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What should I confess here? I am a quiet and shy introvert. You can piece together a bio by reading through my early posts. I'm a baby-boomer past the half-century mark, a gray-haired grandfather, so I guess "superannuated" is the most succinct term. My wife & I have been married (to each other!) for over 35 years, but she doesn't like to be called "my first wife". We have two adult children, plus one at university, and one who only lived about a day due to birth complications. We now live in St Louis, Missouri (roughly the center of North America) but grew up in Michigan and have lived in half a dozen different states.
I know how things look on BOTH sides of the hill. I have been 15 years old; I don't know many 15 year olds who have been 55. I have been with my own kids as they grew to be adults, and have been around many other parents (and kids) going through the same thing. (If I tend to sound like your parents, there's a reason. Most of us parents belong to the same union, so we have this "solidarity and brotherhood" thing among ourselves. Most teenagers view that as an Evil Conspiracy against the younger generation.)
I think that Forums such as this are generally helpful, since many factors pertaining to a question can be expressed in a short time. If I said something useful, or if I was way off base, I'd like to hear about it. |
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I am pregnant and scared about giving birth... Is it true that during labour...?
Q. Hello =] I had quite an embarrasing question. I'm 7 months pregnant and I yes I am scared about giving birth (which is natural) but i have a more embarrasing problem. My fiance and mother are going to be in the room, and there is one thing I hav...
A. 15 December 2008: Obviously, I have never given birth but I HAVE been with my wife when our kids were born. And, just last spring my daughter gave me the great privilege of being with her when my granddaughter was born.
Yes, there are embarrassing things that hap... (read in full...)
I'm a virgin and plan to wear a condom, should I?
Q. hi im a virgin and my girlfriend is not we have talked about sex and im all ok for it however i was wondering what would i do at the end when im am about to ejaculate i plan to wear a condom but i just dont know what to do thanks...
A. 15 December 2008: Any way that is satisfying and respectful to both you and your partner is a "good way". The truth is, you won't have much idea of what that is until it happens.
I almost always stay coupled with my wife and we cuddle, kiss, talk, etc while I ... (read in full...)
What do men like their woman to do while on top??
Q. what do men like women to do when their woman are on top. or How do you master woman on top...
A. 15 December 2008: Another vote for "DoubleM"!
The best part of woman-on-top is that she can pleasure herself exactly as she wants and easily get her orgasms. And even more enjoyable for me (the guy underneath) - I'm in the best position to enjoy and apprecia... (read in full...)
Is a man's orgasm more intense when he cums inside his partner?
Q. This a rather silly question but maybe the answer will resolve a dispute between my bf and I. Is a man's orgasm more intense when he cums inside his partner? I've been with my bf for over 2 years. I never refuse him sex. I don't make him wear a ...
A. 12 December 2008: Whether the idea is all in the head, or in the genitals, I don't know - but I agree with him that there IS a difference!
I wouldn't say it's more intense inside my lover, but it's more satisfying. Actually, it's probably most intense when I p... (read in full...)
Will first time sex suck?
Q. Hi. I was talking about the fact that I'm a virgin with this one girl, and I told her that I wanted it to have sentimental value when I finally lost it. She said that my first time will suck, and it's not all it's cracked up to be. I'm wondering.. ...
A. 12 December 2008: Well, if it's something YOU value and respect - and your partner also values and respects it - then it's valuable and worth respecting, right? That's not a very good answer . . .
Actually, you have several good answers here! They are all diff... (read in full...)
I'd like advice about losing my virginity
Q. I want to lose my virginity with my boyfriend.We are both virgins,and both the same age.Anyone have any tips on how the first time should be ?.So far,i have been on top of him while we were both wearing our underwear.I was just wearing my knickers ( ...
A. 11 December 2008: It's normal to be nervous, even fearful (not necessarily a bad kind of fear) about your first sexual experience. It sounds like you two have taken reasonable steps to get yourselves physiologically ready to add sex to your relationship. And, it's ... (read in full...)
We're running out of things to try...any suggestions for things to try in bed?
Q. What are some new things to try in bed? We've done a lot of positions and are pretty adventurous. We try brainstorming new ideas but get stuck in ruts. Any suggestions? Thanks!...
A. 11 December 2008: Actually, the way you posed the question makes me think you are too young to add sex to your relationship. It sounds like sex is a pretty mechanical thing for you two, without the mental and emotional dimensions.
