Like what
he writes?
... Add *aletom to your favourite agony aunts
Want to get in touch?
... Send *aletom a private message | | | *aletom's profile:Does anybody ever read these things? Send mail if you do!
What should I confess here? I am a quiet and shy introvert. You can piece together a bio by reading through my early posts. I'm a baby-boomer past the half-century mark, a gray-haired grandfather, so I guess "superannuated" is the most succinct term. My wife & I have been married (to each other!) for over 35 years, but she doesn't like to be called "my first wife". We have two adult children, plus one at university, and one who only lived about a day due to birth complications. We now live in St Louis, Missouri (roughly the center of North America) but grew up in Michigan and have lived in half a dozen different states.
I know how things look on BOTH sides of the hill. I have been 15 years old; I don't know many 15 year olds who have been 55. I have been with my own kids as they grew to be adults, and have been around many other parents (and kids) going through the same thing. (If I tend to sound like your parents, there's a reason. Most of us parents belong to the same union, so we have this "solidarity and brotherhood" thing among ourselves. Most teenagers view that as an Evil Conspiracy against the younger generation.)
I think that Forums such as this are generally helpful, since many factors pertaining to a question can be expressed in a short time. If I said something useful, or if I was way off base, I'd like to hear about it. |
|
Will he be turned off when he sees me naked?
Q. im scared to let my boyfriend see me without my shit or pants off because im self conscience about my body and the fact that i have "smaller breasts" he went from being with a skinny chick with a D cup to me which im not fat im athletic with a okay ...
A. 11 December 2009: Another male guy person of the masculine sex offers an opinion here -
Yeah, our culture has conditioned guys to want big boobs. Even though there's that Bible verse about how "A man should leave his parents and cleave to his wife", it does NOT... (read in full...)
Sex... doggy style!
Q. Hi, my new bf wants to have sex doggy style and he keeps asking me. I haven't done it like that before (it just never appealed to me and my last bf preferred other positions) but my new bf seems to really want it. I told him i didnt like that pos...
A. 10 December 2009: So why can't you just be up-front about it? Tell him, "I've never tried it that way because it's just not mentally appealing to me. But I'm willing to have a go at it, at least a couple of times, if it's something that you enjoy. Just promise ... (read in full...)
Planning on losing my virginity tomorrow; can we have sex twice in the same day? Will it be better second time round?
Q. Hey all, I have a girlfriend of 16 months and 10 days. We are both virgins and we decided to do it tomorrow. I have been reading posts here and I know the first is not very good. But if we want to have sex again the same day ,is it possible? Wil...
A. 10 December 2009: Some good advice in these responses! The article by "satindesire" (and many of the side comments on that page) is excellent! Probably a must-read for you and your G/F.
First, I hope you two are thinking in terms like "life partners", or "marriag... (read in full...)
Some advice needed for losing my virginity
Q. Ok, I'm looking for some advice for first-time sex. I'm 25 and engaged, and I'm a virgin, and plan to be until my wedding night. Same for my finace. Now, we both know that sex will hurt me at first, though I'm not overly worried because I trust hi...
A. 10 December 2009: Say, you two sound very familiar!
The article by "satindesire" (and many of the side comments on that page) is excellent! Probably a must-read for you and your guy.
Both of you probably know that many women experience no discomfort at al... (read in full...)
Why are orgasms on my period better?
Q. Why was the orgasms I had today on my period better than they ever were when I am not on it?...
A. 10 December 2009: I don't think I've ever heard that comment before. (I don't doubt you in the least, it's just not an experience I recall ever being mentioned.)
Many women report that a good orgasm, especially just a few hours before their period starts, reduces ... (read in full...)
How to break hymen before having sex?
Q. I am 16 years old .. still a virgin I want to break my hymen before i have sex .. should I do it and if so how would I go about this ??? Thank you :)...
A. 9 December 2009: Breaking your hymen may not prevent pain during your first intercourse. Many now believe the discomfort of the first insertion comes from having the vaginal muscles stretched open to receive your partner's penis. Of course, many women experience ... (read in full...)
