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What should I confess here? I am a quiet and shy introvert. You can piece together a bio by reading through my early posts. I'm a baby-boomer past the half-century mark, a gray-haired grandfather, so I guess "superannuated" is the most succinct term. My wife & I have been married (to each other!) for over 35 years, but she doesn't like to be called "my first wife". We have two adult children, plus one at university, and one who only lived about a day due to birth complications. We now live in St Louis, Missouri (roughly the center of North America) but grew up in Michigan and have lived in half a dozen different states.
I know how things look on BOTH sides of the hill. I have been 15 years old; I don't know many 15 year olds who have been 55. I have been with my own kids as they grew to be adults, and have been around many other parents (and kids) going through the same thing. (If I tend to sound like your parents, there's a reason. Most of us parents belong to the same union, so we have this "solidarity and brotherhood" thing among ourselves. Most teenagers view that as an Evil Conspiracy against the younger generation.)
I think that Forums such as this are generally helpful, since many factors pertaining to a question can be expressed in a short time. If I said something useful, or if I was way off base, I'd like to hear about it. |
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I'm scared about having sex
Q. okay so me and my boyfriend have been dating for about 7 month's and all we have done sexually is he has fingered me. i really don't want him feeling like i won't do anything with him but i'm just scared since i never have before. we've planne...
A. 24 June 2009: Not all fear is a bad kind of fear, but in this case I think your feelings are telling you that having sex is the wrong thing to do. Other responses have explained why this is so.
At the very least, your body is not ready for sex. A little "... (read in full...)
Does he have feelings after losing his virginity to me?
Q. So,this other guy from my group- he's a total computer geek,but him and i are pretty much best friends,and we slept together a few months ago,and basically he lost his virginity to me.. My question is,for all you guys especially,and g...
A. 22 June 2009: That's actually a rather complicated question.
In general, yes, guys often become attached to their first sex partner. It can be troubling for them if they think the girl doesn't have some feelings in return.
If he planned to stay a virgin... (read in full...)
Appropriate to send flowers on her birthday?
Q. Is it appropriate to send the girl i like so much and have liked for so long flowers on her birthday? She doesn't really like me back, but i really feel like I want to do something for her. I dont know if I should though....
A. 20 June 2009: Yes, it would be appropriate to send flowers - but keep it very simple. Trying to impress her with a lavish, expensive, floral spread will only appear insincere and will backfire on you. A very inexpensive bouquet, or just a few stems of carnation ... (read in full...)
Can't stand my small breasts ...
Q. Hi I need your help, I'm a young female of 20, and for the past 4 or 5 years I have had an issue with my breasts. To be honest I can’t stand them -- they are too small and I don’t feel womanly! It’s been getting to me even more in the past cou...
A. 10 June 2009: I wish I had some really good advice to give you. Unfortunately, you have been brainwashed by our culture and it's REALLY messing up your mind.
For almost 35 years now I have been married to a lovely lady who has (in U.S. sizes - your clothes ... (read in full...)
He always finishes the job (oral sex), am I not doing it well?
Q. I have been dating my "boyfriend" for about 9 months and we've had a physical relationship for about 6 or less. He obviously wants oral and I have willingly given it. We were firsts for each other and I feel like I am doing the worst possible blow ...
A. 9 June 2009: First off, don't assume that you're NOT doing a good job!
I'm one of those guys who has difficulty climaxing from oral sex. I usually have to work at climaxing when I know my wife wants me to cum in her mouth. Although blowjobs have a reputati... (read in full...)
Am I too you to propose marriage?
Q. I want to propose to my gf but i think i mite be too young im 19 and my girlfriend is to.i totally love her.I've just got 2 questions to ask. 1.Am I too young to propose? 2.How could I do it ?...
A. 9 June 2009: Read the threads "Should we get engaged?" at [ http://www.dearcupid.org/question/should-we-get-engaged.html ] and "Is three years long enough to have been together before getting engaged?" at [ ... (read in full...)
Is it possible to get an STI from someone who doesn't have one?