But I think you asked the ques... (read in full...)
Why do people moan during sex?
Q. Hi...just a question about sex. Do people involuntary moan during sex? Is the thought of being turned on so much that it's completely impossible to resist doing so? And when do people usually moan during it?...
A. 9 December 2008: Mr. "Undisclosed" gave an excellent answer!
The only thing to add, is that women tend to be more vocal than men. About half of all women will vocalize their pleasure in some non-verbal way (moans, gasps, sighs, screams etc), especially near the... (read in full...)
I'm a 20 year old male virgin and NEED help!
Q. Hi, I am a 20 year old male virgin from Alberta, Canada. I seriously need help with this... I've never had a girlfriend, all through junior high, all through high school, and beyond. I still live at home with my parents, and I guess that kinda sc...
A. 9 December 2008: Oh, I forgot to say: I was a 20 year old virgin. And 21 . . . and 22 . . . and even 23. I remember sitting in my college graduation, after astronaut Deke Slayton delivered the address, watching my friends step up to receive their diplomas, and ... (read in full...)
I'm a 20 year old male virgin and NEED help!
Q. Hi, I am a 20 year old male virgin from Alberta, Canada. I seriously need help with this... I've never had a girlfriend, all through junior high, all through high school, and beyond. I still live at home with my parents, and I guess that kinda sc...
A. 9 December 2008: Do you really mean "anti-social", or "non-sociable"? There is a difference!
The feeling of "being the only single in a sea of couples" can be devastating. I was there!
In fact, the "onliness" of your situation is probably not true - there are... (read in full...)
How do guys really feel about small boobs ?
Q. Hey I'm 15 and I have small boobs and I wanna know why guys like big ones so much ? are small boobs bad ?Does it really matter to guys ? I need some guys to be honest here. it doesn't matter how old you are but I need answers!!!! i...
A. 9 December 2008: Our culture conditions guys to like bigger boobs. Most guys don't even begin to figure out what they REALLY like (regarding boobs, or most anything else) - versus what they have been TOLD to like - until they're about 20 years old.
My wife is ... (read in full...)
How tall will I be and will my feet match my height??
Q. well ok im 14 going to be 15 in 2 months, im 5'7 i wear a size 13 (u.s.a) shoe!!! I always had kinda large feet but they fit me well. now they look like water ski's, because my feet have grown five-six sizes in the 3 years. but i have grown 3 1/2 ...
A. 9 December 2008: According to my mother, the obstetrician who delivered me looked at my feet at birth and said I would be over 6 feet tall as an adult. My full adult height was 6'2; my (U.S.) shoe size is 12. I didn't achieve that full height until I was almost ... (read in full...)
Do you still bleed after sex even if you've used tampons?
Q. Do you still bleed the first time you have sex even though you have used tampons before?...
A. 9 December 2008: I've been first-time sex partner with only one girl (my wife). She used tampons before we started having sex, and she bled when we took each others' virginity. (It sure looked like a LOT of blood, but in fact I've learned, since then, that it was ... (read in full...)
Boy names that mean miracle or or something along those lines?
Q. Hello everyone! So, my wife is pregnant. We are trying to choose a boys name that would mean "miracle" as if this child is born, it truely would be because of the high chances of a misscarriage happening. We have a girl name already, but yeah... ...
A. 8 December 2008: After my wife & I lost our firstborn to birth complications, we used "Nathan" for our next child (a son). I am a little disappointed that he started going by "Nate" when he was in High School - you might consider that your kid may prefer to have a ... (read in full...)
Do all girls get pleasured the same way or is everyone different?
Q. Do all girls get "pleasured" in the same way, or is everyone different...? I'm just wondering because I'm a very curious person. Anything would help me....
A. 7 December 2008: "DoubleM" has a good answer. You can make some general statements that apply to most people - but you are a specific person, not "most people". I hope that some day you and your lover have the experience of discovering and learning how to pleasure ... (read in full...)
Can a shy man be attractive?
Q. Hello. Do women find good looking articulate loners attractive - albeit strictly those who do not exhibit psychotic tendencies!? Many thanks....
A. 7 December 2008: Why did you have to add the qualifier, "articulate"? I'm thinking of a casual acquaintance who is shy and introverted, and barely able to speak an order at McDonald's, but writes very powerfully.
