| Latest articles: Online dating guide - with really good advice for you
This question has 3 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
28 June 2014: So why use Internet Dating? Over the last few years Internet Datings popularity has soared! There are now millions of us looking for love, romance and friendship online. Like so many aspects of life - shopping, banking, communicating with frie...
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What is your "Ultimate Love Song"?
Q. Ok, totally frivolous, recreational question here... Recently a poster asked suggestions about love songs,.. I'd like to extend the question to know which is for you ,fellow Dear Cupiders, the Ultimate Love Song. Not the best, the most original...
A. 24 May 2014: Thank you CindyCares,
Some great ideas and superb song choices. Glad you liked my mention of the Avalon album. My all time fav!
Mark ... (read in full...)
I feel like I'm stuck in the friend zone with girls
Q. I don't know what to do anymore, I'm stuck . I've been putting up with liking girls for years and years and years and etc... I really hope that I'm not just being ignored? First it was a girl I liked for 8 years, saved my virginity, didn't date ...
A. 24 May 2014: Hi OP
We are giving you relationship/love/dating advice but before you can dive into the world of love and relationships you need to sort out the problems you have with approaching women and reading their signals. Im sorry but we cannot give you... (read in full...)
I feel like I'm stuck in the friend zone with girls
Q. I don't know what to do anymore, I'm stuck . I've been putting up with liking girls for years and years and years and etc... I really hope that I'm not just being ignored? First it was a girl I liked for 8 years, saved my virginity, didn't date ...
A. 23 May 2014: By a rubber ruler do you mean that the you feel goal posts keep moving?
If other people, other than those on this site, have also suggested you have Aspergers then yes you really need to bring it up with your doctor or psychiatrist. It may be t... (read in full...)
I feel like I'm stuck in the friend zone with girls
Q. I don't know what to do anymore, I'm stuck . I've been putting up with liking girls for years and years and years and etc... I really hope that I'm not just being ignored? First it was a girl I liked for 8 years, saved my virginity, didn't date ...
A. 23 May 2014: Hello,
Op having read your original post, and your follow ups, I would respectfully recommend for your own well being that you get your self tested for Aspergers or a similar condition.
Many people suffer from this common condition and wi... (read in full...)
I drunk-dialed him, HUGE mistake. How do I get over that?
Q. I'd been kind of seeing a guy for about the last six months. Nothing serious, just a lot of chatting and the occasional hookup. The problem is, I REALLY like him and I was beginning to get frustrated with him not seeming to want to commit. Last week ...
A. 23 May 2014: Hi
He only wanted sex. Nothing more, nothing less. You were his friend with benefits. You developed feelings for him and he didn't feel the same for you. Its the common problem with casual hook up/FWB situations. Either one of the two people i... (read in full...)
What is your "Ultimate Love Song"?
Q. Ok, totally frivolous, recreational question here... Recently a poster asked suggestions about love songs,.. I'd like to extend the question to know which is for you ,fellow Dear Cupiders, the Ultimate Love Song. Not the best, the most original...
A. 23 May 2014: "Take A Chance With Me" by Roxy Music, from the "Avalon" album, 1982. ... (read in full...)
Should I go after him?
Q. Ok so yesterday was my high school graduation and after the ceremony all the schools in my town host a graduation party so at this party my guy friend "B" and I were playing ping-pong with like 3 other friends and then while we were playing he ...
A. 23 May 2014: Avoid this guy!
He has a girlfriend yet he flirts with you and rubbed his body against yours. That may be flattering for you but its tells us a lot about him and the way he treats women...he is not bothered about disrespecting and deceive his GF a... (read in full...)
I'm about to serve time in prison, so how do I tell my new interest, and how can the relationship survive?
Q. A few days ago, I met this really great guy and even though it's early, things have been going really great for us so far. Yes, I know it's only been a little over a week, but he's been in most of my thoughts and I'm really confident about our ...
A. 23 May 2014: Hello,
Putting aside the violent crime aspect, I don't think its realistic to expect someone to wait five months for you when you have only known him a week. Even if it was a five month holiday or five months away on business, it would be hard to ... (read in full...)
Bad impression of company after first job interview. Do I send a thank you note or leave it behind?
Q. I recently finished my last semester of university and will be taking just one more class this summer. After that, I will be officially graduated. I had my first professional interview today with a small company. The company has been around for 20 ...
A. 23 May 2014: I would be dubious about giving anything to this firm which they could use without you being paid or accredited. I would be a little wary of offering too much before you a have contract. You don't want to be in a situation where this company has ... (read in full...)
