Why is this working for him???
Q. How's this working for him? Does this sound happy? My husband of l0 years lost his business and basically hit a mid life crisis. He decided to leave to sort out his anxiety over having lied about money issues. I doubt that now..but about a month af...
A. 21 September 2009: After reading about the losses of his father and stepfather on top of what he's been suffering like the business failure(s), I can see what's happened a little bit clearer.
If he was predisposed to depression before, the losses of two, importan... (read in full...)
I discovered he is married!
Q. He told me he was divorced. I just found his myspace page. And his wife's myspace page. both updated within the past week. both listed as married. i am sick and angry. really angry. i suspected. do i confront him? i haven't heard from h...
A. 21 September 2009: I would have to say that whatever it is you told him, by changing his myspace page to "private", he got your message.
The best thing to do is ignore him from now on and move on with your life. This is not what you wanted, and as I recall he wante... (read in full...)
Help me...I don't want to end up an old spinster!!
Q. Ok. This is really hard for me. I am 28, and I have never had a serious relationship. I have had two boyfriends, neither of which was a sexual relationship. I live at home due to the fact that I am studying for a postgraduate degree, so canno...
A. 20 September 2009: There's nothing wrong with you. I think some men get intimidated by intelligent women, and so they respect you and want you as a friend but not as a girlfriend or mate.
Everything's attitude. You need to focus on finishing up your program,... (read in full...)
Why do I want my abusive bf to be happy and successful....even "after" he came at me with a knife??
Q. I'm having a really hard time because my boyfriend was arrested yesterday for domestic violence. Yes, there's a big long history, but yesterday was really bad because he came at me with a knife which he was then going to turn on himself (this is ...
A. 20 September 2009: This is not a good situation. Is there any particular reason why he would go berzerk with knife?
The only thing you can do at this point is try and support him emotionally despite the restraining order. I would say you two should stay physical... (read in full...)
Are there any physical signs to determine if someone has had anal sex before?
Q. Im in a relationship with a girl and i want to try anal sex with her, she said that she has never had anal sex with anyone before in her life, her previous boyfriend is a friend of mine and he told me that he had anal sex with her.. but she denies ...
A. 20 September 2009: I think your friend is either pulling your leg or your girlfriend doesn't want to admit she had anal sex. And that may mean she doesn't want it.
On the other hand, if you must know, probably no way to tell.
You could tell her that her ex told... (read in full...)
Drifting back to the life we used to have that caused problems
Q. Hi everyone, It's Saturday night and we normally go out for a meal together if we're not doing anything else. Tonight we've stayed in and it's weird because for the first time since I discovered the sex text betrayal of my husband in June 2008 and...
A. 20 September 2009: It seems you two keep hitting the ennui. Why not start thinking about recalling some fond memories together, maybe share a glass of wine together, and try being affectionate again.
Or ... you two could get totally naughty, and find a late nite pla... (read in full...)
B/f is battling depression so we talk rarely, what can I do for us?
Q. My boyfriend has stopped talking to me, it has been 2 weeks. He talks to me one day and then the next he dissapears. I asked him what was going on, why was he ignoring me all these days and he said it's because he is battling depression. I know that ...
A. 19 September 2009: I agree with Candleman in large measure and only have to add this much.
Your boyfriend if he is suffering from depression, should not be off alone like this. Loneliness feeds depression and if he's clinically depressed, then doing this without ... (read in full...)
Why is this working for him???
Q. How's this working for him? Does this sound happy? My husband of l0 years lost his business and basically hit a mid life crisis. He decided to leave to sort out his anxiety over having lied about money issues. I doubt that now..but about a month af...
A. 19 September 2009: I am so sorry you're going through this. He has a combination of things going on in his life and its turned him into a train wreck.
The sad part is that there's a lot of love in what you're saying about him, and this loss of his business, the drin... (read in full...)
Would you get rid of someone if they told you that they had a personality disorder?
Q. Since they say personality is what you look for in someone first and foremost, it puts me in quite a dilemma. I have a personality disorder, well... actually I have two, Borderline and narcissitic personality disorder (yes I've been diagnosed). If ...
