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What should I confess here? I am a quiet and shy introvert. You can piece together a bio by reading through my early posts. I'm a baby-boomer past the half-century mark, a gray-haired grandfather, so I guess "superannuated" is the most succinct term. My wife & I have been married (to each other!) for over 35 years, but she doesn't like to be called "my first wife". We have two adult children, plus one at university, and one who only lived about a day due to birth complications. We now live in St Louis, Missouri (roughly the center of North America) but grew up in Michigan and have lived in half a dozen different states.
I know how things look on BOTH sides of the hill. I have been 15 years old; I don't know many 15 year olds who have been 55. I have been with my own kids as they grew to be adults, and have been around many other parents (and kids) going through the same thing. (If I tend to sound like your parents, there's a reason. Most of us parents belong to the same union, so we have this "solidarity and brotherhood" thing among ourselves. Most teenagers view that as an Evil Conspiracy against the younger generation.)
I think that Forums such as this are generally helpful, since many factors pertaining to a question can be expressed in a short time. If I said something useful, or if I was way off base, I'd like to hear about it. |
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When a man has an orgasm. Is it the same feeling as when a women has one?
Q. When a man has an orgasm. Is it the same feeling as when a women has one? Also could a man have an orgasm without actually semen coming out! Say if u were sucking there nipples?...
A. 5 May 2009: Apparently guys and girls feel almost the same physical sensations when they climax. According to the article "Do all orgasms feel alike? Evaluating a two-dimensional model of the orgasm experience across gender and sexual context." in the May, ... (read in full...)
A question about virginity for all the boys out there
Q. This is mainly aimed at boys but girls can answer too, i would like to know, if a girl said that she wanted to lose her virginity to you but didn't want to be in a relationship with you, would you mind? Or would that be a problem for you? Thanks....
A. 5 May 2009: Well, if I was about 18 years old - and she was about that age - and she was somebody I just sort-of knew (not really a good friend, but not a total stranger) - I probably wouldn't believe she was serious. In spite of what she said, I'd think she ... (read in full...)
Is it true that some girls cry after having sex for the first time?
Q. Is it true that some girls cry after having sex for the first time? Why? I overheard some girls in the restroom in school saying this and it just has me curious?...
A. 5 May 2009: Based on personal experience I can tell you that some girls cry the first time they have sex. So do some guys.
My wife and I were both 23 when we exchanged virginity (I gave her mine, and received hers in return). When the intercourse ended we... (read in full...)
Is it true that some girls cry after having sex for the first time?
Q. Is it true that some girls cry after having sex for the first time? Why? I overheard some girls in the restroom in school saying this and it just has me curious?...
A. 5 May 2009: Based on personal experience I can tell you that some girls cry the first time they have sex. So do some guys.
My wife and I were both 23 when we exchanged virginity (I gave her mine, and received hers in return). When the intercourse ended we... (read in full...)
Married your 1st love or were dating at 18?
Q. Hello. Im just wondering, how many of the uncles and aunts on this site married their first love, or the person they were dating at 18? I hear of stories about people who married the person they dated at 18, but how often does this actual happ...
A. 4 May 2009: The link posted by "anonymous girl" should be [ http://www.handbag.com/relationships/27-love-facts-marrying-first-love/gallery ]... (read in full...)
Married your 1st love or were dating at 18?
Q. Hello. Im just wondering, how many of the uncles and aunts on this site married their first love, or the person they were dating at 18? I hear of stories about people who married the person they dated at 18, but how often does this actual happ...
A. 4 May 2009: I count among my acquaintances several couples who first became attached during High School and now have been married for decades. I suspect most of them would agree that the love they now have is different in character from the love they had as ... (read in full...)
Computer problems! Help appreciated.
Q. The hard disk of my computer was taken out to place an external hard disk by my husband ones then he put back the original hard disk. In the process of doing, the pin of the hard disk got bent. Since then sometimes the computer does not start and ...