Long distance relationship woes..is it worth it?
Q. Help! I'm in a long distance relationship, and have been for nearly 2 years. we've not spent much time together in person, 3 days and then 2 days, so just a few days here and there for only a few hours a day. most of the bonding has been online....
A. 23 May 2014: Hi
I remember your previous question along the same lines. You want it to work but it cant work. Here is the situation in black and white terms:
- You cannot see her again for at least a year, maybe two.
- You will not be living together f... (read in full...)
She demanded I can't hello-hug any women but she says it's ok for her to do it to guys!
Q. Dear Cupid Early in our relationship my girlfriend demanded that I never give other women a hug-hello since she never hugs guys. Its so rare that I hug-hello anyways, and then, only to real friends who cannot misinterpret it as flirting. However,...
A. 22 May 2014: No she is not being fair, she also sounds dominating and controlling. She makes excuses for her own behaviour while dictating to you regarding the same thing. "Do as I say not as I do" is her attitude.
She sounds very insecure and petty and also... (read in full...)
I broke up with my LDR b/f because I wanted to date in real life. Should I not done so?
Q. I was in a long distance relationship for a little less than a year. My ex (feels weird to write that) was in a different country. I was very fond of him, I cared about him, and I know some people wouldn't call it love, but I loved him. I never met ...
A. 22 May 2014: Absolutely you did the right thing! Realistically the relationship you were in was never going to work. If you lived in two separate countries then it would be unrealistic to expect one of you to leave behind your job, family, friends and the life ... (read in full...)
I'm engaged but don't want to get married or have kids! Do I break things off?
Q. I've been engaged for a couple of months now. My boyfriend and I had talked about marriage vaguely before, and, as I love him to bits, I had always been positive towards it. It didn't feel like a serious discussion, so I hadn't really thought about ...
A. 22 May 2014: Marriage is a massive commitment, legally, financially, emotionally....it has do be done for the right reasons.
Marrying him because you don't want to hurt him by saying no, or going back on a yes, is too much of a sacrifice to make in my opinion.... (read in full...)
He goes limp! Is it my fault? Is he cheating?
Q. Me an my boyfriend have been tighter 16mnts an our sex life was normal nothing freaky or spontaneous but here in da last4 months or so our sex has come to a complete hbought.He can't maintain an erection or when he does it will go limp inside of ...
A. 22 May 2014: If he cannot perform then its not you. Neither is it a sign that he is cheating, it doesn't mean he no longer loves you or that finds you less attractive.
Does he drink or smoke? Take drugs, including prescription medication? All of those can have... (read in full...)
I told her I liked her and pushed too hard, but I still want to sort things out
Q. Hi, bit of a long complicated situation. So a while back I told one of my friends that I liked her as more than a friend and she was super cool about it but told me that she didn't feel the same way. We still remained friends but I always felt I ...
A. 22 May 2014: Hello,
You need to accept that this girl is never going to feel the same way as you do. She doesn't have feelings for you and that will never realistically change. Likewise, your strong feelings are not going to change unless you move on.
Tryi... (read in full...)
I'm not interested! How do I let him down?
Q. What should I do about this guy? I'm so upset:( So my older friend says I'm a good decent girl and very pretty so she gave my number to her husbands nephew and he's been calling me since. We've talked and I found out that he's a 31 year ...
A. 21 May 2014: Hi
Why on earth are you beating yourself up over this? You are under no obligation whatsoever to have a relationship with anyone, regardless of how much they think they like you! In no way does it make you a bad person or shallow not to want a r... (read in full...)
My boyfriend can't handle stress.
Q. My boyfriend has never been able to handle stress very well. Anytime he has a bad day or is stressed out I usually get the brunt of it. He never tells me what's bothering him I always have to pry it out of him. It always seems to be family and work ...
A. 21 May 2014: This guy sounds very adolescent. You are an adult now and need to be able to communicate with your partner and sort issues out in a mature, sensible way. We all have bad days, we all get stressed, we all want to be left alone occasionally or take ... (read in full...)
She got drunk and slept with someone -- do I forgive her?
Q. Me and my girlfriend have been dating for 8 months, never had an argument never fought and we were completely honest to each other for the whole time. We trusted each other very well we bond great and its like she is the perfect one for me and I ...
A. 21 May 2014: Hmmm sorry but the way your describe, and perceive, your relationship makes it sound far too perfect. I think you have both acted out a fantasy of being the perfect couple and maybe lost sight of the reality behind the situation.
