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25 year old virgin who's never been in a relationship

Tagged as: Friends, Virginity<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (13 January 2008) 38 Answers - (Newest, 2 April 2014)
A male United Kingdom age 30-35, *ohnnybegood72 writes:

I'm a 25 yr old English bloke who is a virgin and has never been in a relationship with a girl.

As I get older, I suffer bouts of anxiety and depression, whereby I fixate on a girl and fantasize about asking her out. Then a voice in my head laughs at how ridiculous that is i.e.:

- I have no experience at all in any of these areas

- If I were to ask her out I would inevitably be shot down

- If somehow she did say yes, my lack of experience would cause me to screw up somehow along the way i.e. commit a relationship faux pas, or be bad in bed i.e. I simply dont know what i'm doing

So I do nothing most of the time. On the few occasions I have managed to ask a girl out, she says she just wants to be friends.

Frankly, I have this view of myself that i am broken or missing something in some way, that i'm flawed and destined to forever be "in the friend zone", because I simply dont have that undefinable something that makes a person attractive to the opposite sex.

It all adds up to this cycle of self loathing and frustration. Recently I've started really liking this girl in my office, but I can't really talk to her without being reminded of my failures and she in fact becomes representative of women in general, who don't view as someone to be attracted to.

It's starting to affect my sleep and my work. And the thing is, I'm doing ok, i have a good job. But everything I achieve in life seems to be invalidated by this missing piece of me.

I've actually started to avoid attractive women, as I find it easier to function without this reminder of my inadequacy.

And honestly, I don't just want sex (although obviously that would be fantastic). I want to be given the opportunity to love someone, and to be loved. Frankly, I want to know that I am worthy of love, lust, attraction, sex, all of the above; not just as a brother, son or friend but also a boyfriend and a lover. I have wonderful friends and family, but fundamentally I'm lonely.

This has been a bit of a rant, but honestly I'm at my wits end.

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A female reader, wiseman9  +, writes (2 April 2014):

this is incredible, you just summed up exactly how I myself feel about the subject - I'm basically in the exact same position (difference: 22 and at the university)

I feel for you, but I guess we'll both be fine in the end :)

hang in there

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A reader, anonymous, writes (11 May 2012):

Honestly, I believe that a person younger than 25 actually can't find a person who he/she wants to spend life with. When you're younger you still don't know what/who you actually want in your life. Okay, maybe you don't speak about marriage kind of relationship, but anyway, I felt obliged to write little story of mine.

I'm 21 years old woman, and I had the relationship, one "just sex relationship", which I expected to free me from the relationship, and the last one, where I was his whore, but way too in love to see that. Yap, I was kinda busy in my 21. When I count everything, I broke 2 hearts, and once I was the broken one, and if I do the math of some kind of balance, it's my turn to be broken again, so I decided to keep back, be just a student, no relationships, no sex, just daughter and sister, occasionally a friend, until I'm, you guess, 25, graduated from college, have a job, and my own place to live.

It might sound selfishly, I did my job after all, not virgin anymore, I don't recommend "no emotions" sex, even if you were 40 years old virgin, if this one shows up, because one side will suffer, and there are pretty good chances to be you.

My apologies for bad grammar, I'm not an english speaker

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A reader, anonymous, writes (12 December 2011):

I'm 25 and next month I'll be another year older and still a virgin. It frustrating. To be honest I thought for a long time I was unable to love or be loved. And although I had a boyfriend for 3 year we broke up because I wasn't ready to constimate the relationship. For a longtime after I was bitter and got use to the idea that having sex wasn't an option. Finally when I was mentally ready my body physically was not. After complicated vaginal surgery I fear pain everytime I think about sex. It's sounds crazy. I maybe the only female who feels that way. I just hope one day when and if I do have sex its NOT painful and its with someone whos patient. It doesn't matter about experience from what I gather its like riding a bicycle with practice come experience.

Anyway My point is don't be so hard on yourself. I hope you find love.

R.M.

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A male reader, zenzen United Kingdom +, writes (15 November 2011):

Hello,

This is a message to the person who posted the original comment. I'd love to have sent you this in a private message but I don't think I'm able to on this site.

