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What should I confess here? I am a quiet and shy introvert. You can piece together a bio by reading through my early posts. I'm a baby-boomer past the half-century mark, a gray-haired grandfather, so I guess "superannuated" is the most succinct term. My wife & I have been married (to each other!) for over 35 years, but she doesn't like to be called "my first wife". We have two adult children, plus one at university, and one who only lived about a day due to birth complications. We now live in St Louis, Missouri (roughly the center of North America) but grew up in Michigan and have lived in half a dozen different states.
I know how things look on BOTH sides of the hill. I have been 15 years old; I don't know many 15 year olds who have been 55. I have been with my own kids as they grew to be adults, and have been around many other parents (and kids) going through the same thing. (If I tend to sound like your parents, there's a reason. Most of us parents belong to the same union, so we have this "solidarity and brotherhood" thing among ourselves. Most teenagers view that as an Evil Conspiracy against the younger generation.)
I think that Forums such as this are generally helpful, since many factors pertaining to a question can be expressed in a short time. If I said something useful, or if I was way off base, I'd like to hear about it. |
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Cosmo says sex should last 45 minutes. What do you do all that time?
Q. Hi I have a question about sex. Basically, I just read in cosmopolitan that 34% of a poll of men thought the best length of time to spend having sex was 45 minutes. As a virgin, I was just wondering how you have sex for a length of tim eth...
A. 5 September 2008: Hey, "Emilysanswers":
I've heard that the great Finnish distance runner, Paavo Nurmi, often ran with a stopwatch in one hand - even during competitions! Do you always time your lovemaking and keep a logbook? Produce a monthly report on your guy... (read in full...)
Cosmo says sex should last 45 minutes. What do you do all that time?
Q. Hi I have a question about sex. Basically, I just read in cosmopolitan that 34% of a poll of men thought the best length of time to spend having sex was 45 minutes. As a virgin, I was just wondering how you have sex for a length of tim eth...
A. 5 September 2008: I think the other responses emphasize that "having sex" involves a lot more than the coupling of genitals. Even setting aside the old aphorism that "good sex starts in the kitchen" (meaning, that your behavior toward each other outside the bedroom ... (read in full...)
Desperate for parenting advice when should one mom tell the other mom her dauighter is sleeping around
Q. my daughters best friend is 15 and she recently lost her virginity. after missing her period, my daughter asked me to buy a pregnacie test so I did. Well thank god she wasnt pregnant!! I did not tell her mom I gave her the mom lecture about what I ...
A. 4 September 2008: Let me make sure I have the facts straight here, between your daughter and your daughter's friend - it's your daughter's friend who had sex, and your daughter's friend missed a period, and you bought the pregnancy test for your daughter's friend (at ... (read in full...)
When did you first have a boyfriend/girlfriend - that actually lasted a few months?
Q. Poll: When was the first time you had a relationship, and what age did you have your first kiss? I'm not talking about a peck on the cheek or peck on the lips type of kiss, I mean a toungue kiss? And when did you first have a boyfrien...
A. 4 September 2008: I was 18 when I had my first kiss - we had been boyfriend/girlfriend for a couple of weeks when it happened. We loved each other through that summer, almost 5 months.
I didn't have another girlfriend, and certainly no kissing, until after I gradua... (read in full...)
How could she be so careless with birth control?
Q. Hi, im 25 and my girlfirend 23. i am a college student with one more year to go. I've been with my girlfriend for almost 2 years now. I took her virginity and we never use condoms. at first we used pull-out method, but after a few pregnancy scares, ...
A. 3 September 2008: I think it indicates a personality characteristic that's part of what makes her, uniquely HER. As a couple, you two can simply accept it as "one of those things that happens", or work around it by using additional or back-up birth control, or label ... (read in full...)
My partner wishes that we have children in 2-5 years, but I really just cannot see myself as a good mother. What are some positive aspects about it? Will I be able to adapt to motherhood?
Q. I had a terrifying conversation with my fiance the other day: Children. For a long time, I have been somewhat opposed to becoming a mother. I am a very seclusive person. I need personal space and me time in order to keep sane. I cannot even begi...
A. 3 September 2008: Wow - for someone just barely old enough to (legally) buy a drink, you ask some tough questions! Just for the record, I have two adult children and one still in college.
I have to agree with "gabberjackranch" - if you and your fiance aren't i... (read in full...)
Is Sarah Palin a suitable candidate for VP?
