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What should I confess here? I am a quiet and shy introvert. You can piece together a bio by reading through my early posts. I'm a baby-boomer past the half-century mark, a gray-haired grandfather, so I guess "superannuated" is the most succinct term. My wife & I have been married (to each other!) for over 35 years, but she doesn't like to be called "my first wife". We have two adult children, plus one at university, and one who only lived about a day due to birth complications. We now live in St Louis, Missouri (roughly the center of North America) but grew up in Michigan and have lived in half a dozen different states.
I know how things look on BOTH sides of the hill. I have been 15 years old; I don't know many 15 year olds who have been 55. I have been with my own kids as they grew to be adults, and have been around many other parents (and kids) going through the same thing. (If I tend to sound like your parents, there's a reason. Most of us parents belong to the same union, so we have this "solidarity and brotherhood" thing among ourselves. Most teenagers view that as an Evil Conspiracy against the younger generation.)
I think that Forums such as this are generally helpful, since many factors pertaining to a question can be expressed in a short time. If I said something useful, or if I was way off base, I'd like to hear about it. |
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Questions about the honeymoon period, and what are other couples sleeping arrangements?
Q. I have a couple of quick and easy questions: How long has the 'honeymoon period' typically lasted in your relationships? How do you normally sleep with your partners? Most of my relationships I'd go home to sleep but my current partner lik...
A. 8 July 2010: I haven't had much experience with "relationships" as they're called - briefly loved a girl the summer after High School, didn't date during college - met my wife at age 22, married her a year and two weeks later - still married (to each other!) ... (read in full...)
Bleeding sex!!!
Q. My bf and i had sex for the first time today. it was not how i expected it to be at all. halfway through he says your bleeding. first of all is it normal and how long does it last?...
A. 8 July 2010: I think it's something like 2/3 of all women have enough bleeding to be noticed the first time they have sex. It comes from rupturing your hymen, or possibly irritation from his erection stretching your vagina open for the very first time. Usually ... (read in full...)
Do women actually cum too???
Q. Just to let you know i am 16 but for some reason it hasnt changed my age on here:/ Do women actually cum? I know this sounds strange but my boyfreind asks me during sex if im about to cum but i dont know. if so what happens?? or do i just not re...
A. 8 July 2010: Your B/F wants to know if you are near orgasm.
The fact that he has to ask probably says that you two don't have much experience interpreting, or expressing, the body language cues that happen during sex.
And the fact that you asked this quest... (read in full...)
Could I be pregnant? I'm afraid to ask my mother!
Q. Hi. My name is Quinn and i have been experiancing some weird things. I have been to many websites and nothing has helped. Could you please help me? Okay so this is what's happeneing, I have missed my period for 1 month and 1/2... but i have NOT h...
A. 7 July 2010: If you have not had sex, you are NOT pregnant.
It's not unusual for young women to have irregular periods. That's one reason the so-called "safe-period" and "rhythm method" birth control are unreliable for teens. And many women get tenderne... (read in full...)
I'm not sure how much longer I can do everything leading up to but not including sex!
Q. I am 19 and I have been with my girlfriend for about a year, we have known each other for 4. Both of us have expressed to each other that we plan on this being a long term, monogamous, committed relationship. She and I are kind of sexually active. ...
A. 7 July 2010: It sounds like she has made her desires pretty clear to you. Like "raiders" said - you MUST respect her wishes in this matter!
If you two intend to be married then let her know that you DO respect her wishes in this matter (and that had better b... (read in full...)
I am looking for LDR success stories as I am about to meet mine for the first time!
Q. Have anyone of you been in a long distance relationship? I'd like to hear some success stories!! I am meeting with my LDR next month for the first time. I have heard so many negative things about ldr's and it's making me slightly nerous. 'N' and ...
A. 7 July 2010: My true story: Although I dated (and loved) a girl during the summer after I finished High School she broke up when we were separated at different universities. I went through 4 years of college without a real date, much less a girlfriend. At spring ... (read in full...)
Wedding night tips for a frightened virgin needed, please!
