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What should I confess here? I am a quiet and shy introvert. You can piece together a bio by reading through my early posts. I'm a baby-boomer past the half-century mark, a gray-haired grandfather, so I guess "superannuated" is the most succinct term. My wife & I have been married (to each other!) for over 35 years, but she doesn't like to be called "my first wife". We have two adult children, plus one at university, and one who only lived about a day due to birth complications. We now live in St Louis, Missouri (roughly the center of North America) but grew up in Michigan and have lived in half a dozen different states.
I know how things look on BOTH sides of the hill. I have been 15 years old; I don't know many 15 year olds who have been 55. I have been with my own kids as they grew to be adults, and have been around many other parents (and kids) going through the same thing. (If I tend to sound like your parents, there's a reason. Most of us parents belong to the same union, so we have this "solidarity and brotherhood" thing among ourselves. Most teenagers view that as an Evil Conspiracy against the younger generation.)
I think that Forums such as this are generally helpful, since many factors pertaining to a question can be expressed in a short time. If I said something useful, or if I was way off base, I'd like to hear about it. |
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Is going to visit a state forest free?
Q. This weekend, I'm going to a state forest and I had some questions because I couldn't find much on their website. I was wondering if it costs money, and if so how much. Sorry if that's a dumb question, but I don't know much about it haha. Also, I'm ...
A. 14 May 2010: To really answer this question you need to tell us "Which state?"
I can speak from experience about Missouri, Virginia, and Michigan. (I lived in each of those places for many years.)
Those states' "state forests" are very different from "... (read in full...)
Can a guy tell if you're a virgin or not?
Q. Hi, So i'm 20 and lost my virginity recently. It was with a guy I sort of know. I was drunk at the time and so was he. He didn't know I was a virgin and I haven't told him. I don't think it's a good idea he knows. Is there a way he could tell? I di...
A. 14 May 2010: How drunk were each of you?
He probably noticed SOMETHING was a bit unusual. Whether he passed it off as due to his drunkenness, or your drunkenness, or you're being not very good in bed is hard to say.
I'm truly sad your first experience... (read in full...)
Should I get involved even though I'm going away to college?
Q. I've always thought high school relationships are a waste of time. I've always thought that senior guys and freshman girls getting together was wrong. Now, I met a girl who I really like and really likes me. We kissed for the first time recently. My ...
A. 12 May 2010: Well, statistically, the odds are definitely against you. On the other hand, among my acquaintances I know at least one couple who started in similar circumstances - and have been married (to each other) for almost 40 years.
If what you wrote re... (read in full...)
How do I know if I've climaxed?
Q. Hey guys I'm 13 and i masturbate a lot but I'm not sure if i have had a orgasm yet. i cant ask my mum because she doesn't know that i masturbate anyways. can someone help me?...
A. 8 May 2010: Masturbation is a VERY personal, private, thing so it's understandable - and normal - that you don't want to discuss it with anybody. At the same time - if it's pleasurable, even without orgasm, don't be afraid to enjoy it and not feel guilty. Use ... (read in full...)
Oral Sex Questions
Q. Did you give oral sex to your first girlfriend/boyfriend? Were you their first girlfriend/boyfriend? Did they return the favor? How old were the both of you?...
A. 7 May 2010: I had my first girlfriend when I was 18; she was a few months older. I was her first serious boyfriend, though she had casually dated a couple other guys. It lasted about 5 months. Our physical lovemaking was restricted to hugging, necking, and deep ... (read in full...)
Need answers on first time sex!
Q. did you have sex with your first girlfriend/boyfriend? Were you their first girlfriend/boyfriend too? How old were the both of you?...
A. 7 May 2010: I had my first girlfriend when I was 18; she was a few months older. I was her first serious boyfriend, though she had casually dated a couple other guys. It lasted about 5 months. We did not have sex.
I met my 2nd girlfriend when I was 22; ... (read in full...)
Is it okay for me to "pop the question" on the night of our friends' wedding?
Q. My girlfriend and I have been dating for a little over two years now. We've known each other for about 3.75 years. One of my best friends is getting married to one of my gf's best friends in August and yes, we're both in the wedding party. I know my ...