Q. Dear Cupid, Is it possible to get an STI off somone who doesnt have one?...
A. 9 June 2009: Young people - especially women, but also men - sometimes pick up bladder infections or vaginal yeast infections when they first become sexually active. The term "Honeymoon Bladder" is sometimes applied to these infections. I don't think they are ... (read in full...)
Can anyone tell me about England?
Q. can anyone here who lives in England tell me how great a place it is to be in? ever since i met this girl from England over the internet 5 months ago, i have become fascinated over England and English girls and their accents, etc. now i find myself ...
A. 9 June 2009: I can't tell you much about England (I was there on business for 4 days in 1976) but I see other kind people have!
I'm glad you want to visit, or even live there for a while, maybe even a long while. Being interested in other places, and other cu... (read in full...)
My pregnant wife has a high libido, is this normal?
Q. Hi, my wife of almost an entire year has been pregnant with my son for about six months now and she is quite literally all over me every night I get home from work. I mean, I obviously don't mind all the bedroom/shower/every damn room of the house ...
A. 8 June 2009: My wife was pretty horny when she was pregnant (4 times). I think I read someplace that about 1/3 of all women are like that. That worked well for us because, contrary to a lot of social conditioning, I think pregnant women are beautiful, sexy, ... (read in full...)
What should I expect for my first time?? how can we make it "easier" on me?
Q. i'm almost 18 and i'm still a virgin... not that i'm upset or ashamed about it, i'm actually quite proud. Me and my bf have been dating for 5mths, and i think i'm finally ready to have sex. I love my bf, and completely trust him... but i'm stil...
A. 6 June 2009: Some variation of this question gets asked about once a week around here. You can find a lot of information by looking back through some old threads, for example those tagged as "still a virgin" at ... (read in full...)
Are guys being selfish if they stop having sex after they orgasm?
Q. This is a question for men. Can you control how long you keep your erection for? Is it subconcious and out of your control or is it somewhat of a 'skill'? The reason I ask is because my boyfriend now can keep it hard for as long as we want to have ...
A. 6 June 2009: After a guy has an orgasm he will probably lose his erection within a few minutes. And yes, right after climax a guy may be very sensitive, even to the point of pain, around the glans ("head") of his penis. Some guys can recharge and get a new ... (read in full...)
Did I mess up our first date by not kissing her?
Q. Met this great girl from an online dating site. We met up for a walk and she adjusted her lipstick at the end and waited expectantly near her bus stop. I wasn't comfortable. This was the first time I saw this girl face to face and I really wasn't ...
A. 6 June 2009: I think you're looking for explanations in the wrong places. And, I don't think you messed things up by anything you did.
I'm actually rather impressed that you did NOT kiss her, because it didn't seem right to you - even though she might ha... (read in full...)
Wondering how people's 'first times' were?
Q. Okay so I've been awfully curious about how different first times having sex has gone. This isn't like an advice needed thing. I would just like to hear how male and female first times went. Did you regret it after? What made you feel like you were ...
A. 5 June 2009: (A male guy-person of the masculine sex responds.)
Of course, everybody is different. I don't think it "matters less" to guys - but it probably matters in a different way. My first time was definitely emotional for me. I don't regret it at al... (read in full...)
Sex and virginity
Q. hey, ok I have a million questions, but ill ask this one question that I have had in my head for a while. im a virgin and I always think guys want to have sex with me because of that but I also think once I tell a guy im a virgin they don't want to ...
A. 31 May 2009: If you're running in a crowd where your sexual experience (or lack thereof) is a significant factor in determining your social status - I think you're hanging out with the wrong people.
Some guys ARE only out to get as much as they can - it's s... (read in full...)
Do men like older virgins?
Q. Men and Older Virgins? I know most men are into young women - especially if they are still chaste and virginal - but what do men think of older women who are still virgins? For example women in their 30s or even 40s as there are still some of us ab...
A. 31 May 2009: Speaking directly to your question, yes there are guys who will be put off by your status because it labels you as somebody who won't "put out". There are also guys who will be attracted to you, as something of a challenge to get into bed. These ... (read in full...)
What are the chances a girl keeps her virginity until marriage?