A. 19 September 2009: Its very difficult to explain the dilemma here. But it takes a very special person to want to get involved with someone with any type of mental illness. I'm not saying this to be harsh. When I say get involved, I mean spend a lifetime with.
You m... (read in full...)
Am I being unreasonable in asking him to stop this behavior?
Q. I have an issue with my boyfriend who gives a light kiss on the lips of a married woman every time he passes her. He said it was just a game that they played before he started dating me. This has been over a year and he continues to do this. I ...
A. 19 September 2009: There's nothing wrong with being affectionate in a friendly way. It probably doesn't mean anything.
However, if he loves you, you certainly have a right to not feel uncomfortable around him and other women being that affectionate.
Its not unrea... (read in full...)
My Mum is having an affair; I need advice
Q. My mum is having an affair. My dad found proof, and came to me. I am the eldest of three children (19/17/14) and i think im mature enough to deal with this. So i tried to help him out, also a personal trait of mine is rationality so he thought i ...
A. 19 September 2009: First of all, I know you're older, but please understand what your mother does in an affair, if it is an affair, is simply not going to take her love for you away from you.
The other issues of lying, drinking and disappearing are probably bigger i... (read in full...)
I feel this is so real, is it possible it could work?
Q. I recently met a man and it felt like love at first sight. We are falling fast. Soon after we met I found out he is engaged and miserable. He is breaking it off with her after 2 1/2 years. Everything is happening so fast. He is telling me he loves ...
A. 19 September 2009: Yes. Its possible, but I think you do have some reservations.
You say its timing that got him to you, but my real question is why did he get engaged in the first place if he was miserable.
I only say this because I would hate to think that yo... (read in full...)
I discovered he is married!
Q. He told me he was divorced. I just found his myspace page. And his wife's myspace page. both updated within the past week. both listed as married. i am sick and angry. really angry. i suspected. do i confront him? i haven't heard from h...
A. 19 September 2009: It seems pretty clear from everything you've said that he's, well, a tool.
You're probably much better off without this guy anywhere near your life. He's outright toxic.... (read in full...)
I worry that he still likes her in the back of his mind. How do I get over it?
Q. i am having a totally nice and cute and decent boyfriend.i am truly lucky to have him. he was asking out a girl who we both see everyday.she is a beauty but a true ***** who changes guys everytime she wants and would go anywhere with any guy if ...
A. 19 September 2009: It sounds like he tried with this girl, and she has no interest in him. What I think you're worried about is trusting your boyfriend. You say he's a great guy so maybe you might want to ask him to support you a little more and tell him why you're ... (read in full...)
How do you get over the fear of opening up to someone?
Q. So I have the generic problem of not opening up to anyone because I'm afraid of being vunerable and/or rejected. This has ruined my friendships in the past, and made relationships with boyfriends really difficult. I am 19 and now in my first seri...
A. 19 September 2009: If you're trying to be more intimate with him then you need to start building that. It sounds like the two of you are extremely shy people, and ironically its a part of you that you both share. You want to talk and be open and you're both afraid.
... (read in full...)
What do you think he's up to? It seems like he can't let go...
Q. Okay, so I know this is long, and I'm sorry, but I really want to hear some advice regarding this confusing situation! My bf broke up with me around 2 weeks ago, saying he can't see a future with us and that he still wants to be friends. I was ...
A. 19 September 2009: Your ex is obviously in a lot of pain. He's definitely suffering. There's no question he harbors a great deal of regrets, and he's so conflicted about what he did that he's afraid to tell you what's going on with him.
If you want him back, th... (read in full...)
Too much has happened and I think I'm growing up too fast
Q. So heres the thing i have just won a legal battle so as me and my pregnant girlfriend can live on our own (you wont have heard about it, non of us wanted it to go public). We now live in a flat for 800 rent which the court pays. I LOVE my life, the ...
A. 19 September 2009: To add to your misery, you have a pregnant girlfriend who's been raped. You've got a handful. But my advice stands still.
You've taken on a responsibility and unfortunately you need to care for her and eventually the baby.
... (read in full...)
I'll do whatever it takes to win him back. Are you up for the challenge?
Q. Hi, I’m gonna tell you the whole story becouse I want help to get him of the other women and I’m gonna fight with everything I’ve got but I can’t do it without your help, well ere goes my husband is the love of my life and when he left it was like I ...
