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What should I confess here? I am a quiet and shy introvert. You can piece together a bio by reading through my early posts. I'm a baby-boomer past the half-century mark, a gray-haired grandfather, so I guess "superannuated" is the most succinct term. My wife & I have been married (to each other!) for over 35 years, but she doesn't like to be called "my first wife". We have two adult children, plus one at university, and one who only lived about a day due to birth complications. We now live in St Louis, Missouri (roughly the center of North America) but grew up in Michigan and have lived in half a dozen different states.
I know how things look on BOTH sides of the hill. I have been 15 years old; I don't know many 15 year olds who have been 55. I have been with my own kids as they grew to be adults, and have been around many other parents (and kids) going through the same thing. (If I tend to sound like your parents, there's a reason. Most of us parents belong to the same union, so we have this "solidarity and brotherhood" thing among ourselves. Most teenagers view that as an Evil Conspiracy against the younger generation.)
I think that Forums such as this are generally helpful, since many factors pertaining to a question can be expressed in a short time. If I said something useful, or if I was way off base, I'd like to hear about it. |
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Is 22 too young for a man to really settle down? Do we know each other well enough to make this decision?
Q. I am 21, I went to school with this guy, that we will call GUY. So..we have texted and talked via facebook/text for a while, off and on, but for these last few weeks we have talked heavily. All day everyday. We can't hang out at this moment ...
A. 29 January 2013: {Insert standard disclaimer here, about how it varies from one person to another, everybody is different, etc, etc, etc}
There's obviously more to this question. What are your expectations for "being in love" or finding "the one"? Being in love ... (read in full...)
Why did he say that he was interested in my mind?
Q. Does he want to get to know me better? I basically asked this guy if he was "interested" in me. After I thought he was flirting with me. I think he was a little surprised by me asking such a blunt question. He smiled and at first asked what I meant ...
A. 28 January 2013: What do you know of this guy's personality?
"janniepeg" could be right - a shy guy trying to let you know he's interested, without looking like he's coming on too strong, and not risking rejection.
He might be trying to appear intellectual, be... (read in full...)
Am I too small to have sex?
Q. I know this is gonna sound weird but me and my friend got into this really weird conversation about sex (we're both virgins which would explain the constant giggles and blushes) which led to me wondering about how deep my vagina was inside. I actu...
A. 25 January 2013: I certainly hope that you and your life partner DO have sex . . . when you are both ready for it.
In the meantime it doesn't sound like you have anything to worry about. Yes, your vagina is quite elastic. As your lover prepares your mind and... (read in full...)
Why did it hurt when I had sex for the first time yesterday?
Q. Hey everyone I lost my virginity yesterday to my boyfriend of six months and he was a virgin too, I'm 17 years old and I don't regret it at all. Ok so when we first started doing it, it was kinda awkward but later we got it right. And we used a c...
A. 22 January 2013: Two things to consider.
First, your vagina is a ring of muscles. Your B/F's erection had to stretch those muscles open as he entered you. As you probably know, it sometimes hurts when a muscle has been stretched - especially if it has never be... (read in full...)
How long did it take you to know you were in love (the first time)? And how long after that did you tell your significant other?
Q. Here's just a general question for all of you out there: How long did it take you to know you were in love (the first time)? And for good measure, how long after that did you tell your significant other? I'm only curious because my boyfriend of ...
A. 10 January 2013: My first girlfriend (age 18) it was at least a month of regular dating, maybe two months, before I felt that I loved her. I don't doubt that it was really love, though it hadn't matured into the kind of love you could build a lifetime marriage ... (read in full...)
Worried I cant get pregnant when I'm older, help?
Q. Had unprotected sex on 4 different occasions since I lost my virginity, I was really worried I'd get pregnant but I've just got my period like normal... Now I'm really worried that one day when I want kids I won't be able to have them?? Is there so...
A. 10 January 2013: You are probably NOT infertile - so be responsible and don't risk a pregnancy that you don't really want. While it's true that many couples get pregnant from one-time sex, it's also true that couples who WANT a baby often take two or three months ... (read in full...)
Is this textbook shy-guy behavior?
Q. I had a date with a shy guy (he even admits to being shy)... Introverted around people in general. I'm an introverted person too so I was expecting that our date would be filled with silences. However, our date was a lot of fun and we had many ...