A. 4 May 2009: If you get as far as the login screen it's unlikely that a physically damaged hard disk is at fault.
Do you have, or can you borrow, an emergency boot CD? That should let you start your machine and pull your files off to a USB drive.
A decen... (read in full...)
How does a girl know when a guy is having sex for the first time?
Q. how does a female comes to know that a male is having sex for the first time?...
A. 4 May 2009: Yeah, just ask. Though some guys - especially if they are attempting to appear more mature than they really are - will be embarrassed to admit it.
And their overall nervousness, and skill level, are certainly circumstantial clues, but it may be d... (read in full...)
For the boys: Innocent or not innocent? Tall or short? Athletic or not?
Q. i want to know what the guys out there look for in a girl.. do you (guys) like girls that look more innocent or not innocent? do you prefer girls that are tall? or short? do you prefer girls that are athletic or not athletic?...
A. 2 May 2009: Overall, I'd guess that looking "innocent" will attract more guys than it repels. Regardless of the headcount I suspect you're only looking for ONE guy - at least, one at a time. And if you look TOO innocent you may be attracting guys who have the ... (read in full...)
Can a guy be good in bed if he's not a great kisser?
Q. I honestly have no idea, just want to know if it's a good indicator, but I doubt it somehow!...
A. 1 May 2009: A better indication might be whether you can teach him to kiss you like you want to be kissed. A person who is at least attentive to his/her sex partner's needs and desires can't be a lousy bed partner!... (read in full...)
For the boys: Innocent or not innocent? Tall or short? Athletic or not?
Q. i want to know what the guys out there look for in a girl.. do you (guys) like girls that look more innocent or not innocent? do you prefer girls that are tall? or short? do you prefer girls that are athletic or not athletic?...
A. 1 May 2009: If I wanted a girl to be my wife forever and always I would first want her to be intelligent. Articulate is nice, but quiet has a special charm.
I'd probably choose tall over short, somewhat athletic appearance (but probably not a "jock").... (read in full...)
Shaved or not shaved?
Q. well,this is kind of eeky but i need to know the answer..do guys prefer a clean,shaved bikini area or is it ok to have hair down under?...
A. 1 May 2009: As a guy, I rather prefer the appearance of a more natural bush. totally shaved is actually a minor turn-off for me - even if I can avoid thinking about plucked chickens, I'd like to think I'm with a mature woman, not a prepubescent 13-year old.... (read in full...)
My mother in law is totally against me breastfeeding my daughter.
Q. My mother in law is totally against me breastfeeding my daughter. Since her birth she has told my husband that breastfed babies are not as smart as bottle fed babies, that our sex life will not be the same as long as I am breastfeeding, and the I ...
A. 1 May 2009: I think your mother-in-law is giving you a bunch of falsehood and crap. I doubt that you will ever "educate" these ideas out of her. Your main concerns should be to prevent her from damaging the relationship between you and your husband, and to ... (read in full...)
Does inexperience turn a guy on or off?
Q. Does inexperience turn a guy on or off? I recently started seeing a new guy, and things have gotten pretty intimate really fast.. though this is a first for me. Any ideas? Much appreciated....
A. 1 May 2009: Probably a major factor is the guy's overall attitude about sex.
If he thinks that sex is a very special thing reserved for wives or life partners then the inexperience is definitely in your favor.
If he thinks that sex is a competition to s... (read in full...)
Waiting for marriage for intercourse.. already done everything else will I be disappointed?
Q. My boyfriend and I have been together for about 3 years, and it has always been important to us to wait for marriage to have sex. After being together for a little over a year, we started to be sexual. After a while, it got to the point where we ...
A. 1 May 2009: Will you accept a response from a guy who went through a similar situation? (OK - to be strictly correct, I guess I should say that my WIFE went through the same things you are dealing with.)
We "waited for marriage" to have intercourse. The tim... (read in full...)
Should we continue to wait or should we just be with each other?
