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Want to lose my virginity but uncomfortable with the way I look.

Tagged as: Dating, Sex, Virginity<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (14 January 2008) 16 Answers - (Newest, 16 June 2008)
A female United States age 30-35, anonymous writes:

i will be turning 17 in a few months. I am still a vrigin and one of the select few in my school. I kinda want to lose my virginity but i am very uncomfortable with the way i look. I feel totally disgusted wen i look in the mirrors. My friends say i look fine but they dont see what i see and they havent seen me without my clothes on. I dont know what to do. I want to lose it to one of my best friends before he goes away to collegge but im wicked nervous about everything.

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A male reader, sound lad United Kingdom +, writes (16 June 2008):

im nearly 18 and i know what you mean im not in a rush to lose my virginity but want to experince it but i to feel very uncomfortable with my body and body parts(size if you know wat i mean)but i think that if he is the right lasd or girl then they shoundt care what you look like naked.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (15 January 2008):

if you that nervous about it then your not ready to loose it. it should be with someone who likes you for you and respects your feelings. dont rush into it just cos your mates are doing it. it dosent make you look cool when you sleep around, its cool to wait for the right person. you deserve to be treated with complete respect, when the time is right, with the right person, you'll know.

you will feel so much happier knowing you lost your virginity with someone that cares for you.

good luck x

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A female reader, lets_party United Kingdom +, writes (15 January 2008):

lets_party agony aunti feel un conftorbale with the way i look but i done wat ur thinking of doing i lost it to a bloke i did not know and i regreated it still now who cares if u dont lose it no one will have ago at u and when ur ready u r ready when ur not ur not people dont avertise that there virgins because its no ones business it urs and ur boyfriend if u dicide to lose it to him guys should be happy to lose it to u dont give it up guys will love u for who u are

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A reader, anonymous, writes (15 January 2008):

to be honest .. i can totally see form where you are coming from .. but do you really want ot loose it to your best mate before he goes to college ??

And it doesnt matter what you look on the outside .. it what matters on the inside .... ignore all the people that tell you that your fat or your not pretty because you know what ... there not important ..... as long as you belive in yourself and whats on the inside .. then dont let any one or even your self tell you otherwise .....

now back to loosing it ..... honestly .. i think that you should wait untill he gets back .. or you could meet up with im when he has gone to college .. im sure that just because he has gone to college .. doesnt mean that he will not have any time .. and do u actually like each other or are you just friends .... when you asked what you should do .. you said your best mate ...

now to me that means that he is your mate and u just want to loose it to him because he is your friend ... but unless you really like each other than more than just friends .. then i wouldnt loose it to my best friend ...

I can honestly see where your coming from ... i have this 18 year old friend who went out with my bets friend ...... and even though my best mate was younger .. they still did it .... so what im really trying to say is

Do You Think That You Are Ready ... or is it just you telling your self you want to .....

my advice would be to talk it over with your best mate .. sort everything out .. and then just actually have a heart 2 heart chat about it n see if you mentaly are ready or your just telling yourself you r ....

i hope this helps .. sorry i wrote so much

xx

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A female reader, Hornygirl Guatemala +, writes (15 January 2008):

First of all, loosing your virginity won't make you smaller or bigger or even prettier, you just have to deal with your body and if you don't like it do the possible to change the things you don't like, it doesn't mean you lose your virginity because: It's the most precious thing you can have as a woman and you won't like to lose it with a guy you don't love, it's cheesy, I know but it's the truth I lost it with my current boyfriend which I'm so in love, and despite we may someday broke up, he's a guy I won't never regret to made love with him.

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A male reader, Yos Netherlands +, writes (15 January 2008):

Yos agony auntIt's funny how I thought I was (aged 17) one of the only virgins left in my school.

Only later do you find out how many people pretend to have had sex to seem cool. It's most people.

I promise you there are A LOT more virgins in your school than you think. Many of the people telling you they have had sex are making it up.

I also strongly recommend NOT losing it to a guy before he runs away to college. You want to have sex with someone you have good long term chance with. It's much better for everyone when that happens. It's just human nature.

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A male reader, chlez83 Zambia +, writes (15 January 2008):

Why in such a hurry to lose your virginity? Are you in a competition of losing virginity? I see,must be your friends and you think you are weird being a virgin.Well brace yourself coz it's sure gonna hurt and let's hope da same guy you wana do it with is made like a porn star down there so you quit before you begin!!