A. 19 September 2009: This one's an interesting situation.
Your husband has run off with not one but several women. He treated you very well, and he did what he did because you neglected his needs.
The only thing anyone can tell you is that you're going to have to... (read in full...)
Considering a divorce here...what do you all think?
Q. Immediate problem: my husband went away to a beer festival over the weekend with 5 other single guys when I specifically told him it made me uncomfortable and I didn't want him to go. The reason why this is a bigger issue than it would be normally...
A. 19 September 2009: Hi there. You say that you're living in two countries and trying to work on your marriage. It seems that it would be very hard to do that at a distance.
But in either event, it seems like he's already living his own life, and he's choosing... (read in full...)
Will I look like an idiot for writing to the man I'm in love with, "my thoughts are with you"?
Q. I feel so stupid. I am in love with a man and he recently wrote to me to tell me that he is going through an emotionally difficult time. I responded that "I understand and that my thoughts are with him". After sending it I realised that the ...
A. 18 September 2009: No. You're trying to show the person that you care, and extending those words to him is designed to console.
Rough patches and deaths are the same. People suffer, and the pain is no different emotionally. The phrase was appropriate.... (read in full...)
Still low after his affair. I don't know how to get over it!
Q. hi all really need bit of advice. i have been in a relationship with my boyfriend for almost 7 years we have a beautiful 4 year old child together, we live together and have alot of commitments. thing is, about 18 months ago i found out he was...
A. 18 September 2009: Natasia is correct about one thing, you need to rebuild the trust in your relationship.
But what you're talking about is something deeper than just the trust issue.
Its very painful for you to think about this affair and I am thinking that th... (read in full...)
What steps can I take to show her that I love her, without overwhelming her?
Q. Hey, So my girlfriend of two years and I broke up a few months ago, late June. She immediately started seeing a guy that had asked her out when we were dating. I tried hard to get her to talk to me, but things came up like my mother feeling ...
A. 18 September 2009: If you want to pull your ex back into your life, then you and she have to come to terms with the past.
I know you want to take her back, but during your absence in her life, she's been with another guy. Though you can accept that, you have to ... (read in full...)
Does true love really exisit?
Q. This isn't really a problem/issue.. but i would like an opinion from all... heres my question does true love really exist? or is it just a game? does it really exist or is it just merely strong feelings that come and go? it would b ...
A. 18 September 2009: I think the best way to answer this is to tell you that finding love requires a number of things.
The first thing you have to determine for yourself is what it is that you're looking for in a man. What kind of character does he have to possess ... (read in full...)
I discovered he is married!
Q. He told me he was divorced. I just found his myspace page. And his wife's myspace page. both updated within the past week. both listed as married. i am sick and angry. really angry. i suspected. do i confront him? i haven't heard from h...
A. 18 September 2009: Despite your reservations about whether he's lied or telling the truth.
If he's ignoring you for weeks on end, then there's nothing there. People who intend to enter into a legitimate relationship, even if it were some sort of secrete extramar... (read in full...)
Since he lost his job, he's changed: alcohol, drugs, lying to me, avoiding me... should I stay with him?
Q. I am dating a man who in the past has been a very thoughtful, kind and decent person. He lost his job three months ago and since then, has been drinking heavily and taking narcotics to "numb the pain". He is exceptionally depressed and worried ...
A. 18 September 2009: I am so sorry for the pain you are suffering right now. Its never easy to watch someone you love degenerate into some kind of dark pit.
Your boyfriend's spirit has been broken. In essence, his zest for life, his desire to live has suffered... (read in full...)
I discovered he is married!
Q. He told me he was divorced. I just found his myspace page. And his wife's myspace page. both updated within the past week. both listed as married. i am sick and angry. really angry. i suspected. do i confront him? i haven't heard from h...
A. 18 September 2009: Welcome to love in the internet age.
Since when do people who are divorcing update their myspace page to say DIVORCING?
Perhaps what you might want to ask him for is a copy of his divorce papers. Maybe that will make you feel better about thi... (read in full...)
Do I meet him and risk feeling broken all over again?
