I laugh, I cry, I love just like normal people, so why do I end up unhappy?
Q. im in such a mess. ive posted here before and i cant find the question but i asked about a family problem. i will reexplain it. everything has seemed to get worse since then. its a long story but intersting, so if you cant help me then well, at ...
A. 1 September 2009: So sorry, we thought with your final follow-up you had ended the conversation thread.
Well maybe you can work on trying to get closer to your adoptive parents and see maybe they are warmer today than they were in yesteryear. This is a two-edge... (read in full...)
When asked what is wrong, all husband will say is "Nothing"
Q. what would likely b the cause for this,he is very confusing,and i do get a lot of mixed message's also he has never been physical abusive. this is one of the extreme's.Description: if your husband never seemed attracted to u in any way,no sex,wont...
A. 30 August 2009: He's not in love with you. I think he may care about you. But the personal insults and emotional abuse tell a different story.
I think its time to leave and start a new life with someone who does ultimately want you with him.... (read in full...)
B/f says he is goingthrough an identity crisis..what dos this mean?
Q. My boyfriend and I had been having a good relationship since our last break up, which was almost 7 months ago. Anyways, I thought everything was going great, he was being very attentive, sweet, and just perfect; but 1 week ago he started to get ...
A. 30 August 2009: I can empathize with your situation.
In a loving relationship people communicate. When one of the two significants starts to withdraw and become distant, this can be a serious problem for both of them.
Here he is saying he is having an "ident... (read in full...)
I feel like I married my father
Q. I am a 29 yr old female with two children. My husband and I have worked hard to get accomplish the American dream. We depend on each others income to maintain and if I leave everything will fall apart. What about my kids? Here’s the thing……. He's ...
A. 30 August 2009: This is a story that if often repeated over many relationships.
From personal experience I will give you my 2 cents worth.
First of all, people who tend to rely too heavily on religion use religion as a crutch to prop up their own insecurities... (read in full...)
I've tried it all to get over her death! Help!
Q. Hello, I got married at 22 and when 4 years passed, my wife had a problem and she died, it's been 3 years I can't get over it! Knowing she's dead keeps me awake all the time rendering me always afraid, worried, I love her that much that words can't ...
A. 29 August 2009: I can only empathize with your sorrow and grief.
It seems to me that you are a man of passion and great devotion to your wife and her memory.
It is very hard for the ordinary person to understand when you are truly devoted to someone the loss... (read in full...)
I really like this man, but I can't help feeling disappointed that he is impotent
Q. Ive recently started dating a new man. He is 5 years older than me. After a couple of months I have discovered he is impotent and I don't know what to do. He didn't tell me when we first met and I can understand that, but after ending my long ...
A. 29 August 2009: You know there are many ways to sexually please a woman besides using a penis. So does he. Provided you can accept that.
If he truly loves you and wants you, then he will go with you and find professional help for this condition.
Impotence can... (read in full...)
How can I overcome this regret?
Q. You know how everyone goes through life saying...no regrets....well i was like that until i was dealt a regret that im not sure I'll ever be able to live down.. long story short... I became addicted to drugs 6 months after i married the girl i n...
A. 29 August 2009: Overcoming substance abuse is just the first step in rebuilding the relationships with your loved ones.
The fact that you are struggling to rebuild your life is evidence to your wife that she means more to you than you ever imagined before. ... (read in full...)
Knowing whether to use advice or not?
Q. I have asked a e few questions on here now and always got mixed answers though I think its a great site just to air your feelings. . . . . My question is with the fact you get so many mixed messages is a case your just getting what people are ...
A. 29 August 2009: An honest opinion from a stranger is an objective opinion. It may not be right for you, and free advice is just that.
I have seen people go to life coaches, relationship coaches, counseling, and therapy and still not resolved their issues. ... (read in full...)
Husband gave me an ultimatium to either move with him or get out
Q. my husband and I have been together for 16 years. I have no family of my own, but he comes from a large family. His family is now back east and my children are here in the pacific northwest. Hes always disliked my kids, so its hard when he says ...
