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What should I confess here? I am a quiet and shy introvert. You can piece together a bio by reading through my early posts. I'm a baby-boomer past the half-century mark, a gray-haired grandfather, so I guess "superannuated" is the most succinct term. My wife & I have been married (to each other!) for over 35 years, but she doesn't like to be called "my first wife". We have two adult children, plus one at university, and one who only lived about a day due to birth complications. We now live in St Louis, Missouri (roughly the center of North America) but grew up in Michigan and have lived in half a dozen different states.
I know how things look on BOTH sides of the hill. I have been 15 years old; I don't know many 15 year olds who have been 55. I have been with my own kids as they grew to be adults, and have been around many other parents (and kids) going through the same thing. (If I tend to sound like your parents, there's a reason. Most of us parents belong to the same union, so we have this "solidarity and brotherhood" thing among ourselves. Most teenagers view that as an Evil Conspiracy against the younger generation.)
I think that Forums such as this are generally helpful, since many factors pertaining to a question can be expressed in a short time. If I said something useful, or if I was way off base, I'd like to hear about it. |
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Dimples of Venus - Cute or Weird?
Q. Hey everyone! How's it going? Really quick question: I've got butt dimples (A.K.A dimples of venus). At first I thought I had some sort of severe, tragic accident when I was younger and the two dimples were "battle scars". Now that I've grown up...
A. 25 September 2010: Nikki Nikkles wrote, "They're the ones just above my bikini line, on my lower back. (: "
Why the frowning face? Personally I'd probably see your dimples as not a big deal, either way - and part of your overall attractiveness. My wife & I spend ... (read in full...)
Did he mean it, or was he just being polite, what do you think?
Q. I went on a first date today...it went pretty well, lasted about 5 hours, and there were a few opportunities for him to cut it shorter if he had wanted to. We ended the date with drinks at a bar a block from my apartment and it started pouring on ...
A. 23 August 2010: Oh by the way . . .
It doesn't quite look like it, but if there's a question hidden between the lines like "Shouldn't he have tried to kiss me?": It varies among individuals and cultures, but no, probably not. Especially with those other fo... (read in full...)
Did he mean it, or was he just being polite, what do you think?
Q. I went on a first date today...it went pretty well, lasted about 5 hours, and there were a few opportunities for him to cut it shorter if he had wanted to. We ended the date with drinks at a bar a block from my apartment and it started pouring on ...
A. 23 August 2010: Say, I can recall several times when getting caught in the rain turned into something playfully romantic . . . but it never happened that early in a relationship, much less on a first date.
The fact that he asked for a hug in front of those ot... (read in full...)
We want to try sex without a condom, but what happens to the semen?
Q. Both me and my b/friend enjoy intercourse with a condom-we've never known anything else since being 1st timers. We'd fancy a change now-if only to see if there's any difference in pleasure or sensation.I'm happy to be responsible for precauti...
A. 20 August 2010: A lot of it flows out. It will be mixed with your own lubricating fluids. You may "leak" for several hours afterwards. Some women (or their partners) don't like the sticky feeling on their genitals and thighs, so they wipe or wash immediately ... (read in full...)
Ever since he came back, he hasn't been the same!
Q. I have been with my husband for almost 4 years. We were together a full year before he got sent to Iraq. When he got back he just wasn't the same person. He was always sweet and caring and buying me roses for no reason. Now he is so short tempered ...
A. 20 August 2010: You both need help with this.
If he's still on active duty or call-up status, or in separation leave status, then get to your military medical facility ASAP - whether he comes along or not. The primary care physician (or whatever they call it ... (read in full...)
Sex during my period?
Q. Okay so, my boyfriend and I have been together for a little over a year now and we have a very active sex life. Since it is so active he has a hard time whenever it comes to the week of my period. He has begged me every week of my period for sex ...
A. 19 August 2010: I don't mind sex during the period. In fact, my wife usually requested (or insisted?) on it just before or immediately after she started, to relieve cramps.
Yes, it's messy. That's what old towels are for. It also helps the mess if she showered... (read in full...)
What can I do when my boyfriends penis is too small and cant feel him inside me?