Anyway, what I wanted to say was - it seems to me that I'm in a very similar situation to you.

It's quite disturbing. I'm still a virgin at 25, I'm fat, not good-looking, I have no self-esteem, low confidence, never been kissed, never had a girlfriend... even though many people consider me to be a nice sensitive guy.

I've been severely depressed since I was a teenager. I lost my mother to cancer 2 years ago which turned my whole world upside down. Due to my current lifestyle I don't meet many people and I don't drink or do drugs or party.

I'm anti-social by nature but I'm not some kind of monster. I think I could be a good boyfriend to someone. I have a lot of love to give.

Anyway, it seems like I'll go insane from sexual frustration if nothing happens soon. There's no hope for me anywhere on the horizon so I watch a lot of porn and speak to women on the internet. This makes me very sad. Before I know it, I'll be the 40-year-old virgin. (That movie also scared the shit out of me).

Please feel free to get in touch with me if you want.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (11 April 2011):

Choosing to call it complete quits after 40 and I have less than a month. There ARE OTHER THINGS and STUFF out there besides women. And I'm NOT talking about alternative lifestyles!! Actually I'm still fully heterosexual. However, I"m not gonna waste one more second worrying about them or the whole relationship thing. I'm not sure exactly what Jon Secada was actually talking about in his early nineties hit "I'm Free", but I'm gonna start applying this to the rest of my life. You are of course younger than me, my friend, but I wouldn't let it get the best of me ;) Best of luck to you!!

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (16 August 2010):

I'm 24, going on 25 all too soon, and I've never had a relationship either. I'm not a virgin, but the thing there is that as a girl, that actually works *against* you. I'm sad that I haven't found the right person, and since I've had sex without emotional attachment, I definitely feel a little bitter about the whole experience in general. It seems like most people who haven't dated are virgins, so I feel strange that at my age I still haven't had any success, even after playing the field a bit.

The trouble now is that virtually all of my friends are in relationships now. And not those crappy, desperate kind of relationships. These are all "meant to be" type deals, which is weird. In one group in particular, I'm seriously the only single person. It makes me really uncomfortable. Finding others like me kind of helps, but I do fear that I'll hit 30 and I still won't have had a boyfriend. Here's hoping that I'll finally find someone within the year.

Good luck to you and everyone else on here. (And sorry for any typos or if this is incoherent. I'm super sleep deprived and probably should have left this comment another time.)

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A male reader, blueballs United States +, writes (15 August 2010):

Dude! I so feel your pain! Being 25 going on 26th with no relationship or even ass for that matter suck's it is linked with depression, Anxiety & loneliness! However I think one would feel temporarly relieved if you just got laid but I think it might make you feel worse because it would still leave you lonely on the inside! But coming from being a Virgin myself I can truely say i feel your pain! You got to ask a woman at somepoint & be prepared for rejection it just happens but be weary of the woman that take advantage of you or just want you for your $ People often told me to try a cougar & she can teach you the ropes but it's harder to find one of those! My advice just wait for the right woman but if your 30 & still haven't had none well like my friends told me there going to tie me down & order a call girl not sure but being single this day in age is harder then it looks that's for sure! Happy Hunting mate! Hopefully oneday u&me both can find the right one & I don't know about you but I'm partying my ass off when I get laid! Drinks on me! ;^)

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (20 April 2010):

there is nothing wrong with that at all because your going into your 1st relationship fresh i know people who have slept with over 20 people and when they get into a relationship there's no spark because they done been around the world...

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (15 April 2010):

I feel bad saying this as a 24 yr old girl trying to get out of her 6 year relationship right now - you are sexy; more so than you know. I wish I could meet you!

