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We love each other,so why aren't we together?

Tagged as: Big Questions, Dating<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (29 December 2010) 7 Answers - (Newest, 31 December 2010)
A female United Kingdom age 30-35, anonymous writes:

Hi cupids ,

I don't even know where to start , it's so complicated ... I met a guy about a year ago , I fell for him pretty quickly and we were hooking up quite alot in the beginning , he was a bit of a player in the beginning and i slowly backed away from him but remained his friend over the year. It was hard but i managed it. He finally met someone he really liked , yes I was a little bit gutted but also happy for him , because he is a great person , but it didn't work out between them , he was left heartbroken , coming to me for advice , pouring his heart out and my advice actually gave him strength. It was hard for me to give unbiased advice about what he should do , because deep down I wanted him.

anyway , over the last few months we've always said the casual love ya's etc , but now he's actually saying I Love You , and we're doing it quite alot. Xmas day evening i received a text saying hope you've had a lovely day , thinking of you xoxo ... i replied saying how sweet it was that he was thinking of me , and then recieved another one saying "well just because i'm busy with work sometimes , don't ever think I don't sit here and think about how much i love ya because i do , loads , I love you xxxxx .... I love him so much and am not sure what to do , he calls me such a special friend but if we love each other why aren't we together? we have so much in common , i'm with him at his worst , whats going on here? xx

View related questions: heartbroken, I love you, player, text

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A reader, anonymous, writes (31 December 2010):

This is verified as being by the original poster of the question

thanks dreamer 1988 , well see that's the thing , i'm worried about throwing my cards at him because I know he's good at talking the talk but based on his actions theres very little there , he lives about 80 miles away from me and we rarely see each other , he has a busy career and we mainly text and social network , and get together when we can , he's just come out of a relationship and i don't want to blow what we do have. My friend actually said in the conversation "you would both be best getting together , would save alot of heart ache!" .. she actually gave him the nudge and he still didn't get it Lol ! And I always call him a prince , he should be getting it by now , and if he isn't well I guess he just isn't ready or want that next level :/

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A female reader, Dreamer1988 United States +, writes (30 December 2010):

Dreamer1988 agony auntUmm... why didn't you? If he is complimenting you and you are not acknowledging the compliments, or acting on your attraction, he'll think that you are not ready to act on any love that you have for him. That a relationship does not make. Next time he compliments you, say "So, when will you be taking me out then, Prince Charming?" Smile, and hopefully he'll get it. If not, you have to do some serious flirting!!! Good luck! Let me know how it goes :)

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A reader, anonymous, writes (30 December 2010):

This is verified as being by the original poster of the question

Lol yes , special friend - whatever that is , I don't know either , I know there's attraction and everything because we were seeing each other for a little while , and lastnight he came into a convo between me and my friend , i was telling her 2011 fresh start , get dolled up and feel good ... and he said i'm stunning anyway without a new dress and make up , and any guy who cant see me for the princess i am , should hit the road basically , because i'm a princess , it's got me all so confused , I almost turned around and said well why havent you noticed then? Lol

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A female reader, Dreamer1988 United States +, writes (29 December 2010):

Dreamer1988 agony auntI wouldn't throw in all my cards for this guy just yet. Yes, he loves you, but it could be a platonic love not a romantic one. If it is a romantic one, he should also be asking you out and wanting to be in a relationship with you. But, he's not. You're his "special friend", whatever that means... but it definitely doesn't mean girlfriend.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (29 December 2010):

This is verified as being by the original poster of the question

thankyou guys , yes it's very strange , i cant make head nor tail of it either ... maybe i need to stop being so subtle and be more straight , i just don't know , I don't mind rejection , I just don't want to loose him altogether xx

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (29 December 2010):

I think you may have to risk rejection and go for it. Who knows whats in his head. I think he has led you to believe something is in the offing. So put it to him. He may back off but you are in a strange situation. Someone has to make the first move.

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A male reader, TimmD United States +, writes (29 December 2010):

TimmD agony auntWell, clearly he's into you. But since you backed away he still may not be sure about your feelings. I'd say the ball is in your court. He's being flat out honest about how he feels so if your relationship is going to take the next step it's probably gonna have to come from you. If you want more, than just tell him.

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