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What should I confess here? I am a quiet and shy introvert. You can piece together a bio by reading through my early posts. I'm a baby-boomer past the half-century mark, a gray-haired grandfather, so I guess "superannuated" is the most succinct term. My wife & I have been married (to each other!) for over 35 years, but she doesn't like to be called "my first wife". We have two adult children, plus one at university, and one who only lived about a day due to birth complications. We now live in St Louis, Missouri (roughly the center of North America) but grew up in Michigan and have lived in half a dozen different states.
I know how things look on BOTH sides of the hill. I have been 15 years old; I don't know many 15 year olds who have been 55. I have been with my own kids as they grew to be adults, and have been around many other parents (and kids) going through the same thing. (If I tend to sound like your parents, there's a reason. Most of us parents belong to the same union, so we have this "solidarity and brotherhood" thing among ourselves. Most teenagers view that as an Evil Conspiracy against the younger generation.)
I think that Forums such as this are generally helpful, since many factors pertaining to a question can be expressed in a short time. If I said something useful, or if I was way off base, I'd like to hear about it. |
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My mum has married the guy who's daughter I have been seeing! We didn't know before the wedding. What do I do?
Q. I have a really big problem and i need immediate advice. Okay, a few months ago, my mum announced that she had met a new man (my parents divorced years ago) and i had met a girl recently as well. I was really happy because we were both happy and ...
A. 8 August 2008: That's a very educational thread you posted, "troubledtoomuch"! I wouldn't say it's the same situation as this thread, due to the ages and life situations of the two different families but there's a lot to be gleaned in it. (Overall I'd say that ... (read in full...)
My husband says his money is his and doesn't give me and the children any. Should I give up on this marriage?
Q. I have a question. My husband works 10 hours a day 6 days a work , he never spends time with me and my children. And to top it off I am home this summer with the kids and no money to go anywere. HE says that the money he makes is his and I cant have ...
A. 8 August 2008: In practice, you don't have a marriage - you have a business arrangement.
He is obviously of the management religion, which teaches that money is the measure of all things. And, whatever can't be bought is certainly insignificant and probably... (read in full...)
My mum has married the guy who's daughter I have been seeing! We didn't know before the wedding. What do I do?
Q. I have a really big problem and i need immediate advice. Okay, a few months ago, my mum announced that she had met a new man (my parents divorced years ago) and i had met a girl recently as well. I was really happy because we were both happy and ...
A. 8 August 2008: Have you behaved honorably toward your girlfriend? If so, I don't see what the real problem is. Yeah, there's some embarrassment and awkwardness but it's not much different from any other relationship you may have had. Believe it or not, EVERY ... (read in full...)
How can I prevent myself ejaculating early?!
Q. I'm a male virgin, but I want to loose my virginity to someone. I've read numerous books on dating and charisma and conversational skills. I've even read books on sexual techniques. My only concern is lasting a "respectable" time with someone I ...
A. 8 August 2008: OK, if you know your way around a library and how to use a search engine, check out the topic "premature ejaculation". There are supposed to be things a couple can do - "reading" each others' arousal and backing off the stimulation - pr... (read in full...)
I have to make a choice between my boyfriend and my education.
Q. i went out with my boyfriend 2 years ago, then we got back together last year, its great because although we hadn't seen each other in the two years we were apart, we just got the spark straight back and it was like we hadn't even seperated. i'm ...
A. 8 August 2008: In the end, after all we wrote, your boyfriend answered the question for you: His friends are more important to him than you are.
When he is older and more experienced he may change his mind and you two may find yourselves together again. ... (read in full...)
The size of my boobs is worrying me
Q. i have a slight problem, i'm only 17 but i constantly feel paranoid about the size of my boobs. i dont know my actual size, but i am rather small. i was just wondering what types of bras are better to push them together and up. i currently wear g...
A. 8 August 2008: Hey, "anonymous female reader"!
It's me again, the long winded one.
One of the hardest things things for anyone is when you realize that you don't measure up to some cultural "ideal", but you STILL have value and you are special to someb... (read in full...)
I am worried for my mom. She wants a divorce.
Q. my mom wants to get a divorce from my dad but my mom cant afford a house for me, my brother, and her and we can't move into an apartment because we have a german shepard who is as big as a horse and she is the sweetest dog ever and we can't leave ...
A. 8 August 2008: Hey there, "takeoutthetrash", I am VERY sad for you. I won't say that "everything will be OK" because I don't know that it will, and misleading you like that is wrong. I can't say that I understand your situation because I have never experienced ... (read in full...)