Nobody is perfe... (read in full...)
How can I help him quit pot?
Q. My boyfriend and I have been together a little over a month now. We have a past and just happened to come back together and fall in love again. He's 16 and he's been smoking pot since he was 10. He used to sell, too, but stopped for me. I used to ...
A. 21 May 2014: Putting aside the fact that what he is doing is presumably illegal in your territory, he should not have to change for you or any one else. OP you need to find a boyfriend who is more compatible, rather than trying to change someone into what you ... (read in full...)
I don't play office politics and need help in dealing with my boss and coworkers!
Q. Dear Cupid This is work problem, i would like all your opinions. I was in this organization for past 8 years and work life was ok until 2-3 months back. I was transferred to a different department year back and i proved myself and i was given bigg...
A. 20 May 2014: Hi there,
I am sorry you are experiencing this, and I know how it feels having been in the same situation before. I sympathise as I know how hard it can be to deal with and how it can effect your personal life too. I agree with the other response... (read in full...)
I found porn on girlfriends phone about men with big penis. Should I be worried?
Q. So me and my girlfriend been sexually active and I am actually below average size but my girlfriend says she is fine with it and that she is satisfied. Recently I checked her phone just to go on the internet and on her history it said "big black ...
A. 20 May 2014: The issue here is not so much the porn, but rather the fact that the porn has played upon your own insecurities relating to your penis size.
You are not fretting (presumably) about being too light skinned for your girlfriend, despite her enjoying... (read in full...)
I said I'd visit my LDR girlfriend, but now I'm not so sure it's a good idea...
Q. Hi everyone I've had a girlfriend for nearly two years now. I love her and during these 2 years it has always been me who put in the majority of the effort. It's long distance which doesn't help, but she sacrificed very little for us whereas I did...
A. 20 May 2014: Sadly your faced with the irony of spending so long proving, doubting, making most the effort and wondering if she actually loves you, only to meet her to sort out your insecurities and find it has put her into a defensive, suspicious mode.
I do ... (read in full...)
I feel like I'm stuck in the friend zone with girls
Q. I don't know what to do anymore, I'm stuck . I've been putting up with liking girls for years and years and years and etc... I really hope that I'm not just being ignored? First it was a girl I liked for 8 years, saved my virginity, didn't date ...
A. 20 May 2014: Op can yo maybe give us more details to go on? Such as why the girl pour drink on you or what your approach is when chatting up girls?
Also how did you behave towards the women you liked for 8 years and 13 years? were you friends but they did... (read in full...)
Is he pushing too soon to have a relationship with me?
Q. Dear Cupid Member I have a question? Do you think a guy is pushing a relationship with you too soon if after exchanging emails and just talking once on the Phone he already told me that He wants to be my Boyfriend? I met him online in one of...
A. 19 May 2014: This is a scam. Pure and simple. He either wants money, or a green card to get into the country. Internet dating sites are full of these scammers!
You don't know this guy at all so how can you trust him? If he is communicating via phone, text and... (read in full...)
Should I cut contact altogether with him? He's an unappealing combination of arrogance and cheesiness.
Q. The guy I used to date and I are talking now, just as friends. We had an abrupt break up so now we are just exchanging friendly emails to catch up, I guess. I never went beyond friendly because I thought that after almost a year of not seeing each ...
A. 19 May 2014: Hi
The two of you spilt up for a reason. The main reason you ended the relationship was his cheesiness and his arrogance. Neither of those two attributes have changed. If you were to try again with this guy it would simply be a repeat of the firs... (read in full...)
Does it really happen that people can't keep their hands off each other?
Q. Can this really happen? You know in films where a couple can't keep their hands off each other and they basically attack each other. Does anyone have this? Is it real or is it just for the drama? Most the time form what I can remember the sex I've ...
A. 19 May 2014: Hello,
You should never compare your own sex life with the fiction of films. In fact I would advice against comparisons with anyone. AS long as you are happy that's all that matters.
As for films, well, have you ever seen a film where the s... (read in full...)
Does wanting to be me make me a bad person?
Q. Hello all, I was wondering if you'd be able to help me. I am in a bit of a predicament and when I explain things, I'm probably going to get a lot of stick for it and come across as a selfish whore but I do hope someone can answer me. I have b...
A. 19 May 2014: Hi OP
Im sorry for you bad times at present. It sounds to me like this relationship has basically run its course because the two of you have changed so much, as has your situation, needs and future plans, as you have both matured and adapted ... (read in full...)