A. 19 December 2012: I don't know if it's "textbook shy guy behavior" or not, but it sounds like the way I would have behaved - and many would probably describe me as "quiet and shy".
I'm curious about what sort of "move" you expected him to make. Shy or not, I d... (read in full...)
What to say when boyfriend asks about marriage?
Q. My boyfriend and I have only been dating a few months. We are both 25. He seems pretty serious about me. He asked me yet again if I want to marry one day. I was surprised no ex had ever asked me this question before. I didn't really know what to ...
A. 19 December 2012: PLEASE(!!!) give him honest responses, but don't get too paranoid about the questions. He hasn't actually asked you to marry him, after all. A "few months" of dating has given him some preliminary indications that he'd consider you as a potential ... (read in full...)
Meeting up with my LDR at the airport tomorrow and I'm nervous!!
Q. Hi dear aunts/uncles! I am on a LDR for a couple of months with someone I used to know when I was younger just as friends, but we parted ways. (we knew each other personally) We will "meet" tomorrow on an airport (we both flew in to a "m...
A. 19 December 2012: It's good to hear that things eventually worked out well despite the transportation problems. Of course it's too early to know what path your relationship will take but I hope it's satisfying and fulfilling for both of you.
Reading your account ... (read in full...)
Do most couples start having sex at 18?
Q. When couples turn 18 in highschool do they usually have sex? whether they already were or start to. ...
A. 11 December 2012: No, no, no!
According to controlled studies by the National Center for Health Statistics, only about 60% of guys have had sex before they turned 19. See Table 13, page 44, at http://www.cdc.gov/nchs/data/series/sr_23/sr23_026.pdf . That mea... (read in full...)
Is it normal not to have had a boyfriend and kissed a boy and all that stuff at my age?
Q. i'm 17 in a couple of weeks, and i haven't really had a boyfriend, never properly kissed a boy or anything, and i was wondering if that is normal. majority of my friends have boyfriends and stuff, and i don't think i'm shallow, and yes there have a ...
A. 11 December 2012: You may not be "typical", but you are quite "normal".
(And as for "typical", many teens tend to exaggerate the seriousness of their relationships, brag about sexual activities that never happened, maintain the facade of a satisfying relation... (read in full...)
How long before you know you're in love and he/she is "the one"?
Q. If you have been in a good relationship for over two years, is that enough time to know whether or not you are "in love" with someone? Is that enough time to know whether or not this person is "the one?" ...
A. 8 December 2012: Good analysis by "CindyCares".
It's interesting that her last paragraph mentioned seeing your partner's interactions with his/her family members. After I met my wife, we did much of our dating while houseguests of each other's families. I think ... (read in full...)
Meeting up with my LDR at the airport tomorrow and I'm nervous!!
Q. Hi dear aunts/uncles! I am on a LDR for a couple of months with someone I used to know when I was younger just as friends, but we parted ways. (we knew each other personally) We will "meet" tomorrow on an airport (we both flew in to a "m...
A. 7 December 2012: OK, you don't have to give a second-by-second account of "the kiss", but at least tell us: "How did things go for you?".... (read in full...)
How long before you know you're in love and he/she is "the one"?
Q. If you have been in a good relationship for over two years, is that enough time to know whether or not you are "in love" with someone? Is that enough time to know whether or not this person is "the one?" ...
A. 7 December 2012: {Insert standard disclaimer here, about how it varies from one person to another, everybody is different, etc, etc, etc}
Yes, two years should be long enough to know that you're in love. It's also long enough to know that you're NOT in love.
... (read in full...)
Meeting up with my LDR at the airport tomorrow and I'm nervous!!
Q. Hi dear aunts/uncles! I am on a LDR for a couple of months with someone I used to know when I was younger just as friends, but we parted ways. (we knew each other personally) We will "meet" tomorrow on an airport (we both flew in to a "m...
A. 5 December 2012: (Am I too late?) It sounds like this kiss is more of a show-off performance than a genuine expression of true affection. If he REALLY insists, then go along with it in a superficial, perfunctory way. But I think you should let him know beforehand ... (read in full...)
Why is there such a double standard regarding men's and women's sexuality?