Which position is the best for the man's lasting longer but isn't boring?
Q. What sex position is the most longlasting for guys but isn't boring for neither of the sides? Doesn't have to be intimate just good :)...
A. 8 December 2009: I certainly last longer when I'm on my back, with the girl on top of me. Though until I was in my mid twenties, my wife often helped me to climax before we inserted and started the actual intercourse. That helped me last quite a bit longer, in any ... (read in full...)
How do I write a formal letter of application?
Q. hi i know that this isn't a relationship question but the other site owned by the same people as this (careerglove.com) doesn't look like it's been used in a while and i feel i can get better help from here. so my question is, how do you write a ...
A. 4 December 2009: I live in a somewhat different culture so I can't offer detailed information. The link posted by "CaringGuy" appears to be reasonable and complete.
The best advice I can give is to do one or two letters of application for practice. Send them to ... (read in full...)
Will losing my virginity be less painful if I practice with toys first?
Q. I am a virgin, but i want to know if it will hurts as much as everyones says if i've used toys before?...
A. 4 December 2009: As an approximation, for every girl who says it "hurt like hell", there is one who says it "didn't hurt at all" - and all the others fall somewhere in between. Unless you're drunk or stoned (and I don't recommend EITHER!) you will probably ... (read in full...)
Do guys like girls with make-up, or without?
Q. Many girls wear a lot of make up and some do not wear any at all. I was just wondering if guys like it when girls wear make up or don't. ...
A. 4 December 2009: I'm the same as "Illithid" - I much prefer the natural look.
It says something about a woman's character on two levels:
First, that she's not hung up on looks or other superficial things.
Second, that she's not afraid to be what she is.... (read in full...)
I want to try a home cure, but am not sure about vinegar
Q. ok i have found out that i have a bladder infection from reading the sympthoms online and i was reading about home cures so it said to drink apple cider vinegar but we have white distilled and im wondering if it is the same thing can i just drink ...
A. 3 December 2009: Yes - force liquids, and chug the cranberry juice. Look carefully at the bottled juice you buy - some of it is only a few percent cranberry juice; you want the highest concentration you can get.
A web search will turn up some well-con... (read in full...)
Guy feedback please - how much inexperience is a deal breaker?
Q. I feel a little stupid asking this, but I'm starting to become worried. I've never been an overly social person. I'm the type of girl who would prefer staying home and watching a movie, reading a book, studying, or playing a video game rathe...
A. 1 December 2009: "anonymous", thanks for getting back to us!
To you, kissing is something special that is shared between lovers. Until you find somebody with whom you share a mutual attraction, it will be awkward and clumsy and uncomfortable and disappoi... (read in full...)
Could he have a subconcious fear of having sex?
Q. My boyfriend cant seem to get all the way hard before we have sex. He is a vrigin and I am not. And he tells me that it is not because he scared or anything, he just cant get all the way hard. I mean I have tried to do just about everything to help ...
A. 24 November 2009: You might be right. I think it's something like 5% of guys who can't get hard the first time they try to have sex, but the condition resolves itself on the 2nd or 3rd try (often, within an hour or so) and isn't a major problem after that. (About ... (read in full...)
Guy feedback please - how much inexperience is a deal breaker?
Q. I feel a little stupid asking this, but I'm starting to become worried. I've never been an overly social person. I'm the type of girl who would prefer staying home and watching a movie, reading a book, studying, or playing a video game rathe...
A. 24 November 2009: Well, first I have to figure out what kissing means to you. Is it mostly some obligatory duty of girlfriends and wives (at least for the first few years of marriage), or a way to give and receive erotic stimulation, or something you do for the ... (read in full...)
What happens during an orgasm?
Q. [Moderator note: Age posted in incorrect.] my sister asked me what happens when you have an orgasm. and i have no idea because i havent. *sarah said that her boyfriend *chris have done alot of foreplay. he asked her if she was getting ready to...
A. 24 November 2009: Probably the easiest way to answer the question about "what do you do at orgasm" is to give yourself one - and take notes!
The way people express themselves in orgasm varies widely from one person to another, and from one time to the next with the... (read in full...)