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (11 April 2010):

Well, just look at what you have. There are many people out there that are in worse situations.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (7 April 2010):

You may be longing for a meaningful relationship, but remember that although good things do come from relationships, their are also negative aspects. For instance, I am a 23 year old virgin but was in a brief and intense physical relationship with a friend. She was the first girl that I've done anything physical with, so naturally I became attached to her. Unfortunately, she did not feel the same way about me, I was pretty devastated, and sometimes I wish I had never dated her.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (21 March 2010):

I was a 25 year old virgin as well. No one could guess though cause I was attractive, guys would hit on me at clubs and seemingly outgoing but I was (and still am) very shy with the guys who I fancy and can't act natural. Lost it a short while back though to a jerk but I'm still glad I did it -I was very nervous about him finding out I was a virgin (he was very experienced) and I did alot of online research about sex and what you would feel and how you should do it. It helped and he never found out - in fact he thought I was making it up when I told him months later! My advice is that if that fear of a lack of sexual history is preventing you from "popping your cherry" just fake it. From then on it's easy, it's the initial first time and getting over your issues about it that's hard.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (12 March 2010):

You need to be confident. Ugly guys still get hot girls. I don't get it but it happens. Just believe in yourself and see yourself suceeding. All things will fall in place later. Good luck guys.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (4 March 2010):

Man,i totally understand your situation.I've just turned 25 and i'm still a virgin!!!.I've also been diagnosed with depression 3 years ago and receiving medication up until now.I've never had a relationship in my life.I have not even kissed a girl in the mouth.In my country(Greece),being a virgin at this age is considered abnormality.As a result,i'm hiding it from every one.I thought i was the only one and i felt like a freak.Anti-depressant medications improved the quality of my life.It didn't solve the problem but reduced the symptoms a lot.I strongly suggest you go see a psychiatrist and be honest and open with him.Your life will change.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (22 February 2010):

Hey, I understand exactly what you're going through. I'm in the same situation. I've always been painfully shy. It just occurred to me. Are you absolutely sure you don't have any, I mean not one admirer? Sometimes, it not that no one is interested in us. It just that the right people aren't giving us any attention. Meaning the people that we are attracted to or infatuated with.

Looking back on it, I've had guys that I thought were unattractive or just not my type show interest in me. Sadly, I'd just blow them off. These were decent guys too. Maybe not the most popular or charming but decent. My mother would always tell me to give these guys a chance.

Even if you're not interested in that person least you'll have some experience with dating. Once other women see you on the dating scene, then they'll start asking you out. Your options will eventually increase until you find someone that you're attracted to.

Now I am not telling you to go out with a someone who is negative or has been to jail or something. I'm also not advising you to sleep with these people. I'm just saying go on a few dates and see where it takes you.

So, maybe you should really take a good look around and giving the women that are interested in you a chance. Even if you're not that attracted to them. You never know, you may end up really like them and finding the love of your life.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (31 December 2009):

First off, I want to say that I totally identify with your situation. I am a 37 year old male and I have NEVER been in a relationship in my life. Although I am not a virgin, I do experience a natural loneliness from time to time...I also tire of being the third wheel or the odd man out in every situation. I am not unattractive either as I have spent my 20's and early 30's making a living as a male model. I am athletically built and fit, I have a college degree, I have my own business, I'm social...My friends insist that I have so many amazing qualities that a significant other would love, however, it has yet to reel in a mate. My problem is that I am 1. gay and 2. mostly of Asian heritage. In my world, the later is like the kiss of death. In the gay world, being Asian is almost the same as being a straight woman...no one want's to start a romantic relationship with you. On dating websites, the most common thing you see is "NO ASIANS" or "attracted to white, black latin and middle eastern- sorry no asians". There is so much opposition that it is amazing that I am not severely depressed or suicidal.

My advise to you is that maybe you need to channel some energy into different things that can distract you. Also, since I find you completely normal, just hang in there because it will happen for you sooner than you think...just be thankful that you aren't gay or Asian!

It never hurts to explore all you avenues too. I have signed up for every dating website, I put myself out there and try to give myself maximum exposure, because you never know what may happen. Unfortunately I am still single, but, I never want to give up hope- always look at your glass half full and be as optimistic as possible. I also do make the effort to try and develop romantic relations.

