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What should I confess here? I am a quiet and shy introvert. You can piece together a bio by reading through my early posts. I'm a baby-boomer past the half-century mark, a gray-haired grandfather, so I guess "superannuated" is the most succinct term. My wife & I have been married (to each other!) for over 35 years, but she doesn't like to be called "my first wife". We have two adult children, plus one at university, and one who only lived about a day due to birth complications. We now live in St Louis, Missouri (roughly the center of North America) but grew up in Michigan and have lived in half a dozen different states.
I know how things look on BOTH sides of the hill. I have been 15 years old; I don't know many 15 year olds who have been 55. I have been with my own kids as they grew to be adults, and have been around many other parents (and kids) going through the same thing. (If I tend to sound like your parents, there's a reason. Most of us parents belong to the same union, so we have this "solidarity and brotherhood" thing among ourselves. Most teenagers view that as an Evil Conspiracy against the younger generation.)
I think that Forums such as this are generally helpful, since many factors pertaining to a question can be expressed in a short time. If I said something useful, or if I was way off base, I'd like to hear about it. |
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Thrilled about a new pregnancy! What is something special that I can do for my wife?
Q. Hi all not really a question but more of an announcement! I want to tell the world but I think this is the closest I shall get! I am very excited, my beautiful goddess of a wife has just informed me we are about to have another child!! It wil...
A. 4 August 2008: Multiple births are always riskier, for both mother and babies, than singles. You don't say exactly what her other medical condition is but it sounds like she will require more than routine pre-natal care over the next few months. Make sure she ... (read in full...)
I know it's said that size is not important but how you use "it", so can you give me a pointer or two of what this actually means?
Q. I am 20 years old and i am a VIRGIN!!! I know pathetic right. Well anyways I have met this girl and we have been seeing each other for almost 6 monthes and she is starting to pressure me about sex. Everytime we start to do it I get scared and freeze ...
A. 4 August 2008: There's an answer to your question in the thread "How can I make my first time having sex enjoyable?" at [ http://www.dearcupid.org/question/how-can-i-make-my-first-time-having.html ].
Thee are several other things that should be said. I hope you... (read in full...)
Men, how exactly are masturbation and 'the real thing' different?
Q. Just wondering how different does masturbating feel comparing to real sex for men. I am not talking about the emotional but strictly the physical aspect of it. Such as the difference in sensation between using a hand and thrusting in a vagina and if ...
A. 3 August 2008: The other replies have made the points I'd write.
But I think your qualifying comment,
"I am not talking about the emotional but strictly
the physical aspect of it."
makes it something of a trick question. When masturbating I have ... (read in full...)
Is it possible to train yourself to have multipe orgasms?
Q. Is it possible to train myself to get multiple orgasms? Or is this something that you're born with, either you can get it or you can't. I have no problem getting very intense orgasms, but usually after the initial climax followed by a string of ...
A. 3 August 2008: According to the "Come Again" entry in the classic work "The Joy of Sex", the majority of women - perhaps even most women - are capable of having more than one climax in the (roughly) 10 to 60 minutes that people spend in a lovemaking session. The ... (read in full...)
I'm wondering, is there such a thing as love at first sight?
Q. Quick question. Is there a such thing as love at first sight? I never really believed in it but three weeks ago at a party i met this cute girl and we've been dating since. Im 15, she's 14 turning 15 and she lives quite a while away, but it feels ...
A. 3 August 2008: I don't think you truly love this girl - especially since all you can really tell us about her is that she's a "cute girl". BUT - I think it is VERY possible that you two may come to love each other. Like others have said, it takes time. Not ... (read in full...)
I lied about living in the US, now she wants my mobile number!
Q. alright people so im in america at the moment and i met this really AMAZING girl problem is i told here i lived in america too (i don't know why) and now she wants my mobile number so since i live in england i think she'll notice that i don't live ...
A. 3 August 2008: Trying to cover up your misrepresentation with some other story is the worst thing you can do. It shows disrespect for her person and insults her intelligence.
Here's where you discover how much integrity you actually have within yourself... (read in full...)
