Stay Married or Separate - Stepdaughter issues
Q. I am in my second marriage now for 7 years as of February 2010. I am contemplating separation due to my stepdaughter and I don't feel as if I love my wife. My stepdaughter is 22 now. I came into her life when she was 15 and I sort of knew that this ...
A. 4 July 2010: I can see you're still suffering because of the step daughter.
Sadly, some children have an attitude of entitlement. That is they're entitled to free room, board, food, clothes, cars, and all of it at the expense of parents and step-par... (read in full...)
Can a woman have sex with her husband and lover without giving anything away?
Q. I'm a guy of 54 years and was happily married for 19 years,there have been no Kids,which is the choice of my 44 year old wife (and mine).About six weeks ago I noticed my wife taking the odd call late at night and walking out of ear shot from me,this ...
A. 16 October 2009: Tom with all the best intentions I think your wife has crapped the marriage terribly.
I had thought for certain she'd have stayed with GG and made him crazy till he'd thrown her out. Now she's living in a trailer (yes a caravan but here we call ... (read in full...)
My girlfriend is very sexual when it comes to masturbation, but when it comes to me she wont let me get involved!
Q. [Moderator's Note: 2 questions from the same poster have been merged together] Sexually my girlfriend and i are having considerable problems due to lack of experience on both our parts and she also has vaginismus (which she is currently seeking ...
A. 24 September 2009: You seem to have a number of issues, but a lot of it is being hurt by her own insensitivity to your sexuality.
The first thing you need to do is be more secure in yourself as a man. Period. Absent that, she's going to wittingly or unwittin... (read in full...)
He hurt me and I have cut off all contact
Q. A business colleague and myself developed a deep friendship where the attraction was very evident. I am married and he is single. However none of us acted on it. We would spend hours talking about our lives and business. At some point I realised ...
A. 24 September 2009: My thoughts on the verifying the story issue is simple. He messed up and assumed he was correct. People do that sometimes, especially if they think they know you well enough.
I think he was too close and didn't realize it until afterwar... (read in full...)
He went away for a month and now we hardly talk
Q. Hi Readers, My boyfriend and I have been together for a little over 2 years, before we got together we were best friends. At the beginning of our relationship, we spoke often, he called often, we saw each other often, communication wa...
A. 24 September 2009: It seems your boyfriend has let the love fade. Perhaps he met someone while in the states and that person may have ruined your relationship, even if by accident.
Have you been able to see him and find out a bit more? Or is he being secretiv... (read in full...)
He broke up with me but still loves me (I think) moving out today!! Will we get back together???
Q. So me and my live in boyfriend have been together for roughly a year and a half. He is 29 and I am 25. Me and him were so in love but it seemed that when we moved in with each other (about 6 months ago) our relationship started to crumble. we did ...
A. 24 September 2009: Yes, he is in a yo-yo type mode. There's a lot of self-imposed conflict in his heart right now.
It seems he wants his own space, but he doesn't want to let you go. Moving in together seemed good, but now he's thinking that it was too soon too fast... (read in full...)
Single mom still in love: I need my family complete again!
Q. I need help! I am 24 and am madly in love with my ex. He is 31,we were together for 2 1/2 years.. we also have a daughter together, she's 2. Ok so here is my problem, like I mentioned I am so in love with him! We have been broken up for a little ...
A. 24 September 2009: He's a cake-eater. He wants you and he wants the other woman. Unless you can tolerate the other woman and she can tolerate you, then he's got to choose. That's all.
If he's in love with you, still, then he needs to dump the other woman and star... (read in full...)
Girlfriend's past haunts me every day
Q. Ok I love my girlfriend very much but her past haunts me everyday. I know of 6 of her past encounters. She has told me about all of them. One she had slept with the lead singer of a band. Another she told me recently that she had gotten so ...
A. 24 September 2009: You take your women as you find them, and they leave their men as they left them.
If you feel uncomfortable about her past sex-life then this is going to be a trust and insecurity issue throughout your entire relationship.
It seems she's comf... (read in full...)