A. 6 May 2010: Yeah, weddings can put folks into a romantic mood. Among my circle of married friends, there seem to be a lot of kids born 9 months after somebody got married. But I sort of think you knew the answer before you asked the question . . . but you ... (read in full...)
Has anyone got any tips on how to get your boyfriend really horny?
Q. So, i'm a virgin and my boyfriends not. i know it's usually the other way around and all, but not in this situation. he's ate me out, fingered me, and we dryhump all the time. the thing is, i wanna make him really horny. what are some really good ...
A. 4 May 2010: Ummm . . . exactly WHY do you want to get him really horny? To enhance your reputation as a cock-tease? To "prove" that you love him? To let him know that you are ready to give your virginity to him? To "make him" love you?
Are either, ... (read in full...)
He doesn't believe I was a virgin!
Q. Alrite so theres this guy .. we've been dating about 7 mnths now... and we had sex for the first time ... he was a virgin and so was i !... i've never been physical with any guy in my life expect him. then after the sex he tells me that he does...
A. 7 April 2010: Apart from his ignorance factor . . . it sounds like you decided to give your virginity to the wrong guy. Many people, both girls and guys, feel some level of disappointment after their first sexual experience. He may be reacting to this in an ... (read in full...)
I don't want him to take my top off!
Q. my boyfriend and i have been going out for about five months. he regurally takes his top off when making out, when we were making out in a forest he told me he would have taken my top off but i would be cold. he didnt but thing is, i don't want him ...
A. 4 April 2010: When you are ready for this level of physical intimacy it won't bother you as much. When the time is right for some (not all) women they actually WANT to show their bodies and give them to their guy for his pleasure. Keep in mind that different ... (read in full...)
How do you know when he has cum? Does he pull a face?
Q. hi how do you know when a boy has cum during sex? it just confuses me coz i dont know what face they pull or what sound they make when they get to that moment, i never seem to know when my boyfriend has cum. i feel wet and soaked after sex d...
A. 27 March 2010: Guys generally aren't nearly as demonstrative as girls when they climax. I tend to moan rather loudly, twitch and spasm all over - and I have been told I "cum like a girl".
You may be able to feel his penis pulsing inside you as he ejaculat... (read in full...)
Can being too wet be a bad thing?
Q. This is a question coming from an obvious virgin, but I'm a little worried at the same time. I get wet very easily and very fast. It's enough to saturate my underwear. My only problem is I'm worried I'm going to be TOO wet when I actualy have sex. ...
A. 15 January 2010: Don't worry about it until you actually KNOW that it's a problem.
A few guys might be put off by it, but they're a minority. If you are with the right partner, and having sex for the right reasons, either he'll actually find it a turn-on (part of... (read in full...)
My first time was not a good experience and now has me doubting that I might be gay!
Q. im 20 yrs old and im wondering if am i gay??? because i just lost my virginity to a girl complete stranger i dont know i just met her and did it. i thought the sex was gonna be real good cause its my first time but it wasnt hers and it was good but ...
A. 5 January 2010: Hey, you masturbated into a woman's vagina and it wasn't as good as what somebody's fictional fantasy made you think it would be.
You didn't really have sex - you certainly didn't make love - and I suggest you need to turn off the porn flicks, ... (read in full...)
Sex on a first date, today he is quiet, will he show for our date tomorrow?!
Q. I slept with a guy on our first date! Now he seems distant.. We have only really known each other a month but the instant we met online he lived near, attractive it was like we was made for each other.. he instantly give me his number and got on...
A. 4 January 2010: To be honest, it sounds like you two moved too fast. You have both compromised your principles and now regret it. It takes a lot of courage to admit this to each other. It's difficult, but not impossible, to go back to the "before sex" ... (read in full...)
What did his actions and his words mean?
Q. Ok.... i'm a little confused. Last night I went on a date with this guy and we went back to his place and made a bonfire in the backyard. We ended up sitting around it for a good 3 hours just talking but nothing physical happened. At the end of the ...
