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What should I confess here? I am a quiet and shy introvert. You can piece together a bio by reading through my early posts. I'm a baby-boomer past the half-century mark, a gray-haired grandfather, so I guess "superannuated" is the most succinct term. My wife & I have been married (to each other!) for over 35 years, but she doesn't like to be called "my first wife". We have two adult children, plus one at university, and one who only lived about a day due to birth complications. We now live in St Louis, Missouri (roughly the center of North America) but grew up in Michigan and have lived in half a dozen different states.
I know how things look on BOTH sides of the hill. I have been 15 years old; I don't know many 15 year olds who have been 55. I have been with my own kids as they grew to be adults, and have been around many other parents (and kids) going through the same thing. (If I tend to sound like your parents, there's a reason. Most of us parents belong to the same union, so we have this "solidarity and brotherhood" thing among ourselves. Most teenagers view that as an Evil Conspiracy against the younger generation.)
I think that Forums such as this are generally helpful, since many factors pertaining to a question can be expressed in a short time. If I said something useful, or if I was way off base, I'd like to hear about it. |
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An act that proves a guy likes you is when he makes fun of you. Is this True?
Q. An act that proves a guy likes you is when he makes fun of you. Is this True? ...
A. 8 January 2009: I think there's some truth to that. And, if he lets you tease back he probably DOES like you.
However, be careful that it's playful teasing and not vicious, disrespectful or abusive. The boundaries between these vary from person to person, ... (read in full...)
I always let the guy make the first move
Q. Hi Cupiters! I need some advice PLEASE! Ok, I've noticed that whenever I start talking to a new guy, I wait for him to call or text first.. It's rare that I make a first move. Now, do guys like that (maybe a chase kinda thing) or do they just see...
A. 8 January 2009: In general, guys like to have some indication that their attention is at least acceptable, if not welcome. At the very earliest stages this could be nothing more than a smile and "Good morning.".
There are MANY other examples of similar things y... (read in full...)
People's sex education knowledge is horrifying! Why don't people know the basics???
Q. This isn't really a question, it's just something that has shocked me and I would like to hear other people's views. Basically I can't get over the amount of people who don't know about the basics of sex. For instance people who think they can get ...
A. 5 January 2009: In case you're wondering, I don't think this is an entirely new development. Over the years (I'm 57) my acquaintances have included an alarming number of totally uninformed, as well as sadly misinformed, individuals. I have no idea whether the ... (read in full...)
He keeps asking me if I had an orgasm, and it bothers me!
Q. The other night when me and my boyfriend were having sex he asked me 5 times if i had an orgasm. It really bothered me because i was trying to focus on him and us together all he was worried about was if i came.I got upset and i told him to stop ...
A. 5 January 2009: There are several questions here and it's a little complicated.
Contrary to some popular myths, the majority of guys really DO want to please their sex partners. A significant part of some guy's' sexual satisfaction comes from knowing that the... (read in full...)
First time sex worries, please help!
Q. hi i am 16 years old an i have a boyfriend who is 17 we been going out for five months an i love him alot an he says he does to we are both virgins we see each other everyday and we are so close we makeout alot also an we get turn on real quick but ...
A. 5 January 2009: I agree with "tearsofpink" - it sounds like he mostly wants the sex. He's thinking more about himself than about you. The threat to leave you is a method to manipulate you.
If you really and truly think you two love each other and are working ... (read in full...)
Questions for women about virginity and sex...
Q. Okay I don't want to seem rude or anger anyone when I ask this. I am simply curious to know more about women and their beliefs on virginity and sex. 1) Do many women lose their virginity after high school 2) Do a lot of women save themselves f...
A. 4 January 2009: A lot of people have been curious about that question. A little research on the 'net or in your public library will turn up quite a few studies about that question. Some of them have questionable results; they lack what scientists call "good ... (read in full...)
Do males enjoy giving oral, or do they just do it to keep us happy?
Q. Do males enjoy giving oral, or do they just do it to keep us happy?...
A. 4 January 2009: Honey, please wrap your thighs around my ears! I'll do my best to make you walk with a quiver until lunchtime tomorrow. The "anonymous guy" summarized it well:
". . . there is no biggger satisfaction than when you go down on your girlfrie... (read in full...)