Q. Please, I need fast responses. I feel so sick about this, I cant focus on anything else. Quick summary, I was with my ex for almost two years, my first everything, only guy i ever dated. Same went for him. Everything was fine, we never fought a...
A. 18 September 2009: This is one of those tragic things in life. If you meet him, then you're going to be hurt no matter what.
It seems this breakup hurt the two of you so badly that even thinking about seeing him is painful to you. Yet you still seem to have str... (read in full...)
What steps can I take to show her that I love her, without overwhelming her?
Q. Hey, So my girlfriend of two years and I broke up a few months ago, late June. She immediately started seeing a guy that had asked her out when we were dating. I tried hard to get her to talk to me, but things came up like my mother feeling ...
A. 18 September 2009: You need to consider what kind of harm you're doing to your new girl if you're still obsessing over your ex girlfriend.
The only thing you can do with your ex is let her go around reading your stuff and doing whatever she wants.
If she wants ... (read in full...)
After 2 years he told me he was still in love with his ex...
Q. My bf and I are living together and have been for one year. Prior to this we had broken up for about 2 months, in this time he told me he was still in love with his ex. I was so gutted!! We had been together for two years and so happy and when he ...
A. 18 September 2009: I am so sorry for you. You've made a deep emotional commitment to someone and here you find out that he's still in love with another woman.
But from what you wrote, he was honest with you.
There's a way to fix this situation, but its going to... (read in full...)
I love him but I want to leave him. Please help!
Q. Dear Cupid I've been very upset recently. I'm in my mid 30's,married with 2 kids. I have extra marital affair for a year now with a married man who was once my ex-boyfriend during my school days. I was touched by his approached that I fell in love ...
A. 18 September 2009: You have a classic affair going with this man.
Its very hard to get into an affair like this because as you said, you took time away from your family to be with him and spent money on hotel rooms to make him happy.
He has virtually nothin... (read in full...)
Do all guys go off a girl when they've been together for a while?
Q. Do all guys go off a girl when they've been together for a while, like a year? I know you have to work at relationships but it just seems that my boyfriend has more fun playing games n having a laugh with his online friends that he rarely thinks ...
A. 18 September 2009: The most important thing you can do if you want your relationship to be great instead of good is to start taking an interest in each other's activities and sharing a great deal of things together.
Spend more time together. Its just like what you... (read in full...)
How should I phrase this letter?
Q. Nearly 2 years ago my relationship with my parents rapidly deteriorated because they would get drunk and out of control, and then constantly abuse and threaten me and my fiancée. I was thrown out of my home by my mother, who is an alcoholi...
A. 18 September 2009: This is terribly sad. Alcoholics are very difficult and unhappy people.
Writing that letter is going to be hard too because you're siblings have no idea who to believe.
No matter what you write, your parents will read it.
I would suggest... (read in full...)
Too much has happened and I think I'm growing up too fast
Q. So heres the thing i have just won a legal battle so as me and my pregnant girlfriend can live on our own (you wont have heard about it, non of us wanted it to go public). We now live in a flat for 800 rent which the court pays. I LOVE my life, the ...
A. 18 September 2009: Britt429 has hit the nail on the head for you.
I can only add that you are growing up fast, but I hope you understand that under these circumstances as unfair as it is, please learn patience and spend a great deal of time caring for your girlfrie... (read in full...)
How do I show him he needs to work for our relationship?
Q. WHAT CAN I DO BOUT THIS**LONG ONE**? I'm in a long distance relationship with a really nice dude. When we are face to face we get along extremelly well.Now that we're apart from each other we communicate through IM,email,text,calls. A few weeks ag...
A. 18 September 2009: I know this seems a bit harsh.
You need face time. Lots of it. Playing on line is not the same thing as spending quality time together in a real environment, not the cyber-world.
Love in the internet age is not the same thing as two human bei... (read in full...)
How do I not scare him off and make sure I don't get hurt again?
Q. I was seeing a man for almost 2 years. We had chemistry and attraction and a connection and our moments together were very tender and special but during that time he also dated other women since he never committed himself to me. this hurt me very ...
A. 17 September 2009: Under these circumstances you don't want to dangle either of you on a string.
Maybe just tell him you need some space or simply try and be kind to him and tell him that you're still dealing with personal reservations.
You know him best.... (read in full...)