Q. MOD NOTE: OP's own title: hi everyone. i am a 20 year old female and i have been dating my boyfriend for 2 months now. i am starting to get very close to him and i love our conversation, i love all our time together, and i feel that we can go a long...
A. 19 August 2010: I'll put in another vote for "performance anxiety" or "new partner jitters".
His actions indicate that he's aware of your disappointment, and he's making every reasonable effort to correct the situation. I suspect that the more you dwell on this ... (read in full...)
can I do to make our relationship work while he is in college?
Q. So my boyfriend just left for college. It's only been a week but I'm already encountering some issues. However, these are problems I'm creating for myself and I really really don't want the things in my head to ruin what we have. First off, I'm...
A. 19 August 2010: For background information, read the thread "Can our high school romance survive college?" at http://www.dearcupid.org/question/can-our-high-school-romance-survive-college.html .
If you can spend quality time with each other every other weekend ... (read in full...)
How can I make my girl feel comfortable with sex?
Q. my girlfriend and i have had sex like 5 times but we havent in a while cus shes afraid its ganna hurt...we both lost our verginiy to eachother so we are both new to sex but i cant get her to relax...what do i do?...
A. 19 August 2010: Physiologically, bringing her to orgasm just before trying to enter her is often recommended - she will be as open, lubricated, and relaxed as she'll ever be. Using one of the girl-on-top positions is also suggested, so that she can get the angle, ... (read in full...)
Help! I can't physically have sex!
Q. I really need some help/tips with this recent problem that I just discovered. Me and my boyfriend are both virgins and ready to have sex and we tried a couple of times already but he just can't enter me. It has nothing to do with me not being wet ...
A. 19 August 2010: You didn't give much detail about why he can't enter you. Physiologically, bringing you to orgasm just before trying to enter you is often recommended - you will be as open, lubricated, and relaxed as you'll ever be. Using one of the girl-on-top ... (read in full...)
Pregnant preteen
Q. Okay I'm 13 turning 14 in 6 mos anyway I have been dating since I'm 11. I only had sex 9 times. 7 times were with boys my age and the other times were with girls. Anyway I just found out I'm pregnant and further along then I thought how should I ...
A. 19 August 2010: At this point your sexual history is mainly that: history. Your pregnancy is an ongoing fact. You seem to be a very brave and rather responsible person, because your boyfriend's parents are involved and you have faced up to having a baby.
As to... (read in full...)
Morning sex. optional? or required?
Q. I've been casually seeing a guy for about 6 weeks now. While I am not terribly experienced in sex and dating, I have been using this opportunity to gain a bit of insight into boys. The few nights I went back to his place I ended up leaving at 3 or 4 ...
A. 19 August 2010: I can't really identify with the experience of having sex with somebody I've only been "casually" seeing for 6 weeks - I'm guessing it was a conscious choice to say "having sex" rather than "making love". I'm mostly in agreement with "dirtball" - ... (read in full...)
Dimples of Venus - Cute or Weird?
Q. Hey everyone! How's it going? Really quick question: I've got butt dimples (A.K.A dimples of venus). At first I thought I had some sort of severe, tragic accident when I was younger and the two dimples were "battle scars". Now that I've grown up...
A. 19 August 2010: Are you referring to dimples on your lower back - roughly at the top of your bikini bottom - or to dimples on your buttocks?
They're certainly part of what makes you, "YOU". When you meet the right guy he will either not really notice them ver... (read in full...)
Shoul I be worried?
Q. i have had my growth spuirt im getting facial hair and all that stuff im 5'10" and my voice still hasnt changed should i be worried? also im gonna be 15 in 2 months...
A. 19 August 2010: Ummm . . . I don't understand the connection between "being worried" and "my voice still hasnt changed".
What should you be worried about? As a practical matter, your voice pitch and timbre will be what it will be. It's one of the main physical... (read in full...)
Can only orgasm from missionary. Is something wrong?
Q. Husband and i have been married for 4 years, sex is great everytime but we are still stuck with the missionary position.I can only climax with him on top of me.We have tried different positions but never reached orgasm with any.I have heard great ...
A. 17 August 2010: Ummm . . . are you approaching your sex life like you're an olympic gymnast or figure skater, whose overall score is based on performance ratings in several different situations?
My wife and I, and - I strongly suspect - the vast majority of coupl... (read in full...)