Is it normal to not enjoy sex after losing your virginity?
Q. I was wondering if it is normal to not enjoy sex for the first 10 times after breaking the virginity?...
A. 3 August 2008: Sexual enjoyment includes mental and emotional elements as well as the physical. Even as an "old married person" it's a rare instance when all three elements are near their highest level in the same lovemaking session.
Although I suspect ... (read in full...)
Suffering because of my virginity - but it is my choice to be a virgin, until I meet my ideal girl. Do you think she exists?
Q. My dear friends I need advice... Tell me if you this I'm crazy or not... I am a virgin, and the age of 21. Why am I a virgin? because it's my choice. I have had many, many chances to have sex, and yet...I want to waitti marriage. Not jsut for...
A. 3 August 2008: I hope you come back in two years or so and re-read your post. I'd like to know how you react when you see it again!
No, I do NOT think you're crazy. And I do NOT think you are "suffering" BECAUSE of your virginity. Frustration, perhaps ... (read in full...)
Will having sex with my new man hurt?
Q. I have been seeing my new man for a while now and im ready to have sex with him but im worried that it will hurt. I have only ever slept with one other man and he was much smaller in the trousers department than my new man. my old bf was about...
A. 3 August 2008: Make sure he gives you an orgasm (with his fingers, mouth etc) before you try insertion. That will make you as relaxed, open, and wet as you can get.
Then you get on top of him, guide it in, and move to find the location, angle, depth, etc that... (read in full...)
Is it essential for a couple to have common interests/activities for the relationship to work in the long run?
Q. Is it essential for a guy and a girl who are in a relationship to have common interests/activities/hobbies for it to work in the long run? How important is it? If it cant work, then how do you make it work because so far in my life, ive never ...
A. 2 August 2008: "cupidguy" gave an EXCELLENT answer!
To be a bit more specific (and much less wise) than his thoughts: yes, you need some common interests. That might (but not necessarily) include things like sewing or sports or environmentalism or music. ... (read in full...)
Poll: When did you have your first kiss and the first relationship?
Q. Hey just a quick thing. Can you guys/girls tell me when you had your first kiss and when you first had a boyfriend/girlfriend? I'm 16 and never been kissed, never had a boyfriend, nothing. Just wanna know when you guys/girls had your f...
A. 2 August 2008: I was 18 when I had my first kiss - we had been boyfriend/girlfriend for a couple of weeks when it happened. We loved each other through that summer, about 5 months.
I didn't have another girlfriend, and certainly no kissing, until after I gradua... (read in full...)
Thrilled about a new pregnancy! What is something special that I can do for my wife?
Q. Hi all not really a question but more of an announcement! I want to tell the world but I think this is the closest I shall get! I am very excited, my beautiful goddess of a wife has just informed me we are about to have another child!! It wil...
A. 2 August 2008: Congratulations to you too, "Lotus_mama808". Pregnant women are s-o-o-o very sexy. Take good care of that little person!... (read in full...)
What can I get my friend for her bridal shower?
Q. My friend is getting married and she's having a bridal shower next week. I don't know what to get her. She's staying at her fiance's parents basement until their new house get buildt (6 months later). I don't want to get her any furniture/applicance ...
A. 2 August 2008: I'm curious how the "Christian" thing relates to the question. If you think that Christian girls only have sex in the dark - as quickly and quietly as possible - and only once (per child) - I have some INCREDIBLE news for YOU!! But that's a topic ... (read in full...)
Why do I feel old at age 21? I feel like I should have kids already!
Q. I just turned 21 and all of a sudden I feel I am geting too old. I want to start having kids, I have been watching amazing deliveries on tv. Most of my cousins already have kids and they are arund my age. I only have 2 years of college left and I ...
A. 2 August 2008: I wouldn't say there's anything "wrong" with you for wanting kids, but I think you need to do a little critical thinking about why you want to have kids, and your responsibility to those kids.
Kids aren't some kind of competition where you try ... (read in full...)
Should I offer to be his first? It doesn't matter that we are just mates as I'm leaving anyway.