"Shy" isn't a very definitive term. There ca... (read in full...)
Poll: What has been your most pleasurable, or most erotic sexual experience and why?
Q. Poll: What has been your most pleasurable, or most erotic sexual experience and why? Details and explanation are encouraged. My hope is that the answers will benefit those looking for ideas in their own respective sex lives. ...
A. 7 December 2008: "Pleasurable" generally has more to do with who you're with, and knowing that you're making her feel good, than any external factors.
Most meaningful and significant has to be my wife and I exchanging virginity (she took mine, and I got hers in ... (read in full...)
Is it against religion to masturbate?
Q. hey I've just started going back to chruch and I'm really trying to do it right. I'm a Christian. and I was wondering is it against my religion to masturbate. or any ones religions... please let me know if you know anything about this. tha...
A. 7 December 2008: First of all, I commend you for looking to your faith as a source of guidance in how to conduct your daily life. That in itself displays a contradiction of the "myself, my affluence, and my pleasure" attitude prevalent among many people.
Witho... (read in full...)
How can my husband and I improve our sex life?
Q. My husband and I have talked about trying to make our sex life better. What is the best way to show/teach him what I like and what gets me going? I know he doesn't have the experience I do, so it makes it a little more difficult for me. plz help ...
A. 26 September 2008: (What's with the "age 10 - 12" notation on your profile?)
How long have you been married to each other? How much sexual experience together?
Sex is a somewhat complicated activity that involves your mind and your emotions as well as your bod... (read in full...)
How do I tell my father that I'm pregnant? He has absolutely zero empathy and worries more about money than anything else!
Q. Hello All, I would like some tips or advice on how to tell my father that I am pregnant. Here is a little info: I am 26 years old and in a stable relationship. I have told my mother, sister, brother, and all my friends. Everyone seems to be ex...
A. 26 September 2008: If you need a little more assurance, watch the movie "Juno". (No, you're NOT in the same position that Juno is, and it's a fictional story, but I think the film has a lot of Truth and Reality in it.)
The initial reaction from Juno's dad was disr... (read in full...)
Friends have told me about masturbating, but I want to be a virgin, please help.
Q. Hi, I'm 12 years old and i want 2 have sex but my friends have told me about masterbating what should i do? p.s. (im realy horny but i want 2 b a virgin please help me)...
A. 26 September 2008: No, no, no, 12-year olds should NOT be having sex. We won't go into all the reasons here - start another thread on that topic if you want to know why.
If your religion, or family values, forbid masturbation then you are facing a very real con... (read in full...)
How do I tell my father that I'm pregnant? He has absolutely zero empathy and worries more about money than anything else!
Q. Hello All, I would like some tips or advice on how to tell my father that I am pregnant. Here is a little info: I am 26 years old and in a stable relationship. I have told my mother, sister, brother, and all my friends. Everyone seems to be ex...
A. 26 September 2008: The response from "birdynumnums" hit it pretty square.
Your being pregnant is a fact, not a matter for discussion, debate, or argument. Although your father may not approve - for financial or other reasons - at your age you should be mature e... (read in full...)
I'm worried because my girlfriend's roommate is a girl of loose morals?
Q. Okay so my girlfriend just started college and its all been going good but she has a roomate who has to be the dirtiest w____ of all time she brings over boys and she parties everyday and she doesn't even sometimes sleep in dorm!! I don't care what ...
A. 25 September 2008: Yes, your girlfriend IS her own person but at the same time it sounds like you are concerned for her welfare. Are you and your G/F discussing things like "commitment", "marriage", "life partners", etc? If so, you have a right to be concerned.
... (read in full...)
How can I become more confident during sex and foreplay?
Q. I have been with my boy friend for 7 months. We both want to try different things during sex but i dont have any confidence when it comes to my body. Im not very experienced when it comes to sex ( i have never given a head job and sometimes i wish ...
A. 25 September 2008: I may get flamed for saying it, but it could be you've rushed to add sex to your relationship before the relationship is really ready for it. Your lack of confidence reflects a belief that maybe you shouldn't be having sex with this guy yet.
... (read in full...)
We're Christians, my wife doesn't dislike sex, but she doesn't like it, we have sex very seldom, how can I fix this, what am I supposed to do?
