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Our relationship seems to be going backwards!

Tagged as: Dating, Troubled relationships<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (8 May 2009) 3 Answers - (Newest, 8 May 2009)
A female United Kingdom age 30-35, anonymous writes:

I've been seeing my boyfriend for a nearly 4 years now and whilst he still makes me happy we seem to be in reverse - we moved in together almost immediately and since then we've taken steps back. Living together turned into living alone which now becomes him wanting to find other people to live with (for social reasons - niether of us is very sociable and we both want to improve on that). I'm pretty open minded and understand where he's coming from but feel this is a bit of a rejection of me. Am I being over sensitive? He's very caring and loving, and I don't doubt he loves me, but I feel like eventually we might just move so far apart we won't be together any more.

Any advice appreciated

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (8 May 2009):

Thanks Country Woman, that does help

He doesn't want to sleep with anyone else, though the woman thing you said is important in a different way - he says his life is dominated by women (he hasn't spoken to his dad in years & work is just women). They have all been pretty full on I think, and maybe I sometimes am in danger of being that too.

It's good to hear a story where with work it all came together

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A female reader, Country Woman United Kingdom +, writes (8 May 2009):

Country Woman agony auntHi there, well in all honesty it sounds to me like you have fallen into the same old trap that most long term relationship find, you get into the mundane routine aspect of a relationship rather than the first flourish of a new relationship.

You are both still quite young so when you met it sounds to me that the old moving in straight away scenario happened too soon and you haven't known anything else.

I did more or less the same thing when I had just turned 21, I was off and on with my ex (now) but we had a relationship for almost 20 years in the end and when it started I thought it might last a month or so and he felt the same. We have a wonderful gorgeous 8 year old daughter from our relationship and it was never smooth sailing believe me.

You say about your bf wanting to live with others for social reasons but has he elaborated a little more on that, i.e. does he want to sleep with other women or see other women as you say you are quite open minded so it just makes me wonder if this is something he is searching for, but wants your permission or approval so that he doesn't lose you but tries others on for size in a sense? Am I way off the mark or is any of this making sense to you.

If it is the case of having other females in his life, does he agree that you could have other males then? Two way street aspect or is he very much - him only?

I think there is the sound that the excitement factor has diminished in your relationship and being more social can come in all different forms i.e. go dancing or join a gym or get out to pubs/clubs. You are both still at an age where all of the above or even if you were older are still things to enjoy either separately or together. Do you have any friend's that you would go out with individually?

Hope some of this helps in some small way.

BFN

Country Woman

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (8 May 2009):

I should probably also mention that we rarely have sex any more - he said he doesn't want me to get pregnant (though obviously we take precautions) - and though we spend our days in the same place (at work) he virtually never talks to me during the day any more. Also, we broke up recently because he never wants kids and I don't want to decide that kind of thing yet.

Is there any hope?

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