A. 4 January 2010: It probably means that he finds you attractive on both a physical and mental level. He may subconsciously realize that he could learn to love you. He possibly sensed that pursuing a physical connection at this time would actually get in the way of ... (read in full...)
How can we make sex more pleasurable for both of us? It hurt so much last time we tried!
Q. Last night, my long-time boyfriend and I had sex. It was both of our first time. We deeply love one another and were both ready for sex. My problem is that it was painful, for both of us. He is uncircumcised and the skin pulled back and ...
A. 4 January 2010: I hope you two see this as part of a plan involving something like "marriage", or "life partners", etc. I can assure you that your disappointing experience will not be significant in the context of commitments you expect to last for several ... (read in full...)
Could he really be in love with me after only 2 weeks?
Q. My boyfriend and I have been dating for 2 weeks now and tonight during sex (he was about to finish) he said my name, took a long pause and said "i love you." i responded by laughing saying "no you dont." and that its only been a couple weeks. he ...
A. 4 January 2010: Let me make sure I understand this: You two were having sex - I presume that means full penetrative intercourse, not just necking and fondling - and you've known each other for only 2 weeks, and up to now neither of you thought you loved each other? ... (read in full...)
How can I hide the fact that I am a virgin and act wild and crazy in bed?
Q. So I promised this guy that I would have sex with him. I really want to. I talked myself up and made it sound like I'm really experienced. I've done everything but have sex. He's expecting me to be wild and crazy. Truth is I need tips on being wild ...
A. 4 January 2010: So why are you trying to pass yourself off as something you're not? In other situations that is known as "fraud" and it seldom leaves a positive impression.
Even more importantly, why are you treating this intimate, very personal, activity... (read in full...)
As a male, does losing your virginity hurt?
Q. hi i'm 19 and havent had sex yet. and dont have a lot of expirience or know how about it either. i know losing your virginity can hurt if your a girl but what i want to know is is it the same for a male? thanks hope you can answer me...
A. 4 January 2010: Like "The Dude" said, it DOES hurt if you're not aligned and positioned in the right place. My first time was with a similarly virginal partner who couldn't tell that I wasn't quite right, and yeah, it was a little painful (and rather humiliating) ... (read in full...)
Can anyone see problems with being a 25 year old virgin?
Q. Im a 25yr old female virgin, can anyone see a problems with this? Im a shy girl and have anxiety and depression that ive had since childhood. I've no experience with guys but am happy waiting for mr right to come along. I believe that if...
A. 4 January 2010: It's a problem only if YOU think it's a problem. Statistically, you ARE a minority - but so are left-handed Eskimos. Your situation actually reflects a strong personality that can take a stand on something you consider to be important.
You'r... (read in full...)
27 year old virgin, Help!
Q. im another 27 year old male virgin, and dont know why. i am in good shape and work out. i have not much self confidence and no self image really and im afraid to get intimate, becuase im inexperinced in sex. i am really afraid to talk to and ...
A. 3 January 2010: The feeling of "being the only single in a sea of couples" can be devastating. I was there!
I presume your are ultimately looking for a life-partner relationship, not just somebody to satisfy your needs for companionship and sex. Rather than bar... (read in full...)
Afraid 2 have sex with virgin gf
Q. my girlfriend of 3 months is a virgin. i am not a virgin and hav been in 1 relationship so far in my life. im not looking for anything 2 serios yet due 2 my former heartache but my gf keeps pestering me for sex n im afriad 2 give it 2 her. if i take ...
A. 3 January 2010: Most people - girls more than guys, but it's common in both sexes - get especially attached to their first sexual partner. Yes, you are likely to do some emotional damage to her if you split in the future. She may be subconsciously thinking that ... (read in full...)
Is she having an orgasm?
Q. I just want to know how do I tell when my girlfriend is about to have an orgasm or is busy having one, because most of the time when i give her oral sex, her body shakes and she tenses up for a moment then releases and she moans alot, is she ...
A. 3 January 2010: It certainly sounds like she's having an orgasm. Don't be surprised if she needs your tongue or fingers to get her there, and can't achieve orgasm with you inside her - that's not unusual. But . . . it gives the two of you a wonderful opportunity ... (read in full...)