Q. ok I dont understand this and I know it probably sounds like every other question that guys ask about sex, but....My Wife doesn't like sex, and doesn't seem like she is ever going to. She doesn't dislike it, but she doesnt like it. During the first ...
A. 25 September 2008: I wish I had good answers for your questions.
Although a lot of conflicting philosophies label themselves as "Christian", nearly all agree that sexuality is a gift that should be enjoyed by both partners in a marriage. Obviously, that is not happ... (read in full...)
Should I tell my boyfriend about my debts? I would rather do some clean up before letting him know...
Q. I have really bad credit that I am working on. I don't want to tell my boyfriend but I think this is the one I will marry. I am sure we won't get married for well over a year, is it bad that I am keeping this information from him? I would rather ...
A. 17 September 2008: I'm happy to hear you mention the likelihood of marriage. In my un-scientific opinion, money matters - including the greed and selfishness that are often behind them - cause at least as many marriage problems as unfaithfulness, sexual coldness, ... (read in full...)
He thinks this is not normal,is it true?
Q. I am a very happily married woman,both of us are still in mad,passionate love after 10 years.On a recent trip to a strip club which was my idea,my husband found out that he is not attracted to any of those beautiful and sexy women.This discovery has ...
A. 17 September 2008: OK, here's an answer from a male guy person of the masculine sex.
I don't think his loss of attraction is unusual, but his excessive concern about this might become a problem.
I can't say that I was ever a big fan of strip clubs, topless b... (read in full...)
I'm hoping to go on a first date soon with someone I met online, any tips please?
Q. I'm hoping to go on a first date soon with someone I met online and i'm a bit rusty. We haven't actually seen each other face to face yet and i'm worried about there being a dreaded silence period, as i'm fairly shy and I think she is as well. ...
A. 16 September 2008: I think your game is worth a try. Have you mentioned the idea to her? Some might think it's childish, or at best "cute", but it could also be something you tell your grandkids about. Do all of your questions have both a safe, superficial answer ... (read in full...)
Are we ready to take the next step?
Q. I am 26 and my partner is 20 are we ready to get engaged??? We have been seeing each other for about 5 months now, and i have never felt as strongly for someone as i do her, we have been living together for about 3 months now and over come jealou...
A. 16 September 2008: I wrote an answer to your question in the thread "Should we get engaged?" at [ http://www.dearcupid.org/question/should-we-get-engaged.html ].
I'd say you're taking things a bit out of order by living together before you even talk about engageme... (read in full...)
I can't seem to penetrate her, we are both virgins, any recommended positions/tecnhiques?
Q. My girlfriend and I are virgins and when we try to have sex, I cant seem to go inside her. She seems so tight. We had done loads of foreplay and she is very wet and moist but im not having much joy. Any positions/techniques to try or what to do?...
A. 16 September 2008: The traditional answer to this problem is orgasms, plus her on top.
She should probably help you to a climax early in your lovemaking session. This will reduce your fixation on your own orgasm, and make you more aware of her, her response... (read in full...)
Men and multiple orgasms?
Q. i have a question one of my friends claimed to have given head to some guy and got him to cum 3 times in the same session. she said she just swallows and keeps going. she told me it was longest about 50 mins. im wondering if that is possible beca...
A. 15 September 2008: Can a guy climax 3 times in an hour or so? Yes - I have done it - but probably not since I was in my mid 20's. As others said, the first climax will probably be the most intense.
In the article called "Come Again" in the classic book "The Joy... (read in full...)
When is a woman too old to have a baby?
Q. I'm speaking of age with everything being wonderful in the marriage and communication. Do you think having a child at 40 is crazy? Unsafe? ...
A. 12 September 2008: Please take my condolences on the loss of your baby.
My wife and I lost our first child to birth complications. It was a very sad and challenging time for our marriage, but actually increased my desire for kids. Now, the event is part of the s... (read in full...)
When is a woman too old to have a baby?
Q. I'm speaking of age with everything being wonderful in the marriage and communication. Do you think having a child at 40 is crazy? Unsafe? ...
A. 12 September 2008: I don't think 40 is at all "too old". My (baby boomer) generation deferred having children and many of us were over 40 when we completed our families. In my circle of acquaintances are two couples who experienced fertility problems and adopted ... (read in full...)