Q. I have a close male friend who I basically grew up with. He's very sweet and funny when you get to know him. The problem is that he is painfully shy and not very attractive. He's never asked anyone out and the girls around here won't give him a ...
A. 1 August 2008: Speaking as one of those shy guys - If your having sex with him DOES "give him some confidence" it will only last about 90 minutes, max. That's if he isn't very bright. Somebody with average intelligence will see through it faster than that. Once ... (read in full...)
We dry humped but I felt wetness, what are the risks of pregnancy?
Q. my simply question is can you get pregnant by dry humping? my boyfriend and i were having our fun when he asked me to take my pants off. I said sure, as long as he caught himself before he came, just to be safe. he smile and promised. when i...
A. 1 August 2008: Yes, possible - but not real likely.
It is widely claimed that you CAN get pregnant like that but I have never come across anybody who who said it actually DID happen.
My wife and I used dry humping and oral sex before we were married, so... (read in full...)
How can I make my first time having sex enjoyable?
Q. Hi DearCupid, I'm 23 and a virgin. Basically, my question is how can I make my first time having sex an enjoyable one, or at least partially enjoyable? You seem to hear that everyone's first time is a disaster, awkward, or embarrassing, so...
A. 1 August 2008: OK, I think you were sincere when you asked the question so grab a Pepsi and settle in. After being disappointed and ashamed of my performance the first time I had sex, I did a lot of reading and some counseling on what I should have done ... (read in full...)
I'm self-conscious about my body, I'm afraid that when we have sex he'll tell his friends about it!
Q. I'm self concious of my body and am scared to have sex for the first time because i fear that he won't like my body and will tell all his friends about it. Are guys usually like this. please help!...
A. 31 July 2008: If he IS like that, he was a poor choice for your first partner. Or, for that matter, any partner. In fact - at your age, and especially after seeing this question - I'm not sure that having a sex partner is a good idea for you at all.
Speak... (read in full...)
Thrilled about a new pregnancy! What is something special that I can do for my wife?
Q. Hi all not really a question but more of an announcement! I want to tell the world but I think this is the closest I shall get! I am very excited, my beautiful goddess of a wife has just informed me we are about to have another child!! It wil...
A. 31 July 2008: Yes, congratulations are in order! To me, my pregnant wife was among the most beautiful creatures imaginable.
Depending on how old your other children are, your wife may be most appreciative of some child-free time when she can simply indulge ... (read in full...)
Will losing my virginity help my self confidence?
Q. I'm 16 in a few days. I always feel lonely and lost even if I have a girlfriend. I guess I just feel different from everyone else. Maybe it's a self-confidence thing. Does anyone think that losing my virginity will help this a little? I mean, I want ...
A. 31 July 2008: Losing your virginity will almost certainly NOT help your "self-confidence thing". Although I don't know you, I suspect that getting laid will have the opposite effect.
Instead of allowing pop psychology to tell you what you are, and how you have... (read in full...)
What are stretch marks?
Q. i've read about streatch marks but i have no idea what r they i know i am a female and i should know about it but i really have absolutely NO IDEA what strech marks r ...
A. 31 July 2008: There's an answer at [ http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Stretch_marks ]. Seed a search engine with ' "stretch marks" ' and you'll get over a million hits.... (read in full...)
21 and still a virgin. What can I expect for my first time?
Q. Hello, I'm a 21 year old female. I have recently gotten together with my first boyfriend, who is 23. We spent the night together last saturday but decided to stop and not to have sex just yet. I am a virgin, he is not. But i haven't told hi...
A. 31 July 2008: p.s. - Also take a look at what I wrote in the thread "First time - painful?" at [ http://www.dearcupid.org/question/first-time---painful.html ].... (read in full...)
21 and still a virgin. What can I expect for my first time?
Q. Hello, I'm a 21 year old female. I have recently gotten together with my first boyfriend, who is 23. We spent the night together last saturday but decided to stop and not to have sex just yet. I am a virgin, he is not. But i haven't told hi...
A. 31 July 2008: If you can't tell him you're a virgin you probably aren't ready to have sex with him.
If he doesn't have some respect for your virginity he probably shouldn't be your first partner.