Help?? I am a grumpy snappy cow...
Q. Please help, I don't know what to to with my life. I am a 32 year old mum of 4, my husband and I work and seem to be like ships in the night, now the credit crunch has bitten us and things are tight, so the work arragements has to stay as they are. ...
A. 24 September 2009: I am so sorry for what you're going through. You're frustrated by so much around you, and the two of you are struggling in a family of six (6)! Yes, six people!
There's no easy pill here, unless you want to drop speed and hope it doubles as an an... (read in full...)
Men: Is sex 3-4 X a week too much?
Q. one for the guys here?? I am I would like to think quite a attractive women, I am a mum but still look after myself.. The trouble is my sex drive is sooo much higher than my partners, it's got too the point that if ever I mention sex he gets rea...
A. 24 September 2009: Nothing wrong with you. That's a pretty healthy sex drive. Is your man working very hard? Perhaps there's other stresses going on in his life that you don't know about?
Maybe its just a lack of energy?
You could try and ask him seriously why hi... (read in full...)
Stay Married or Separate - Stepdaughter issues
Q. I am in my second marriage now for 7 years as of February 2010. I am contemplating separation due to my stepdaughter and I don't feel as if I love my wife. My stepdaughter is 22 now. I came into her life when she was 15 and I sort of knew that this ...
A. 24 September 2009: Looking at this rationally, this is going to take a great deal of work not on your part, not on your wife's part but your step-daughter's part.
It seems to me that your step-daughter has formed, in her mind, a hatred towards you which no one will... (read in full...)
Is he still married?????
Q. I found my boyfriend's pay stub yesterday and on it it says that his taxable marital status is:married. Does that mean he is still legally married? ...
A. 24 September 2009: You could ask him for a copy of the final divorce decree or judgment. Or, you can ask him why it says married on there.... (read in full...)
Why would my ex want to see me this weekend?
Q. For five years my boyfriend and I were pretty happy. We had a few problems, difference in lifestyles (that i thought could be sorted out) and we eventually split up. We tried to make it work but I think once he planted the seeds of doubt he couldn't ...
A. 24 September 2009: We don't know if you want him back or if you want him to go away and never be heard from again. Or what your goals are.
This is the post-break-up party that you don't want to attend but might want to probe him a little on this before saying y... (read in full...)
I asked a girl out and she said no!
Q. well i asked a girl out and she said no. i am distraught what should i do i feel crap. my friend ruined any chance by shouting we are talking about sex so it put her off the topic of going out....
A. 24 September 2009: Dump the friend. Catch the next bus. In other words find another girl to ask out. You're so young maybe you should just take your time learning about what girls really want.
What do they want? Respect, kindness, friendship. The sex part comes la... (read in full...)
Is it ok to be married and have friends of the opposite sex?
Q. I am 41 and have been married for 22 years. Is it ok for me to have female friends and my wife to have male friends? We have plenty of mutual friends but maybe we need our private lives to help us remember who we are. I have been told that the ...
A. 24 September 2009: Its how you invest your emotions in a relationship. If you're going to have friends of the opposite sex, then you have to always consider that they are just that: friends. Its the same whether your a man or a woman.
You just have to know what you... (read in full...)
Does the way I dress scare women?
Q. The reason I ask is because I often get some strange looks from women as I walk past. They often give me a look like they're scared. I'm wondering if its because of the way I dress. I often wear a black coat, usually wear black jeans, have black ...
A. 24 September 2009: Some people might look at you and with a cool pair of RayBan's think you're hot stuff walked off the Matrix movie trilogy.
Others might see you and think, Columbine killer.
Try wearing colorful stuff, or if not, try finding someone with som... (read in full...)
How can I tell if my boyfriend still loves his ex?
Q. i love my boyfriend he says he loves me but deep down in side i think he still loves his ex how do i know?...
A. 24 September 2009: Lets see if we can look at this rationally.
Your boyfriend's with you. Naturally he may still have feelings for his ex. But wouldn't you have feelings for an ex too? Even if you don't want to admit it?