My mom turned forty-eight today, and it frightened me, she is not sick or anything, but I worry that my parents are getting older, and they will die, how do I stop worrying about that and enjoy them while we are all still here?
Q. My mom turned 48 today, and it scared me. Lately I've been worrying about my parents growing old and dying. Not that they're in bad health but it always happens eventually. And it just makes me so sad to see them get older. So how can I get over ...
A. 11 September 2008: Sheesh, you make it sound like us 57-year olds should be out selecting our caskets!
OK, teasing aside, I'm actually quite impressed that you are thinking about this. Granted, most 48-year olds should plan their affairs as if they will live ano... (read in full...)
Not bleeding after first time sex, is this normal?
Q. Having sex for the first time and not bleeding is that normal????...
A. 9 September 2008: For a guy, it would be pretty unusual to bleed from your first sexual experience!
A girl may or may not - don't try to draw any conclusions either way.... (read in full...)
Any ideas on how to help her enjoy intercourse? And stop it from hurting her?
Q. I've been dating my girlfriend for over a year and we have been intimate for over half of that. Things are going wonderfully in all aspects except one. Whenever we have intercourse it hurts her, a lot. The last time we did it, by the time I ...
A. 9 September 2008: Painful intercourse is a recognized medical problem that may have several causes. Get her checked out by a doctor and make sure there isn't a physical basis for it.
With that out of the way, the doctor should be able to suggest things you can ... (read in full...)
Is masturbation a sin?
Q. I am a christian who masterbates. I want to know whether masterbation is a sin or not. please help....
A. 9 September 2008: First of all, I commend you for looking to your faith as a source of guidance in how to conduct your daily life. That in itself displays a contradiction of the "myself, my affluence, and my pleasure" attitude prevalent among many people.
Witho... (read in full...)
Anybody have any advice on what I should do?
Q. I'm beginning... Actually, I already think I am. I'm 25, never had a gf, never even kissed a girl, and still live with my parents. I don't think i'm ugly, in fact, most people tell me i'm cute. And it's not like I don't try to ask people out, I just ...
A. 7 September 2008: Take a look at what I wrote in the thread "I'm 20 and never been kissed or had a bf! Any advice?" at [ http://www.dearcupid.org/question/im-20-and-never-been-kissed-or-had.html ]. (You'll have to scroll through about half the responses to find ... (read in full...)
Is it normal to be virgin at 18?
Q. I'm a male, 18, and still a virgin but all of my friends aren't. I'm afraid that i will be made fun of for being a virgin if they ever find out. Is it normal to be a virgin at 18?...
A. 7 September 2008: One of the responses put it politely but I'll say it straight: If all of your friends say they have had sex, then some of your friends are liars. And, because they themselves don't know who or what they are, they are using peer pressure to define ... (read in full...)
Will the condom stop working if he stays inside you after sex?
Q. i was just reading on one of the other questions 'Cosmo says sex should last 45 minutes. What do you do all that time' that it said: "Many couples like to stay coupled as the guy grows soft inside the girl. (You should NOT do this if you are rely...
A. 7 September 2008: I made the comment you quoted. It's good to know that SOMEBODY is reading these posts!
The other responses here explain exactly what I was referring to. The correct thing to do is for him to hold the condom against his penis and withdraw... (read in full...)
Cosmo says sex should last 45 minutes. What do you do all that time?
Q. Hi I have a question about sex. Basically, I just read in cosmopolitan that 34% of a poll of men thought the best length of time to spend having sex was 45 minutes. As a virgin, I was just wondering how you have sex for a length of tim eth...
A. 5 September 2008: Hey, "Emilysanswers":
I've heard that the great Finnish distance runner, Paavo Nurmi, often ran with a stopwatch in one hand - even during competitions! Do you always time your lovemaking and keep a logbook? Produce a monthly report on your guy... (read in full...)
Cosmo says sex should last 45 minutes. What do you do all that time?
Q. Hi I have a question about sex. Basically, I just read in cosmopolitan that 34% of a poll of men thought the best length of time to spend having sex was 45 minutes. As a virgin, I was just wondering how you have sex for a length of tim eth...
A. 5 September 2008: I think the other responses emphasize that "having sex" involves a lot more than the coupling of genitals. Even setting aside the old aphorism that "good sex starts in the kitchen" (meaning, that your behavior toward each other outside the bedroom ... (read in full...)
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