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What should I confess here? I am a quiet and shy introvert. You can piece together a bio by reading through my early posts. I'm a baby-boomer past the half-century mark, a gray-haired grandfather, so I guess "superannuated" is the most succinct term. My wife & I have been married (to each other!) for over 35 years, but she doesn't like to be called "my first wife". We have two adult children, plus one at university, and one who only lived about a day due to birth complications. We now live in St Louis, Missouri (roughly the center of North America) but grew up in Michigan and have lived in half a dozen different states.
I know how things look on BOTH sides of the hill. I have been 15 years old; I don't know many 15 year olds who have been 55. I have been with my own kids as they grew to be adults, and have been around many other parents (and kids) going through the same thing. (If I tend to sound like your parents, there's a reason. Most of us parents belong to the same union, so we have this "solidarity and brotherhood" thing among ourselves. Most teenagers view that as an Evil Conspiracy against the younger generation.)
I think that Forums such as this are generally helpful, since many factors pertaining to a question can be expressed in a short time. If I said something useful, or if I was way off base, I'd like to hear about it. |
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Advice please? First time sex for a 24 year old virgin. Is it as painful as some say it is?
Q. Ok so I think ive found my 'one' we've been going out for a while now and are coming upto a point n our relationship where we both want sex. However I'm scared this would be my first time. I really like this guy and want to take our relationship...
A. 9 October 2012: If you are truly "scared" it may be a sign that you aren't quite ready for sex with this guy. That's OK - over time you two will build trust and confidence and there will be a time when you say, "It may hurt at first but I want to have HIM inside ... (read in full...)
When would be the right time to tell my students that I am pregnant?
Q. I'm a 29 year-old woman and I recently found out that I am expecting. I'm a teacher, so is my husband, and we work at the same high school. We've been married for 15 months. I'm fairly skinny and I'm about 6 weeks pregnant. I haven't starting ...
A. 9 October 2012: "passion28", as a pregnant lady you can't escape "comments"!
If you are very sensitive about being teased (and I can't imagine you would be, given your job) please ask your husband for special understanding over the next 8 months. Most people d... (read in full...)
My boyfriend has had sex with 100 girls. Am I just the next one in line?
Q. My boyfriend confessed to having nearly 100 past sexual partners. I'm still a virgin, which makes it a shocker for me. He told me that before he turned 21 (his bday is next month) he wanted to go above 100, but said he would stop at me. He wanted me ...
A. 9 October 2012: Like everybody else said, it looks like he's only wanting to run up the score. Just because HE has decided to have 100 partners before he is 21, it does not obligate YOU to help him reach that goal! Will you get a trophy and framed certificate for ... (read in full...)
I'm ready for sex but g/f doesn't want to take my virginity
Q. Hello everyone, I've been with this special girl for 3.5 months now. I'm crazy about her and really love her. I'm a virgin, she's not (3 previous sex partners). I told her i was ready for the next step. She said I dont have to look forward to it no...
A. 9 October 2012: Drop the subject and don't discuss it with her for at least another month. Or two.
You don't want to hear this, but at your age 3.5 months is probably NOT enough time to develop a relationship that is ready for sex. If you two are still together... (read in full...)
When would be the right time to tell my students that I am pregnant?
Q. I'm a 29 year-old woman and I recently found out that I am expecting. I'm a teacher, so is my husband, and we work at the same high school. We've been married for 15 months. I'm fairly skinny and I'm about 6 weeks pregnant. I haven't starting ...
A. 7 October 2012: Tell your students at the time you make an announcement to the "general public".
I went through 4 pregnancies with my tall, skinny wife. She didn't start wearing maternity clothes until the 5th or 6th month and we made it known to casual friends ... (read in full...)
What are recommended lubes people have used. And What works best for the painful morning after stomach aches and muscle cramps?
Q. I'm newly wed of 2 months now and so I've been exploring many new things lately as new couples do. I was wondering what the best lube is that feels warm and maybe adds to your sensitivity? One other question... What works best for the painful ...
A. 2 October 2012: There's a person's natural lube - a touch of saliva works well and is always on hand - or water-based surgical lube. (The store brand equivalents of "KY-Jelly" are what we have used, but it has SELDOM been needed - it typically dries out in the tube ... (read in full...)
He suggested this game, but I don't know what will work. How am I supposed to convince my boyfriend to have sex?!