Q. Hi everyone! I have a bit of a problem that's kind of pathetic but is really troubling me. I'm getting married to my fiancé, who I've been with for 4 years, and we both are virgins. I'm terrified of having sex for the first time with him, because ...
A. 7 July 2010: Marriage is forever, right? Then you have plenty of time to learn how to make it pleasurable for each other! Making love is something you do WITH your partner - not something you do TO him, or that he does to you.
From a physiological standpoi... (read in full...)
Any advice on what to do in the bedroom on our wedding night? I'm still a virgin and have no idea what to do!
Q. Hey guys, I'm 18, a second year student... and getting married in a week! But lately I've been stressing over something... I'm still a virgin, and I mean text book definition "virgin", and I have no clue what to do when it comes time to head to ...
A. 4 July 2010: Marriage is forever, right? Then you have plenty of time to learn how to make it pleasurable for each other! Making love is something you do WITH your partner - not something you do TO him, or that he does to you.
For the record, most women re... (read in full...)
What does the pain of first time sex compare to so I know what to expect?
Q. hey everyone, im 17 and my boyfriend wants to have sex, it would be my first time, i ready the only thing i worry about it the pain... what does the pain compare to so i know what to espect?...
A. 4 July 2010: If you are as uncertain, fearful, and apprehensive as your question sounds, you are not ready for a sexual relationship with your B/F. The greatest pain may come after you realize that going through with this was a mistake.
For the record, ... (read in full...)
I'm scared of sex and getting married soon!
Q. Okay so I am 18 and I'm getting married soon. The problem is that I'm a virgin and I am scared to have sex. I have always thought of sex to be disgusting and I even tried to get over it by watching anime porn but I couldn't bring myself to do so. ...
A. 4 July 2010: I will repeat what has already been said: If you are as afraid as your question sounds, you are almost certainly NOT ready to get married! Please find somebody, such as a counselor, clergyman, your family doctor, or even a trusted friend or older ... (read in full...)
I don't want sex to hurt the first time!
Q. i have never had sex before and fear that the first encounter will be painful.what can i do to prevent the pain...
A. 4 July 2010: If you are as uncertain, and apprehensive as your question sounds, you are not ready for a sexual relationship. The greatest pain may come after you realize that rushing into it was a mistake.
For the record, most women report that their first se... (read in full...)
Is it normal to cum really quickly for your first time of getting intimate?
Q. Dear Agony Aunts, I've grown really close to my girlfriend over the last few weeks and we recently started experimenting with each other - taking steps. Today, we went to third base, she gave me a hand job, at which point I was very VERY turned o...
A. 3 July 2010: Yes, that's quite normal.
Have you and your G/F had any discussions about when it will be appropriate to have intercourse? Please know each other's feelings about this, and respect each other's limits. You can get a lot of pleasure and satisfac... (read in full...)
Poll: How many times in a row do you men orgasm?
Q. A poll for the men: How many times in a row have you been able to have sex, orgasmed, and continued to have sex without going limp for more than a few seconds or maybe a minute? Can be any kind of sex, but not masturbation. Doesn't matter h...
A. 3 July 2010: "tamara-r", I think the consensus is that the majority of women are capable of several orgasms in a lovemaking session - though not necessarily from penetrative intercourse. And, many of those women need to learn how to do this.
In the course o... (read in full...)
Help! I'm self-conscious of my body!
Q. every time im alone with my boyfriend he tries to take off my clothes, when he does i start to feel selfconscious about my chest and the area between my legs. he has seen my chest before but i cant fight the urge to cover myself. i dont want to be ...
A. 2 July 2010: Yes, you may be too self critical about your looks. Our culture puts a LOT of improper emphasis on women's appearance.
On the other hand - it could be your mind and emotions are telling you that you're going too far, too fast, with this guy at t... (read in full...)
Poll: How many times in a row do you men orgasm?
Q. A poll for the men: How many times in a row have you been able to have sex, orgasmed, and continued to have sex without going limp for more than a few seconds or maybe a minute? Can be any kind of sex, but not masturbation. Doesn't matter h...
A. 2 July 2010: Sounds like we're similar. When I was in my early to mid 20's there were a few times - certainly no more than a dozen, probably less - when I managed two climaxes without going soft in between. Three in a row? Probably not.