Sex was two minutes. He asked me to call the next day but no reply, is he avoiding me cause hes overly ashamed?
Q. [OP original title] Ive posted this pretty much before but there was more to it and needed an opinion. I went on a date w/ this guy.We had ALOT of sexual tension - just super attracted to each other and enjoyed each others company and it seem...
A. 16 August 2010: Yes, be patient. You've probably made your point that the event was acceptable to you. Give him a chance to respond.
If anything is actually scaring him away, it may be he has sensed an incompatibility between your intentions. Either he is in... (read in full...)
Would it still be okay for us to date but NOT have sex?
Q. Okay im a guy that is 19 years old and i know a girl that is 15 that really likes me. Im really starting to like her back but don't know about our age difference. The age of concent here is 17 but we wouldn't have a sexual relationship. We both ...
A. 16 August 2010: Why should people assume that "dating", or just "keeping company", with somebody of the opposite sex means you're sleeping together?
The "anonymous male" is right - but it doesn't have anything to do with "age of consent", sexual relation... (read in full...)
Sex was so brief! But was it genuine embarrassment or signs of something else?
Q. I recently met this guy.. we are incredibly attracted to each other.. our chemistry is through the roof and we talk daily.. and tonight we had sex for the first time.Well i was super nervous to have sex w/ him but figured i dont normally do this ...
A. 14 August 2010: Write it off to the combination of new partner nervousness, booze, and drugs. Don't mention it - even indirectly.
If it happens again, then sometime after - like, the next day after, not 10 minutes after - mention that you'd like to work together... (read in full...)
Should I invite my boyfriend to my graduating ceremony?
Q. I'm graduating from high school and I wonder if I should invite my bf to the ceremony... We've been going out for almost six months, talk for hrs about everything, and he encourages my writing, my ideas, my goals- he helps me whenever and however he ...
A. 13 August 2010: I'll guess you're 18 and he's 25. Yes, that's a rather significant gap but not impossible. I hope he's doing everything possible to encourage you toward further education - if not college, then at least some courses at community college. I ... (read in full...)
Should I invite my boyfriend to my graduating ceremony?
Q. I'm graduating from high school and I wonder if I should invite my bf to the ceremony... We've been going out for almost six months, talk for hrs about everything, and he encourages my writing, my ideas, my goals- he helps me whenever and however he ...
A. 12 August 2010: If he really cares for you, he'll want to join you in celebrating this achievement. Why would he feel uncomfortable or weird, apart from the usual jitters of being in a social situation with people you don't know? It sounds like you have done the ... (read in full...)
When do girls stop developing?
Q. I,m 18 and never had good sex Ed so i was wondering for a girl...when do you stop developing? x...
A. 12 August 2010: I believe most women complete the major changes of puberty and adolescence around age 17 or 18, though minor changes in body shape, weight distribution, and secondary characteristics like skin texture and voice timbre may occur for another year or ... (read in full...)
Do you believe that there is only one true love in your life?
Q. Do you believe that there is only one true love in your life? ...
A. 12 August 2010: No.
Love is something that develops between people, for a lot of very complicated reasons. It may develop quickly or slowly; and may develop more between some than others. The effort that each puts into it certainly affects the result, and I'm ... (read in full...)
How did you meet your partner?
Q. I am only 13, and never has had a boyfriend. But I would like to ask everyone, how did you meet your significent other? Where were you? How old were you? Was it love at 1st sight? Any answers are greatly appreciated. Thank you. :]...
A. 11 August 2010: I fondly remember my first girlfriend - we met through our intersecting circles of friends. I was just a couple weeks short of 18, the last month or so of High School, and lasted about 6 months. First girlfriend, first kiss, first love, etc. She ... (read in full...)
Want to have sex, but don't want to tell him I'm a virgin!
Q. I am a 29 year old virgin. This is not something I planned on, it just sort of happened. I am not religious at all, I simply have not found the right guy for me. I dated a guy for awhile when I was a teenager and he really took away my ...
A. 10 August 2010: Great to hear that it worked out well! Yes, overall "making love" is a LOT better than "having sex". As you see, it WAS bet to tell him.