Does sex always hurt first time?
Q. Hey i need a bit of help i`ve been getting to that age now that i have been thinking a bit about sex. I feel like i want to do it and my boyfriend sean who lives in ireland wants me and him to do it when he comes down soon. But when i talked to this ...
A. 3 January 2010: The majority of women say they experience something between "mild discomfort" and "hurts like hell". A sizable minority report no pain or discomfort at all.
As a guy, I was totally surprised that the initial insertion of my first time hurt ME ... (read in full...)
15 and pregnant. HELP!
Q. Im 15 And Pregnant, i really need help. So please tell me what you think i should do....
A. 3 January 2010: Speaking as a parent myself - with 3 adult children - you really DO need to let your parents know as soon as possible. I suggest you watch the movie "Juno". The pregnant teenager in that film discovers her parents actually become quite supportive ... (read in full...)
Advice on sex and pregnancy?
Q. Hello all, I had a quick question concerning sex and pregnancy. I'm 36 weeks pregnant with our first baby and my boyfriend and I still have sex, its not as often as it once was, maybe only 3-5 times a week. My doctor never told us that we should ...
A. 2 January 2010: Like "satindesire" said in the first response - your doctor is the best person to give advice about this.
It sounds like you have already asked, and been told that sex is OK. I think that's how it is for most couples. My wife and I have bee... (read in full...)
Lost my virginity I need help please
Q. ok i lost my virginity yesterday early in the morning around 1 or 2am in the morning me and my boyfriend want to have sex again but will it hurt worse the second time or not?and will it be hard for it to go in even though i already had sex once?...
A. 2 January 2010: Teach your guy to give you plenty of foreplay - preferably bringing you to orgasm - before he tries to insert. You should also bring him to climax before intercourse - it'll help him be more controlled and attentive to your needs.
The only tim... (read in full...)
Unsure what to do...pregnant at 15!!
Q. well without a doubt im pregnat. 15 years of age thats the bad thing about it. with me being sexually active i had only one partner wich is my boyfriend. we have been together for two years now, and we always used a condom. i just dont know what to ...
A. 2 January 2010: Speaking as a parent myself - with 3 adult children - I think you're selling your parents short. I suggest you watch the movie "Juno". The pregnant teenager in that film discovers her parents actually become quite supportive of her situation as ... (read in full...)
Leaving for the army! Should I marry him?
Q. My boyfriend of about 3 months told me an hour ago that he was leaving for the army in a few hours i dont know what to do he also asked me to marry him but im scared that he will get hurt im 15 and hes 19 anyone know what i should do? ...
A. 2 January 2010: Whether you are 15 or 50, if he's telling you about leaving for the Army only a few hours (or a few days) before it happens - you do NOT have a relationship that is ready for marriage.... (read in full...)
Should I wait to have sex?
Q. I have been dating the same man for 2 years now. We have been friends for several years before that. I am 19, in college and still a virgin.My question is for those who have had sex and are married, do you think that it would have been more special ...
A. 24 December 2009: I'm married, and I'm glad my wife and I waited until we were married (at age 23) to have intercourse. The first time WAS lousy sex - but also very special and significant for us.
There are other ways, short of intercourse, for you and your fia... (read in full...)
How does sex feel?
Q. How does sex feel for a guy, when i decide to have it with my girlfriend, it will be my first time. Like what does it feel like in the inside and in your mind...
A. 24 December 2009: Will it be her first time, too? If so - the two of you really DO need to talk - before trying sex.
Physically it feels about like "DoubleM" said. I think the difference between vaginal sex and other stimulation is that the stimulation is more ... (read in full...)
During kissing/cuddling/etc I suddenly orgasm without stimulation! Is this normal?
Q. Me and my fiance are both virgins, we are saving our selves tell we got married, but we do have kisses and cuddling....etc The problem is some of the times when we are kissing i suddenly orgasm !!!!! It been concerning me, should i seek for medical ...
A. 24 December 2009: Not unusual. It's only a real problem if you have to somehow keep your partner from finding out what's happening.... (read in full...)