And how many tim... (read in full...)
Would I be able to get into an American college with my qualifications?
Q. hello everybody i turned 17 a few weeks ago and when i left school i made the mistake of not following on my education but i am interested in applying for some courses at my local college. I am after any course but i would preffer a one ye...
A. 2 July 2010: Yes, definitely contact schools offering courses of study (they will probably refer to them as "majors", or "academic concentrations") that interest you. If you are uncertain, they can even help you decide on a field to start in. (Many - maybe ... (read in full...)
Men, do you dislike it if a partner doesn't orgasm?
Q. This is a question for the Male readers. When you are with a woman do you try to make her orgasm? If she doesn't orgasm how do you feel? ...
A. 2 July 2010: I think most MEN (BOYS may be different) get a LOT of both pleasure and satisfaction from their partner's orgasm. And, they will work to make it happen. I certainly recall the mental, emotional, and physical intensity of my wife and I trading ... (read in full...)
Should I tell him?
Q. I'm twenty-one years old. On my spring break vacation my friends and I met this cool group of guys, including "Joe." I was also hanging out with another guy I met, "Mike." Mike was the one I was "in love" with all week. Joe was cool- I spent one of ...
A. 18 June 2010: There is a wide range of variation among what people - both men and women - expect about their partner's sexual exclusivity. If you scan the posts on this forum for a month or two you'll find everything from the twenty-something who broke up with ... (read in full...)
What is the average height for a 14 year old female?
Q. hello i was wondering what the average height for a 14 year old is nearly 15 i am currently 5'5 and wanted to know how much more i have to grow as well my goal height is at least 6'1 i have being going through pubirty for about 2 years now and have ...
A. 18 June 2010: If you do a little library research, or seed a search engine with a phrase like "average height", you can get about a jillion hits that answer your question based on age, location, ethnicity, diet, parentage, etc, etc. In the U.S. I think the ... (read in full...)
Advice for first time sex?
Q. So I'm going to have sex probably this week. It will be my first time. I really really really don't want to get pregnant. He and I are going to use a condom of course and I'll still have him pull out when he's using the condom, but besides not ...
A. 16 June 2010: Without being trite or preachy, if you're not in a position to deal with a pregnancy then there's a good chance you're not ready for sex.
At the very least, I hope you and your B/F have spent some time - any where from several days, to a few mont... (read in full...)
Trembling before orgasm?
Q. Hello! I just was wondering because it is something that I noticed and I'm hoping that the men and women can help me with this. Right before he is about to come, literally a few seconds before he starts trembling. Is that normal? Just wonderin...
A. 15 June 2010: I think we're discovering that orgasm is actually a rather complicated process for both men and women. It involves a long list of hormones, enzymes, pheremones, etc released in various amounts in sequences that vary slightly among individuals. ... (read in full...)
"No hair down there"
Q. "OP Own Title" What is the deal with women shaving their pubic area? I don't mind it being trimmed up and shaved on the sides, but all of it? It use to be a sign of maturity. What gives?...
A. 14 June 2010: Yeah, it's the current style more than a genuine preference.
I'm a guy who MUCH prefers a more natural bush. Even if the "bald" look doesn't remind me of plucked chickens, I have to wonder if she's a woman, or a prepubescent 13-yr old.
My wife... (read in full...)
Would my devout christian friend have sex before marriage through pressure from his mates?
Q. I need your advice. I have a friend whos a devout christian hes always stood by his religion, jesus is everything to him, he doesnt believe in sex before marriage and is a very true guy. Well i think he is. hes always been generally quiet and a nice ...
A. 8 June 2010: None of us know what your friend has or hasn't done. A few observations you might consider include:
- Even if there is no overt pressure to do so, people tend to adopt the standards of those they associate with.
- The current U.S. culture ... (read in full...)
I feel like I've missed out on so much life and all the experiences in college I could've had!
Q. My husband and I met when we were two years old; became inseparable best friends after that. We started dating when we were 14. We got married under our parents' permissions at 17. We had our first child that same year and both doing college an...