Thanks for the update - I often wonder how things work out for the people we try to help on here. It's rar... (read in full...)
Would you contact/meet your first love? After a long time apart?
Q. [OP Original title] Hi there, A General Question. Given the chance, how many of you would contact/meet up with yr 1st Love....and would you do it if you were married/in a realtionship? Cheers ...
A. 10 August 2010: Thanks, "Miamine" - for a while there I was thinking I was the only one around here who was curious about old friends.... (read in full...)
Oral sex & Catholic church equals sin??
Q. Is oral sex between a married couple considered a sin in the Catholic Church?...
A. 10 August 2010: According to the "Roman Catholic Moral Theology" site at http://www.catholicplanet.com/CCSE/marriage-sins.htm :
"Sexual Sins within Marriage"
"Certain kinds of sexual acts are intrinsically evil and are therefore always immoral . . .
Example... (read in full...)
How long does it take the average guy to cum?
Q. So my question is simple I was just wondering how long does it take the average guy to cum ..... like for a guy does it happened quicker during intercourse compared to oral ? ...
A. 10 August 2010: The original question really IS too general to get a good answer.
After you clarified it to be about oral sex . . . I'm a guy who usually finds it difficult to climax from oral sex. Despite cultural conditioning to the contrary, it's just not... (read in full...)
Can I see a doctor without my parents knowing?
Q. I'm 18 and live in Canada (Alberta, if it makes a difference). Making the appointment and getting to the clinic isn't a problem; the only thing I'm not sure of is if my parents will receive some type of notification in the mail, like an insurance ...
A. 10 August 2010: The direct approach is probably best. Contact the doctor's office manager, or clinic director, and ask them! They know both the laws and policies they operate under. Be prepared to wade through a multi-page document about "Patients' Rights" or ... (read in full...)
Would you contact/meet your first love? After a long time apart?
Q. [OP Original title] Hi there, A General Question. Given the chance, how many of you would contact/meet up with yr 1st Love....and would you do it if you were married/in a realtionship? Cheers ...
A. 10 August 2010: Since I am the only one who seemed willing to meet my first love . . . I guess I'm obligated to answer the question.
Yes, I'd let my wife know. In fact - we have even discussed it, casually, a time or two over the years. She is in favor of it. ... (read in full...)
Is it ok to have my boyfriend over at my parents house or is my mum right to be upset?
Q. I don't actually have a problem, I just want to hear other opinions about a certain situation. My parents went away for the weekend and I invited my boyfriend over, so I wouldn't be alone. When my parents came back I spoke to my mom and I told her...
A. 9 August 2010: In the end, your mother makes the rules in her house.... (read in full...)
Hair
Q. This is for all you guys out there what do you like a womans hair long or short? Witch is more of a turn on? Me personally I like my hair long. :) what do you guys think? Thanks for reading ~Lucy...
A. 6 August 2010: Bob Dylan said it best in "Girl From the North Country":
" Please see for me if her hair is hanging down
If it curls and flows all down her breast
Please see for me if her hair is hanging down
That's the way I remember her best. "... (read in full...)
Would you contact/meet your first love? After a long time apart?
Q. [OP Original title] Hi there, A General Question. Given the chance, how many of you would contact/meet up with yr 1st Love....and would you do it if you were married/in a realtionship? Cheers ...
A. 6 August 2010: I am VERY married (36 years this month).
The first girl I loved happened 4 years before I met my wife, and lasted about 6 months. I think we could have had a successful, fulfilling marriage. In retrospect, I see that my wife is better suited t... (read in full...)
Want to have sex, but don't want to tell him I'm a virgin!
Q. I am a 29 year old virgin. This is not something I planned on, it just sort of happened. I am not religious at all, I simply have not found the right guy for me. I dated a guy for awhile when I was a teenager and he really took away my ...
A. 6 August 2010: You REALLY need to let him know! And, if you are really ready for this, you will find a way to let him know.
If he's truly wise enough to know that you must have your " ... mind, heart, and body are all on the same page ...", then it WILL mat... (read in full...)
Does sex for the first time hurt for a male?
Q. dear cupid as i am a male virgin does sex hurt for the first time. and what is like as i would like to know...
A. 6 August 2010: "Danielepew" posted:
"I smell a fake post. 59 years old male asking this question?"