How do I not scare him off and make sure I don't get hurt again?
Q. I was seeing a man for almost 2 years. We had chemistry and attraction and a connection and our moments together were very tender and special but during that time he also dated other women since he never committed himself to me. this hurt me very ...
A. 17 September 2009: If you have reservations about the past relationship but want friendship only, then you have to tell him that you still need time to reconcile the two.
The best thing to do is tell him what it is that you want which is closure on the past, bu... (read in full...)
Am I being selfish or is there something missing in my relationship?
Q. I have a boyfriend and we have been together for a year and a half. We just moved in together in July. We have good times and bad times, like any couple. We are incredibly attracted to each other, and have an awesome sex life. A few months a...
A. 17 September 2009: Maybe you want to look at your boyfriend and ask him to give you the affection you crave, which is what the bar tender is giving you.
If you don't want to cheat on your boyfriend, then the best suggestion is to avoid the bar, the bar tender a... (read in full...)
Can a man change his mind about being in a relationship over time?
Q. Is is possible when a guy says that he doesn't want a relationship to change his mind through time?? I have met a guy recently who has said that he is not ready for a relationship but last time we met - we talked lots and he did say that I spoke al...
A. 17 September 2009: With some of the additional facts that you've put down, I have to say that unless you want some sort of friendship with sexual benefits, I'd cut him loose and find someone that can commit to you.
It looks like he's not interested in settling... (read in full...)
We broke up and I slept with his best friend
Q. one year ago my boyfriend broke up with me for no reason.I went off the deep end and did something i will regret for the rest of my life.I slept with one of his best friends. Awhile later me and my ex hung out and were talking, awhile later we both ...
A. 17 September 2009: You need to sit down with your boyfriend. Both of you need to rebuild the trust you had long before your first breakup that led to the incident with his friend. He needs to know that this will never, ever happen again and that he's the one for ... (read in full...)
He was affectionate with his ex but with me he's not
Q. dear cupid my boyfriend of three years is hardly ever afecionate with me. he told me he doesn't like public displays of affection and that he has never been very romantic etc...however i found out about four months ago that he used to be ro...
A. 17 September 2009: I see the issue here very clearly.
Your boyfriend is still heartbroken from his prior relationship.
The natural defense of a massive breakup such as the one you described, is to very carefully measure or dial-back the amount of emotional ene... (read in full...)
Can a man change his mind about being in a relationship over time?
Q. Is is possible when a guy says that he doesn't want a relationship to change his mind through time?? I have met a guy recently who has said that he is not ready for a relationship but last time we met - we talked lots and he did say that I spoke al...
A. 17 September 2009: Any person, man or woman, is capable of having a change of heart.
Once the bonds of trust, acceptance and of course intimacy are achieved, the emotional connections are made.
So based on that, its entirely possible that he is persuaded if not... (read in full...)
Should I tell her husband she was cheating on him?
Q. ok, so I was seeing a girl who lied to me...I later found out she was married. Apparently the husband was away overseas; she has gotten back together with him and has cut off all communication with me. My question is should I email/ tell the ...
A. 17 September 2009: I would strongly advise against this. If she loves him, then she's going to tell him anyway, and if she's a philanderer, he'll find out on his own.
But outing her seems vengeful at this point. He'll hate you more than he will his wife, and she'... (read in full...)
Should I stay or should I go?
Q. My boyfriend and I have been together for almost 7 years(we are both 26). We bought a house 3 years ago and until 12 months ago were happy as ever. 6 months ago I began mentioning that I thought it was time we got engaged. He always changed the ...
A. 17 September 2009: He's feeling stifled in that you've already planned his life out for him.
Have you tried to ask him what he envisions your future together might be?
Rather than hold him to a strict timetable, is there something else in the way?
The reas... (read in full...)
Does true love really exisit?
Q. This isn't really a problem/issue.. but i would like an opinion from all... heres my question does true love really exist? or is it just a game? does it really exist or is it just merely strong feelings that come and go? it would b ...
A. 17 September 2009: It does exist. But to understand it means you'd have to devote your heart and emotions to someone, and make intimate connections with them.
But if you've never experienced it, then you would never know it exists.
I can assure you, personally,... (read in full...)
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