Q. Not long ago I posted my dilemma . . . . with regards to my boyfriend and I, and whether or not we should finally make love. We've dated for over 4 years now and it was my decision to remain a virgin till marriage and well he agreed that if it was ...
A. 30 April 2009: In many ways you and your B/F remind me of my wife and I. I don't think you truly believe your virginity is simply a desire to please your family, or keep your life "uncomplicated". The very fact that you recognize the "complications" that come ... (read in full...)
Is three years long enough to have been together before getting engaged?
Q. I'm so excited. My byfriend has gotten me an engagement ring. ^_^ We still won't be getting married for a few years- we'll be saving money and such for a house, car, etc, etc... we've been together for three years, and our love is stronger than...
A. 30 April 2009: Three years is more than enough time - if it is the RIGHT three years. If it was the years from 15 to 18, I think there are some sincere questions to face about whether you are ready for marriage or not. (And, I have to ask, why are you living ... (read in full...)
Tips about having sex on top
Q. Just need a few tips about having sex on top!! Im 22 and have been with my boyfriend for 2years but everytime I build up the courage to go "on top" i freak out!! Dont have alot of confidence and basically dont really know what to do, am worried ...
A. 30 April 2009: Quite simply, start by doing what feels best for you. Some women like to squat over their partner's hips and lower themselves onto him, but this can be tiring if you're not athletic. Others sit down on him, like suggested here in this thread - I'm ... (read in full...)
Worried he won't enjoy oral sex
Q. Dear Cupid, I recently tried performing oral sex on a new guy I'm seeing. Having never been with a guy that takes TOO LONG to orgasm, I'm worried that he's not enjoying it. Eventually he ends up climaxing, but it seems to me like he's forcing ...
A. 28 April 2009: I don't know about "forcing" it to happen, but sometimes I have to work pretty hard to make it happen.
Your B/F may be like me: I just don't respond to oral sex with a climax. I know that puts me in a minority, but I think it's a signific... (read in full...)
What's it like the first time you see your boyfriend naked?
Q. Girls respond… I have a good relationship with my bf. What is it like to see your boyfriend naked for the first time? What is it like to have your boyfriend see you naked for the first time? How can it be a good experience? What can be ...
A. 28 April 2009: There are some good answers here!
When the time is right, I think most lovers WANT to see their partner naked, and be seen as well. At the same time there's a fear (not necessarily a bad kind of fear) when it happens.
Keep in mind that your B... (read in full...)
How can I achieve orgasm through penetration?
Q. i love havin sex and i would like to achieve an orgasim through oenetration....i want it to be special and i dont know wat to do coz i am relaxed and i really enjoy it so could u please help me achieve an orgasim...
A. 28 April 2009: Yes, for the majority of women orgasm during penetrative intercourse is anywhere from moderately difficult to absolutely impossible. Many have to learn how to climax during intercourse, which can take some time - anywhere from weeks to years - as ... (read in full...)
My bf says he never masturbates...
Q. My boyfriend says he never masturbates. Said he's tried it before when he was younger and it doesn't give him pleasure. But I'm very skeptical about that. We're both 27 and in a long distance relationship. I have to masturbate when I'm feeling...
A. 28 April 2009: He might be telling the truth. I have heard that there are guys like your B/F, but - like you - I have always been a little skeptical.
Even though it's a common practice there is considerable social stigma associated with masturbation. At best ... (read in full...)
Is this a sin?
Q. Im so embarassed because I recently started to masturbate and need help. I've read pages on the internet saying how it isnt a sin and some saying that it is. So idk what to do?! I want to but I feel guilty and weird like I'm sinning really bad. ahhh ...
A. 27 April 2009: p.s. - My comment about your maturity was NOT intended to be an insult in any way!! It's just a statement about where you are in life... (read in full...)
How often is there help on here?
Q. How often is there help on here?...
A. 27 April 2009: If you ask a good question - something that can be answered in a paragraph or two - you should receive help quite soon. Other questions are more complicated, and some of us may think about them for a while - maybe even a week or more - before ... (read in full...)