Q. my boyfriend wants me to convince him to have sex to see how convincing I can be. He wants it to be a game. I know he does, because he told me he wants to see if i can convince him to as well. I need help I've tried different things, but no luck....
A. 2 October 2012: Can you say more about this "game", and the "different things" you have tried? When my wife convinces me to have sex, it's called "seduction". (And it's VERY exciting to have her do that to me!) Is that the kind of "game" you're talking about?
... (read in full...)
Poll: What do you believe is synonymous with losing your virginity?
Q. Ok, I want to know. I randomly thought of this today, and I wanted to hear everyones opinion on this, because I'm interested in what other people think. What, in your mind, is the loss of virginity? For girls: Is it breaking your hymen? I...
A. 1 October 2012: Sounds like "champagne69" and her B/F experienced something similar to what my wife and I had when we gave each other our virginity on our wedding night. Yes, we had done pretty much "everything but intercourse" up to that point. Loss of virginity ... (read in full...)
What advice can you give for dating a younger man in university?
Q. I'm a 22 year old senior and I like a 20 year old sophomore. I know age is just a number and whether or not the relationship will work depends on the two people. But does anyone have advice for dating a younger guy? Any insights or tips? Thanks! ...
A. 1 October 2012: At your ages, that much difference shouldn't cause significant problems - though if you run with mostly upperclassmen, and he's primarily with underclassmen, then your peers (and his) may be planting some seeds of prejudice in your mind(s).
... (read in full...)
When does intercourse become less painful for women?
Q. Hi! So, I'm getting married soon and I been reading a lot about sex preparing somewhat for it. My fiancé has told me that she has had 1 sexual partner and they only did it twice the same day she lost her virginity. One worry that she has is our f...
A. 1 October 2012: When my wife refrained from sex for an extended time - such as the month after our first child was delivered by Caesarean - she said that the first intercourse was uncomfortable.
The others gave good advice: make sure she is very aroused before y... (read in full...)
I have an athletic body, but no boobs. Are my friends right about the comments, I'm now self conscious guys will be put off!!?
Q. I feel really self conscious about my body after the comments from people I live with at uni, now I think they're right that a guy wont like my body or maybe I should get surgery, or gain weight, anything to change myself. I'm not that tall, only ...
A. 30 September 2012: You are fighting some unhealthy advertising images, cultural stereotypes, and mental conditioning. Your body is part of what makes you, uniquely YOU. Don't change it to satisfy the prejudices or misinformation of casual acquaintances!
My wi... (read in full...)
My first serious relationship. But many anxieties:( Did you go through anything like this? What helped? What didn't help?
Q. I'm currently in my first serious relationship, and have been finding it very hard to settle into things. I love my boyfriend very much but it has taken me a while to trust him, how to balance my relationship around my life appropriately, how to a...
A. 30 September 2012: I can't say that I (or my wife) have experience with this, but I hope he is helping you see yourself for what you really are. That may be the surest sign that he really IS a "keeper" who is worth the investment of your time and emotions.
For t... (read in full...)
How do I tell him that I'm still a virgin?
Q. So I'm dating a guy that I really like for 2 months , he's kind , nice and respect me , he never forced anything and never asked or said straight that he wants to sleep with me ... He is 26 and I am 27 , he used to be married , I'm still virgin...
A. 28 September 2012: He definitely needs to know you are a virgin.
I'm sure it's embarrassing and a little frightening but for both of you it's best to mention it beforehand - in the daylight, with all your clothes on. He may already suspect you are a virgin. ... (read in full...)
Guys, would you have reacted in the same way as my boyfriend to the fact that I am a virgin at 20?
Q. So this guy i'm seeing we were getting really close and things were intense, I wanted to go the whole way but I stopped him and said I can't i'm still a virgin, but told him I want to, just not yet. I'm ready, i'm just not sure yet if I want to...
A. 24 September 2012: 20 is NOT too old to be a virgin!!!
I won't repeat what others have already told you but I will add one more observation:
You are a 20 year old virgin because you have chosen to be so (good for you!) and sex is not something you take lightly... (read in full...)
How do I overcome my problems for sex?
Q. So I'm planning on having sex for the first time with my boyfriend. I'm on birth control and me and my boyfriend are 20. He isn't a virgin and I am. So I am asking if you have any advice on overcoming my self consciousness of being naked with him...