Q. Hi, I am openly dating. And my brother seems to think that I am a potential hoe even though I do not have sex with these men. He's young and is influenced heavily by society and the media and the defintion of what a woman is "supposed" to normally ...
A. 28 November 2012: The shrinks and evolutionary biologists can make all kinds of speculations about the "why" but unfortunately it's a standard feature of many cultures. I don't mean to dismiss or belittle your question but it's probably better to put your efforts ... (read in full...)
Is it possible to have sex four or five times in one night?
Q. I was having a lighthearted chat with my boyfriend this morning about first-time sex. I'm a virgin, he's not, and after almost a year together we're planning to go through with it soon. So we were talking about condoms etc. and to cut a long sto...
A. 26 November 2012: He might be bragging a little bit, but not by much. Some guys in their late teens or early twenties can re-charge and go again 4 or 5 times in one session.
Being the first time, with a partner you really care for, can affect the performa... (read in full...)
I'm pregnant are there any precautions we should use during private time?
Q. I'm 2 months pregnant and I was wondering if there are any precautions my husband and I should consider during our "private time". My obgyn said everything looks normal for now but just curious of anything we should avoid?...
A. 24 November 2012: Congratulations! Having and raising children is one of the biggest statements of faith you can make.
"So_Very_Confused" gave the best answer to your question.
In general, sex is quite OK during pregnancy. If there was any obvious reason t... (read in full...)
How often do you have sex a week?
Q. Hi I want to ask peope who are in relationship or married about their sex life. How often you have sex per week? Are you sexually active?...
A. 24 November 2012: Wife and I are in our early 60's, married over 38 years ago. The first year or so after giving our virginity to each other on our wedding night we probably averaged about a dozen times a week. Now we are physically affectionate very regularly - ... (read in full...)
Are we boyfriend and girlfriend? We never had 'the talk'!
Q. Well this guy and I met online. We have been seeing each other for about a month now. He is a navy corpsman (doc) who is stationed with the marines. Everything has been great he texts me a few times through out the day but doesn't blow up my phone. ...
A. 20 November 2012: Well, since he called you his girlfriend then you are boyfriend and girlfriend in some sense.
Like your question indicates, you should find out what that means to him and what he expects from you. His actions all point to a sincere and serious ... (read in full...)
Questions about pregnancy
Q. I've just recently found out that I'm pregnant with our first child and its a wonderful time for both myself and my boyfriend but I have a few questions that hopefully you could help me with. 1) I've always exercised a lot, walking, running...
A. 20 November 2012: Yeah, these are mostly medical-related questions that you really should take to a doctor. The other responses all gave good advice. The "ache in the womb" sounds unusual but may not be a cause for major concern. During the later stages of my ... (read in full...)
Is it better to lose your virginity to another virgin?
Q. I have a couple different questions here. 1. Do you think it is better to lose your virginity to another virgin, or to someone who knows what they are doing in the bedroom? Why do you think either way is better? 2. Is it creepy for a 22 year ...
A. 19 November 2012: Second question first:
The 5 year age gap between 17 and 22 isn't the problem per se, it's the gap in maturity and life experience that is the problem. If it's truly a casual friendship then accept it for what it is, learn from the guy and enjo... (read in full...)
Will the doctor be able to tell that I was sexually active a month ago?
Q. Okay so, I know this may not be the right place for this. But, I really need and answer. Alright so my parents are taking me Tuesday to get a Pap and get me on birth control. My only worry is that my parents said they're gonna have my doctor check ...
A. 19 November 2012: I'm not a lawyer, but I think the others are correct: the doctor cannot legally or ethically divulge that kind of information to your parents except under some very special circumstances.
If you are sexually active you SHOULD be getting regular ... (read in full...)
How old were you the first time you had sex? How was it?
Q. Hello I'm curious to know in what age you had first time sex(intercourse), and how was it?...
A. 15 November 2012: My wife and I were both 23 when we exchanged virginity (I gave her mine, and she offered hers) on our wedding night. We are still married (to each other!) over 38 years later.
Physiologically the first time was rather lousy sex. It was very int... (read in full...)
He found out I'm a virgin and now he wants to take things slow?
Q. I've been with this guy for about a month and a half and things have been going pretty good up until recently when I told him I was a virgin. Initially he was shocked by it because he's never taken a girls virginity and He kept saying how rare it ...