Yes, that sounds rather unusual. If it is truly accurate, the guy needs all the support we can give him because he has probably been damaged by cultural ste... (read in full...)
He came too quickly and now seems embarassed, but I don't want this to ruin our chances at a relationship!
Q. Hello everyone I seriously need help. I met this guy through a friend and we've each had our eyes on one another for quite some time and I really like him, well last night we had sex it was great but he ejaculated quick and he kept saying he ...
A. 5 August 2010: Yes, believe it or not MOST guys really want to give their partners physical pleasure and it disappoints us when we finish too soon.
The classic solution to this problem is you explain to him that he is going to cum at least twice - the first ti... (read in full...)
Does sex for the first time hurt for a male?
Q. dear cupid as i am a male virgin does sex hurt for the first time. and what is like as i would like to know...
A. 5 August 2010: First time or not, it CAN hurt if you try to force an insertion at the wrong place, or the wrong angle. Let your partner help guide you into her. And, regardless of how embarrassing it is for you, make sure your partner knows it's your first time. ... (read in full...)
Mum walks in on me having sex?
Q. Titled by Poster: What a mess i am in. Had a gathering the other night, well i would'nt even call it that, there was like five people and myself there and that's it. Things went well, wasnt anything crazy, nothing broke, i dont think. However, the...
A. 5 August 2010: This is one of those things that will probably NEVER "get back to normal" between you two.
It's not clear to me exactly what the transgression is here. Did you violate the expectations your parents had for when (and under what circumst... (read in full...)
Was she really a virgin?
Q. Hey, i have been with my girlfriend for a little over 2 years now and when we started dating she was a virgin and i wasnt and eventually we ended up having sex and obviously i was the one to take her virginity. My question is and something that has ...
A. 5 August 2010: If anything, her behavior may reinforce her claim of being a virgin. Judging by your age, she probably waited and passed up a few opportunities to have sex before meeting you. That indicates that she values sex as something special and valuable, ... (read in full...)
Sex and pregnancy
Q. Hey I was wondering when your pregnant how far along are most people when they stop having sex? Can it hurt the baby if you do it when your 8 or 9 months?Also sence your already pregnant is it safe to have sex with out a condom and have him cum ...
A. 4 August 2010: This is a medical question that needs to be discussed with your doctor, in light of your particular health situation.
The majority of couples can continue to have sex - complete with intercourse, orgasm, etc - throughout pregnancy. Your doctors ... (read in full...)
Sex during the menstrual cycle, How is it?
Q. Okay... may sound akward or digusting. But I know us females feel the most horniest while we're on our period. I'm not saying I would or wouldn't do this, but I'd like to get more info on this. How is it having sex on your period? Is it ...
A. 3 August 2010: I don't mind sex during the period. In fact, my wife usually requested (or insisted?) on it just before or immediately after she started, to relieve cramps.
Yes, it's messy. That's what old towels are for. It also helps the mess if she showerd,... (read in full...)
What age do most people lose their virginity?
Q. Hello, I am curious as to what age most people lose their virginity. All my friends have had sex, and I was wondering what age most people began having sex....
A. 3 August 2010: In the U.S., the "National Center for Health Statistics" reports are usually accepted as reliable. Their Report Number 26, of Data Series 23, can be found at http://www.cdc.gov/nchs/data/series/sr_23/sr23_026.pdf . Table 13, on page 44, shows ... (read in full...)
How does it feels having sex for the first time in your life as a teenager?
Q. How does it feels having sex for the first time in your life as a teenager?...
A. 3 August 2010: The physiological mechanics of sex, especially your first time, are well-documented here on this Forum - the question probably gets asked a couple times every month. There used to be an article by "satindesire" (and many of the side comments on that ... (read in full...)
Why do I get a tingly feeling all over my body just before I have an orgasm?
Q. Ok im a guy and wen i masturbate right as as im about to have an orgasm i get this tingly feeling all over my body.....why is that...is it good or bad..........
A. 3 August 2010: Probably the usual orgasm response. We're discovering that orgasm is a very complicated thing in both men and women, involving quite a few hormones, proteins, pheremones, and other bits of alchemy that happen in a particular pattern and a ... (read in full...)
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