A. 7 June 2010: Anonymous Female, I don't think you're ragging . . . but you should take a moment to evaluate who you are and where you are.
You and your husband have earned college degrees - raised 5 kids to be responsible adults - and lived out a quarter ... (read in full...)
Why do most men like big boobs so much?
Q. Why do most men (especially guys my age...) like big boobs so much? As I see it, it's just extra fat! And last time I checked, for men, too much fat is bad. I have small breasts and feel so inadequate. Breasts are so "out there" (unlike a penis ...
A. 6 June 2010: Well, the most direct answer to your question is that it's socialized into us. It's tough to fight against what has been drummed into you via advertising, media, and popular culture for your entire formative years.
Folks who document such thi... (read in full...)
Sexual urges... should I give in to them?
Q. I am 26 been saving my virginity for the right guy who has yet to make an appearance in my life. Now it's got to a point where I just really want to have sex. I feel like I am missing out on something great. Should I wait or just go for i...
A. 4 June 2010: Ms "Female Reader", it may be helpful to read some other recent threads;
"Should I just get it over with and lose my virginity?" at http://www.dearcupid.org/question/should-i-just-get-it-over-with-an4.html
"Do you regret losing your virginit... (read in full...)
Sexual urges... should I give in to them?
Q. I am 26 been saving my virginity for the right guy who has yet to make an appearance in my life. Now it's got to a point where I just really want to have sex. I feel like I am missing out on something great. Should I wait or just go for i...
A. 3 June 2010: That doesn't sound like a good idea to me.
It's obvious that sex is something you respect, and it means something to you. Taking a random or anonymous partner is likely to make you feel like you have betrayed your personal convictions. You may ... (read in full...)
Never even asked a girl out...
Q. I'm an 18 year old male about to graduate high school. I feel like my high school experience has had a ton of accomplishments, except for my nightmarish junior year, but there's one thing I never could bring myself to do: ask a girl out. Now, don'...
A. 3 June 2010: I know that feeling! And yeah, I know how it hurts when you DO start asking and get more turn-downs than acceptances.
There's more than a little bit of truth in what "Oregoongrll" said. When you meet the "right" girl, you'll ask her. But of c... (read in full...)
Will sex hurt the first time?
Q. ok...ummm me and my boyfriend are going to have sex soon but im a little scared about it cuz i dont want it to hurt,,,,does it hurt????? will i bleed??? i want to know what im getting myself in to before...thanks...
A. 3 June 2010: If you are as uncertain, fearful, and apprehensive as your question sounds, you are not ready for a sexual relationship with your B/F. The greatest pain may come after you realize that going through with this was a mistake.
For the record, ... (read in full...)
Which of the two do men remember more - their first love or their first sexual encounter?
Q. Which one of the two do men remember more? Their first love or the person they had sex for the first time? ...
A. 2 June 2010: That's a great question!
I think "CaringGuy" has the right answer - as long as the first sex partner was somebody you were attracted to and cared for.
My first love (first G/F, first kiss) was the summer we graduated from High School, and last... (read in full...)
Do you regret losing your virginity?
Q. I would really like to get some kind of an idea of how many people regret losing their virginity because of the person or your age or those who wish they'd lost it earlier? People who wish they'd waited until marriage and those that wish they had...
A. 2 June 2010: I was 23 years old when I exchanged virginity with a girl of the same age (she took mine and I got hers in return). I don't have any regrets about being each others' first partner. It happened on our wedding night, and we are still together (and ... (read in full...)
Why do men like fake breasts so much?
Q. I just think they look so silly, I mean, it's rare you get a slim woman with naturally big breasts, yet men seem find this so sexually attractive. Just wondering why? Breasts aren't supossed to defiy gravity! And big ones on such small women look ...
A. 28 May 2010: I MUCH prefer natural, regardless of size.
My wife (a 34-A as long as I've known her, except when nursing our kids) was diagnosed with breast cancer and had a full mastectomy on one side last fall. After considering the options we decided ... (read in full...)
Masturbating Question.....
Q. Well, I've been masturbating for about a month now. I'm sixteen years old. I have not broken my hymen; I tend to just stimulate my clitoris and the area around it. When I do masturbate, my stomach tends to feel like it's dropping (that's the only...