My g/f said "you're tiny!"
Q. Me and my girlfriend had recently progressed our relationship to taking off our clothes.But when I was gaping at her,she laughed at me. She said "Your tiny".I'm a virgin but she isn't. I measured myself and I am a little over 4.5 Inches. I have...
A. 4 January 2009: I'm with the majority on several points here -
1. Contrary to popular myths (which your G/F may be sufficiently uninformed to actually believe), it does NOT take a large erection to satisfy a woman sexually.
2. You may be smaller than "av... (read in full...)
True love at 18?
Q. have read, quite a few times on here, about wanting to find true love at such a young age (or feeling someone had met 'the one' and thus didn't want the relationship to end despite the fact something is going wrong etc etc...) and therefore I felt ...
A. 3 January 2009: I think you are quite insightful, and express it rather eloquently. Are you really 15? How do you happen to be attending university at that age?
You are right that most teenage relationships are transitory. (Unfortunately, it seems like a l... (read in full...)
Will sex hurt the first time for me because I'm uncircumcised?
Q. Okay so.. I am concerned about something and my question will be about sexuality... I will just say a couple things about myself: 17 years old, I have a 5.5 inch penis when hard and is uncircumcised. I am also a virgin, but many girls like me and ...
A. 3 January 2009: I have heard that a tight foreskin can painfully pinch the erect glans on some guys - but if you have this condition, you'll know about it long before you attempt intercourse.
Let your partner know it's your first time. If she's a good choice, ... (read in full...)
Do guys still get excited when tiny breasts are revealed or would they rather us keep our tops on for sex so they can just use imagination?
Q. My breasts are so small, do guys still get excited when tiny breasts are revealed or would they rather us keep our tops on for sex so they can just use imagination? Once a boyfriend said to me when I was getting dressed "Come on turn round ...
A. 3 January 2009: Yeah, if you've gotten to the point of foreplay then your breasts are either quite acceptable to him or an absolute turn-on. Let him see and enjoy them!
My wife & I can safely tease about her small boobs (34A on a 5'9 frame) but she knows I ... (read in full...)
Love to hear about the past!
Q. Hi There, This is the first time I have done this sort of thing so here goes. I want to know if anybody else feels the same way I do about my wife's sexual past. I have known her since we were in high school. We dated a bit in high school and ...
A. 3 January 2009: Some guys feel threatened, angry, or at least turned-off at the idea of their partner being with another guy sexually. Some are insecure in their own abilities and afraid of being compared. I suspect the majority of guys are like you - at least ... (read in full...)
Do guys like girls with small boobs that go braless?
Q. Do guys like girls with small boobs and going braless ? Also is it trashy to do so ? I'm asking this question because i started dating a new guy and he is great but he always wants me to go braless and likes to see my hard nipples through ...
A. 2 January 2009: OK, my wife is about 34A (on a 5'9 frame) so I think I know a little about small boobs.
I LOVE hers! She is braless most of the time. That makes her very accessible for a respectful, gentle, fondling when we kiss or embrace. Her natural ... (read in full...)
Does a spark when I kiss him mean we are meant to be together?
Q. when i kss my boyfriend i always get a spark does that mean we were ment for each other ...
A. 2 January 2009: No, it doesn't mean you're meant for each other.
It probably means that it's winter time, the humidity is low, and one of you is wearing a combination of dissimilar fabrics - like a wool sweater with a nylon-lined jacket - that builds up a little... (read in full...)
How would you go about asking your best friend and the girl of your dreams to senior prom?
Q. How would you go about asking your best friend and the girl of your dreams to senior prom? We're still a few months away from it, but I've been thinking about this since last Halloween. I like her a lot and I'm thinking she likes me, too. I guess I ...
A. 2 January 2009: Yes, it's a little early but it doesn't hurt to plan ahead. I'd hold off asking about the prom specifically until a month or two before the event - she'll need a month or so to find a dress, make her hair appointment, etc. Of course, you can start ... (read in full...)
First date what to wear??