Why can't I come during oral or full sex and what can I do to change this?
Q. hi i got with my new boyfriend , i was a virgin untill i got with him, we have had sex loads of times, but when we have oral or full sex i can never come no matter what, is there something wrong with me, my boyfriend gets upset coz he cant make me,...
A. 8 August 2008: The following threads may be helpful:
"What is an orgasm?" at [http://www.dearcupid.org/question/what-is-an-orgasm1.html]
"I can't orgasm through penetrative sex" at [http://www.dear... (read in full...)
When will I find a true love?
Q. When will I find a true love?...
A. 8 August 2008: I'll take a chance and guess that there's a genuine question under there, even though it sounds a little flippant on the surface. And, appropriately, it has received some flippant answers - but also some good answers!
Being unattached at 26 can f... (read in full...)
I'm so scared that I don't look right "down there".
Q. So I'm in a relationship right now and it's likely that I'm going to engage in intercourse in the near future. My problem is that I'm panicking about my appearance down there... I mean, what do guys expect? I'm scared that I'll have done something ...
A. 7 August 2008: How near in the future? Are you a virgin?
Being clean is the most important thing. A daily bath or shower will probably take care of that. If you have been brainwashed by porn, where bald pubic mounds or cutesy trimmings seem to be popular ... (read in full...)
The size of my boobs is worrying me
Q. i have a slight problem, i'm only 17 but i constantly feel paranoid about the size of my boobs. i dont know my actual size, but i am rather small. i was just wondering what types of bras are better to push them together and up. i currently wear g...
A. 7 August 2008: (A male guy person of the masculine sex replies:)
I'll tell you the truth but it probably won't have much impact because Hollywood and Madison Avenue are screaming a different message at you.
Boob size isn't nearly as important as you imagine! ... (read in full...)
I still snoop into his e-mail even though I'm no longer with him
Q. I was seeing this guy and he gave me his password to his email to help him set up an account. However I have never forgotten the password. He and I are no longer together and i find myself occassional snooping through his email. How do I get past ...
A. 7 August 2008: Next time you are in his email account, you use it to send an email to himself. (Very few systems prevent an account from sending to email itself - and those that do, often allow the sending account to list itself as a "CC" or "BCC".)
Use a... (read in full...)
I need some advice about having sex for the first time.
Q. Can anyone tell me about their 'first time' at sex? I've been with my boyfriend 3 weeks so i'm not thinking about it soon, i just want to be prepared. I've 'dry humped' before and my last partner tried to finger me but i felt uncomfortable so...
A. 7 August 2008: Hey, "anonymous female reader"!
Cupid hasn't flagged your post with "verified as the person who submitted the original question", so I'm guessing that you're the same person. It's good that you've received some useful advice!
Pull back the... (read in full...)
My Virgin Bride was not a Virgin. How do I cope?
Q. Hi, like many other guys I have a problem with my wifes past. I met her 25 years ago, she was 17 and I was 19. we hit it off right from the start and fell in love. we now have 2 kids aged 10 and 12. Every thing was fine until I asked her...
A. 7 August 2008: Is this thread dead?
I can't message the "anonymous" originator (that's quite OK! I'd probably behave the same way!) but it would be good to hear a progress report, whether encouraging or not. I learn more from the more complicated question... (read in full...)
What do you all think of boring guys?
Q. What do you guys think of boring guys? Let me explain: I was always taught that you should be doing something with your free time - going out and having fun, going on vacation, reading a book, cleaning the house, helping someone else, calling yo...
A. 7 August 2008: Hey there, "caveman"!
Who gave Irish guys permission to quote Dylan songs? Just because his material has been performed (or covered) by half the musicians in the galaxy doesn't make it right!! Besides, Dylan took his stage name from an ENGLISH ... (read in full...)
What do you all think of boring guys?
Q. What do you guys think of boring guys? Let me explain: I was always taught that you should be doing something with your free time - going out and having fun, going on vacation, reading a book, cleaning the house, helping someone else, calling yo...
A. 7 August 2008: Although I personally think there's a problem (for anybody) when the primary question changes from "Shall we watch TV?" to "What shall we watch on TV?", the real problem here is a disconnect between your values, expectations, and common interests.
... (read in full...)
I have to make a choice between my boyfriend and my education.
Q. i went out with my boyfriend 2 years ago, then we got back together last year, its great because although we hadn't seen each other in the two years we were apart, we just got the spark straight back and it was like we hadn't even seperated. i'm ...