A. 29 August 2009: Hire a divorce lawyer. And kick him out. That's it.
You should not have to live a lonely existence in your own marriage. If he dislikes your children then he is a toxic influence on everyone including you.
If he wants to rule a kingdom, he can ... (read in full...)
Husband said "you don't understand me, I don't understand you..I want out!"
Q. I'm 26, my husband's 28, I'm originally from Ontario, he's from Michigan. I met him when I was working in Michigan centre over 4 years ago, we got into a relationship and it was mostly good. Like all relationships it had its ups and downs. We...
A. 29 August 2009: Its impossible to tell what's eating at him. I am not thrilled about him drinking alone in front of a TV.
The rumors about his affair with a married man could explain some things. He could be bisexual, but I would have assumed he would've... (read in full...)
Is being with a drunk better than being alone?
Q. Hi, I have been in a relationship w/ a man off and on for 9 years. He's cheated in the past, been very emotionally and verbally abusive. Recently, he's been trying to make up for the past, however, he expects me to trust him again overnigh...
A. 29 August 2009: He needs a great deal of help. The alcohol is magnifying all of his anger issues and he has no self-control. Alcohol loosens inhibitions and so people do things when they are drunk that they would never do sober.
But it also unmasks a fundamen... (read in full...)
Husband hasn't done anything wrong but I want to leave him
Q. We have been married 22 years, and have three children 20, 17, and 14. I have always wondered if he was the right choice, even before we got married. I was an alcoholic in recovery when we met (I'm still struggling), and it seemed like the right ...
A. 29 August 2009: It seems like you have an attentive husband. He takes you out, vacations with you, and it seems what you are upset about is intimacy.
One of the things you can do is address this directly with your husband. Tell him you need him to be affectio... (read in full...)
My girlfriend doesn't know if she's in love with me anymore!
Q. So me and my gf have been together for almost 2 years now. We were having problems a while back because I wasn't doing anything with my life and I wasn't making any effort in attempting to fix it. We broke up for a good 2 months or so and just ...
A. 29 August 2009: Try and put things into her view and perspective that first attracted you to her. In other words, if there was something special about you that she fell in love with, then that is what will attract her to you again.
When you suffer personal... (read in full...)
If someone withholds love because of pressure from others, isn't that a type of punishment?
Q. If someone suddenly withholds love from you and intentionally becomes distant, because of pressure from other family members whom she loves, isn't that like a punishment? In religion, the definition of excommunication is: "A form of censure b...
A. 29 August 2009: Assume that the relationship was long-term, affectionate, caring, committed and deep.
Assume that suddenly, under pressure from family members, she withdraws nearly all communications, withholds affection, became suddenly aloof, and emotiona... (read in full...)
I haven't contacted him for nearly a year, but I'm still in love with him! Should I make contact?
Q. i was with someone for over 3 years...rather than rehash all the tiny things that made me insecure, jealous, just didn't feel right etc...i can admit i was wrong on some of those things and reacted too jealous at times and should have been more ...
A. 29 August 2009: Its hard to say. I think the things that you did to him were enough to overcome any emotional commitment that he had for you.
When that happens, inasmuch as he wants you, he probably feels to hemmed in.... (read in full...)
Help me get over this inconsiderate, cheating jerk with no future!
Q. Hey everyone... I was wondering if I could get some advise, I'm not perfect... but I have been in a relationship with my boyfriend for almost 3years. In those 3 years I have waited for him to change. and recently we have been on and off. I love him ...
A. 29 August 2009: Its real easy. Tell him its over.
It seems to me that you are a very loving, caring, and patient woman. You deserve much better.
Its that simple. He's obviously the kind of person who cannot be happy on his own. When someone is unhappy in their... (read in full...)
I laugh, I cry, I love just like normal people, so why do I end up unhappy?
Q. im in such a mess. ive posted here before and i cant find the question but i asked about a family problem. i will reexplain it. everything has seemed to get worse since then. its a long story but intersting, so if you cant help me then well, at ...