Q. first date curly or straight hair ? skirt or pants (date is at mall)...
A. 23 December 2008: That's good to hear it went well!
It's a really great feeling to know that somebody is attracted to you, especially when you're attracted to him. I hope that over the next few days you two have the opportunity to become acquainted with each oth... (read in full...)
Should I tell my dad I'm dating? He won't let me out...
Q. i have been with my boyfriend for almost 2 years. i love him alot and i know he loves me too. the problem is that my dad doesnt know about us. i wasnt allowed to date until i turned 16 and i already did so im allowed to have one by his set of rules. ...
A. 23 December 2008: Young lady, at your age keeping this from your parents can only have bad results. It will harm both the relationship between you and your parents, and also the relationship between you and your B/F.
Whether your father's reasons for his rules ar... (read in full...)
I'm pregnant and my boyfriend hasn't told his parents yet, I don't know what to do about this.
Q. I'm 23 years old and my boyfriend is 22. I'm very close to 7 months pregnant and he has not told his parents yet. I have asked him if it would make him feel better if I was there too and he said yes but that was a little over a month ago. Also, he ...
A. 22 December 2008: "MissMuffet", I'm afraid you may have provided the answer when you said ". . . complained that he won't have any money to buy the things he wants anymore and he won't be able to go to college . . .". Your boyfriend's personal comfort, and his ... (read in full...)
Hair? Or no hair? What is a guys preference?
Q. I have a personal question. I currently have not had sex but I want to and soon. However, I was wondering do guys want a girl to have hair down there or not? I've read mixed opinions, and I'm just not sure if I should get rid of it or not, if you ...
A. 22 December 2008: I prefer to make love with a WOMAN, who has a fairly natural looking bush, rather than a pre-pubescent 12-year old or a plucked chicken.... (read in full...)
I'm 25 and never had a date! Why do men never ask me out?
Q. What are you supposed to do if you're were an ugly duckling that grew up to be an ugly duck instead of a swan? I am a 25 year old virgin and a girl. I've been reading some postings here from other people but my situation is different becaus...
A. 20 December 2008: The feeling of "being the only single in a sea of couples" can be devastating. I was there!
I presume your are ultimately looking for a serious relationship, not just somebody to chat with while waiting in the laundromat. Toward that end, you... (read in full...)
What's wrong with my way of thinking?
Q. Why do people have relationships if there is no intention of marriage? I'm 22 and I've had 2 girlfriends in my life which I know is a little pathetic (or at least my friends think it is), but I knew both those girls before we started dating a...
A. 20 December 2008: "britt429" pretty much covered it. If you are truly developing a relationship, there is a hope that it will become "forever and always". Even so, you can still have female girl friends of the opposite sex who are NOT relationships. People who you ... (read in full...)
I'm pregnant and my boyfriend hasn't told his parents yet, I don't know what to do about this.
Q. I'm 23 years old and my boyfriend is 22. I'm very close to 7 months pregnant and he has not told his parents yet. I have asked him if it would make him feel better if I was there too and he said yes but that was a little over a month ago. Also, he ...
A. 20 December 2008: I suspect that your being pregnant, or even having a sexual relationship, outside of marriage may run contrary to his family's values. He is afraid to admit that he hasn't met his parents' expectations.
In most (but, admittedly, not all) sit... (read in full...)
Where can I, a really normal guy, meet someone of outstanding character in a most abnormal city?
Q. Uhh, help. Please. I go to a college which has a 19:1 male to female ratio, yeah that's bad. The women that are here are all, well, corupt (that means averaging about 9-10 partners per month) and I want nothing to do with that (gross). So, ...
A. 20 December 2008: I gave some suggestions for this problem in the thread "How can I meet men outside of college?" at http://www.dearcupid.org/question/how-can-i-meet-men-outside-of-college.html . They apply equally well to guys and girls.
(In all fairness I have t... (read in full...)
My girlfriend says she is a virgin but my friends say otherwise, I'm worried she is cheating on me!
Q. iam 22 dating a girl of 17 and when ever i want to have sex with her she always refused telling me no she is a virgin and not yet time but my friends always told me that she is not and i dont know what to do cos i dont want to loose her cos i ...