Is this a sin?
Q. Im so embarassed because I recently started to masturbate and need help. I've read pages on the internet saying how it isnt a sin and some saying that it is. So idk what to do?! I want to but I feel guilty and weird like I'm sinning really bad. ahhh ...
A. 27 April 2009: "purplemonster", once again I am pleased to hear that you are referring to your faith as a source of guidance within your life!
The Roman Catholic Church officially condemns masturbation as shown by Pope Paul VI, in "Persona Humana - Declarat... (read in full...)
We want to make our first time special and romantic. Any suggestions?
Q. Me and my boyfriend want to make our first time special and as romantic as possible but we need some advice on what to do and what to wear. Any advice?...
A. 25 April 2009: Are you, or your B/F, or both, virgins - or have you had other partners but this is the first time for you to be together as a couple? I'll assume that one of you - and, I actually hope, BOTH of you - are virgins.
It sounds like you have already ... (read in full...)
Eye glass fetish anyone?
Q. I need to know more about my partners fetish for women wearing eye glasses(not sun glasses).Do any other women have partners with this fetish,or are there any men who have this fetish?What is it about the glasses that do it for him!Also i don't need ...
A. 23 April 2009: I wouldn't call it a "fetish" but I sometimes find glasses especially attractive on a woman. My wife and I have used them occasionally, but not often.
Could be the implication of above-average intelligence: I'm REALLY attracted to brainy gals! O... (read in full...)
Is this a sin?
Q. Im so embarassed because I recently started to masturbate and need help. I've read pages on the internet saying how it isnt a sin and some saying that it is. So idk what to do?! I want to but I feel guilty and weird like I'm sinning really bad. ahhh ...
A. 14 April 2009: First of all, I commend you for looking to your faith as a source of guidance in how to conduct your daily life. That in itself displays a contradiction of the "myself, my affluence, and my pleasure" attitude prevalent among many people.
Witho... (read in full...)
I need female and male opinions about this, I really need advice, and badly.
Q. I don't wanna write my life story, but here's the deal. I grew up with a single mom who never dated and kept to herself all throughout my childhood. She never wanted to talk to me about guys, and when puberty hit I would try and mention crus...
A. 10 April 2009: Think about something I read many years ago. Dr Jacob Bronowski, a highly respected scientist and philosopher from the mid 20th century, wrote in "The Ascent of Man" that humans - both men and women - may not be too particular about who they sleep ... (read in full...)
I need ideas to spice up our sex life!
Q. Hi! I want to continue to spice up our sex life. We've tried sex outdoors, using whipped cream, vibrators, anal sex. . . anyone got any other ideas? I'm sure there must be plenty of things to try but I've just run out of ideas....
A. 10 April 2009: See my response in the thread "Can you give me some tips on spicing up our sex life???" at [ http://www.dearcupid.org/question/can-you-give-me-some-tips-on-spicing.html ].... (read in full...)
Too soon to get engaged?
Q. Is it too soon to get engaged after dating for less than a year.... like 6 or 7 months? I know that she is the one. I feel it with every fiber of my being, and she feels the same way. We have deep conversations about our future together. It woul...
A. 10 April 2009: My wife and I were both 22 when we became engaged about 3 months after we first laid eyes on each other. We married one year plus two weeks after that first meeting, and we're still married (to each other!) over 34 years later.
(In all fairness... (read in full...)
Question on safe sex during pregnancy.
Q. Ok, I have a question for all! When you suspect you're a few weeks pregnant it's still safe to have sex, right? But even rough sex? The thing is..I'm waiting for my blood test results. I won't find out for a week or so. I haven't told my bo...
A. 10 April 2009: For the great majority of women, there is no reason to stop or curtail sex during pregnancy. If your test comes back positive make an appointment with an OB/GYN as soon as possible and discuss this with her/him. (If it's too embarrassing to ... (read in full...)
Do men really know when they're are about to ejaculate?