When we transition from one relationship... (read in full...)
He promised me he'd always be at my side but that was a lie. Help!
Q. Hello everyone. I just need a little help, if not that, support, to get through this. My boyfriend, whom I have been with for two years straight, broke up with me last night. I didn't want to let him go because we really had something there. And for ...
A. 24 September 2009: He didn't know his own heart. Boys at that age get confused enough as it is. He can spread his wings. And that's what he's apparently doing.
But he's not the issue anymore. You are. So you need to think about yourself and keeping in step with sch... (read in full...)
Falling out of love or running out of things to say?
Q. I have been feeling very disconnected and withdrawn from my partner. Because we are what would be termed as an 'opposites attract' couple, I have found that NOT having certain discussions w/ him is a way for me to avoid - what I feel - are the ...
A. 24 September 2009: Isn't this true with all relationships? I've heard of Democrats sleeping with Republicans before, and all those heated passions just roiling together make for an interesting relationship.
Maybe what the two of you are missing together is that you... (read in full...)
He hurt me and I have cut off all contact
Q. A business colleague and myself developed a deep friendship where the attraction was very evident. I am married and he is single. However none of us acted on it. We would spend hours talking about our lives and business. At some point I realised ...
A. 24 September 2009: First of all it seems here that you feel he betrayed you. But it also appears that maybe he misquoted you by mistake. In either event, even if you don't want to reconcile with him, the least you can do is accept his apology and move on.
I don't kn... (read in full...)
Should I give him another chance?
Q. I recently ran into a guy that a year ago I had a relationship with for about 6 months and I thought we could become more. We spent 4 days out of 7 together usually on a weekly basis and he called me everyday. He was married for 6 years and just ...
A. 23 September 2009: I think what's bothering you is a trust issue here. And part of that is a character flaw in your ex boyfriend. Now its true some guys when they're on the rebound are going to double up their chances.
Sage advice is never lure innocent people i... (read in full...)
She had conditions before she'll give me a bj
Q. hi my girlfriend doesn't give me a blow job if i ask her she tells me first you lick my pussy and anal and suck my breast then i will do for you but i feel awkward to do to her . i really care about her . is it okay to do things what she asked ....
A. 23 September 2009: If she wants certain things done to her, then I would suppose you want her to be happy, right? It isn't all about you, she's part of this after all.
As far as size. It really doesn't matter. If its about actual intercourse and she's reticent... (read in full...)
I thought she was perfect for me... then she broke up with me!
Q. I've been with this girl for a month, she's amazing, she's beautiful, funny and makes me soo happy everything was going great! Then she broke up with me she said I'm an amazing guy and I treated her perfect, I'm the best boyfriend she has ever had! ...
A. 22 September 2009: What you've got is a drunk and a party girl. She's looking for a bad boy; you're looking to save her. Its not going to work.
She's a good time girl and that's it.
My friend, savor what you got, but if you want a serious woman in your life, a ... (read in full...)
I want my wife back... it's breaking my heart being apart.
Q. Hi there. I have posted on this before, it was about my marriage falling apart. I have been married for 10 months now and the last 6 weeks we have argued constantly. 2 weeks ago i went a bit crazy as we where not managing to resolve the issu...
A. 22 September 2009: This is a really sad and desperate situation.
Let's see what you can do to try and fix this with her and make things right between the two of you.
First of all, when you have these kinds of clashes in a marriage, there's something annoyi... (read in full...)
Confusion...
Q. I'm 20, have been in a relationship for 3 and a half years and absolutely adore my girlfriend however she is currently having issues and one minute we're on and the next we're off. I am physically being worried sick because I don't want us to break ...
A. 22 September 2009: Its really hard to say what's going on. If she can only want you when she's ill, that creates cause for concern.
But it also tells me that you love her very much. Perhaps the thing to do is let her go off for her month. The world is large and crue... (read in full...)
I'm beginning to think I'm terminally unattractive!!!