You're 25...you are young, so there's certainly no rush. If it doesn't happen, it doesn't and you need to look at other things that bring you happiness. Everytime you have a bad thought about yourself and your insecurities, tell yourself (out loud if you have to) that you are an amazing person with a lot of great qualities. When you see a girl that you like and want to ask her out, just do it- what are you going to loose? Every person whether they are a male or female are drawn to confidence...if you feel like you don't have any- FAKE IT, because it could start to help you build it. If you aren't successful, dust yourself off and get back on the horse and try and try again.

I hope that helps you out...

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A reader, anonymous, writes (29 December 2009):

Im a 25yr old virgin, I want to wait for the right guy.

I think that the right girl will be very lucky to have you in their life.

I also have depression and anxiety which i believe is an important reason to wait for the right person to come along. I also believe that if they truely love and care about you then they will understand and let you go at your own pace in the relationship.

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A male reader, jackolantern57 Canada +, writes (22 November 2009):

Hypothetically speaking, if desperation and frustration were turnoffs to women, would you expect women to be attracted to you?

Unlike men, women care about a whole lot of things personality wise. If you were a woman and had to assign a relative worth to the sum of a man's qualities in relation to your own physical appearance (the female worth determinant) 100 times a day, how would you do it?

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (30 August 2009):

Wow, all I can say is I know exactly how you feel. I felt every word your wrote. I know the complete feeling of worthliness because of not having a special lady. The feeling like no woman could ever find you attractive. Like no matter what you accomplish, it'll never be good enough. I wish I had some great advice for you or some magic secret. I personally feel I got lucky. I tried dating sites for a long time(years) and started seeing a therapist to work on some of my self-esteem problems. And it finally paid off. A lot of people say it's all about confidence(probably true), but I know how hard it is to have any confidence when you feel like you're on a downward spiral. I have met a girl, and she has been incredibly kind and patient about my lack of experience, and I think a lot of women worth being with will also. All I can say is don't give up on yourself and keep fighting.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (30 August 2009):

The depression isn't about virginity, it stems from the feelings of inadequacy. I am 24 and to date I have introduced 4 men over the age of 20 to sex. Depression, fixation, and the loss of feeling of self worth are serious problems, perhaps problems you should speak to a professional about. It has been a while since you posted, but I think others may need to know. The most attractive characteristic in either sex is confidence, which projects your worth to others. The old adage that you can't love until you love yourself is true. Having been in relationships with others who have faced your situation, and having recently come through a serious bout of depression ( abusive relationship and loss of self worth) myself I can tell YOU are the most important thing. I know you can get lonely, but have faith that people have been attracted to you. I promise they have. The friend zone is where women sometimes put men that they see as sympathizers, not "aggressors" in the sexual context. They feel comfortable sharing secrets with these men, but would find it uncomfortable being taken into their arms and kissed, because they don't see them that way. Virgin isn't a dirty word. Some women find it a turn on to introduce men to their own sexuality. I for one love how everything is new and exciting, it reminds me of my first time. I think they find genuine comfort in an experienced, patient, understanding partner, like the one I hope you find. But only when you're ready. Have faith that the right woman (not girl) is out there for you, but you have to be the best you you can ( not depressed or anxious, but happy with who you are) to attract her. Relationships won't be bad because you've never had one, so long as you are honest with your partner. That goes for sex too. Just explain that you haven't had much experience and that you are more than eager to learn anything she'll teach you. I find that virgins make the best lovers. Sure they take a little time initially, but with the proper instructor they are quick to learn how to really please a woman. Don't fear the friend zone, or avoid people, because that will only worsen things. If you are too depressed see a counselor. Improve yourself, for yourself, and be happy with who you are. Leave your doubt at home when you ask someone out. Good luck sweetheart, we're pulling for you.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (20 August 2009):

I am 29 and still virgin. I know your pain.

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A female reader, silverdove Canada +, writes (10 August 2009):

Really, being a virgin in you 20' isn't that dramatic. I was 25 when I lost it to my virgin boyfriend of 24. We are not religious people, we were just waiting for someone we really cared about. There's much more late bloomers out there than you think. XD And sex is no big deal. I didn't felt more complete, mature or in peace with the universe after my first time.