Would you still marry your spouse if you knew then what you know now?
Q. To all the married couples, ten years or more: 1. If you can go back in time knowing what you know now about your spouse, would you still marry him or her? 2. If you won a large jackpot lottery of millions, would you stay with your spouse?...
A. 21 December 2009: Yes, I'd marry her - assuming, of course, that she'd marry me! And why should winning the lottery make any difference?... (read in full...)
I wonder how people "know" when they meet the person they'll marry for the first time
Q. You hear so many people say, when you meet the one "you just know" and "I knew I would marry him". How many people feel this strongly on a first meeting? Did you know this would be the man you would marry when you first met him? ...
A. 19 December 2009: I don't think the "love at first sight" thing happens very often, if at all. It's easy to glamorize the first meeting in hindsight. To get a more accurate measurement you might ask the question from the other perspective:
"How often have you met ... (read in full...)
Can you give me tips for being on-top?
Q. Hi, im a woman. I want to please my boyfriend. can you give me tips for being on-top? thanks...
A. 18 December 2009: Do whatever is the most enjoyable for you. I like woman-on-top positions because both my hands are free to explore her body and pleasure her - and my partner finds it much easier to climax that way, and I LOVE to hold her during her orgasm! ... (read in full...)
I wasn't penetrated so I'm still a virgin, aren't I?
Q. ok so here's thing... last night my boyfriend and i were in the back seat of his car and we were just mucking around exploring each other's bodies, when he started to push against me which was fine because i wanted him to but i didn't want him to e...
A. 17 December 2009: You are still a virgin until a penis enters you and stretches your vagina open.
What you did for your B/F is sometimes called "dry humping" or "heavy petting" or "outercourse". Many couples use this as a way to maintain technical virginit... (read in full...)
By penis only!
Q. I am 20 years old and I am a virgin. I dont know how to have sex, I was looking for educational videos but all i found is porn videos and its disgusting. Can a girl have first time sex (losing virginity) without using the finger, just by penis ...
A. 17 December 2009: Yes. The amount of discomfort you experience during first intercourse is related to how well your partner prepares you. He doesn't need to insert anything, though it will be much easier if he brings you to orgasm just before starting the ... (read in full...)
Converting between Christian Religions?
Q. I was born and raised a catholic, recently I've been going to a Christian services and I absolutely love it. My question is it bad that I want to convert and be baptized as a Christian?...
A. 14 December 2009: Ummm . . . how old are you? Have you REALLY looked into what this denomination believes? Are you mostly going on your "good feelings", and perhaps a little pressure from the friends you've found?
If you can give honest and complete answers ... (read in full...)
Nervous... Sex for the first time!!!
Q. okay so my boyfriend and i are about to have sex for the first time... we are both virgins, and i really want to and so does he but im scared. please help. i love him and everything is perfect but im just a little nervous and stuff. HELPP!...
A. 14 December 2009: What, exactly, are you scared about? Is it physical, mental, or emotional fear?
The article by "satindesire" (and many of the side comments on that page) is excellent! Probably a must-read for you and your B/F. You can find it at [ http://w... (read in full...)
My mother's ideas and mine clash on morality
Q. My mom has these outdated ideas about relationships/dating/sex. She’s not a strict person but when it comes to these things she’s very prude. I stayed over at my bf’s house the other night. The day before I told her where I would be spending the ...
A. 14 December 2009: I don't know what the arrangement is between you and your parents regarding their mortgage, but in general as long as you live under your parents' roof they will expect you to abide by the long established "house rules".
If your account is accur... (read in full...)
Will he be turned off when he sees me naked?
Q. im scared to let my boyfriend see me without my shit or pants off because im self conscience about my body and the fact that i have "smaller breasts" he went from being with a skinny chick with a D cup to me which im not fat im athletic with a okay ...
A. 11 December 2009: Another male guy person of the masculine sex offers an opinion here -
Yeah, our culture has conditioned guys to want big boobs. Even though there's that Bible verse about how "A man should leave his parents and cleave to his wife", it does NOT... (read in full...)
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