A. 7 August 2008: Take a good look at why you think this is a one-or-the-other choice between boyfriend and college. Here's some questions to ask yourself:
- If there is a real possibility that you'll break up in a year or so, why are you living together... (read in full...)
I can't orgasm through penetrative sex
Q. hope someone can help, i can't seem to orgasam during penetrative sex?i can orgasam through clitoral stimulation (from myself or my bf)but just not when having sex with my bf?? can anyone suggest any advice please??...
A. 7 August 2008: My advice? Seriously - don't allow this to bother you.
You are like many women. The majority of women don't orgasm from penetrative intercourse alone and need some other stimulation to reach climax. There is a lot of material on the 'net as ... (read in full...)
What is an orgasm?
Q. Hi, well my question is a bit stupid but its something I really wander about. What is an orgasm? When me and my bf are making out and doing stuff he says "Oh I'll try and make you orgasm" But the thing is I dont actually know what it is! Do you...
A. 7 August 2008: Your question is NOT stupid and I admire your courage for asking it.
"Orgasm" is a technical term for what happens in a person's body at the very height of sexual stimulation. It is also called a "climax", and a wide variety of slang terms su... (read in full...)
My girlfriend says she can't tell when she has an orgasm
Q. my girlfriend told me she can't tell when she cums. i know for a fact that some girls do know when they cum. is something wrong with her? and is it normal?...
A. 7 August 2008: There is almost certainly NOTHING wrong with her and she is NOT unusual.
The other responses here illustrate the general consensus, "If she doesn't know when she has an orgasm, she probably hasn't had one. When she has an orgasm, she WILL kno... (read in full...)
It hurts when I pee - and theres blood. Whats wrong?!
Q. I really dont know what to do and need help. When i go to the toilet and pee it hurts and i get a faint bit of blood on the tissue when i wipe. Could anyone tell me what it is... I really need help and dont no what to do, Thanks ...
A. 7 August 2008: Yeah, sounds like a bladder infection. Women are more susceptible than guys, but anybody can get them. It's a common affliction among girls who start having sex - and a lot of it in a short time - so it's sometimes called "Honeymoon Bladder".
... (read in full...)
Does anyone know of any good ways to reduce the the cramps and general discomfort during periods?
Q. This is not quite relationship directed, more of an issue of those monthly 'lady problems'! I suffer from quite uncomfortable periods and after 3 years of taking the pill i forgot how unbearable it was when i stopped a month ago. So when i starte...
A. 6 August 2008: After we started having sex my wife found that a couple of good orgasms helped her cramps. It was best if we had sex on the morning of the day she expected to start. But her cramps were NOTHING like yours - I hope somebody suggests something that ... (read in full...)
We are both virgins. How can I approach the topic of sex?
Q. My boyfriend and I have been together for a year now and are in love. I'm starting to think about having sex, problem is, this is the first serious relationship I've been in, same with him, so we're both pretty shy. (We're nearly 18) I was just won...
A. 6 August 2008: "Thinking about having sex" isn't necessarily the same as being ready for sex. Did you know it's common for teen couples - even those who have been together for years - commonly break up shortly after adding sex to their relationship?
If you have... (read in full...)
Do guys like short girls?
Q. do guys like short girls? im only 5ft but the guy i like is about 6ft, do you think he would like me even though im small?...
A. 6 August 2008: OK, "DiovanLestat", Are you under 6'6? If so, I can arrange to lust after you, too - when you're in a better mood.
My oldest son isn't married or even attached - he's almost exactly my height, weight, body type, etc. His previous G/F (who wal... (read in full...)
Do guys like short girls?
Q. do guys like short girls? im only 5ft but the guy i like is about 6ft, do you think he would like me even though im small?...
A. 6 August 2008: Hey there, "xSpacexDementiax", I think I'm in lust with you!
Anybody who falls outside the norm - tall or short, fat or thin - gets picked on as a kid. Tall kids are expected to be athletic, and more mature than their actual age, and often be... (read in full...)
I'm 13 years old, going to have sex for the first time. What position is best?
Q. I am 13 and me and My And My Boyfriend have been together for nearly 3 months now and i no he wants too have sex and so do i but i am a virgin so he will be my first. i am really scared.! What position is best for the first time? Everyone says ...
A. 6 August 2008: The best position, for your situation, is sitting upright in a chair - with two aspirin tablets held tightly between your knees - and your mother watching.
The question itself shows that you do not have the mental knowledge, or the personal... (read in full...)
We've been married for 18 months and she's still a virgin! What can I do?
Q. Hi, I have been married since March '07 (nearly 18 months ago), I love my wife to pieces but am extremely stuck on this. She was a virgin when we started going out, but the problem is she is still a virgin now. We've been together since '03, and...