A. 20 September 2012: To be honest, you may not be quite ready for sex with him.
A certain amount of self consciousness, embarrassment, and apprehension is actually part of the experience. But so is excitement, anticipation, and a desire for both giving and receivin... (read in full...)
I'm a 20 year old virgin and would really like to know.... What does it feel like to be completely in love with someone, flaws and all?
Q. This probably sounds like a stupid question, but what does it feel like to be in love? I'm a 20 year old guy, never had a girlfriend or even any interest from a woman, still a virgin, never been kissed etc. So I really don't know what its like. I'm ...
A. 19 September 2012: "Stayc63088" did a pretty good answer, especially for somebody in their 20's.
A clue that runs through many of her examples is that you start looking for ways to organize your life around hers. Not just doing things together like dates, b... (read in full...)
Do you think my wife has forgotten what losing her virginity felt like?
Q. My wife lost her virginity to one man (had sex just once before me) and I have been fucking her three times a week for over twenty years. Has she forgotten about that first experience by now or will she always remember how it felt the first ti...
A. 18 September 2012: The old adage says that everybody remembers the first time. My wife and I both remember our first times, which was actually the same first time - on our wedding night, over 35 years ago. Physically as well as emotionally an extremely intense ... (read in full...)
Do you think my wife has forgotten what losing her virginity felt like?
Q. My wife lost her virginity to one man (had sex just once before me) and I have been fucking her three times a week for over twenty years. Has she forgotten about that first experience by now or will she always remember how it felt the first ti...
A. 18 September 2012: The old adage says that everybody remembers the first time. My wife and I both remember our first times, which was actually the same first time - on our wedding night, over 35 years ago. Physically as well as emotionally an extremely intense ... (read in full...)
I'm 21 and he's 18! I've never seen myself dating a younger guy with such a significant age gap!
Q. So I have a bad situation. Me and this guy met at a party and we really hit it off right away. We have a lot in common, he's adorably cute and has great style. Well eventually right when I really start liking this guy, he reveals his age to me. He ...
A. 18 September 2012: At those ages, the 3-year gap is something to consider and perhaps make allowances for, but I don't see it as a major obstacle - like it is at 18/15.... (read in full...)
Don't know when or if I should tell this guy I'm a virgin.
Q. I've been reading a few questions people have asked on here about telling a guy their with that they are a virgin, well thing is i'm stuck on whether I should or even when. Because IF some guys see it as a conquest, then how do I know that he isn't ...
A. 18 September 2012: He definitely needs to know - certainly before the clothes start coming off, but perhaps not too much before you're ready for him to take your clothes off.
More importantly - and before you tell him you're a virgin - he has to know, and accept, ... (read in full...)
Need a Older Man's Opinion
Q. I met a single man(in this 30's) last year from canada and we have been in contact for 1 year now. We only met once and had a great time and chemistry and everything(did not do anything with him at all, I'm more respectable). So, now he emails me ...
A. 18 September 2012: Forget him. Sounds like he's just looking for a vagina to masturbate into.... (read in full...)
I know this is not normal but...
Q. Had a few drinks but was not drunk - I was performing oral sex on my wife when things got very intense and before I knew i slipped further down. To my surpise my wife moaned in pleasure and asked for me to do it again. I accomodated and before I ...
A. 18 September 2012: Both men and women get very sensitive around the anus when they are sexually aroused. Neither men nor women like to admit it. My wife has NEVER asked for analingus, but she DOES from time to time position herself (while I go down on her) in a way ... (read in full...)
Sex issues with my virgin girlfriend, any help would be much obliged!
Q. Hi all again. So me and my gal have been going together over a year now and she has gotten much more comfortable with me fooling around with her. She still is really shy when it comes to reciprocating. I have two questions, one that pertains to ...
A. 18 September 2012: Whatever you do, don't pressure her or rush her to do things that she's not ready - both mentally and emotionally - for. It sounds like she's just not yet comfortable with the whole idea of sexual pleasure. Back off a little with the deep ... (read in full...)
How can I tell my parents that when I finish university I want to take up the guitar professionally? They will have to pay $40,000 a year for me to do so.....
Q. Hi, this isn't a relationship question but I'd really like some outside opinions on this problem. I am currently attending university, studying criminology and going into my 3rd year. However back when I started 1st year I had started to play ...
A. 18 September 2012: (A gray-haired parent person whose youngest kid is a few years older than you speaks.) I have no idea how good you are with the guitar, but . . . your parents have already given you a great start in life, and funded your university education. ... (read in full...)