A. 12 November 2012: I wouldn't say he's trying to "dump" you, but it's pretty obvious that his initial infatuation with you has cooled a bit. Is your lack of sexual experience a factor? Possibly - though I'll bet he's mostly using that as an excuse.
He may be conce... (read in full...)
Shouldn't people know each other for more than three months before deciding to marry?
Q. I'm not asking this question because I'm in a situation to get married. I'm waaaay too young for that, so don't mention anything like that. I'm just wondering, does anyone else think that knowing each other for too short of a time means you s...
A. 12 November 2012: Did you really mean to ask, ". . . before DECIDING to marry?", or ". . . before GETTING married?"?
Three months isn't a lot of time in either case. The traditional folk advice was to wait at least a year; "Summer and winter with a man before y... (read in full...)
I'm a virgin and he's not, not sure how to react
Q. So we've had the conversation a long time ago, we've been dating for 10 months. I am saving myself until marriage, but he has has two past girlfriends of which have lost their virginity to him. It was really hard in the beginning for me to accept ...
A. 10 November 2012: I don't know any practical advice to give you. This seems to be a topic that will cause problems as long as you're in a relationship with this guy - potentially, the rest of your life. Don't feel bad about "making this a big deal" - it's something ... (read in full...)
I had sex with my B/f in my parents' room and they got to know about it and are mad at me!
Q. Hi everyone, I need some help. Me and my boyfriend have been having sex for the past 4 months, we're both 17 and consenting so there really isnt a problem. But my parents found a condom wrapper on the floor of their room (the only double bed in the ...
A. 3 November 2012: For "Young and in Love":
You gave an EXCELLENT reply! If you understand the situation correctly, I hope the original poster puts a lot of thought and consideration into your suggestions. I suspect her most significant obstacle will be finding ... (read in full...)
Out of curiousity, can this happen?
Q. Hello. I have a question about something I want to try to do. Is it possible for me to put my penis inside my girlfriend's vagina, if it is still flaccid? My girlfriend and I have both agreed it is something worth trying. However, we both want to ...
A. 3 November 2012: I have occasionally seen references to this happening. My wife and I tried it (admittedly, somewhat half-heartedly) a few times but it never came close to working.
Some women claim to have done it, and it was a unique and very intimate experien... (read in full...)
I had sex with my B/f in my parents' room and they got to know about it and are mad at me!
Q. Hi everyone, I need some help. Me and my boyfriend have been having sex for the past 4 months, we're both 17 and consenting so there really isnt a problem. But my parents found a condom wrapper on the floor of their room (the only double bed in the ...
A. 3 November 2012: Ummm . . . am I too dumb to understand this situation, or are some of the other responses jumping to premature conclusions? Your question isn't very specific - exactly what is the conflict between you and your parents?
Is it really the fact (as... (read in full...)
How many sex positions do you use when having sex? Are my boyfriend and I normal?
Q. how many different sex positions do you use when having sex? like in one night, and also in total? like within the last couple months, how many different positions have you used? me and my boyfriend use maybe about 10 in total. is that not normal?...
A. 3 November 2012: Like others say - If you feel that you have to keep score then I wonder why you're having sex.
For my wife and I, our typical sequence uses 3 positions for the actual intercourse. We mix things up a little, especially if it's bedtime or mid-day ... (read in full...)
If your 15 year old daughter had a boyfriend, how would you react?
Q. Okay, so i am 15, and i want to tell my mom about my boyfriend. If your daughter came to you and told you this, how would you react? How would you want to be told?...
A. 29 October 2012: Basically, it's admirable, healthy, and smart that you want to share this with your mom.
As a father of 3 (now adult) kids I know that you are about the age when people start to take special notice of the opposite sex. In fact, among my acquaint... (read in full...)
Should I choose a different Doctor? When I met the new Doctor I realised that I've slept with him and his wife. He was professional when I saw him recently.
Q. Okay this is an odd thing that happened to me, I went to the doctors because I have been having some bad neck pains so I just randomly picked a doctor and when I finally meet the doctor I actually know him and have slept with him and his wife when I ...