A. 6 August 2008: This is a serious problem and BOTH of you need some help. The two of you will not be able to solve this on your own.
Neither your talking to her, nor asserting your husbandly rights is going to be useful. In fact it will probably only aggravat... (read in full...)
What do you like women to do during sex?
Q. I have a question for the guys out there. What is it that you like for a woman to do during sex? I sometimes feel a little bit lost and not quite sure what I should do. Any suggestions would be most appreciated! Thank you....
A. 6 August 2008: Respond HONESTLY to what we're doing and what she's feeling. Don't be afraid to express pleasure, whether it's vocally, how you hold yourself, how you move your body. (Genuine gasps, moans, twitches and quivers are the sexiest things imaginable!) ... (read in full...)
I am only fifteen, but I worry about a lot of things, what kind of major should I pursue, what kind of career would be good for me, should I become a doctor, wouldl that impact my family life, if I marry, please help, I am stressed?
Q. I am in highschool and i am trying to get an idea of what i might want to major in. I really want to do something that helps other people...i am considering alot of things..like...physcology, social work, nurse,lawyer, and doctor. The one that ...
A. 6 August 2008: I wish I could give you an answer that's even half as wise as the two you already have!
It is actually GOOD that you are thinking of these things. It is GOOD that you are making plans!
But please don't let it become a case of WORRY!
There'... (read in full...)
I always thought I'd get married, have kids etc. Now I'm not so sure.
Q. Hello, I'm having a bit of confusion here. I always thought I'd get married. Have kids, raise a family, be happy. My boyfriend always tells me how much he loves and how he wants to marry me and spend the rest of his life with me, after we graduat...
A. 6 August 2008: Can you cite the article you read?
Yes, it's scary. But still . . . people get married. Marriages turn bad, and break up, and then . . . the people get married (again). Do you think that folks who simply live together never lose interest... (read in full...)
He wants to have sex, I want to wait until I marry, he said he will wait as well, I am wondering if his desires should take precedent over mine, will he dump me because of this, please help me?
Q. My boyfriend and i have been dating for almost 2 yrs..we have talked about sex...i told him i want to wait until i am married...he said that he will wait with me then...but i can tell he wants to but i am only 16 and i don't. I want my first time to ...
A. 6 August 2008: Would you like to hear what a male guy person of the masculine sex thinks of girls like you?
You are NOT ready for sex with this guy - probably not with any guy.
Oh sure, you two could go through the mechanics of a biological coupling but the... (read in full...)
Please don't make any of the answers "You are too young to be thinking about this", as I'm not going to be participating in the act. I am simply curious.
Q. Okay, let me just stress that NONE OF THESE QUESTIONS ARE THINGS I AM GOING TO DO! Please don't make any of the answers "You are too young to be thinking about this", as I'm not going to be participating in the act. I am simply curious. There are ...
A. 6 August 2008: If you can ask these questions in a serious, articulate manner then you are entitled to an honest, respectful answer. The answer may assume some things about you and your situation based on our experience with people similar to you, and whatever ... (read in full...)
I'm nearly 30 and still I don't feel ready for sex. What's going on?
Q. I need to gauge some opinions here please aunties. I'm nearly 30, single, and still a virgin; but this isn't what bothers me, it's the fact that I don't feel ready for sex yet. I have no drive for sex. I see people posting questions on here...
A. 6 August 2008: I agree with "DoubleM" - you are certainly unusual, though that in itself is neither wrong nor necessarily unhealthy. Have you developed the body of an adult man? Do you ever masturbate?
Just to be sure there isn't a hidden physical problem ... (read in full...)
Does having a lot of sex affect the relationship or our love??
Q. I have been in a relation for above 2 years and also have sex relationship. I really wanted to know does having a lot of sex affect the relationship or our love?? If yes, what should be done to make the relationship strong?...
A. 6 August 2008: Sex is something you should try to add to a relationship that's already strong. If your relationship is mostly a lot of sex, then you probably have a lot of sex - not really a love relationship.... (read in full...)
After we had sex last night, there was alot of blood, and quite frankly, I'm terrified!
Q. I'm not sure how to put this, but it's weighing on my mind a lot. I had sex with my boyfriend last night, and when we were finished, I looked down, and I was bleeding from my vagina. Not even just a little, a LOT. And it didn't look like mens...
A. 6 August 2008: If the condom broke, the thrusting and stroking may have been a bit too vigorous. He may have indeed damaged you inside, though perhaps not severely. Or, perhaps so. If it clears up in a day and nothing seems wrong I'd schedule a routine OB/Gyn ... (read in full...)