Q. This is a difficult one to come out with, as I'm genuinely beginning to think I'm terminally unattractive... I'm 26, have a great job, a fab circle of friends, enough freedom/money to go enjoy myself travelling, etc, but am permanently single. My ...
A. 22 September 2009: The thing about attracting a mate is not attracting anyone, its attracting the right one.
Perhaps that's what you're waiting for. You've said everything about yourself, but hardly anything about the man you want to attract and finally meet.
... (read in full...)
I need your opinions here. What does love feel like?
Q. There appears to be two types of love. One is the love for a sibling or family member, and the romantic love between intimate partners. I myself am devoid of either. I never have (and probably never will) felt love for another due to my abnormal p...
A. 22 September 2009: Its all based on a sense of justice, I suppose. If you are living in a narcissistic world, then you will find yourself absorbed in it.
Stepping outside of your box requires cultivating empathy and a desire to look towards others rather than you... (read in full...)
Husband has gone off sex
Q. Hi I m Shams I m married I have a question. When I married my sex life is 2 or 3 days a week and after then one day a week and now don't know how many months a day then why???? I love to having sex with my husband and he was like tomorrow and then ...
A. 22 September 2009: There are a number of reasons why this is happening. It could be boredom and it could be other things.
He needs to open up and tell you why it is that he's running from sex with you.
One way to do that is to sit down with him and seriously ad... (read in full...)
Can a woman have sex with her husband and lover without giving anything away?
Q. I'm a guy of 54 years and was happily married for 19 years,there have been no Kids,which is the choice of my 44 year old wife (and mine).About six weeks ago I noticed my wife taking the odd call late at night and walking out of ear shot from me,this ...
A. 22 September 2009: Tom, sadly you have the blessings of wealth; the blessings of good physical health; and unfortunately the curse of a woman who cannot love you and you alone.
The good news is that you will find someone better than her. You have everything in you t... (read in full...)
Now that his wife knows he doesn't get in touch with me!
Q. I have been seeing a married man for over a year now and it has been very painful. He tells me that he loves me and hasn't met anyone like me. The reason for him not leaving his wife is because of his children. They mean the world to him and I ...
A. 21 September 2009: Its easy to be angry at the wife, but the fact of the matter is that he got caught. And as most married folks with children do, he will choose his children over everyone including his wife.
In other words, he may have a great deal of love for you,... (read in full...)
Married almost 20 years and have no experience with building new relationships
Q. I am a 40 year old Widow with two boys aged 14 and 7. I have been in contact with a man I have known through a sport my husband was involved in. My eldest son still plays and this guy is a coach. We started communicating via emails, then texts ...
A. 21 September 2009: The first question is whether he's married. If not, I think building a new relationship is not difficult at all.
If he's truly attracted to you, then try and make some time to spend together on your own, or on occasion, with the kids.
It seem... (read in full...)
Why is this working for him???
Q. How's this working for him? Does this sound happy? My husband of l0 years lost his business and basically hit a mid life crisis. He decided to leave to sort out his anxiety over having lied about money issues. I doubt that now..but about a month af...
A. 21 September 2009: After reading about the losses of his father and stepfather on top of what he's been suffering like the business failure(s), I can see what's happened a little bit clearer.
If he was predisposed to depression before, the losses of two, importan... (read in full...)
I discovered he is married!
Q. He told me he was divorced. I just found his myspace page. And his wife's myspace page. both updated within the past week. both listed as married. i am sick and angry. really angry. i suspected. do i confront him? i haven't heard from h...
A. 21 September 2009: I would have to say that whatever it is you told him, by changing his myspace page to "private", he got your message.
The best thing to do is ignore him from now on and move on with your life. This is not what you wanted, and as I recall he wante... (read in full...)
Do you follow your head or your heart?
Q. I am married to a wonderful man. He is smart, kind, has a good job, and is a hard worker. In fact, I love him - but only as a friend. I don't want a physical relationship with him at all. I have told him I want a separation, but I am not sure if ...
A. 21 September 2009: I am so sorry then. Well it seems that you liked this man, but if you were never really in love with him, other than as a friend; then it might do well to separate from him.