I encourage you to try to get a girl as a rfiend first, no pressure, no stress. Then if you click and love each other, things will come naturally. :)

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A female reader, DotMatrix United Kingdom +, writes (17 April 2009):

Although as others have stated it HAS been over a year since you posted I still think there are hundreds of people with the same problem.

Firstly, I think guys think that everybody has had sex by the time their 19, mainly because it's unmanly not to say the truth. My friends and I talked about the subject alot. I myself lost it on the cusp of my 21st birthday, another on the same, another friend waited years before she slept with her boyfriend at the ripe old age of 23. While other friends haven't even HAD sex yet.

What I'm trying to say is that YOU ARE NOT ALONE. People just dont shout it from the rooftops.

As for your inexperience, well sex really isnt rocket science and if you find the right girl I'm sure she wont care how inexperienced you were. In the end find a girl that you can trust, befriend her and then her tell the truth. It is probably going to be the hardest thing you'll ever do, but it will make your relationship stronger and take the pressure off you.

x

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A male reader, 24yeahright New Zealand +, writes (31 January 2009):

I am also a 25 year old virgin. I know your pain.

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A female reader, Precious0306 United States +, writes (5 December 2008):

You posted this almost a year ago and I am just now stumbling upon it. Interestingly enough, I was facing the same problem a year ago, but from a slightly different angle. I was a 23 year old virgin who had been unabashedly in love with the same person for seven years but I was never able to consummate my feelings for him. I had kept an open mind throughout my life but other "options" always left me bored and wanting more. Never one to go out in public and force anyone to want me, I spent most of my young twenties pining after someone who would never want me, frustrated with other "options" and feeling sorry for myself. Then, about a year ago someone came along and I thought, "what the hell, I don't love him...I don't even like him, but I'll have sex with him." HUGE MISTAKE!!!! I ended up getting sick (nothing serious) I cried (the situation was so empty) and I lost someone who might've been a good friend otherwise. Then, I spent an entire year completely miserable because I didn't know what I should do with myself next. However, the sun eventually did rise...and this is what I learned...

...All of us who come into this world have the innate desire to love and be loved. The world treats this experience as an inalienable experience, but in fact it is the greatest blessing anyone will ever be granted. I say this to say, for those of us who time seems to have forgotten, who for whatever reason have been left out...I hope that one day we will find what we are looking for. However, it is not guaranteed so in the event that we do not receive it, we cannot allow ourselves to completely lose our minds. In the mean time, take a minute and examine what else you can offer the world, you were created with more than one purpose in mind. Live your life for that purpose. Hopefully, who you want will come in time. And trust me, when love shows up...she won't care if you've had sex before...she'll just thank God she gets to touch you...because she loves you.

Who knows...you could've already met her. If so, congratulations!! If not...don't beat yourself up about it...there's still time.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (12 June 2008):

I think your biggest internal problem with the situation isn't the age or the V-card, as much as it's feeling like you've never had any control over the whole situation. You feel like you've never had any control up to now and you don't see anything likely to change in the future. This sounds like the rub that most needs to be addressed.

I was a 25yo virgin a few years ago. It was too late to wait in retrospect but it actually wasn't THAT big of a deal for me at the time. Because over the years I've defintely passed up two interested girls for every one that didn't go for me. The too-long virginity didn't rip me to pieces inside because it didn't feel like anything that was forced upon me. It was totally 100% my choice.

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A male reader, Alexy82 United States +, writes (11 June 2008):

I'm a 25-yr old virgin. Anyone who says "oh, it's no big deal" has obviously never been a 25 year old virgin. i basically walk around feeling like a totally isolated one-man freak show. I'm sorry for your situation, and I sympathize completely.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (29 February 2008):

I'm currently a 22-year old college male student, and my experience with our counterpart gender is absolutely zero. I don't drink, and I don't smoke either. I am not overweight. My BMI is only 20. But I am pretty short.. only 5'4". Moms at my church say I'm good looking. -_-' sigh.. moms...

I have never kissed a girl, and I've been hugged by a girl only once in my life in middle school, and I don't know why she did that either. I don't she knows who I am anymore. I never went to prom or hung out with a girl at a social event. I only have a few friends who are girls - all taken or not interested in me.