Q. I'm just wondering how many girls keep their virginity until 20 + or until they get married ? I really have no idea about that so thanks for your answer by the way....
A. 28 May 2009: It varies a lot between countries and between cultures.
The U.S. "Center for Health Statistics" says that about 10% of guys, and 15% of girls, are virgins up to the month they are married. (See http://w... (read in full...)
First time ideas?
Q. I have a girlfreind and we both are still virgin. For some time we are thinking of doing sex ,so please let me know some tips for first time sex and the best position to break her hymen for less pain...
A. 27 May 2009: There is a lot of excellent material in the article by "satindesire" called "Thinking about losing your virginity?" at http://www.dearcupid.org/question/thinking-about-losing-your-virginity.html - and also in the responses to the article.
Some ... (read in full...)
Should girls shave their pubic hair, or do guys find it attractive?
Q. ok i hope no one thinks im nasty or something but should girls shave pubic hair? or do guys find it attractive for girls to have it? im not haveing sex or anything i just wanted to know? ...
A. 24 May 2009: Dissenting opinion here -
I prefer a somewhat natural bush. Trimmed is fine. Completely shaved makes me think of plucked chickens, or that I'm with some prebuscent 13-year old rather than a mature woman.
My wife practices good personal hy... (read in full...)
I don't want to go through life with an ugly surname!
Q. Many people won't understand how I feel, but I have a surname that I have hated since I was a child, so much that it feels like a burden to me. I know there are much bigger problems, but it bothers me to have an ugly, generic name that I don't ...
A. 24 May 2009: Is this a legitimate post, or are you fishing for reactions?
There are established procedures for legally changing your name. These vary from state to state, and the administrivial details (things like who needs to be notified, the forms and fees... (read in full...)
Does feeling a "real" penis make the difference???
Q. My partner's stopped wearing a condom because we want to start a family. The third time we had intercourse this way I experienced my 1st ever orgasm - it was unmistakable and I really had to cry out with the pleasure. I was just wondering whethe...
A. 22 May 2009: It could also be that HE had better feedback to tell when he was being too rough, or too gentle, on you.... (read in full...)
He didn't try to kiss me at the end of our date... why?
Q. I went on a blind date with a guy last night. We're both in our mid 20s. The date seemed to go pretty well. We talked and laughed, not really any awkward silences. It wasn't the best date I've been on, but it was fun and I would definitely go out ...
A. 21 May 2009: It could be that he was SO ATTRACTED to you that he didn't want to risk frightening you away by too much affection, too soon!
Give things a chance to develop. If it gets to be 2 or 3 more smoochless dates then it's time for YOU to take the init... (read in full...)
A poll regarding virginity
Q. I am wondering at what age most people lost their virginity? This is a really interesting subject to me and I am just curious, I googled it and it says the average age is 16, but thats seems a little old to me. It also said like only half of the ...
A. 19 May 2009: "Blondy", when I sum your tallies I get 37 responses. I don't think it's valid to dismiss the reports after age 20 as "random and sporadic" - all told, they represent almost a third of the results! In fact, the distribution is probably a good ... (read in full...)
Fiancee says we are never going to have sex!
Q. Me and my fiancee have been together for about 7 months, and we love either other very much, but she told me that we are never going to have sex. I love her and i would never cheat on her. but it is getting to me. We used to fool around but lately ...
A. 19 May 2009: I don't think 7 months is too SOON to be getting engaged, but if this attitude about sex has struck you completely unexpectedly then you two may not be ready to be engaged. I suggest you read what I wrote in the thread "Should we get engaged?" at [ ... (read in full...)
A poll regarding virginity
Q. I am wondering at what age most people lost their virginity? This is a really interesting subject to me and I am just curious, I googled it and it says the average age is 16, but thats seems a little old to me. It also said like only half of the ...
A. 17 May 2009: A lot of the "polls" and "surveys" that you see (including this one!) aren't accurate. They lack scientific controls, and seldom represent a true cross-section of people. Many of these are created by individuals or organizations that have a stake ... (read in full...)