Q. [Part of a DearCupid series on the forthcoming Nov 08 presidential election] Sarah Palin, John McCain's choice for vice-president, is a strict anti-abortionist, pro-guns and against sex-education. Her 17 year old daughter is now pregnant. ...
A. 2 September 2008: It sounds like you're trying to link a handful of unrelated matters into one sensationalist question, but I'm not sure what the question is.
Do we know whether Palin's children were educated in an abstinence-only monastery, or by if-it-fe... (read in full...)
I want to start having sex with him, but I'm afraid of the idea because I'm a virgin and he's not!
Q. Guys, I need your help! I've been with my boyfriend for about 2 months, I'm a virgin, he isn't. He is absolutely perfect and wonderful, a really nice person, caring and lovely and all of that, and before he asked me out we were pretty much best ...
A. 2 September 2008: I don't think you're insecure but I think he's pressing the sexual aspects of your relationship faster than you're ready to go. Given your age and experience, I think two months is a little soon to be adding sex to your relationship.
You need to ... (read in full...)
It was the first time we engaged in sexual activities together, and he began to cry. Any insight?
Q. Hello, The guy I am with now and I have been together for about four months. The other day, we were together in his home making out and touching and such (pretty much everything but actual sex) and he began to sort of cry. I was a little confused...
A. 2 September 2008: P.S. - If you have been together 4 months and are at the stage of "doing everything but sex" I hope there has been some talk about "life partners". Please don't rush into a full sexual relationship just because it seems like the thing you should be ... (read in full...)
It was the first time we engaged in sexual activities together, and he began to cry. Any insight?
Q. Hello, The guy I am with now and I have been together for about four months. The other day, we were together in his home making out and touching and such (pretty much everything but actual sex) and he began to sort of cry. I was a little confused...
A. 2 September 2008: In our culture, boys are conditioned against showing tears from the time they are only a few months old. It takes something very emotional or very wrong to make a man cry. Men cry at the death of a close family member. Men cry when they are fired ... (read in full...)
Did we make out for too long? Or is it the wearing of the condom for the first time that's generated the erection problem?
Q. Okay so I've been seeing my girlfriend for about four months, we met at the start of summer this year. Both of us are still virgins and right now would have been the second time that we have tried to have sex. The first time was a few weeks back at ...
A. 31 August 2008: The two previous responses contain good advice. Please read them and give their advice serious consideration. (Having your lover put the condom on you IS a VERY erotic experience when she does it right!) At the risk of being flamed, I am going to ... (read in full...)
Can I fit in at university even if I don't "party hearty"?
Q. Hi. Im due to start university next month and am getting a bit worried. I took a year out before going to university to basically do some work. During that year I feel I have grown up a lot, met a new group of friends, my interests have changed ...
A. 31 August 2008: What sort of people do you want to "fit in" with?
I'll stick my neck out and assume that universities in the U.K are much like those in the U.S.
I have been a resident student at two different universities, and have observed the university e... (read in full...)
Any ideas for spicing up sex during pregnancy? Also, how can I feel sexy or romantic again?
Q. Does anybody have any ideas for spicing up sex during pregnancy? My fiance and I still have a very active sex life but im 37 weeks along and most positions are getting very difficult or impossible. Also, I don't feel sexy or romantic so does anybody ...
A. 31 August 2008: (A male guy person of the masculine sex responds. I have been through four pregnancies with my wife.)
There are several questions here. First off, do NOT assume you are unattractive! At the very least, anybody who thinks that "pregnan... (read in full...)
He's a virgin, I'm not. How can I make it meaningful for him?
Q. So I've been seeing this guy for a while. I had known him before, but now we are really connected. So we went out last night to chat under the stars, and I ended up finding out he was a virgin. I was shocked but totally cool with it. I'm pretty sure ...
A. 28 August 2008: A female reader, anonymous, writes (27 August 2008):
"Wow, thanks for the novel, daletom. I'll get right on
reading that when I can clear a whole two hours of my day."
Is he worth two hours, if it might help you do something that makes... (read in full...)
I'm 14, when I'm 18 me and my boyfriend are going to have sex, but I'm really scared already. Will it hurt? Will I bleed a lot?
Q. Ok i am 14 yrs old, and me and my boyfriend have been going out for about 5 months. We have decided that when we are 18 we would have sex, but i am really scared and wanted to know if it will hurt? If it will is there anyway i could do something ...