His tone of texting has changed, did our date not go well?
Q. Hey, so I'm not sure if I'm thinking about this too much, and it's all in my head, but I think I was a little too blind to know if this date went bad. I could really use some insight, and to know if I'm just overthinking this. Ok, well, from the...
A. 19 May 2014: Hi there,
I've been in the same situation so many times, its all part of the dating game i'm afraid. Especially with Internet Dating and blind dates. I have done online dating for a while now and met many, many people.
By a law of averages,... (read in full...)
He's so negative that it's bringing me down too
Q. My boyfriend of 4 years seems to be going through some sort of crisis, and I have no idea how to help him or even if that's possible. He keeps saying he hates his life. He hates the fact a lot of his family have moved away to different countr...
A. 18 May 2014: Your quite right OP life can't all be amazingly exciting. Life is hard and i'm guessing he is struggling to reconcile the life he once thought he would be living with the actual reality of what his life currently is.
One of the problems might we... (read in full...)
Dating just 3 weeks, I'm discovering more and more things about him that don't match what I'm looking for. Am I right to ask?
Q. I've been dating a guy whomImet online for about 3 weeks now and I'm finding that as we're getting to know each other, I'm discovering more and more things about him that don't match what I'm looking for. I'm a fairly private, reserved woman a...
A. 18 May 2014: You have know the guy three weeks, you have no obligation, you owe him nothing and if you think he is not what you want then move on. Your call. If opposites attract that every attractive, sexy, intelligent, popular woman would be flocking to m... (read in full...)
Even though we've broken up he still tries to control me
Q. Hi and thanks My ex boyfriend and I had a roller coaster relationship. Our first time around he was on a dating site our whole 8 month relationship plus admitted to having feelings for his ex plus cheated so many times I can't count that high....
A. 18 May 2014: Simple - you STOP letting him pull the strings while you play puppet. Its not actually that hard to break up with someone in the sense of stopping contact.
For way, way too long he has treated you like shit, hurt you and acted appallin... (read in full...)
I gave my crush a note explaining my feelings and he created a big scene in front of our friends by reading it aloud and humiliating me
Q. hey, having a bit of an issue. so, i've been friends with a guy for ages now, and recently, i developed feelings for him. so, i gave him a note explaining my feelings, because i'm not good at talking about these things face to face. a few day...
A. 18 May 2014: What you did was kind, lovely and special. What he did was nasty, immature and childish.
He did this because A: he is not a nice person or a genuine friend and B: he wanted to "impress" his equally immature, pubescent friends by showing you up. ... (read in full...)
I've become very uncomfortable with this "friendship"
Q. So I have this guy friend... I don't even know whether to call him a friend because we don't really interact outside when we bump into each other at a mutual friend's house or something. One random night, about 1.5-2 years ago, we talked late into...
A. 17 May 2014: There are two issues here; firstly his behaviour towards you, and secondly the actions you have taken that have allowed this man to put you in this situation.
Unfortunately you have opened yourself up to this man in a way which has turned ugly. Yo... (read in full...)
Is it normal to fall in love with someone else while you're in a relationship?
Q. This is going to sound depressing but... Is it normal to fall in love with someone else when you're in a relationship? I see it happen ALL the time...Where one partner stops loving their partner and falls in love with another person. In fact,...
A. 17 May 2014: Hi there,
OP your still very young, as you get older relationships become more serious, more settled, and as you take on responsibilities in a relationship the situation does change somewhat.
Younger people often change there mind as to what ... (read in full...)
I don't know how to cope with these feelings of being too small!
Q. I need to know who feels the same and how to get rid of these feelings. I feel below women who are more attractive than me (pornstars, glamour models) I feel like they have more power over men, it hurts me. I feel small. I want a boob job. I'm ...
A. 17 May 2014: As a male, A and B cup is my preferred choice. I don't go for large breasts. Not would I date a woman with fake boobs, no offence to anyone who has them but to me they are like tattoos or smoking, a deal breaker.
You obviously suffer confiden... (read in full...)
He doesn't get jealous. Does this mean he doesn't love me? Or is unfaithful?
Q. I've been dating my boyfriend for a little over a year. And there's something that's bothering me. He is not jealous at all. He don't care if my ex's text me he don't care if I cheat on him he don't care if guys hit on me or flirt with me in front ...
A. 16 May 2014: I think you should be less concerned with his behaviour and more concerned with your own. You imply that you CHEAT on him, text your ex, flirt in front of your BF, let guys hit on you? Yet you question his commitment, integrity and love? Yo... (read in full...)