She's pregnant and the sex is great? Is that normal?
Q. ok well my wife is pregnent and lately the sex (when we do have it) well, it has been like great is this normal i mean......
A. 16 May 2009: "Make it more enjoyable for her?"? Is she complaining about anything?
First, get her doctor to tell her that sex is OK, and it's almost impossible for you to hurt the baby while having normal sex. Then explore together.
Let her get on top a... (read in full...)
What do I do during sex, I've no idea?
Q. Me and my gf are planning to have sex for the first time soon. (We are both virgins and 16) Im not sure what im supposed to do, do I just do what ive seen in porn?? If not can you please advise??...
A. 16 May 2009: Do you care for this girl? What you see in porn is certainly NOT "making love" (which is what I hope you want to do, if she's special to you) and generally not even a real good example of just "having sex".
Yeah, the article by "satinde... (read in full...)
Why did sex hurt the first time?
Q. So i had sex for the very first time last week, but it wasn't my boyfriends first time. It hurt i know thats normal for the first time and it was hard to get in at first cos i must be tight, but what i was wondering is does it feel different for the ...
A. 16 May 2009: Yes, most guys would say "the tighter the better" - up to a point. If you want to give him a special thrill, do Kegel exercises and learn to control your PC muscles. (Google "Kegel PC" to learn about these.) It will take several months of ... (read in full...)
She's pregnant and the sex is great? Is that normal?
Q. ok well my wife is pregnent and lately the sex (when we do have it) well, it has been like great is this normal i mean......
A. 16 May 2009: When my wife was pregnant - especially the first 6 - 7 months - she wanted more sex, and was more responsive, and it was generally "better sex" than when she wasn't pregnant. Check with her doctor, but in most cases there is no medical reason to ... (read in full...)
Is it better to wait for sex?
Q. So I'm 19 and a virigin. I have a bf who's also a virigin (he's my first ever bf) and he really wants to have sex. We came kinda close to doing it once but we've never gone all the way. Part of me really wants to wait til marraige but part of me ...
A. 8 May 2009: Yes, he is pressuring you. Maybe not intentionally, but he is.
(I can't make out the itty-bitty flag icon next to your ID - is it Mexico? Whatever country it represents, the following details are probably a little different.)
A little rese... (read in full...)
I can't have sex with her without security - how do I tell her?
Q. I am at university, and am currently dating a wonderful woman. However, I don't want to have sex with her just yet (I am a virgin) and be heart-broken if she leaves me due to problems further down the line. It is so easy to end relationships (and ...
A. 8 May 2009: Here's a male guy person of the masculine sex saying the same thing you've heard from the girls: Come out and tell your G/F that you place a high value on your sexuality and don't think the relationship has yet matured to the point where sex should ... (read in full...)
I find older women more attractive, physically and intellectually.....
Q. Hi I am 28 years old and I have always preferred older women. the first time I had sex I was 15 and she was 23 and from that point on older women have been my choice. Sure I have been with several younger than me girls but I feel they're immature, ...
A. 8 May 2009: "alphamale", I agree with you up to a point. Intelligence and maturity are MAJOR factors in deciding who I find attractive. But, especially as I've grown older, I have found that maturity isn't as tightly correlated with age as I once thought, and ... (read in full...)
No Make-Up?
Q. I've been dating this man for about 2 months now. He saw me makeup-less yesterday and raved about it. I HATE NOT WEARING MAKE UP. He caught me in very good light and my hair looked amazing, but this is rarely the case. It's not what I'm most ...
A. 8 May 2009: The fact is that many - perhaps even the majority - of guys prefer girls with little or no makeup.
I really like your comment:
"It's not what I'm most comfortable with but I would like to try to embrace it, since he made sure to go out of his w... (read in full...)
I want another child but he says he is too old
Q. I am about to get married again to a chap who already has children. I am in my early 40's and really want another child before it is too late. My fiance says his days of young children are over and that I must choose between him and being with a man ...
A. 8 May 2009: Biologically and socially it's probably quite OK to have kids. In the U.S, many in the "baby boom" generation didn't even start families until they were well into their 30's, and were over 40 when the last kid was born. Read the thread "When is a ... (read in full...)