A. 26 August 2008: The fact that you seem to be thinking of sex almost entirely in terms of its physical physiology, rather than the mental and emotional elements, makes me think you are far from being ready for sex right now. I won't guess whether or not you'll be ... (read in full...)
I've never climaxed and he is my first, please, I need advice.
Q. we had the most amazing time with my boyfriend of 3yrs as it was my firsr time to have a sleepover in his place, my problem is that when it comes to sex i've never riched my orgasm is it normal for a woman to be like that cause for him he's always ...
A. 26 August 2008: Your situation is not unusual. You can probably learn to orgasm, either on your own or with your boyfriend's loving help and cooperation. Find the post I placed in the thread "I am not sure I ever had an orgasm though we have a very active sex ... (read in full...)
Should we get engaged?
Q. im 23 and my girlfriend is 21. we have been together for over a year now and lately i have been thinking i want to get engaged to her!! i love her more than anything, she means the world to me! se has no idea that im thinking about this and i havent...
A. 26 August 2008: Hmmmm . . . there are several things we should discuss here. I suppose if she truly "has NO idea" what you're thinking, then I wonder if she's anywhere near ready to be engaged.
Let me dismiss a couple of superficial factors. I do NOT think yo... (read in full...)
What advance positions would you recommend that we may have not tried yet?
Q. My boyfriend and I enjoy sex very much. We are experimenting with new positions. I have heard about positions known as The Brazilian Bed Lock and the Robin's Nest. Do you have information about how to do them? What are some of the benefits of them? ...
A. 26 August 2008: I think people give cutesy names to various positions just to make others think they know more about sex. There's probably about a dozen basic positions, but a zillion variations based on things like how each partner shifts his/her legs, how the ... (read in full...)
Any stories about losing your virginity??
Q. I'm nearly 17 and haven't had sex yet. I'm not too bothered as I'm waiting for the right person to come along as a lot of people tell me that it's the right thing to do. However, I do get extremely horny and masturbate and watch porn quite a lot, is ...
A. 24 August 2008: I agree with your waiting for the "right guy", and the "right time", to start having sex. Stick with that belief!
For most people, sex is more than a physical process. There's a lot of emotional and mental things mixed in with it, but I don't th... (read in full...)
Too much too fast! Anything else we can do instead of having sex?
Q. Hi everyone. I dont no what to do. I'm 18 [virgin and proud!] But my boyfriend who I love keeps giving me sighns that he wants me to have sex and we'v only been going out for 3 mounths! We were bestsfriends for 2 years but we fell in love. I dont ...
A. 23 August 2008: You and your B/F need to make sure you understand each other's beliefs about the significance of sex, when sex is appropriate or permissible, etc. Is it something people can do whenever they don't have anything else to do - much like they might ... (read in full...)
Is there an age where women enjoy the best sex, also when do men and women lose their desire for sex?
Q. At what age do women have the best sex? At what age do men and women stop wanting to have sex?...
A. 23 August 2008: What criteria determines the "best" sex? I'd say it changes over time.
I (a guy, now 57) was most easily aroused, brought to orgasm, and quickly readied for the next round in my early to mid 20's. Which coincided with when I started having s... (read in full...)
What do women think about a guy thats 23 and still a virgin?
Q. What do women think about a guy thats 23 and still a virgin. thats my situation. im not ugly or fat....
A. 23 August 2008: An anonymous guy wrote:
" Original poster, now try saying you only want to be with a fellow virgin yourself. Try making this a prerequisite for poeple you date without being picked-on for it.
See if your virginity still gets all this respect from... (read in full...)
How can one virgin really turn another virgin on?
Q. Hey guys. Me and my boyfriend are both virgins and we plan to have sex soon. We both really want to but I'm sensing he is a bit more nervous than I am (because he says he wants it to be really amazing). Do you have any advice about how I can ...
A. 22 August 2008: For the vast majority of couples, especially when both are virgins, the meaning, significance, and enjoyment of first-time sex is emotional and mental, not physiological.
This is a common question around here. Find my post in the thread "... (read in full...)
Will someone tell me, what physically happens, when you have an orgasm?
Q. hi im 19 and i dont think i have ever had a orgasm but i have had that feeling where you wanna pee and my legs often shake after sex also i have had muscle contractions in my vagina but people say you no when you have had one but i dont, and i have ...
A. 22 August 2008: If you haven't had an orgasm, you seem to have been VERY close! Only a small percentage of women actually squirt a fluid when they orgasm - which is what I think you mean by "cum" - so don't rely on this as an indicator. You may, however, be VERY ... (read in full...)