A. 20 December 2008: Whether she is a virgin or not, if she isn't ready for sex with you then you need to respect her wishes!
Why should her sexual experience even matter? Are you two married (to each other)? If she will have sex with you, without a strong, credible... (read in full...)
First date what to wear??
Q. first date curly or straight hair ? skirt or pants (date is at mall)...
A. 20 December 2008: Just curious - is this a first-ever date, or first-date-with-this-guy?
If you are "curvey", then a skirt or dress with tights, leggings, etc. If you are tall and/or slim then dressy pants and a solid-color blouse.
Bob Dylan expressed my pre... (read in full...)
He's been waiting 2 years for sex-should I make him wait longer?
Q. so...im 17 and my boyfriend id 19. i've been in a relationship with this guy since i was 15. he has been patiently waiting for me to give the signal to start our sexual conquest together. i'm ready but i still have doubts about the pain and ...
A. 20 December 2008: It certainly sounds like you're not really ready yet.
The main reason you give for having sex is that you have been together for two years. This doesn't impress me as being a very good reason, partly because it concentrates on the past. When yo... (read in full...)
What is wrong with me, any advice?
Q. I am a guy, a few weeks from being twenty years old. I have never wanted anything more in my life than to meet a girl who wants to spend time with me. So far, I have never had anything close to a relationship, I have only held hands with three ...
A. 20 December 2008: I gave some suggestions for this problem in the thread "How can I meet men outside of college?" at http://www.dearcupid.org/question/how-can-i-meet-men-outside-of-college.html . They apply equally well to guys and girls.... (read in full...)
How would you react if you found out you were dating a virgin?
Q. I just recently started dating a guy. He just found out that I am a virgin. I asked him how he felt about it after he had time to get over his shock (I'm 22.... it's not all that common to come across..I guess). He told me that he was fine with ...
A. 20 December 2008: You are collecting some very good advice. A lot depends on who you are, and who the guy is, and what the intentions are.
(Be assured that a 22-yr old virgin, either girl or guy, may be in the minority but it's far from rare. Studies of various ... (read in full...)
How can I meet men outside of college?
Q. How can I meet men outside of college? Not for hook-ups! So I don't want to hear about bars. I am also very wary of online dating. ...
A. 19 December 2008: The feeling of "being the only single in a sea of couples" can be devastating. I was there!
I presume your are ultimately looking for a serious relationship, not just somebody to chat with while waiting in the laundromat. Like "Tisha-1" mentione... (read in full...)
Guys - what makes for amazing sex with a girl?
Q. Hey, quick question for the guys - what is it that makes a girl really good in bed? I mean, REALLy good? Because right now I'm seeing a guy who is AMAZING at sex, and puts 110% effort into pleasing me, it's awesome. But although my last boyfriend ...
A. 18 December 2008: It sounds like you're turning this into some kind of contest.
Sex is a somewhat complicated activity that involves your mind and your emotions as well as your body. Like tennis, long division, or public speaking it takes practice and experien... (read in full...)
He's a vrigin I'm not!
Q. Hey everybody, So there is a guy who I have been dating for about about a year. We had known each other for about 3 years but never really talked. He is so sweet, kind, and understanding. He is much older than I and more intelligent. Well he is a ...
A. 18 December 2008: Yes - if your relationship is at the point where topics like "marriage" or "life partner" are starting to appear, he needs to know you're not a virgin.
He obviously puts a high value on his own sexuality and - whether or not you fully agree wi... (read in full...)
Could there be other guys she has done this too and lied about that also?
Q. I have an issue in my marriage that I am seeking advice. My wife and I have been married almost 3 years, no kids yet, but we have started talking about it possibly this coming year to start trying. My wife told me she was very inexperienced in...
A. 18 December 2008: It's obvious you're upset and I believe you have good reason to be upset. I think you answered yourself when you said:
". . . I mean this is a really big deal, but I don't think it's a divorce issue, just more talking or arguing or somethin... (read in full...)
Should I be more vocal during sex?