A bad kisser, do I see if he can improve or not?
Q. So i kissed this guy i like...and he wasnt very good. He thrusted his tongue in my mouth several times which i didnt like. overall i didnt like his kissing techniques. i wont want to kiss him again unless he doesnt kiss like that. should i not like ...
A. 8 May 2009: If you're mainly concerned about his kissing technique then it's probably best to move on. If you like the guy for other reasons, try to teach him - perhaps by telling him directly, or perhaps with less direct methods - how you like to be kissed. ... (read in full...)
My girlfriends screaming, caused complaints in a hotel, I'm so embarrassed, please help.
Q. My new girlfriend makes a lot of noise during sex, she moans during and almost screams when she cums, i should be happy that i'm making her satisfied in bed but it's really embarassing and i'm worried the neighbours will hear us. My ex gf was very ...
A. 7 May 2009: This is a tough situation!
Most guys really appreciate a vocal partner and the majority (not all) girls are at least a little vocal on many occasions. (For that matter, girls like vocal guys, too, but VERY FEW guys give them that satisfac... (read in full...)
We lost our baby the first time, now I am scared to try again
Q. Im 21 and i been in a relationship with this man thats 28 for 3 years and we had a daughter that passed away. The pregnacy came unexpected and at first he didnt want kids then he wanted them. Now he wants to try again and i am really scared to go ...
A. 7 May 2009: My wife and I lost our first child to birth complications. She lived about a day.
That was a very rough time for us, especially coming after the pregnancy had been so intimate and loving. I had some of the same feelings your B/F expresse... (read in full...)
Scared to death..to tell my Mom, I am pregnant!
Q. I turn 16 last month and five months ago, I was raped by a masked man. I was a virgin before it happened and then three months ago, I found out I'm pregnant. Nobody knows anything except for my best friend (he's a guy) and he tells me that if I ...
A. 5 May 2009: Young lady, your posting shows an incredible amount of maturity and composure in the face of something that is wrong, evil, and unjustifiable under any circumstances. Please find people who can help you through this.
Believe it or not, your mot... (read in full...)
30 year old guy has never dated.. how do I get started?
Q. I am 30 years old and have very rarely dated. I am a brain tumor survivor and had to have all my hormones replaced artificially so I went through puberty late. Of course, I have never had sex, never even been in a romantic situation yet. How do I ...
A. 5 May 2009: Yes, "baby duck" gave some EXCELLENT advice!
I can tell that you want to be as "normal" as possible, but you realize you are different - and you certainly aren't out to attract anybody based on sympathy.
Even if you never get as far as romanc... (read in full...)
Best sex positions?
Q. Hi this question is mainly for women but any male posts would be great well im just wondrin which sex position is best for both partners wanna give my gf a night to remember thanks ...
A. 5 May 2009: Women usually find it easier to orgasm when they are on top.
Get copies of the books "Joy of Sex" and "More Joy of Sex". I think these have been in print for over 30 years now. Go through them with your G/F and discuss, together, the various ... (read in full...)
Is this a case of practice makes perfect or not?
Q. Hello! I am female and 18 years old. So last night, me and my boyfriend lost our virginity to each other. Yes I am on the contraceptive pill and he used a condom, which as far as we are aware, did not break. Anyway, even though we both orgasm-ed, ...
A. 5 May 2009: Nothing in your post sounds like a real problem to me.
As others said, it could be that your hymen isn't completely ruptured yet, and your vagina hasn't been fully stretched. These things will almost certainly happen as you have more experien... (read in full...)
When a man has an orgasm. Is it the same feeling as when a women has one?
Q. When a man has an orgasm. Is it the same feeling as when a women has one? Also could a man have an orgasm without actually semen coming out! Say if u were sucking there nipples?...
A. 5 May 2009: Apparently guys and girls feel almost the same physical sensations when they climax. According to the article "Do all orgasms feel alike? Evaluating a two-dimensional model of the orgasm experience across gender and sexual context." in the May, ... (read in full...)
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