I need to know more about masturbation
Q. OK this question is a little embarressing...I'm only 16 and i defeinitely want to wait to have sex till i'm married but i want to try masturbating..is that bad? Do girls my age do that? Is that normal? Also what about vibrators?..i dont know much ...
A. 22 August 2008: I think you have plenty of helpful answers. Keep in mind that masturbation may be discouraged, or even prohibited, by your religion, culture or family values. Resolving this difference between your actions and the beliefs of those around you may ... (read in full...)
He's a virgin, I'm not. How can I make it meaningful for him?
Q. So I've been seeing this guy for a while. I had known him before, but now we are really connected. So we went out last night to chat under the stars, and I ended up finding out he was a virgin. I was shocked but totally cool with it. I'm pretty sure ...
A. 22 August 2008: Why were you "shocked" to learn he is a virgin? Do you love each other, or is this step something you're doing because "everybody is having sex" (that's NOT true!), or maybe he's simply curious about it?
Have you considered that maybe he's a v... (read in full...)
Does anyone have any ideas as to how to manage time effectively, combat stress and balance out my studies at school?
Q. Lately school has been getting really tough. It's my last year of high school and I'm trying to do my best to get accepted into a good college, but my grades are slowly slipping down because of all the stress. What are some ways to find time to ...
A. 21 August 2008: I wish I could give you a definite answer. The truth is, there is a lot of variation among people. The real answer is that you need to discover what works best for YOU.
I'm glad you're giving this some thought now! I'm convinced that even "av... (read in full...)
I get self concious about my height. How can I loosen up and approach the guy I like?
Q. I'm sixteen and I feel like I don't fit in a lot. I'm 5'11 and most of the boys are shorter than me. I hate going to dances. I went to my semi and wore shoes that made me 6'2. I'm freakishly tall. I like this boy and I think he likes me. I feel too ...
A. 19 August 2008: I am a guy, moderately tall at 6'2, and I am sometimes self-conscious about my height in many different social situations - so it's not surprising to me that you feel like you do.
First off, you are NOT a freak and you are NOT unattrac... (read in full...)
I know I'm only 13, but I've always wanted to go to medical school after what happened with my mom 8yrs ago. Any advice for me please?
Q. I know im only 13 but i've always wanted to go to medical school after what happened with my mom 8yrs ago. I want to go to medical school after highschool. Does anyone know where the best collage would be for medical school, or would I be able to ...
A. 19 August 2008: "Medical school" covers a wide range of specialties. Some are more clinical or hospital-ish than others. I suppose (I am NOT in a medical profession!) that surgeons are at one extreme; the other extreme might be dentists, podiatrists, or ... (read in full...)
Are there men out there who are okay with girls who don't wax their pubes?
Q. just a question for men: Are there men out there who are ok with girls who don't wax their pubes? I waxed and it was so painful that I decided never again! Also, as alternative, I tried Veet, but that gives me rash, and makes me feel itchy. ...
A. 17 August 2008: I gotta agree with "DoubleM"!
Over the years I've played with shaving, and cutesy "stylings", but I prefer the appearance of a more natural bush. The bald ones make me think of plucked chickens that used to hang in a neighborhood butcher shop, an... (read in full...)
Will he be put off by my telling him I am a virgin?
Q. I am seeing this guy, he is my first proper boyfriend and we have decided to have sex, should I tell him I am a virgin, or do you think this might put him off. He has had a lot of experience and I am scared incase he will be able to tell because I ...
A. 16 August 2008: NOT telling him is probably one of the worst things you could do. In fact - if he doesn't already know you're a virgin, I don't think you're really ready for sex. If you tell him and he doesn't have special respect and consideration for your ... (read in full...)
Nipples, or cleavage?
Q. Do men prefer seeing hard nipples through a shirt or ample cleavage?...I have both...
A. 14 August 2008: My turn-on would be a shirt that shows the natural shape or outline without revealing a lot of skin, and nipples!... (read in full...)
What do women think about a guy thats 23 and still a virgin?
Q. What do women think about a guy thats 23 and still a virgin. thats my situation. im not ugly or fat....
A. 14 August 2008: (A former 23-yr-old-virgin-guy replies)
More than you expect will be attracted to you. A few will be intimidated, often because they know their own early sexual activities were a mistake. And, truth be known, some will be turned-off by it.
But... (read in full...)
