22 year olds, both guys and girls, have had ample opportunity to have sex. In my mind, your situation boils down to "WHY is she still a virgin?". I suppose there might be a few 22 year ... (read in full...)
Should I tell him I am a virgin before we have sex or simply don't mention it?
Q. I have been going out with a guy recently but it is the first proper relationship I have been in. Therefore, I am still a Virgin. When the time comes, is it a good thing to tell the guy you are a Virgin before you have sex or should I just leave ...
A. 22 December 2007: Both guys and girls should make sure their first partner knows they are virgins. If that fact has no significance to the partner, then he/she is probably a poor choice for yor first partner.... (read in full...)
Me and my bf are both shy thus we haven't approached the sexual side of our relation. Will he think I am weird for being a virgin at 36?
Q. Hi Myself and my boyfriend of six weeks are finding it difficult to tell each other how we feel about each other as we are both shy and this has led to us not starting a sexual relationship yet, who should make the first move to have sex, and as...
A. 22 December 2007: It is unusual to be a virgin at age 36, but not weird. It is important that your boyfriend is aware of this because he will probably assume otherwise. If I was him, I'd probably feel honored and very special to be your first!
If it is difficul... (read in full...)
First time - painful?
Q. does it really hurt the first time you have sex? im realy nervous and know im reddy tho....
A. 22 December 2007: You can do some internet research and find statistics about this in some reliable studies. As best I recall, most women (and a significant number of guys - including me) experience some physical discomfort during first intercourse. The consensus ... (read in full...)
Poll question. How old were you when you lost your virginity?
Q. Hey would like to know how old were you when you lost your virginity and also did you tell your parents about it or not till later? How were you sure it was the right person?...
A. 22 December 2007: My wife and I were both 23 when we exchanged virginity (I gave her mine and received hers in return) on our wedding night. It was some of the worst sex I ever had - and extraordinarily meaningful, and special, to both of us. I don't know if ou... (read in full...)
For those who do not believe in sex before marriage for religious reasons: where would you draw the line in a sexual activity?
Q. A question for strict religious people out there... I am an atheist and I just wondered where in sexual activity someone who doesn't believe in sex before marriage (for religious reasons) would draw the line? Would it be using your hands? Oral? Or ...
A. 22 December 2007: I suppose my wife & I meet most folks' definition of "strict religious". We were both 22 when we met, and our experiences with previous boyfriends/girlfriends had been limited to kissing, tongue play, etc. We didn't go any farther than that in the ... (read in full...)
I'm worried that I won't find anyone to lose my virginity with
Q. I know I'm only 15, but I am really starting to worry that I will never lose my virginty. It's not that I don't want to, it's because I don't think that anyone would ever want to have sex with me! People at my school think I'm really wierd and don't ...
A. 22 December 2007: Well, I was 23 when I exchanged virginity with a girl. (She took mine and I got hers in return.) And throughout High School and College I had many of the same thoughts as you, and felt much of the same pressure. But even at your age I had a... (read in full...)
Can a girl feel a guy ejaculate in her? Your experiences on the matter?
Q. Can a girl feel a guy cum in her? What are your experiences on the matter? ...
A. 22 December 2007: My wife says she can often feel the contractions in my penis, and the change in texture when I stroke after cumming inside her. As for feeling the actual semen entering her, she says she doesn't.... (read in full...)
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