A. 26 October 2012: I think you should change doctors.
It's not an automatic deal breaker, and it even sounds like he could continue with a proper, arm's-length, physician/patient relationship - but the fact that it bothers you indicates a different doctor would be... (read in full...)
What are some fun nice acceptable activities to suggest when my friend visits? Skating is one, what else?
Q. This girl and I were complete strangers before this summer. Then, we both were involved as counsellors in a summer camp and saw each other everyday and interacted every time we saw each other. We constantly talk to each other on skype, facebook ...
A. 26 October 2012: Based on the information you gave, do your best to include her in some kind of group activity but definitely avoid any one-on-one meetings, no matter how innocent and low-pressure they might appear.
Is her boyfriend aware of your skype, f... (read in full...)
Did I make a mistake by not kissing her on the first date
Q. I have been on a few first dates before. I have never kissed a girl or tried to make a move on her on a first date. One, I dont feel comfortable to try and to, I would want to show her im not trying to just get with her and that I want to get to ...
A. 17 October 2012: Your next move? Let her know that you are attracted to her as a person . . . by spending time with her apart from "dates", chatting with her, sending her a friendship card or note, etc.
Don't over-analyze or get obsessed with not kissing ... (read in full...)
Is it a sin to masturbate?
Q. So, i'm 16 years old and i'm basically wondering if you think msterbating is a sin or a bad thing. Even though i don't go to church i still want to be a really good person and not do anything that's considered a sin. Whenever i look this question ...
A. 14 October 2012: About two generations ago the Christian protestant (Presbyterian) pastor Dr. Charlie Shedd wrote in "The Stork is Dead" (and echoed in other books) that masturbation is not just a neutral activity that people may undertake for either good or evil ... (read in full...)
Will I be short forever? I'm 18 now.
Q. As a child I was always taller than normal. As a baby I was born taller than average. I was almost 2 feet long when i was born. At age 8,i was 5'3. But at age 12,I stopped growing and,I've been the same height ever since (5'7). At age 18,is...
A. 14 October 2012: ( You may also want to consider the threads:
"Is it a problem if she's taller?" at http://www.dearcupid.org/question/is-it-a-problem-if-shes-taller.html
"How tall will I be and will my feet match my height??" http://w... (read in full...)
Will I be short forever? I'm 18 now.
Q. As a child I was always taller than normal. As a baby I was born taller than average. I was almost 2 feet long when i was born. At age 8,i was 5'3. But at age 12,I stopped growing and,I've been the same height ever since (5'7). At age 18,is...
A. 14 October 2012: I didn't reach my full adult height until after I was 19 years old, and grew over an inch after turning 18. I have heard this isn't unusual for men, though I didn't watch closely enough to see if it was true for my own sons.
If you do a little l... (read in full...)
Why do I shake when near climaxing? I'm embarrassed. Is it normal?
Q. So when and my boyfriend are doing foreplay I obviously get turned up to the point of climaxing and when I know I'm nearing that I get him to stop. I do this because I tend to shake when I do. I'm worried that he'll find it weird which is why I st...
A. 11 October 2012: What needs to be "overcome"? Your body is responding quite naturally, and in fact beautifully, as nature takes its course.
Speaking as a male guy person of the masculine sex - a partner who is genuinely demonstrative at climax is one of the grea... (read in full...)
Is there any way to confirm when I'll be ready for sex? I'm feeling better about it but I am still unsure.
Q. So I was talking to my friend yesterday about relationships and sex. She's done more stuff with her boyfriend than me, but like she totally understands how I feel. She told me to just have fun and if you trust the person you're with, that I've noth...
A. 11 October 2012: At the very least, asking questions like "Am I ready?", or "When will I be ready", is evidence that you aren't yet ready. And that's OK - your mind is trying to tell you something. Down inside you know, even though you don't yet fully understand ... (read in full...)
Advice please? First time sex for a 24 year old virgin. Is it as painful as some say it is?
Q. Ok so I think ive found my 'one' we've been going out for a while now and are coming upto a point n our relationship where we both want sex. However I'm scared this would be my first time. I really like this guy and want to take our relationship...
A. 9 October 2012: If you are truly "scared" it may be a sign that you aren't quite ready for sex with this guy. That's OK - over time you two will build trust and confidence and there will be a time when you say, "It may hurt at first but I want to have HIM inside ... (read in full...)
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