A. 29 August 2009: I feel terrible for you. I can only empathize.
Here is a solid suggestion, as I know its hard to understand this.
First of all, your bi-polar brother is mentally ill. Its unfortunate but true that the mentally ill do and say things they woul... (read in full...)
Why we cannot hold out for the real thing
Q. In a recent article on this site, MonicaC advises young people to "hold out for the real thing". She tells us that she was focused very much on sex when she was younger and that she had both good and bad experiences. Now that she is older, her needs ...
A. 29 August 2009: When I was young, sex was more important that mature love. It wasn't about quality, it was about quantity. As I grew older, I learned that sex is sex. Making love together is much better, much different, and vastly more pleasurable. It ... (read in full...)
I miss him but then I think about what he did..and I'm confused!
Q. So I posted a question earlier about how I wanted to move in with my boyfriend, but didn't know how to tell my parents or my sister, whom i have moved in with. I moved in, and we hung out for a while the day I moved in. Later that night, he w...
A. 29 August 2009: He's an angry drunk which means he has a lot of issues boiling under the surface. People like that are very abusive.
I think your reaction is appropriate. You love a part of him, but he being a substance abuser can't control himself. Until he... (read in full...)
My girlfriend broke up with my last night, and I have a lot of questions running through my mind. Please help!
Q. My girlfriend broke up with me last night. I am a 5th year senior and she is a senior at our college. This past summer, we spent the majority of our time together because we were living up at school working, and most of the time we didn't have any ...
A. 29 August 2009: Women seem fickle to men. People tend to shut down emotionally when they are overwhelmed. I think she's basically feeling like she's not spending enough time on her own, and the sex thing is just getting in the way and turning into a chore instead ... (read in full...)
Why hasn't it ever worked out with someone I've dated?
Q. Theoughout all my experiences with men I always find myself in the SAMe situation. The first few weekS are great, they won't stop texting,calling and trying to spend time with me, but unfortunately after those few weeks it All stopS. They all have ...
A. 29 August 2009: No one can say. Some guys get turned off by certain things. For instance if you are completely self-absorbed and only expect them to cater to your needs and wants, then they will peter out after a few weeks. If you are a caring and sharing typ... (read in full...)
I'm now with someone who I could spend the rest of my life with, so why do I keep thinking about my ex?
Q. right, well i broke up with my ex 3 years ago and during that time ive got with someone who i believe i could be with for the rest of my life, who i love with all my heart like ive never loved anyone before. but for some reason my ex still both...
A. 28 August 2009: Stick with the love of your life. Why go back to someone that ignored you, treated you badly, screwed around on you, shagged loose women and has no respect for you? In other words, you broke up with the ex, he's gone. You have someone new and ... (read in full...)
Should I be patient, waiting for her to change her mind, or should I just move on?
Q. My ex girlfriend of a year broke up with me about a month and a half ago. We were great together and had a lot in common. It wasn't a bad breakup and she said that she needed time to work on herself and I needed the same. About two weeks after ...
A. 28 August 2009: She can't commit to you. Part of her loves being with you, but I think she's got doubts that this is a lifetime gig. Unfortunately women can be very picky about who they consider to be long term material. A lot of times, they pick right. A lot of ... (read in full...)
What are your stories on getting revenge on a cheating ex?
Q. I would like to hear some revenge stories for a cheating ex and the affair partner... I promise I am not planning on pursuing anything... just want to live vicariously through your story. So what is your best revenge story?...
A. 28 August 2009: Back in the early 80's I was engaged to a girl that I really did love very much. There wasn't anything I would not do to make her happy, well except feed her drugs. She got hooked on crack because her sister turned her onto it. The drug ruined... (read in full...)
How can I let her know that I'm willing to wait until she is ready for us to be together again?
Q. My girlfriend and i broke up the other day on good terms after a long good relationship. She says she just needs to figure some things out, we are still friends and still see eachother. I'm just wondering how to let her know that I am willing to ...