What is the deal with people who say all women are bisexual or bi curious
Q. What is the deal with people who say all women are bisexual or at least bi curious? Then they say there are studies to back it up. Maybe so, but studies still cannot speak for every woman in the world. Or men for that matter. It's total bul...
A. 16 May 2014: Some men would love to think all women are bi curious! the prospect of a GF or female sexual partner getting it off with another women will turn a lot of men on. They wish! Some women, perhaps more than is often thought, do have fantasies/experi... (read in full...)
Her unreliability is making me question the relationship
Q. I am a 21 years old guy, am in medical school and i have been dating this girl for 5 months. And i really like her and i know that she really likes me. And i really want to see where this relationship goes. Beside she is my first real girlfriend ...
A. 15 May 2014: You need to talk to her. You need to ascertain whether she is making excuses and wants you to take the hint, or if she is genuinely keen to continue and willing to make more effort. If she doesn't have time for a relationship then its not fai... (read in full...)
BF won't show me his phone
Q. Here is a brief bit of background to shed some light frist. My current boyfriend once lied to me and I forgave him but I am finding it incredibly hard to forget in the way that he wants me to. This is most difficult when it comes to his behaviuor...
A. 15 May 2014: I understand you feeling the need to check his phone. He did something that broke your trust and you are defensive about trusting him and worried about what he might be up to. But he is entitled to privacy and he lacks the freedom of functioning ... (read in full...)
Boundaries with a patient- husband is a physical therapist- please would like some advice
Q. Will try to be brief :-) SOme history: Im 43, BF is 48- we are both divorced and in a solid trusting relationship for past 6 months. Knew each other 3 years as friends so good foundation. BOth very happy. We live separate for now and everythi...
A. 14 May 2014: He has breached an ethical code by mixing business with personal with a patient.
Clearly this person is emotionally vulnerable. ANY doctor, or similar, needs to keep his or her relation with clients strictly professional and about work.
... (read in full...)
What to say to this inquisitive but kind work colleague?
Q. a woman at my workplace similar age to me (35-40) may at times asks me what I think of my colleagues, she has only been working at my workplace a few months and I dont know her well and dont work everyday with her, but I do li...
A. 14 May 2014: Here's a tale from my first day at work twenty years ago... A seemingly kind, pleasant woman befriended me and asked me what I thought of Vic, the manager. I made a non committal comment to the effect that he was "ok". She then smiled and said ... (read in full...)
He's farther ahead in terms of committment than I am
Q. Is it possible to love someone yet not be IN LOVE with him? I know for sure I love my BF.. we click very well and do sweet things for each other. We always start the day off with a morning call to each other, talk/text through out the day, and end...
A. 14 May 2014: Is it possible to love someone yet not be IN LOVE with him? Yes it is. I had a relationship when I was in my 20s in which i loved my girlfriend deeply, yet came to realize over time that i loved her in the wrong way. I LOVED her so, so much, but... (read in full...)
How do I react to my daughter dating a non-Jew?
Q. I have a daughter who is in a relationship with an atheist man. In order to be with him and out of our disapproving sight she moved far away. Now she wants to reconcile with us and come back home. We are willing to reconcile with her, but not if she ...
A. 13 May 2014: Wise Owl, as an Atheist I am deeply offended by your comments...
"If he is disrespectful; or shows you any hostility, then you are justified to put him out/they must respect your beliefs. He must be equally respectful in your presence."
As f... (read in full...)
How can I be so romantic it leaves her breathless?
Q. I have a few different questions one is for all the girls on here. My gf said that none of her exs have ever been romantic and honestly I have never really given a rats ass alit a girl before. I'm ashamed to say that at 29 this is the first ti...
A. 13 May 2014: AmyMc21 wrote: "you can't get fired for having a romantic relationship with his (your bosses) daughter " No he cannot fire you for that BUT he can make life very bloody difficult for you. He can suddenly start picking up on every mistake you make... (read in full...)
Boyfriend won't fully commit and now ex is around. Should I be worried?
Q. I am very torn right now as to whether to break up with my boyfriend of a year and a half. Almost all of my friends now are very vocal that I should. He is selfish at times, has drank too much and most recently said he can see a future with me ...
A. 13 May 2014: All signs are there that this guy is just going through the motions. Firstly you need to consider if its a good idea to settle down with someone who has had, and probably will continue to have, a drink problem, is selfish, touchy feely with his e... (read in full...)
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