A. 21 May 2010: It certainly sounds like you are having a very normal orgasm. (Orgasms probably feel about the same to girls as to guys, because men and women tend to describe the sensations in the same way.) And, if you only stimulate your clitoris and lips then ... (read in full...)
Should I just get it over with and lose my virginity?
Q. I'll try to just get straight to the point) I am a 20 year old female who is STRONGLY considering losing my virginity, but not to anyone I particularly love, or even trust, but because the offer has been put out there by another co-worker a few ...
A. 18 May 2010: If you see sex as a pleasurable leisure activity - sort of like golf, amusement parks, or gardening - then there's something to be said for starting out with a disinterested person who has a knack for teaching. You can even shop around and choose ... (read in full...)
Is it unreasonable of me to prohibit my neice who I'm raising as a daughter to call my wife 'Mom'?
Q. My sister had a baby when she was 18 and died a few years afterwards. She was too young, it wasn't her time. The father was a dead beat dad. He is in prison for 15 years for burglary. I have been raising my niece myself. I have the good for...
A. 18 May 2010: I hope other people appreciate how noble and unselfish you are for taking in your niece. That might be something your kind. loving, and wonderful wife admires about you, and loves you for it!
Yeah, you KNOW there's something about your sister's... (read in full...)
I'm 22, still a virgin, never had a boyfriend yet. Is that a turnoff for guys?
Q. Hi everyone, I'm a 22 year old girl. For some reason, I'm a virgin and I haven't even had a boyfriend yet. I'm not ugly; I do commercial modeling (not the big stuff though), and I do get hit on. My problem is that guys usually go too fast for me....
A. 16 May 2010: Well, yeah, it IS nice to wake up next to the person you're sharing your whole life with, and start the day by making gentle love with her. My wife and I were both 23 years old the very first time that happened to either of us - on the day after we ... (read in full...)
Can't look at each other during sex
Q. hey guys my boyfriend and i hav been together for 4 years when we have sex we dont look at eachother ever!!! he took my verginity.. we do hav great sex.. when hes on top of me or going down on me the pillow goes over my face. when i...
A. 16 May 2010: I think it's significant that people, unlike animals, DO have a general preference for face-to-face lovemaking. In my mind, that's part of the difference between "making love" and "mating". (No, I don't even remotely think that's the "proper" way ... (read in full...)
I'm a virgin but he is not, can anyone give me any advice so I will be good in bed?
Q. I will apologize in advance for the length of this but I really appreciate any advice. Me and my boyfriend have been seeing each other for a while now and we have decided to take our relationship to the next level, we have decided to sleep with ea...
A. 16 May 2010: "What do you do beforehand?" Well I hope the first thing you do is put this "next level" experience into plans for something like marriage, or "life partners", etc. The fact that you have waited until now means that sex is something significant to ... (read in full...)
A good b-job, any advice?
Q. A general question for all males. How can a female give a good oral sex to a male?...
A. 16 May 2010: You have some good advice here.
In spite of what popular literature, and the porn industry, wants you to believe - oral sex isn't necessarily the greatest thing a guy can experience! I'm a guy who often has difficulty climaxing from oral sex, so ... (read in full...)
What do I do with my hands?
Q. Basically, when my boyfriend is eating me out I have no idea what to do, like should I run my hands through his hair or something? Please help, thanks :)...
A. 16 May 2010: Do what seems most relaxed and natural for you. Believe it or not, it's probably VERY satisfying to him, and a REAL turn-on, to know that he's pleasuring you. So whether you use your hands to increase your own enjoyment by stimulating some part of ... (read in full...)
Is going to visit a state forest free?
Q. This weekend, I'm going to a state forest and I had some questions because I couldn't find much on their website. I was wondering if it costs money, and if so how much. Sorry if that's a dumb question, but I don't know much about it haha. Also, I'm ...
A. 14 May 2010: To really answer this question you need to tell us "Which state?"
I can speak from experience about Missouri, Virginia, and Michigan. (I lived in each of those places for many years.)
Those states' "state forests" are very different from "... (read in full...)
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