I won't belabor the other issue about the motives for marriage. But it s... (read in full...)
Is there a cure for impotency?
Q. Hello, I'm a 20 years old female, and I'm not happy with my sexual life. I have been married for a month now and i feel like my husband is impotent, because we haven't had a normal sex yet. He ejaculates after one min, and can not hold his erection ...
A. 20 September 2009: He needs to desensitize a bit. There are things that can be done to make it last a bit longer.
He's just very excited and so he's going to prematurely ejaculate before you get any enjoyment out of it.
Try and be patient with him. This is rea... (read in full...)
Why most Women are attracted to Bad Men
Q. Every woman on the planet that has ever been involved with a man that was not worthy of her has asked of herself these questions..."Why can't I find a decent guy, Why do I always meet the wrong men and When will I find a man who really loves me?" ...
A. 20 September 2009: From the reverse perspective, I have been in relationships where the three women I dated went from me to a guy that turned out to be low-grade to no-grade trash.
I used to think I was cursed! I'd love them, care for them, treat them with respect ... (read in full...)
Sudden change in partner, and I want to feel comfortable
Q. Hi, I'm feeling a little confused and it's stressing me out. Over the course of the summer, I dated a girl who lived locally to me. The relationship was a little turbulent. There were a number of things we disagreed on, but we persisted, knowi...
A. 20 September 2009: Try and pay more attention to the girl you have, and let her be affectionate with you.
Don't treat this girl as a rebound lover. She's paying attention to you, and if you give her a real chance, it sounds like she's very happy being with you.
... (read in full...)
Queasy around girls?
Q. whenever i am in a relationship and the girl wants to hang out i get really really queasy. Then recently this happend and i broke up with her... then later she kissed me and i didnt feel queasy....
A. 20 September 2009: You got past your fear of girls. That's all.... (read in full...)
Confused and need help/advise
Q. I have always been attracted to guys and i always had relationships with guys. Sometimes I used to think if girls were cute or not but i thought thats normal everyone does that. But lately especially since ive been at college (I'm 18), I have ...
A. 20 September 2009: Exploring your sexuality is not unusual for anyone. The issue is what are your limits? Are you attracted to women sexually or is it just a fantasy that you're thinking of and a bit curios about.
That can be an issue for you, so whatever you deci... (read in full...)
I'm pregnant and my husband won't have sex with me!
Q. I am 22 weeks pregnant and my husband does not want to touch me in an intimate way at all!! I try and get his attention and suggest sex and let him know I am watching porn, which usually helps, but I am just not getting anything...Any suggestions as ...
A. 20 September 2009: You need to talk to him about this seriously and tell him you need him to try with you. Obviously he's worried that having sex with you might hurt the baby, or he's put off a little about having sex with a pregnant wife.
But he really does nee... (read in full...)
I want my boyfriend back, it's making me depressed
Q. my and my boyfriend just broke up and i really want him back but he wont give me a chance....i am completely in love wit him and i just cant let him go. shortly after we broke up he kissed me but after that he started to hate me and i have no idea ...
A. 20 September 2009: Both of you are young and he may think that you're being possessive of him. But the real question is why he hates you, as you put it.
Hate seems like a very harsh word. Maybe he's just trying to avoid you so he can move on.
But you have to thin... (read in full...)
I wish he was more romantic
Q. right, so ive been with my boyfriend a while now, 2 and a half years, and were in love. well I'M in love, and i think he is too, he just doesnt really show it anymore. you know what its like being in a new relationship, you're getting to know eac...
A. 20 September 2009: The best way to deal with this is to ask him if your weight really matters. If he truly loves you, he's looking at you and not your thighs or any other part that he thinks is overweight.
Another issue here is you should at least tell him you miss... (read in full...)
Help me...I don't want to end up an old spinster!!
Q. Ok. This is really hard for me. I am 28, and I have never had a serious relationship. I have had two boyfriends, neither of which was a sexual relationship. I live at home due to the fact that I am studying for a postgraduate degree, so canno...