Is it ok to offer him fellatio before sex, how will this influence actual sex?
Q. Is it OK to give the guy a blowjob before you have sex, will he still have enough cum? Or should you just have sex with him and not make him come beforehand?...
A. 12 August 2008: At your age - a blowjob before sex, even fairly early in the foreplay, may be a good idea. Especially if you can bring him to climax rather quickly. He'll have to cooperate and not resist it.
The key is to give him a preliminary orgasm, not the ... (read in full...)
I want to put my literary work in the Internet, but not without the copyright! How to obtain it?
Q. Is it possible to obtain copyright for literary work you don't publish / not yet? I want to put my poems in the net but not without the copyright ,which the Internet as far as i know, doesn't provide. Any views on this or any suggestions on how best...
A. 12 August 2008: "copyright" is a somewhat involved legal concept whose details vary from place to place. Here in the U.S. you can establish your copyright simply by including a notice to that effect in the work, e.g.: "This work copyright 2008 by Tom Johnson". ... (read in full...)
I think handwritten notes are a lost art, I'd love to get one in the mail, instead of a text msg or email, but don't know if this is the right thing to do. How else can I break the ice?
Q. How do I break the ice? To make the summary short: b/f had a rough patch three months ago, I over-reacted to my needs instead of thinking about his, he was very hurt and broke up with me but in the end he was more hurtful to me than I to him. I a...
A. 12 August 2008: This is perhaps the most noble, gracious and respectful thing I've heard in a long time. Assuming, of course, that you are sincere, it speaks volumes about your integrity.
The worst he can do is ignore you - perhaps out of his own lack of integ... (read in full...)
I took precautions, but could I be pregnant?
Q. Hey. Just needed some advice on something. I've had protected sex a couple of times in the last few weeks but I'm now late on my period by almost a week and I've had what feels like something hammering in my head for the last few days,I still have ...
A. 10 August 2008: These could just as easily be signs that you're a young woman whose body is still becoming an adult.
The responsible thing is to do a pregnancy test as soon as you can get reliable results and take action based on what you can trust, rather t... (read in full...)
She drives and I can't. What do I do if I were to ask her out for a first date?
Q. Ok she is 17 is around the same age as me but is about 7-8 months older than me. We are both senior highschool students this year. I don't really mind if she's older than me with a gap that small. I send at least 1 txt a day just to keep contact. ...
A. 10 August 2008: There are a LOT of "if's" to consider, but chances are this problem isn't as big as you think.
First off, the age thing isn't a problem except in a few rare situations. Don't even mention it to anybody unless it specifically arises. (My wife is ... (read in full...)
My mum has married the guy who's daughter I have been seeing! We didn't know before the wedding. What do I do?
Q. I have a really big problem and i need immediate advice. Okay, a few months ago, my mum announced that she had met a new man (my parents divorced years ago) and i had met a girl recently as well. I was really happy because we were both happy and ...
A. 8 August 2008: That's a very educational thread you posted, "troubledtoomuch"! I wouldn't say it's the same situation as this thread, due to the ages and life situations of the two different families but there's a lot to be gleaned in it. (Overall I'd say that ... (read in full...)
Whats the best position to get pregnant?
Q. what's the best positions to get pregnant?...
A. 8 August 2008: My wife investigated this when we were trying to get pregnant some years ago. She found that while some positions are more conducive to conception than others, timing is a much more important factor. And, she says it helped when we reduced our ... (read in full...)
My husband says his money is his and doesn't give me and the children any. Should I give up on this marriage?
Q. I have a question. My husband works 10 hours a day 6 days a work , he never spends time with me and my children. And to top it off I am home this summer with the kids and no money to go anywere. HE says that the money he makes is his and I cant have ...
A. 8 August 2008: In practice, you don't have a marriage - you have a business arrangement.
He is obviously of the management religion, which teaches that money is the measure of all things. And, whatever can't be bought is certainly insignificant and probably... (read in full...)
My mum has married the guy who's daughter I have been seeing! We didn't know before the wedding. What do I do?
Q. I have a really big problem and i need immediate advice. Okay, a few months ago, my mum announced that she had met a new man (my parents divorced years ago) and i had met a girl recently as well. I was really happy because we were both happy and ...
A. 8 August 2008: Have you behaved honorably toward your girlfriend? If so, I don't see what the real problem is. Yeah, there's some embarrassment and awkwardness but it's not much different from any other relationship you may have had. Believe it or not, EVERY ... (read in full...)
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