How to ask for sex lessions?
Q. I date an older, more experienced guy, whom I recently lost my virginity to. I'm not sure if this happens to everyone, but having sex made me realize it's pretty awesome and made me well.. want way more. Nevertheless, I'm really shy and have qui...
A. 3 September 2012: Keep in mind that for blow jobs - or, for that matter, ANY kind of sexual activity that may be popularized by culture or media - some guys can take 'em or leave 'em. For me, receiving oral sex is intimate and loving but not much of a turn-on, and ... (read in full...)
Is it appropriate for an 11 year old to date?
Q. If someone is 11 should they date? ...
A. 3 September 2012: "Honeypie" explained it well.
I suspect that an 11 year old (either boy or girl) who expresses an interest in "dating" is trying to "play grown-up" by imitating behavior that has been incorrectly modeled by older people (I hesitate to give the... (read in full...)
Can we help determine the sex of a baby by the position we have sex in?
Q. Ok guys . I hope you can help me. My husband wants a little girl. Right know we have 3 boys. My mother in law and her sisters told me to do all the work in bed. My husband should just lay there while im on top. Is that true? Apparently according to ...
A. 31 August 2012: Back in the late 1970's there were several popular books dealing with ways for couples to improve their chances of conception, as well as favor the selection of one sex over another. If I recall correctly, girl babies are more likely when:
- You... (read in full...)
Tightness of a virgin, truth or myth?
Q. OK, I have often wondered about this. I have never been with a virgin but have always wondered if I am missing out. My wife was VERY inexperienced when we got together. 2 guys a total of 3 times.Not sure she could feel any tighter when we first ...
A. 30 August 2012: My wife and I were wedding-night virgins. It was rather difficult making that very first entrance - but to be honest, I have no idea how much of that was due to her virginity, how much was my ineptness, and how much was her nervousness. I had ... (read in full...)
Tips on having sexual intercourse? It will be the first time for both of us.
Q. hi, i'm an 18 year old girl. I was just wondering if you guys could give me any tips and suggestions for my first time having sexual intercourse! It will be both his and mine firt time. Thank you! (:...
A. 30 August 2012: This is a common question.
I hope you and your B/F have been together for a while, and are talking about being life partners. I also suggest that you spend a while - anywhere from several days, to a few weeks or even months, getting acquaint... (read in full...)
Online guy--we're going to meet should I take a parent the first time?
Q. so three years ago i met a guy online, he lives in another country . So we were friends for about a year then it kind've became an online relationship when he told me he liked me and i liked him back. We talk on video call etc and ive spoken to his ...
A. 30 August 2012: Any news? Did things go well?
... (read in full...)
I need advice on how to kiss
Q. I've been going out with this girl for a while and I am ready to kiss her. But the thing is I don't know what to do with my lips. I already have the perfect idea for it but I don't know how to do it. How do I do it? Please help me it's going to be ...
A. 30 August 2012: For starters, let her know that you've never kissed a girl before. If she's a good choice . . . she'll think that's cute and romantic. If she has kissed guys, she'll probably guide you and make it as easy as possible. Let her do that, and accept ... (read in full...)
Sex every other day for 2 months, but I'm not pregnant yet!
Q. Hi! I'm almost 32, my hubby is almost 34. We've been trying to have a baby for 2 months now, having sex every other day. We're both healthy and in good shape, don't smoke and don't drink alcohol. Unfortunately, after two months, I'm not pregnant and ...
A. 15 August 2012: Yeah, in general the medical threshold for "conception problems" is a full year of regular, unprotected sex. I haven't kept notes, but real couples I'm aware of seem to take a few months on average to get a bay started. When we decided to have ... (read in full...)
How to entertain introverted and quiet guys if you're introverted and quiet as well?
Q. I have a big crush on this boy.We're both members of a performing organization in our university. He plays the violin and I play the piano. Because of our common interest in the same music genre, we get along well. We're good friends and we're ...
A. 27 July 2012: It could be that in your attempts to please him and be noticed by him you are trying to be somebody that you aren't. Most people recognize a phony, and introverts in particular will erect mental barriers, or withdraw from anybody who doesn't seem ... (read in full...)
Love, virginity, scared. How do I deal with my fears about losing my virginity with my BF?