My guy seems turned out about hearing my sexual past. Is this normal?
Q. Is it ever a good idea to give details of your sexual experiences???? My boyfriend is turned on by listening to the details. Is this normal??? Also, to his credit, he is never jealous or angry. Just turned on....
A. 13 October 2009: Your B/F is certainly in the minority but I don't think he's necessarily abnormal. He might be looking for the assurance that he measures up to the performance of your previous partners. He might sincerely be interested in knowing how to better ... (read in full...)
Is this something that turns him on? Or is it something more?
Q. ok this is a sex question and all advice is nice.... so the other nite my fiance and i was in bed of course having sex and i played in his anal area and he was so turned on. i liked it, it turned me on but my question is, is that something that tur...
A. 1 September 2009: Probably the majority of both men and women get pleasure from gentle stimulation around the anal opening when they are sexually aroused. And . . . very few will actually admit it or discuss it. There is a LOT of psychology, and millenia of social ... (read in full...)
For the Guys: At "that" moment, what do you want us to do?
Q. Guys - when you are cumming, do you want the motion to continue or stop? e.g. when a girl is giving you head do you want her to continue while you cum or stop?...
A. 28 July 2009: I'm rather animated when I climax (been called a "thrasher") so once the contractions start I like my partner to stop, or at least slow way down, so we don't get uncoupled. Generally, I'll supply whatever motion is needed to maximize my pleasure. ... (read in full...)
What is the best position when you have sex for the first time?
Q. I am 13 and im having sex for my first time in a couple of weeks because my boyfriends parents are on holiday and he said i could come round for a couple of nights if i wanted to ... i said yes ... he later asked me if i was ready for sex and i knew ...
A. 21 July 2009: In your situation, the best position is probably you sitting upright in a straight-backed chair - and your mother watching.... (read in full...)
I'm a 19 year old virgin, is this normal?
Q. Hi, I'm 19 and I am still a virgin. Is this normal? All of my friends have had sex. there is one girl I like but she is 14. Should I wait for her or just go for it?...
A. 14 July 2009: Is a 19-year old virgin "normal"? He certainly is! For the record, my wife and I were both 23 when we exchanged virginity (she got mine, and I took hers in return).
This varies a lot between countries and between cultures. I don't have credible... (read in full...)
Should a virgins first time be with a virgin?
Q. Hi, this question has been floating around a lot and I wanted to know what your guys opinion is about it. Most people imagine their first time to be special and wonderful, but can it still be special and wonderful if the guy or girl your having...
A. 14 July 2009: My first time was with another virgin. My wife also gave her virginity to another virgin. In fact, my first time and her first time were the same time. It was lousy sex - and it was also one of the most significant and meaningful events of our ... (read in full...)
My mum wants to meet my boyfriend but he won't even say hi to her. I can't please everyone!
Q. I feel like im supposed to please everyone, and its impossible and its really getting me down. I am in a very happy relationship with my boyfriend, but he wont come to my house or meet my parents or even say hello to them. this would be fine (b...
A. 14 July 2009: The "anonymous" female reader has it right!
There's an old adage that says, "If you want to know how a guy will treat his wife - look at how he treats his mother.". And, how he treats YOUR mother isn't far off the mark!... (read in full...)
For the men, do you like it when a girl sucks on your balls during a bj?
Q. This is kinda a question that is towards men, but do you like it when a girl sucks on your sack when your girlfriend is giving u a blowjob? Thank god for anonymous lol ...
A. 10 July 2009: I'm also pretty much in line with the "anonymous" guy. My balls, unlike the penis, don't really have a positive response to stimulation. And, they can definitely have a NEGATIVE effect if they aren't deliberately handled very carefully.
On th... (read in full...)
When is it a good time to explore our sexuality?
Q. My girlfriend and I have been together a while and have a committed and loving relationship. We have talked about having sex. My question is when is a good age to start exploring sex and a sexual relationship? When is a good age for my girlfriend? ...
A. 10 July 2009: A good age is when you and your partner are BOTH ready, willing, and able to understand and accept the consequences of what you are doing. That includes not only pregnancy and disease, but also the emotional well-being of each other.