I hope you're not wanting sex primarily because it seems... (read in full...)
Is not bleeding after your first time normal?
Q. hi i am worried, if you do not bleed after having sex for the first time normal? so many of my friends said that after their first time they bled.. but i didnt and i havent used tampons either.. is this normal? ...
A. 31 July 2008: It's not unusual. Some of your friends may even be envious.... (read in full...)
How do I tell my boyfriend that I'm not a virgin? Will he still accept me?
Q. How will I tell my boyriend that I am no longer a virgin?will he still accept me as I am? ...
A. 31 July 2008: Please clarify the "no longer" part of your question.
Do you mean that you had a sexual relationship before meeting your boyfriend? Or do you mean that you had sex with another man since he became your boyfriend?... (read in full...)
How long will it take for her to enjoy sex after losing her V card?
Q. Ok me and my girlfriend recently had sex.. And she said it really hurt.. How long will it take for her to enjoy sex?...
A. 31 July 2008: Anywhere from a few hours to a few months.
A lot of it depends on things you can't control. The things you CAN influence are how relaxed and trusting she is with you, and how much effort you have put into the non-coital lovemaking activiti... (read in full...)
Another ten with an Am I Pregnant question?
Q. I'm 16 and I think I may be pregnant. My last period started on June 22, 2008. I had unprotected sex on July 5th, 2008.it is july 30th and I still have not got my period. A few days after we had sex I had blood spotting but only for a day or 2.now I ...
A. 31 July 2008: Medical questions really need to be answered by medical professionals. You had unprotected sex in the middle of what is likely your fertile period. Now you are showing some early symptoms of pregnancy.
Do a "home pregnancy test", then make an ... (read in full...)
What does a girl do when she's on top?
Q. I don't know what to do when I'm on top!! help! ...
A. 31 July 2008: You do whatever feels good to you. Or to him. Or whatever you've always been curious to do when on top.
Do you straddle him, sit on him, or lay out full-length on him? Are your legs spread and out side of his, or are they together and between ... (read in full...)
Do men find strectch marks a turn off in women?
Q. Hi, This is one for the guys: Do you find stretch marks a turn off on a woman?...
A. 31 July 2008: Like big boobs, small boobs, wide hips, skinny waists, long hair, brown eyes - a few guys will be turned off. A few will be turned on. And most will accept it as part of what makes you, YOU.... (read in full...)
Trying to exercise my PC muscle - any tips?
Q. I'm a guy and I'm trying to strengthen my pc muscle. I can't really find it but think i have. When i squeeze the muscle my penis kind of feels like it lifts slightly Is this right? Are there any other methods to exercise the muscle? Th...
A. 31 July 2008: The muscle you're looking for is the one that starts and stops urination. To get the right feel for your exercises, simply stop the flow in the middle of taking a pee.
p.s. - Anticipating some reactions - This is NOT a dumb question for a guy to... (read in full...)
Will he think my love poem is creepy, or cute? Should I show it to him?
Q. I wrote this tonight. It's about a guy that I really like. I am fourteen and he's seventeen. When we met we clicked right away, I am falling for him, and I know that he is too, but he thinks the age difference is a big concern. Should I show ...
A. 30 July 2008: By the way - your question says you're 14, but the profile information says "age 22 - 25". Is someone pretending to be somebody he/she isn't? That's not good for any relationship, at any age.... (read in full...)
We are both young, but we want to get married, please give us your opinion on our situation?
Q. i'm 21 years old and my fiance is 20 although alot of ppl think we are still to yong to get married we've thought about it and talked about it and have come to the conclution that we just can live without eachother and we want to get married. we ...
A. 30 July 2008: Several responses have excellent thoughts for you to consider. Please read them carefully.
I'm not as concerned with your ages, as with the questions of how long you have known each other and how long have you been a couple? My wife and I met wh... (read in full...)
Will he think my love poem is creepy, or cute? Should I show it to him?
Q. I wrote this tonight. It's about a guy that I really like. I am fourteen and he's seventeen. When we met we clicked right away, I am falling for him, and I know that he is too, but he thinks the age difference is a big concern. Should I show ...