A. 28 August 2009: Unless she says its okay to wait for her, I would move on. You're both teenagers (from your age) and it seems like there's a lot of living to do before either one of you is ready to commit to a serious relationship. That's why she will see you, bu... (read in full...)
Will my relationships never survive without me sacrificing my friendships and career?
Q. I broke up with my boyfriend of three years yesterday. He is the only man I have ever loved and he made me feel more loved than anyone could possibly explain. I broke up with him because even though our relationship was so fantastic, other aspects ...
A. 28 August 2009: You make time for each other. You can have friends. I think you forgot to include him in your friendships with others. True couples always get along with each others' friends and you can spend time together and with friends. Its all how you... (read in full...)
No intimacy in my marriage!
Q. I have been married to my wife for 5 years now. there is no intimacy in our marriage she does not want to have sex, and it is ruining our relationship what should i do, i want to ask her for divorce. or get separated...
A. 28 August 2009: You have several options. You can stay in the marriage and look outside of it to handle your sexual needs. Men and women do this all the time. You can simply walk out and sue for a divorce. That's more practical if you have little to no property a... (read in full...)
The lying has stopped... or has it?
Q. My husband and I have been married now for over 8 years and in that entire time, we have been fighting over the same thing: trust. He has broken that trust to the point that it can never be repaired. For the rest of my life, I will never trust him ...
A. 28 August 2009: Take the kids and leave or kick him out. Its obvious that you don't love him anymore. You won't or can't trust him. It seems like you don't really want anything more than to be away from him. It makes no sense to keep you in a relationship if ... (read in full...)
Feel like I'm second-best: how do I convince him that I'm the one?
Q. Let me just get to the point. There's this guy that I have been in and out of a relationship with for years. He says he loves me, and I will always have a place in his heart. He also says that he would never let me go no matter what obstacles may ...
A. 28 August 2009: This is not unusual. I was in a very long term relationship with a woman who I am still in love with. She said the same thing that she would never let me go. In the beginning she was after me for 2 months before we finally clicked. What followed was ... (read in full...)
How can I make him change without hurting him?
Q. My boyfriend and I have been together for about half a year but we've been best friends for about 4 years. At first, everything started out great but soon i began to notice things that really bugged me. One, he doesn't drive so I'm always driving us ...
A. 28 August 2009: 1. Tell him to learn how to drive, get a car and get insurance as you may not be around to do that for him in the future. 2. Tell him to spend more time paying attention to you instead of video games. 3. Tell him if 1 and 2 are not complied ... (read in full...)
My life is a mess! How can I sort it out?
Q. help big time!! I have been with a very emotionally unstable man for two years on the first of september. I have a child with another man. I am in debt. so there are my three problems. this man has an unforgiving heart. he meet me an...
A. 28 August 2009: You deserve better than this. If he truly loved you, he would not use you and then criticize you for loving him.
Perhaps you should try and find someone else who will love you without so much baggage.... (read in full...)
My boyfriend answered his phone during sex! Why is he acting so weird?
Q. My guy never answers his phone for me when he is with his friends, but, When we are together he is texting and he has even answered the phone in the middle of sex! He has been acting really weird lately. He also just told me a few hours ago that "He ...
A. 25 August 2009: You have my greatest empathy.
Your boyfriend says he can't be himself when he's with you? Well what is his self really like when he's not around you?
Is sex that boring?
Who's calling him that its that important to answer the phone?
All... (read in full...)
Difficulties with my step children, how should I handle this?
Q. I have been remarried 5 years. I came to the marriage with 4 children and my husband has 2. His children are not involved in our family and very rarely come to see us. His daughter at one point( when kicked out of her bilogical mother's home) lived ...
A. 25 August 2009: I think this is a problem that involves several dimensions.
First of all, you are not 3rd. If you're third, then tell him to go find a lover and get a divorce.
Second of all, his children have to be respectful of you. And its his job to stand... (read in full...)
Why does my boyfriend always masturbate before sex?
Q. My boyfriend likes to see me masterbate before we have sex.. I was just wondering why? Also he always looks me in the eye while having sex what does this mean.....
