A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I love my husband deeply. We have been together for 14years. We recently moved to where his brother lives. We have only had limited contact with his family do to living 1200 miles apart. Within days of arriving I felt an irrisistible pull towards my brother-in-law and knew it was mutual and even told my husband. We started teasing my bil sexually resulting in a threesome. The pull between my bil was discussed and confirmed that it was indeed mutual. The three of us have been together one other time. My bil and I have had "contact" without my husbands prior knowledge which has greatly hurt him. The three of us have discussed this and have no solid solution on what to do that no one feels hurt. My bil know that we cannot have casual contact. And my husband is unwilling to not have his brother around us. As far as we know no one knows but the three of us. Any thoughts?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 December 2010): I am confused here.
You have had sex with your BIL without your hbs knowledge, (that is cheating by the way) . You have been attracted to your BIL and as you say the feeling is mutual.
From what write is seems like you object to a threesome but just want your BIL himself. Your post is very confusing.
You want to have sex with your BIL, your hb is game and gave you an alternative as a threesome. I say great man. The only problem FOR YOU is that your hb wants to be included in your sexual shenanigans with his brother and you have a problem with this.
The problem is not your hb puppylove. You are the problem. You have no problem with cheating on your hb with your BIL but you do not want a threesome. Remember YOU started this, your hb merely gave you an option so that he is not left out.
Personally your affair, and the threesome is going to blowup in everyones face. All the only people who will be destroyed is your innocent kids. I know you are married for 14 years and perhaps are bored with your marriage, you are looking for excitement and you found it. But at what cost to your soul??? This pact bet.all 3 of you is a disaster. You do not need a crystal ball to see what is happening here. You have replaced your hb with his brother and you actually do not want your hb. I think YOU are unfair to your hb. I also believe that by cheating on your hb with his brother you have committed the ultimate betrayal.
There is no need to get all defensive at Jonas. She is right and I think we all think you are cheating with your BIL.
So the crux of your problem is this (plse correct me if I am wrong) you have sexual feelings for your BIL. You have done things with his sexually without your hbs knowledge. Your hb found out and is hurt. Your hb initiated the threesome bec of your 'sexual pull' to his brother so that he is not left out of the equation. His stipulation is that you can only bec sexually active with his brother in a threesome with him there. You have a problem just being with your BIL in a threesome and you feel you want to be with him only as well. You are now upset that your hb wants only the threesome and you want a twosum with his brother??? Doesn't work hun. I think you are being greedy.
LoveGirl
A
female
reader, Nonamus +, writes (30 December 2010):
You and your husband need to discuss this. He needs to realize that most women cannot just turn on and off for sex the way that most men can. Either no one sleeps together, or else everyone does. Regardless, you have to talk it through.
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A
female
reader, puppydog +, writes (29 December 2010):
I am the original poster of this question.
Of course I have been "attracted" to other men. I have NEVER even had a mutual spark with anyone other than my husband.
Why is it assumed that I would 'cheat' with someone else because of this? I did not ask for, desire, expect or even initiate this bizarre relationship; my husband did! I cannot stay away from my bil because my husband invites him into our home with his children. There are small children involved that could be affected one way or another. It seems to be mandated that I just be around my bil and deny all of what I feel! But then when my husband wants us all to have sex I am supposed to turn it all on, "it's just supposed to be about sex" he says well I don't work that way and he knows it. Yes my bil have been together without my husband, I stated that in the original post!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 December 2010): I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but the genie is out of the bottle. The corrosive effect that this will have on your marriage will be significant. This is a train-wreck in slow motion. It's too late to spare hurt feelings. That's what usually happens when married people decide to try threesomes. Someone usually ends up getting burned, and a lot of times the marriage just implodes. Here you have the added fun dimension of pulling in family members...wheeeeeee!!!! Good luck, you are going to need it.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 December 2010): I don't necessarily agree. But my husband will not let me 'ignore" my bil or stop having him stay at our home. Or stay in my room while he is here. and he wants to continue the threesome
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A
male
reader, TimmD +, writes (28 December 2010):
 "Irresistible pull" is not an accurate description of what you feel. A more accurate way to put it is "I don't care if I made a commitment to my husband, I want what I want and I'm going to do what I want. The difference between right and wrong is lost on me.".
What I'm saying isn't judgmental, it's just the truth. Everybody has desires at some point in their life which are different then their partner. The difference is, MOST people understand that they married their partner for a reason and they love them. You're not supposed to act on an impulse or a desire just because you have it. This is what being responsible means. I want lots of money and I want it now. But I'm not going to run down the street to the local bank and rob it, that would be wrong.
Any thoughts? Yes. Make up your mind to either honor your commitment that you made to your husband or end it with him. From there you can pursue his brother if you want to. Trying to find a way to have both is merely selfish and not fair to either of them... MOST of all your husband.
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