Q. do men really know when thier sperm comes out while having sex. even with/withot a condom?...
A. 9 April 2009: Guys, especially young men under 30 or so, are VERY aware of their orgasm - with or without condoms! Orgasm is a rather complicated process in both men and women. For guys, orgasm includes the forceful release of sperm - which is called ... (read in full...)
My sister asked me about masturbation. What should I do?
Q. My sister asked me "What is masterbate?" She's 11 and I was shocked at the time to I just told her "You'll find out when your older." because I couldn't think if I should tell her or not. So, what should I do, should I tell her what it is if she ...
A. 7 April 2009: By The Way - I just re-read this thread. I realized that you are a GUY, who was asked by his female girl sister of the opposite sex, about masturbation! WOW! Now I REALLY understand why it was so hard to answer her.
While it's possible that she... (read in full...)
I'm a virgin ... mind is willing but flesh isn't :-(
Q. i am a virgin.., and my girlfriend wants to have sex..., and so do i, i love her a lot.., and i don't have a problem with it...but every time that i am about to put it in... i just loose my erection.. its there another time i need it but, idk i just ...
A. 7 April 2009: It's probably not much comfort to you, but I think something like 5% of all guys have a similar problem the first time they have sex. The worst part is, it's out there in plain sight for the whole world to see! (OK, maybe not the whole world - but ... (read in full...)
My sister asked me about masturbation. What should I do?
Q. My sister asked me "What is masterbate?" She's 11 and I was shocked at the time to I just told her "You'll find out when your older." because I couldn't think if I should tell her or not. So, what should I do, should I tell her what it is if she ...
A. 7 April 2009: Personally, I think "Annalisa" gave an excellent answer! If your sister can ask that question, I think she's entitled to at least an accurate, factual answer. The fact that she asked you is actually a compliment - it probably means that she trusts ... (read in full...)
First time sex. Next step?
Q. Okay, heres the story, me and boyfriend of 7 months have decided to sleep together and I am a virgin, he isn't, my question is once you know we have slept together, what do you do, my mate says you should go to the toilet, why? I just thought ...
A. 7 April 2009: Especially for people who are just becoming sexually active, there is some evidence that urinating immediately after intercourse reduces the chances of infection in the urinary tract. (The problem is sometimes called "honeymoon bladder" or ... (read in full...)
Waiting for the right one
Q. i'm 18 and still a virgin. is that weird? my friends tell me it's weird, but i just want it to be with a girl i fall in love with and i'm getting really self conscious about because everybody i'm around seems to have lost theirs early-on in high ...
A. 3 April 2009: A lot of people have been curious about your question. A little research on the 'net or in your public library will turn up quite a few studies about that question. Some of them have questionable results; they lack what scientists call "good ... (read in full...)
Virgin with experienced partner
Q. I'm 17 years old and am a virgin. I'm going to have sex next week with my experienced partner. Any tips? I don't want to disappoint her....
A. 3 April 2009: Are you ready to break up with this girl? A LOT of teenage couples break up only a few days, to a few weeks, after they add sex to their relationship.
Yeah, I have to agree with the others who wonder if this is really a good thing. Have you and ... (read in full...)
Are we too old to have children?
Q. Hi I'm new to this, I'm 37 and my girlfriend is a little bit younger. We have not been together long and I know one day she wants children. Are we too old to have children? I don't want to my children to think their dad is old, but I'm not...
A. 8 January 2009: In the U.S, many in the "baby boom" generation didn't even start families until they were in their 30's, and were over 40 when the last kid was born. Read the thread "When is a woman too old to have a baby?" at ... (read in full...)
An act that proves a guy likes you is when he makes fun of you. Is this True?
Q. An act that proves a guy likes you is when he makes fun of you. Is this True? ...
A. 8 January 2009: I think there's some truth to that. And, if he lets you tease back he probably DOES like you.
However, be careful that it's playful teasing and not vicious, disrespectful or abusive. The boundaries between these vary from person to person, ... (read in full...)
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