A. 22 August 2009: I think that's absolutely cute. He's interested in seeing you enjoy yourself, and then wants you to know he's into you while having sex with you.
What's wrong with that?... (read in full...)
Is it wrong of me to want my husband to give up porn for his family?
Q. Is it wrong that I want my husband to give up porn for his family?...
A. 22 August 2009: You cannot make someone give up anything that they enjoy. By conditioning love and acceptance based on behavior, you are forcing him to do something against his will. Eventually he'll resent it, and look at porn behind your back.
The best thing to... (read in full...)
I cheated on my boyfriend and the guilt is taking over my life
Q. I have guilt that is eating me alive every day, multiple times a day. 5 months ago I cheated on my boyfriend of 2 years, the man I am sure I want to marry one day. I don't know what got into me but at the time I felt like a different person, I felt ...
A. 22 August 2009: My first inclination is to ask whether or not the other guy meant anything to you. It seems rather obvious he didn't.
So the cheating you're talking about is really just a sexual fling.
It also tells me you had doubts, and so you did somethin... (read in full...)
How much does love matter in a relationship?
Q. How much does love matter in a relationship? Can you be happy with someone who gives you everything you could want but you are not in love with them. By that I mean, a family, a home, money, a great social life and their love. Long term is t...
A. 22 August 2009: Well if hanging with a sugar daddy's your bag. Then fine. But most people inevitably want to go from being a user or usee to being loved and sharing love. Otherwise, its just a co-dependency thing. Just substitute material things for drugs and you ... (read in full...)
Should I tell him I read what he and his ex were talking about?
Q. My boyfriend and I went on vacation last week, and we met up with his ex-girlfriend and her boyfriend for drinks. My boyfriend dated this girl for about 2 years and he stopped dating her about 4 years ago. She emailed him the other day and he left ...
A. 22 August 2009: It sounds to me he's a "love em and leave em" guy. He hangs out with you until the relationship gets stale enough that he doesn't want to rejuvenate it. Then he figures you'll probably walk out first (making him look good), or, you'll complain and ... (read in full...)
This guy I've been talking to on msn has told me to choose between him or my boyfriend! What should I do?
Q. i have been talking to this guy for about 4years on msn and a really do like him like actually soo much but he lives soo far away and he wants us to be more than friends but i just cant see it working because of the distance and hes away on holiday ...
A. 20 August 2009: I'd have to say that unless you want to live your life in virtual reality, the boyfriend wins out and the guy at a distance needs to find someone real, or relocate to finally be with you.... (read in full...)
Wife tied me up for bondage then proceeded to list all the things I did wrong, and no sex!
Q. hi aunty,I got married for 6 months now..2 nights back,we decided for bondage sex,so my wife tied me down to the bed with handcuffs..intially she teased me and kissed..once I was tied up properly and at her mercy..she slapped me..and then yelled at ...
A. 20 August 2009: You married the perfect dominatrix. Pure humiliation and no sex. You got what you bargained for.
As for leaving mom at the airport? Hm. That was probably a good idea.... (read in full...)
My husband is going through a midlife crisis. How can I help him?
Q. My husband is going through some midlife crisis, or just serious depression. He can't see that, or talk about that. But I see him turning more and more bitter day by day. I can't convince him, he thinks I'm critical. He stopped being affectioan...
A. 20 August 2009: I think probably its a couple of factors. You left out stress as in employment. We don't know if you have small kids. We don't know if he's not making enough money. Aside from that, he's looking at the fact that 1/2 of his adult life is over wit... (read in full...)
Is ultimatum the wisest thing I can do for myself?
Q. Met this guy for over a month. I play hard to get, he creeps under my skin really smoothly. I set boundaries, he runs on all fours after me. He drives a long way to see me whenever i can squeeze 30mins with him. We have great chemistry, our minds ...
A. 20 August 2009: He's sweet on you. Sounds to me like he doesn't want to marry some unknown quantity, and he sounds like he's fallen for you.... (read in full...)
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