Contr... (read in full...)
Is it okay to have sex on your period?
Q. so i`m on my period and me and my boyfriend want to have sex but i`m not sure if i should. is it okay to have sex when on your period? what should we do, like lay down a towel?...
A. 3 July 2009: If you don't mind a little mess, it's perfectly acceptable. (A little soap and water quickly fixes the mess problem.) Using an old towel is probably the most common accommodation. It may also be a good time to experiment with sex in the shower or ... (read in full...)
I want to orgasm too, but she finishes before me
Q. Dear Cupid, Ok well i have been with my girlfriend for about a year now, and we have been having sex for about 6 months...my question is that now since we have been having sex a lot more lately, she finishes before i do, and for about like the l...
A. 3 July 2009: Yes, the majority of women are capable of having several orgasms. With many couples the woman has her main orgasm from cunnilingus or manual stimulation before the insertion and intercourse, and either has smaller orgasm(s) during intercourse or is ... (read in full...)
I felt the time was right to lose my virginity, but then it wouldn't fit!
Q. Background info im 16 and still a virgin ive been with my bf for quite a while and we both felt that it was right. but when it came to it. it wouldnt fit we used lube aswell but still no change, i tried to relax as best as i could but it ...
A. 2 July 2009: The traditional advice is that you need to have an orgasm just before attempting insertion. Then, you get on top and guide him until you find the location, angle, etc that works best for you. There is no way he can tell how it feels for you - you ... (read in full...)
I'm a virgin but don't want to appear clueless in bed. What moves can I try?
Q. I am a virgin, but I really want to do it with my boyfriend of 3 months, and I don't wanna seem clueless. What moves could I try for my first time?...
A. 1 July 2009: 3 months might be a little too soon, especially if you're only 18. Do you REALLY know why you want to do this, and why HE wants to do it?
Make sure he knows you're a virgin (is he also?) and does some reading about first-time sex. Make sure you... (read in full...)
Ladies, would it put you off if you found out a guy was a virgin?
Q. hi everyone this question is mainly for the ladies but anyone can answer realy. i just wondered what you people thought about male virginity, and girls would it put you off a guy if you found out he was a virgin? im not realy to bothered about be...
A. 30 June 2009: As you probably know, in most cultures there is a double-standard about male vs. female virginity. It ranges from "strongly expressed" to "merely implied, but definite". My unsubstantiated impression is that at the beginning of the 21st century, ... (read in full...)
We are married but she still wont have sex!
Q. My wife and me have been married for 2 months now. Everything is great but we never had sex in our relationship. She's a virgin but im not. When we were dating she didn't want to do anything sexual besides kissing until marriage. It didn't bother me ...
A. 30 June 2009: Another thread to study is "We're Christians, my wife doesn't dislike sex, but she doesn't like it, we have sex very seldom, how can I fix this, what am I supposed to do?" at [ ... (read in full...)
We are married but she still wont have sex!
Q. My wife and me have been married for 2 months now. Everything is great but we never had sex in our relationship. She's a virgin but im not. When we were dating she didn't want to do anything sexual besides kissing until marriage. It didn't bother me ...
A. 30 June 2009: You may find some helpful suggestions in the thread "We've been married for 18 months and she's still a virgin! What can I do?" at [ http://www.dearcupid.org/question/weve-been-married-for-18-months-and-shes.html ].... (read in full...)
After we are intimate I feel guilty and ashamed
Q. I am 23 years old and have a serious boyfriend for the first time. My problem is that, I feel very guilty after being intimate with my boyfriend of 5 months. We are very sure that we do not want to have sex before marriage. But, we do kiss or ...
A. 30 June 2009: Your emotions are telling you that your actions are not consistent with some strongly-held values within you. If you are truly working toward making the "boyfriend of 5 months" into the "life-partner of 50 years" - and, very importantly, HE ... (read in full...)
Help! Sex for the first time!
Q. I'm 13 and my boyfriend is 14, we are going to have sex for the first time soon, but am really nervous and scared. will it hurt? how does the pain feel like? will i bleed? will i faint? can i walk? thank you to the person who answers ! really ne...