Q. I'm a virgin, but during oral sex and foreplay (I guess you could say), I've had an orgasm. I only get "sexual" with my boyfriends. So recently, my boyfriend and I have been doing a little bit more than 1st base. I feel pretty lucky since I do tend ...
A. 18 December 2008: Guys like to know that their partner is receiving pleasure. Call it a "pride thing" if you wish, we really DO want our partners to get as much enjoyment as possible. Things like "body language" and facial expression provide feedback to let us know ... (read in full...)
I lost my virginity about 2 weeks ago and now my period is late!!!
Q. I lost my virginity about 2 weeks ago. We used protection and everything went well. The condom didn't split because we checked afterwards. However, my period is a few days late and I'm starting to worry I could be pregnant. I didn't think you could ...
A. 17 December 2008: The REAL answer is that if you and your B/F are scared of what this might mean, then you're probably not ready to add sex to your relationship.... (read in full...)
What is the right age to have sex?
Q. hiya people i have a problem what is the right age for sex? I am 18 and my girlfriend wants to have sex. should i do it or am i too young?...
A. 17 December 2008: The answer from "pvtguy" is a good start! You should also be old enough to understand and respect the mental and emotional aspects of sex, both for yourself and for your partner. ... (read in full...)
I'm doing a senior project about advice... Any help would be appreciated.
Q. Hey I'm Hillary, I'm on here because I'm doing a senior project about advice and I heard of this site from a friend and thought that it would be a good idea to get me started. I'm trying to help people out and get their feedback to write my paper. ...
A. 17 December 2008: Yes, like some of the responses say, it's good to learn from your mistakes - but often more efficient to learn from others' mistakes.
Sometimes the best advice amounts to nothing more than providing a structured description of a situation and clar... (read in full...)
Any tips for making sex beautiful?
Q. Ladies please reply. What makes sex enjoyable for you? What about sex is satisfying for you? How do you define good sex and good loving? Ladies, in your opinion what makes sex beautiful? Any tips for making sex beautiful? ...
A. 17 December 2008: I think your question implies that "enjoyable", "satisfying", "good loving", and "beautiful" are related but different qualities. I'm curious about what prompted the question but you're probably wise to stay quiet until you get some responses.
... (read in full...)
I'm pregnant we want to get married but we're scared!
Q. About three weeks ago I took a pregnancy test that came back positive. After going to the doctor I discovered that I was six weeks pregnant. I'm currently in college and my boyfriend has just graduated from college as an RN (registered nurse). He ...
A. 17 December 2008: Yeah, I can tell you're scared and uncertain simply because it seems that everything is on the table. Marriage is always a scary step; I've had one for over 34 years so I can say that with some authority. When a third person (your baby) is ... (read in full...)
Pregnant without sex?
Q. Okay this may sound stupid, but I really need to know. Okay... my boyfriend and I have made an agreement to abstain from sex until marriage. We do how ever fool around. I am a virgin so it is very important to me that we don't have intercourse ...
A. 17 December 2008: First I want to commend you and your fiance' for deciding to refrain from intercourse until marriage. It sounds like you two have respected each others' wishes and worked together to meet that goal. My wife and I did the same thing, 35 years ... (read in full...)
What do you do on top?
Q. I know this is going to sound stupid but I have only ever slept with one guy and thats my boyfriend and he was always on top now he's asked me to go on top but I dont know what you do... I know this sounds stupid but could somebody please tell me ...
A. 17 December 2008: Take a look at the old threads "What does a girl do when she's on top?" at http://www.dearcupid.org/question/what-does-a-girl-do-when-shes-on.html and "What do men like their woman to do while on top??" at ... (read in full...)
I am pregnant and scared about giving birth... Is it true that during labour...?
Q. Hello =] I had quite an embarrasing question. I'm 7 months pregnant and I yes I am scared about giving birth (which is natural) but i have a more embarrasing problem. My fiance and mother are going to be in the room, and there is one thing I hav...
A. 15 December 2008: Obviously, I have never given birth but I HAVE been with my wife when our kids were born. And, just last spring my daughter gave me the great privilege of being with her when my granddaughter was born.
Yes, there are embarrassing things that hap... (read in full...)
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