I need some advice about having sex for the first time.
Q. Can anyone tell me about their 'first time' at sex? I've been with my boyfriend 3 weeks so i'm not thinking about it soon, i just want to be prepared. I've 'dry humped' before and my last partner tried to finger me but i felt uncomfortable so...
A. 6 August 2008: p.s. - "Fiona_xxx" had a couple of good points. Teen couples - even those who have been together for years - commonly break up right after they add sex to their relationship.
And the advice to "do everything-but-sex first" is good.... (read in full...)
I need some advice about having sex for the first time.
Q. Can anyone tell me about their 'first time' at sex? I've been with my boyfriend 3 weeks so i'm not thinking about it soon, i just want to be prepared. I've 'dry humped' before and my last partner tried to finger me but i felt uncomfortable so...
A. 6 August 2008: Three weeks is NOT long enough! I won't insist that you should be like my wife and I - we spent 3 months getting to know each other before we even kissed, and we were both 22 and out of college and a little experienced with other relationships. At ... (read in full...)
Was my wife really a virgin, if she almost had complete intercourse, but not quite?
Q. I've never obsessed over my wive's past before. She was a virgin (so she said) when we got engaged and moved in together. I knew of a few past boyfriends where they did some 'heavy petting', but that's it. This past weekend, we had a romantic n...
A. 6 August 2008: Sheesh, for a young guy you can certainly ask some tough questions!!
I hope you notice there are at least three things - three, maybe four, separate topics - going on here.
First is "What is a virgin?". Of course, sex is a wide spectrum of... (read in full...)
What noises should I make during sex??
Q. well im going to be losing my virginity soon as me and my boyfriend are ready for sex. but im really worried about how itll feel like but most of all what kind of noises to make. i mean, just soft moans or screams? what should i be saying?? what do ...
A. 5 August 2008: It sounds like you're approaching this event as some kind of a performance that you will execute according to a script. That means you are NOT ready for sex with this guy.
You are also concerned about what he expects of you. Asking the question... (read in full...)
My main issue is that I'm rude and brutally honest... But I want to work someone else into my life. Any advice?
Q. Lets see where to begin here. This is more like a feeler question. Im really looking for a good shot of advice here on this issue. I havent posted since last winterish, and still havent really been dating much at all. Havent really cared to....
A. 5 August 2008: It's almost another thread entirely - when you say,
" I want to be able to work someone else into my life so that I can share all the things Im aquiring so that it doesnt feel so empty and meaninglessly at times."
It certainly sounds like this... (read in full...)
My main issue is that I'm rude and brutally honest... But I want to work someone else into my life. Any advice?
Q. Lets see where to begin here. This is more like a feeler question. Im really looking for a good shot of advice here on this issue. I havent posted since last winterish, and still havent really been dating much at all. Havent really cared to....
A. 5 August 2008: In the sacred writings of the Christians there is a passage about how a whole person can be accurately judged based on how he/she uses the tongue.
Here is an old aphorism - I suggest you copy it to a notecard and place it where you'll see it a few... (read in full...)
Thrilled about a new pregnancy! What is something special that I can do for my wife?
Q. Hi all not really a question but more of an announcement! I want to tell the world but I think this is the closest I shall get! I am very excited, my beautiful goddess of a wife has just informed me we are about to have another child!! It wil...
A. 4 August 2008: Multiple births are always riskier, for both mother and babies, than singles. You don't say exactly what her other medical condition is but it sounds like she will require more than routine pre-natal care over the next few months. Make sure she ... (read in full...)
Thrilled about a new pregnancy! What is something special that I can do for my wife?
Q. Hi all not really a question but more of an announcement! I want to tell the world but I think this is the closest I shall get! I am very excited, my beautiful goddess of a wife has just informed me we are about to have another child!! It wil...
A. 2 August 2008: Congratulations to you too, "Lotus_mama808". Pregnant women are s-o-o-o very sexy. Take good care of that little person!... (read in full...)
Thrilled about a new pregnancy! What is something special that I can do for my wife?
Q. Hi all not really a question but more of an announcement! I want to tell the world but I think this is the closest I shall get! I am very excited, my beautiful goddess of a wife has just informed me we are about to have another child!! It wil...
A. 31 July 2008: Yes, congratulations are in order! To me, my pregnant wife was among the most beautiful creatures imaginable.
Depending on how old your other children are, your wife may be most appreciative of some child-free time when she can simply indulge ... (read in full...)
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