A. 30 June 2009: The article (and responses) in the link from "satindesire" is well-done about the physiological and technical aspects of intercourse.
The fact that you are asking these questions indicates that you are probably not mentally and emotiona... (read in full...)
Our first date tomorrow, should I kiss her or not?
Q. I am going on a date tommorow with a girl from school, weve only talked a couple times but i asked her if she wanted to get lunch sometime and she said yes, so we set up a date tommorow. My question is at the end of the day when im dropping her ...
A. 29 June 2009: OK - so how did it go for you two?... (read in full...)
Our first date tomorrow, should I kiss her or not?
Q. I am going on a date tommorow with a girl from school, weve only talked a couple times but i asked her if she wanted to get lunch sometime and she said yes, so we set up a date tommorow. My question is at the end of the day when im dropping her ...
A. 27 June 2009: It's hard to know. Don't expect very much, though.
The truth is, she may be asking herself the same question right now. With some girls you will get a polite, cursory, chaste kiss regardless. With others - even if they are seriously attracte... (read in full...)
DO men like to be woken up to a blow job?
Q. My friend said she gave her boyfriend a blow job in the morning just as he was about to wake up but she didn't tell me about his reaction and I was too scared to ask because he might think I was being too nosey. Is it annoying to be woken up to a ...
A. 26 June 2009: Personally, I'd have no complaints. I prefer to do my really serious lovemaking first thing in the morning, rather than at night when we're worn out. If there is any "annoyance" involved, it happens in the moments before the blowjob actually ... (read in full...)
What is the law in the US concerning 17 and 18 year olds having sex?
Q. What is the law in the united states concerning 17 and 18 yr olds ddating and being physical? Is there some kind of grace period? or is that just a rumor that no one seems to get right?...
A. 26 June 2009: This is a legal question that needs to be answered by somebody trained in the legal field. I know that it varies from state to state. Whether the boy or the girl is older, and by how much, is sometimes a factor. In some instances the case law of ... (read in full...)
Parenting and etiquette advice please!
Q. My daughter is having her 5th birthday party next week, and I am taking her to see a stage play. The tickets are not that expensive, but there is some travel. what I was wondering was if I want to invite her friend, am if I responsible to buy the ...
A. 26 June 2009: If you are inviting your daughter's friend to your daughter's birthday celebration then I definitely think you should pay for the ticket. If it's a foursome, with the friend's mother also invited to the festivities then you really owe her a ticket, ... (read in full...)
Is my body not ready for sex? My boyfriend told me that.
Q. me and my boyfriend tried to have sex but, it didnt work. he says its not my fault its just my body isnt ready. do you have any sugestions as to what to do about this? also he says he needs to be able to put 2 fingers in easily before his dic...
A. 25 June 2009: Two fingers? Your vagina is a ring of muscle tissue that can stretch to pass a whole baby! Yes, your body probably isnt' ready - and I would guess that your body isn't ready because either your mind or your emotions aren't yet ready.
After... (read in full...)
Is sex important in a relationship?
Q. Okay let me just start this out as...I am 21 and still a virgin and would like to stay that way until I'm ready to get married. I have always promised myself I would and I'd rather do so, sex just doesn't seem important to me...I've never even ...
A. 24 June 2009: (A male, guy-person of the masculine sex responds.)
I want to commend you first of all for your standards, and even more so for being willing to examine and analyze them. Your post shows a lot of intelligence. Believe it or not - probably... (read in full...)
I'm scared about having sex
Q. okay so me and my boyfriend have been dating for about 7 month's and all we have done sexually is he has fingered me. i really don't want him feeling like i won't do anything with him but i'm just scared since i never have before. we've planne...
A. 24 June 2009: Not all fear is a bad kind of fear, but in this case I think your feelings are telling you that having sex is the wrong thing to do. Other responses have explained why this is so.
At the very least, your body is not ready for sex. A little "... (read in full...)
| *aletom's friends
These are mutual friends, so *aletom has
added them and they have added *aletom!
|