A. 30 July 2008: I'm impressed by your writing. I have no credentials as a literary analyst, so I won't say that it's in the same league as "Song of Solomon" or "Romeo and Juliet" but it's nothing to be ashamed of. I don't think it's either creepy or cute, but it ... (read in full...)
I am not sure I ever had an orgasm though we have a very active sex life...
Q. my fiance and i have been together fo 2 1/2 years now and we have a very active sex life, but i'm not sure if i've ever had an orgasem. i dont know what one is he is the first person i ever had sex with so i dont know when i get one iv'e also heard ...
A. 30 July 2008: You don't need help, so much as you need encouragement to learn about yourself, and assurance that you're fairly normal.
I've heard that there is a wide range of how people experience orgasm. (For example, I learned that I'm a little unusual ... (read in full...)
How can I get my man to cry during sex?
Q. I'm just a little curious I would like to know how many men out there have actually cried during sex and why?? I want to try to get my man to cry any tips, tricks, and or advice to help me with that on a serious note I've heard about men crying ...
A. 30 July 2008: I will guess you mostly want this to happen just to say that you have done it. Boost your confidence about what a great bed partner you are. Sort of a "notch in the bedpost" - the way some guys brag about the number of virgins they have ... (read in full...)
How do I tell my strictly religious mother I am pregant??
Q. I'm really stressing out. I'm pregnant. And I know for a fact that my mother will kill me for it. I'm not married, but I'm so in love with my boyfriend of 14 months, and we plan to get married one day. But the other night he ran out of condoms, ...
A. 25 January 2008: I agree that it may be too soon to know know if you are pregnant.
Look at what I wrote in the thread "I am 15 and pregnant I need advice how to tell my mom" at [ http://www.dearcupid.org/question/i-am-15-and-pregnant-i-need-advice.html ] for some... (read in full...)
Can you get pregnant while being on top during sex?
Q. can you get pregnant while being on top during sex?...
A. 25 January 2008: If you are a guy, it's unlikely that you will get pregnant if you are top during sex.
If you are a girl . . . expect to spend a few years being addressed as , "Mommy".... (read in full...)
A question for men...would you prefer a pro in bed or would you be prepared to be paitent??
Q. A general question for men. What would be the general reaction of a man if the woman he is involved with doesn't have much experience with men?? Would he rather have someone who knows how to be a pro-in bed or would he have the patience to take it ...
A. 25 January 2008: I'd favor a less experienced partner.
My wife & I were 22-yr old virgins when we met and we've done our sexual learning and exploring together. We held off on intercourse until we were married, but in the last few months of being engaged ... (read in full...)
Can anyone give me tips on making my guy scream with pleasure in bed!?
Q. Well, another question... since I'm new in this thing called "SEX", I'm so curious, I've give my boyfriend blow jobs, normal thing I know, but the thing is that I don't feel like I'm giving him enough pleasure, when he is doing it to me I'm desperat...
A. 25 January 2008: I was surprised when I learned that most guys become rigid and silent at climax, since both my wife and I tend to be rather vocal and animated when we allow things to happen naturally. I think the numbers are that at least half of all women are ... (read in full...)
A child asked me if I was God...
Q. I know the following story has nothing to do with relationship advice but it is a very personal event that happened to me on this day. Since I have no significant other to share this with now….I will share it with you readers and fellow agony ...
A. 24 January 2008: It isn't politically correct to say this because it's not optimistic enough . . . but . . . you may never "get over" this tragedy.
I think supposedly preventable deaths afflict people that way. 30 years after the fact I'm still haunted by the d... (read in full...)
Will I cum the first time?
Q. Me and my girl are ready for sex talk, about what it might feel like and what we actually do. I'm wondering how many times i need to move my penis in and out to come-is there enough friction with a condom on. also i want my girl to enjoy it....
A. 24 January 2008: Most guys - something like 95% or more - cum far too easily, and much too quickly, the first time they have sex. A considerate partner who understands your physiology may help you have an orgasm before attempting penetration, then try intercourse ... (read in full...)
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