A. 20 September 2009: There's nothing wrong with you. I think some men get intimidated by intelligent women, and so they respect you and want you as a friend but not as a girlfriend or mate.
Everything's attitude. You need to focus on finishing up your program,... (read in full...)
Why is this working for him???
Q. How's this working for him? Does this sound happy? My husband of l0 years lost his business and basically hit a mid life crisis. He decided to leave to sort out his anxiety over having lied about money issues. I doubt that now..but about a month af...
A. 19 September 2009: I am so sorry you're going through this. He has a combination of things going on in his life and its turned him into a train wreck.
The sad part is that there's a lot of love in what you're saying about him, and this loss of his business, the drin... (read in full...)
I discovered he is married!
Q. He told me he was divorced. I just found his myspace page. And his wife's myspace page. both updated within the past week. both listed as married. i am sick and angry. really angry. i suspected. do i confront him? i haven't heard from h...
A. 19 September 2009: It seems pretty clear from everything you've said that he's, well, a tool.
You're probably much better off without this guy anywhere near your life. He's outright toxic.... (read in full...)
I discovered he is married!
Q. He told me he was divorced. I just found his myspace page. And his wife's myspace page. both updated within the past week. both listed as married. i am sick and angry. really angry. i suspected. do i confront him? i haven't heard from h...
A. 18 September 2009: Despite your reservations about whether he's lied or telling the truth.
If he's ignoring you for weeks on end, then there's nothing there. People who intend to enter into a legitimate relationship, even if it were some sort of secrete extramar... (read in full...)
I discovered he is married!
Q. He told me he was divorced. I just found his myspace page. And his wife's myspace page. both updated within the past week. both listed as married. i am sick and angry. really angry. i suspected. do i confront him? i haven't heard from h...
A. 18 September 2009: Welcome to love in the internet age.
Since when do people who are divorcing update their myspace page to say DIVORCING?
Perhaps what you might want to ask him for is a copy of his divorce papers. Maybe that will make you feel better about thi... (read in full...)
Do you follow your head or your heart?
Q. I am married to a wonderful man. He is smart, kind, has a good job, and is a hard worker. In fact, I love him - but only as a friend. I don't want a physical relationship with him at all. I have told him I want a separation, but I am not sure if ...
A. 14 September 2009: Its hard to say in this case. At the age bracket you're in, many women feel like their the old brown shoe in the marriage.
The real issue is why is he not physically attractive to you? If you love him then why isn't there a deeper emotiona... (read in full...)
Can a woman have sex with her husband and lover without giving anything away?
Q. I'm a guy of 54 years and was happily married for 19 years,there have been no Kids,which is the choice of my 44 year old wife (and mine).About six weeks ago I noticed my wife taking the odd call late at night and walking out of ear shot from me,this ...
A. 9 September 2009: Tom,
I think its very hard for your wife to ever explain what went wrong in your marriage. Maybe nothing went wrong and she snapped and fell for an affair merely out of personal boredom.
I know that when women hit menopause or have their own m... (read in full...)
Can a woman have sex with her husband and lover without giving anything away?
Q. I'm a guy of 54 years and was happily married for 19 years,there have been no Kids,which is the choice of my 44 year old wife (and mine).About six weeks ago I noticed my wife taking the odd call late at night and walking out of ear shot from me,this ...
A. 8 September 2009: Tom,
You needn't worry. Let your lawyers handle it. I'm sure whenever she attempts to return to an empty home with new locks on the doors, she'll get the message.
... (read in full...)
Can a woman have sex with her husband and lover without giving anything away?
Q. I'm a guy of 54 years and was happily married for 19 years,there have been no Kids,which is the choice of my 44 year old wife (and mine).About six weeks ago I noticed my wife taking the odd call late at night and walking out of ear shot from me,this ...
A. 5 September 2009: Women have their secret lives. Some of it may involve infidelities, and some may involve emotional infidelities.
She may secretly fantasize about the guy at the gym, come home and give you great sex. She may also be getting great sex from both of ... (read in full...)
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