The only way I seem to gain some attention from girls is when I meet them online. But these go nowhere. And if they do end up in a relationship, I don't know what I would say if my parents or friends ask how we met. Saying that we met online will probably make me sound like a loser. But I can't stop. It's addicting to go into chat rooms, and my grade suffers. I procrastinate so much of my work because of this issue.

Every time I see a girl that I'm attracted to, I wonder if she's the one. But that daydream only lasts for a few seconds, until the reality sets in. I have absolutely zero chance. Every single time... But I suppose it's a good thing because that means they will have the opportunity to be with better people than me.

I just HATE it when people say that you just have to have more confidence. Because that is just bogus. Confidence will only get you so far. I have enough confidence; I just think in a logical, realistic manner. There are some things that I cannot change about myself right now, and what a lot of girls look for. I guarantee 1000% that this is not denial.

I know EXACTLY what you are going through. It's tough, lonely, and sometimes, I admit that I cry. But it's ok.. My hope is that the first girl that I get in a relationship is the one. I only want one girl in my life, so that I can tell her that my heart hasn't been shared with any other girl. It's all her's. Like yourself, I want someone that I can cherish, love, care for, and be best friends with.

I constantly remind myself that I have more than to live for. I have HUGE dreams, and I want to accomplish some amazing things in life that require dedication and time.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (11 February 2008):

Goodness, take a deep breath. Reading your blog was starting to stress me out. I'm a 25 year old female virgin from Texas. I totally understand your feelings, but no one ever wanted to be in a relationship, must less have sex, with someone who was so depressed.

I know, being a virgin, I probably shouldn't be giving tons of advice..but I'll try just the same. Find out why you rock! Find out all the kick-ass awesome things about you. Then embrace them and make them better. You'll have more confidence and those worries will start to diminish.

Best of luck = )

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (8 February 2008):

Life is strange and you may end up in a relationship with someone you care for in the near future, just need to keep your head up. My life has been crazy, and I've gone through mor ethan most people go through in a lifetime in my short 26 years on earth, and I can say without a doubt life can really be unfair, cruel and cold, but we have to find a way to keep our calm in the storm.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (30 January 2008):

I can fully understand what you are going through, i am 23 myself and have never been in a relationship, in fact i have never even had a kiss from a woman. I can understand why you feel unloved but take it from my point of view.

I am overweight and not particulary the most handsome looking male in the universe. however i do care about my freinds and look out for thier best interests, i have freinds who tell me that i am the most laid back person they know, and that there is someone out there for me that see what i am on the inside rather than what i look like.

So my suggestion is this: Never Let It get You Down!: if you show off this negativity when meeting women. Do not go for any random girl out of desperation, the best relationships are freinds of freinds you already know. Always remain positive, it's how i get through my days =)

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (24 January 2008):

You should check out the link below:

http://www.dearcupid.org/question/no-self-confidence-and-im-a-virgin-at.html

I totally relate to your post. I understand what your going though. My advice is that you should not avoid attractive women... I like to think that my body, mind and soul are up for grabs, and if any woman that can't see it or doesn't want it then she's a fool! Sorry if that sounds arrogant but its that attitude that keeps me sane.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (17 January 2008):

I know your feeling. I am only 20 years old, but I used to be very overweight up until about 18 when I started using any kind of prescription or illegal drugs I could find that would help me lose weight. I didn't do it for the high, I did it for the appetite suppresion, metabolism increase, and it even helps out with confidence a bit...NOT RECOMENDED. I lost nearly 100 pounds and started looking sickly, eventually I started looking normal, almost slim. To my great disapointment, it did not help me with women. Its all about your projected personality and confidence. I've had sex but its never been meaningful, I've never been in a real relationship and sometimes even now wonder if I will ever find love because it seems everyone, older or younger than me has their special someone. At least the women that I find any sort of interest in. I can gurantee you though that your flaws will not be a problem with most women, just assentuate your positives. Believe me I have been around many women that I will be very interested in, and they all seem to go out with the biggest assholes and jerks. I think to myself "if I was her boyfriend I would treat her like a princess". It goes both ways though, women can be just as, and often times more cruel than men. I just tell myself that if I'm not too shy, but not too aggressive I will eventually find the perfect person. Don't be afraid to be very picky when it comes to finding someone, if it takes me 20 more years to find someone that has the same values and morals that I do, then it will be worth it. I hope that gives you some help. Don't feel bad though, I can't even take my own advice half the time.