Get a life and be yourself.You are wonderfully created to be loved and admired and not to be used for sex.Sex should be part of a loving relationship with respect,trust and committment.Have you found that yet? That's what you should be looking for right now.Even that you don't rush it.

Good Luck

Take care.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (15 January 2008):

please dont set yourself up for failure and heartbreak if he's going off to college i dont think the one night stand with you will make him want a relationship..he may even think less of you..virginity is a good thing i know you're curious..but me myself lost my virginity by rape..if that didnt happen im 99% sure to this day i would be a virgin..wait for the right time and the right person..virginity is something sacred you are pure and after women lose their virginity they kinda envy those who still have because things dont always work out with the one they lost it to..you still have some growing to do so learn to love yourself first sweetheart nobodys perfect in their own eyes but you learn to adjust and thats what makes you you..you dont have to let it be known your a virgin keep it to yourself thats your business and therefore the whole school wouldn't know..

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A female reader, studentnurse United States +, writes (15 January 2008):

Point Blank if you can't love yourself enough the way you are, then you can't love someone enough to lose your virgintiy. And beside doing it with a your best friend who is leaving, chances are you will regret it. And that is something nobody should have to do. They should look back at that time as a great moment not something filled with pain and regret. And you are not a select few left in your school, most of the other girls are just trying to look cool, and don't even know what sex is. So save it for when your truly ready, nobody buy you knows when that will be.

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A male reader, daletom United States +, writes (15 January 2008):

"baby duck" gave a pretty good answer.

It sounds like your main reasons for having sex are just to satisfy your curiosity, and "get it over with". I won't tell you that "virginity is your most prized asset", but I WILL say that a LOT of people respect and value sexuality more than you seem to. Chances are that at some point in your life they will ask you why you respect it so much less than they do. What will you say? "Well, it seemed like a nice farewell token for this friend that I'll never see again."

Your concentration on appearance shows that you see only the physical mechanics of sex. There's a LOT more to it than that! It's not like deciding to get your ears pierced, or learning to play violin because sex involves your emotions and spirit. It becomes a special part of the shared experience that bonds people, perhaps for a lifetime. It adds to love and commitment, but it doesn't create either love nor commitment.

Please reconsider this decision!

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A female reader, Laura1318 Malaysia +, writes (15 January 2008):

Laura1318 agony auntVirginity is a girl's most prized asset.You can only give it once and you are expected to give this gift to the man you love the most and want to marry.

In other parts of the world , virginity is most prized and online auctions can sometimes reach 20K .

Beauty is in the eye of the beholder.Perhaps you are too critical of your looks. If a man loves you , he sees not your external beauty but the beauty that radiates from your insides, your soul than inhabits that body.

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A female reader, GemmaPemma United Kingdom +, writes (15 January 2008):

If think if your not yet comfortable with the way you look i feel your rushing into this with this boy.

Why not spend some more time with him and get to know each other bodies if you feel although your ready for this part of your life then little by little as you see the bits other people like about your naked body you will feel more confortable about yourself.

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A female reader, O Connor Ireland +, writes (15 January 2008):

O Connor agony auntfirst of all everyone has insecurities about their bodies, especially those who havent shared it with someone else before. im sure you have a lovely figure and other ppl see this. have you talked to this guy about losing it to him? if so and he is willing, then he obviously finds you attractive enough!! learn to love your body, other ppl already do and will and over time you will learn!just be confident! im sure your gorgeous hun, email me if you want tips, more help etc xxx

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (15 January 2008):

been as you only want to 'kinda' lose your virginity, & the fact that your not comfortable with the way you look,its seems as though your not ready to have sex,just because you think everyone else has lost thier virginity doesnt mean they actually have,you should wait untill your in a loving relationship with someone who you feel comfortable to be naked around & will love you just for you & wont care about your flaws,trust me it will be a much better experience with someone like this. :)

Hope i've helped. x

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (15 January 2008):

say no to peer pressure

who gives a shit if your a late bloomer

as long as your first tim eis good and you can look back on it in 30 years and reminisce about it being cute not sleazy or anything

:) and you probs look gd compared to me so dont worry

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A female reader, xapathyxrebornx United Kingdom +, writes (14 January 2008):

xapathyxrebornx agony auntI think you shou.d wait until you're with someone you love and if they love they they wont care what you look like. They will make you feel comfortable with yourself. (i was the same)

Anyway please dont have sex until your ready. If your like this i suggest you wait until you are ready adn please try not to give a damn about what anyone else things and be proud you are a virgin and proud for that day you have sex and give your virginity to the one you love x

message me if you want to talk =] x

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