Q. So I'm a virgin a complete utter virgin, but I think I might be too childish or I am thinking too childish about sex. My body is telling me it wants to but my head is saying different. I'm not scared of having sex, I'm just scared of what my ...
A. 27 July 2012: To put it directly - you're probably not ready for a sexual relationship with your B/F.
When the time is right BOTH of you will want it, and want it with each other. The things you mentioned won't be a factor.... (read in full...)
Is it okay to experiment with women to gain sexual experience even though I won't be dating them?
Q. Recently I was having a chat with a friend and the subject of my virginity came up. He ask why I still choose to keep it because girls our age aren't anymore. He got me thinking that when I do find a girlfriend that she would have slept with many ...
A. 26 July 2012: For the record - my wife and I were both 23 when we exchanged virginity (I gave her mine, and she offered hers in return) on our wedding night. Yeah, it was lousy sex - even though we had done "just about everything but THAT . . ." during our ... (read in full...)
Is it okay to experiment with women to gain sexual experience even though I won't be dating them?
Q. Recently I was having a chat with a friend and the subject of my virginity came up. He ask why I still choose to keep it because girls our age aren't anymore. He got me thinking that when I do find a girlfriend that she would have slept with many ...
A. 26 July 2012: I was 21 and sitting in my college graduation. I watched as my friends' names were called, and as they stepped down from the stage many of them were greeted by a wife or girlfriend (or both?) giving public displays of affection that verged on ... (read in full...)
What can we do to prove to my boyfriend's parents that we aren't just another high school relationship and that we have a real future?
Q. Okay, so I am 19 and my boyfriend just 20 last week. We have been together since we were 16 and have been through so much together. Last year he, and his family, moved 1,200 miles away and we made the choice to break up. His parents, who claimed ...
A. 13 July 2012: As a parent myself . . . at your ages, your boyfriend's parents sound a little unreasonable. But don't tell that to them! They DO, however, have a right and obligation to set the rules for their house.
(Are you certain that the parents feel tha... (read in full...)
When can we become physically intimate?
Q. So I'm just curious as of what guys/girls think. At what point in a relationship should a guy and a girl start doing physical things / sexual things? I've been In a relationship for about two months is it too early for making out. Handjobs... ect? ...
A. 12 July 2012: Yeah, there is no timetable for when things "should" happen. A good gauge is whether both of you are comfortable with the activity - both before, and after, it happens. (It's actually a sign of grown-up maturity - and probably a very positive sign ... (read in full...)
Is it acceptable to ask certain family and friends to give us a wedding service as a gift instead of cash?
Q. Both my fiance and I have larger than comfortable families and quite a few mutual, and otherwise, friends. However, we have a VERY tight budget (strictly $3000 here; plus or minus a couple hundred). We don't want to compromise our guest list even ...
A. 11 July 2012: I agree with the consensus - asking for cash (or asking a professional friend for services-in-kind) is tacky. At a philosophically more fundamental level, it implies a very materialistic personal worldview.
When I can get back to this thread a... (read in full...)
Should all men last an hour in bed?
Q. My friends all think a guy should last an hour in bed, but my bf and i dont. We were both virgins and lost it to one another, and we are still getting use to it so therefore he cums quickly. Do you have any proof that this is a normal thing, and my ...
A. 10 July 2012: Though some folks claim to have done it, and you can find books and web pages that try to teach the technique, penis-in-vagina stroking for an hour (or even 30 minutes) will probably leave both of you feeling sore and raw. For a long session, my ... (read in full...)
What are some of your ideas/experiences with having sex outdoors?
Q. Me and my boyfriend are in a extremely happy relationship. We have been together for 5 years and I am planning to spend the rest of my life with him (cheesy I know!) We have had sex before however we want to know places outside were we could do it. ...
A. 10 July 2012: The sensuousness of outdoor sex - the different sights, sounds, sensations on naked body parts that are seldom exposed - is a significant enhancement to the experience. Have never deliberately put on a show, but the knowledge that you might be seen ... (read in full...)
Online guy--we're going to meet should I take a parent the first time?
Q. so three years ago i met a guy online, he lives in another country . So we were friends for about a year then it kind've became an online relationship when he told me he liked me and i liked him back. We talk on video call etc and ive spoken to his ...
A. 15 June 2012: What experience have you had with dating?
I'm one of those gray-haired parent people myself. When my kids (both sons and daughter) were High School age my wife and I insisted on knowing who they were going to be with, where they were going, a... (read in full...)
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