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A male reader, daletom United States +, writes (15 January 2008):

I certainly know that "girls avoid me like the plague so everybody will be better off if I keep my distance" feeling. You are very accurate and honest in your last paragraph, where you said "... I don't just want sex (although obviously that would be fantastic). I want to be given the opportunity to love someone, and to be loved ...". I think you need somebody else to help you form that kind of relationship. You might get that help in a formal counseling environment, or it might come from some friend who knows you and is willing to be a "coach".

Most of what I wrote at http://www.dearcupid.org/question/how-does-a-late-bloomer-become-emotionally-and.html , in the thread "How does a "late bloomer" become emotionally and intimately close with a man? Any tips?", applies to you. Look over that response and my experience and see if there's something helpful there.

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A male reader, Neboraic United Kingdom +, writes (14 January 2008):

My first thought on hearing this is its familiar, Im a 23 year old English bloke who is also a virgin with no experience with women, and while my case isnt as strong as yours its definitely similar. I went on a mission to improve myself (as i also thought no woman would ever want me, a joke of a man), i improved and gained confidence although this coincided with growing up.

Heres a thought, if a girl committed a relationship faux pas with you would you mind. There are women out there who wont dump you if you make the slightest mistake, (although identifying them from looking at them is hard). They will guide you through it all to make up for the lack of experience, we always hear about girlfriends being "emotional and mushy", if they really are like that they will be supportive and caring.

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A male reader, johnnybegood72 United Kingdom +, writes (14 January 2008):

johnnybegood72 is verified as being by the original poster of the question

Hey red1982

Cheers for the nice message, in truth i've considered counselling, although I'm not sure if I'm ready for that yet.

Dating websites - been a member of match.com for five months now and havent got a single date. Ho hum. Doesn't exactly banish the feelings described in my original post. Still, got to remain proactive - going to rewrite my profile and see if that makes any difference.

Wish me luck :-)

Thanks again - your message cheered me up

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A male reader, Dr Vendetta United Kingdom +, writes (14 January 2008):

Dr Vendetta agony auntsorry to dive in here.

" red1982.. : I know that it sounds really dodgy - but have you tried dating websites?"

don't waste your time or money on dating websites.

if you Really want dodgy try myspace at least you know they're people. Hot women.. though.. hot.. are usually a menace. ( no offence to hot women who aren't a menace but in general you are.)

I would like to recommend some homework for you.

i don't care who thinks this is crazy but there is good reason for it.

First watch the movie "Fast times at Ridgemount High."

and then " Office Space"

actually watch and get into the movies, just let yourself absorbe into them and understand the message they're getting across,

those movies have helped out alot of people i know

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A female reader, red1982 United Kingdom +, writes (14 January 2008):

I think it's really nice that you are still a virgin at your age, and I don't think many women find that a turn off.

I know that it sounds really dodgy - but have you tried dating websites? People always think it's wierdos on there etc but I have a few female friends my age who are on them and they think they are great.

Have you seen a Dr about your depression and anxiety? I used to suffer severely with depression and found a counselling service that really worked for me.

The fact that you are depressed may come accross in the way you are and one of the most attractive qualities in a potential partner is confidence. If you have depression you won't have much of that and it sounds like you don't believe deep down that you are good enough for the women you like - this is not true, you are just as worthy as everyone else!!

I really hope that you get some help for your depression as this will improve your whole outlook on life and everyone likes a happy person.

It sounds like you are a lovely person who is interested in loving a person and being loved back, which frankly puts you ahead of a lot of guys who are mainly intersted in sex and how much they can drink on a friday night!!

I hope that you find someone - keep us all posted.

xx

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