| Latest articles: Online dating guide - with really good advice for you
This question has 3 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
28 June 2014: So why use Internet Dating? Over the last few years Internet Datings popularity has soared! There are now millions of us looking for love, romance and friendship online. Like so many aspects of life - shopping, banking, communicating with frie...
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Is this retroactive jealousy or is it abuse?
Q. I'm not sure whether my boyfriend is suffering from retroactive jealousy or is actually a bad and possibly abusive person, what do you think? Story - we are 25 and 28, about the same number of partners (+1 for me), neither of us feels insecure, ...
A. 28 June 2014: "It's just that I have far more information about who I am, who he is and the entire situation to go on than you guys partly due to misunderstandings based on the lack of clarity in my original post."
OP we don't need any more information and no o... (read in full...)
Is this retroactive jealousy or is it abuse?
Q. I'm not sure whether my boyfriend is suffering from retroactive jealousy or is actually a bad and possibly abusive person, what do you think? Story - we are 25 and 28, about the same number of partners (+1 for me), neither of us feels insecure, ...
A. 27 June 2014: Yes Anon you are quite correct - counselling is confidential, the Ops partners claims of not wanting it to go in his record are indeed absolute BOLLOCKS!!!!!!!!!!!!... (read in full...)
Is this retroactive jealousy or is it abuse?
Q. I'm not sure whether my boyfriend is suffering from retroactive jealousy or is actually a bad and possibly abusive person, what do you think? Story - we are 25 and 28, about the same number of partners (+1 for me), neither of us feels insecure, ...
A. 27 June 2014: Sadly your follow up is exactly what I was expecting. Like so many women we get on here you read our responses and then make it clear that you will give him yet another one last chance (and another, and another) and kid yourself that this guy will ... (read in full...)
Why don't my family like my boyfriend?
Q. Ok so I need some help trying to figure out why my family (parents and aunt and uncles) have a gut feeling about my new bf but can't give me any reason why they don't trust him. I'm really close to my family and normally they are fine with people I...
A. 24 June 2014: You are flattered by his touching, others see is as insecurity or attention seeking. ... (read in full...)
I am unable to achieve orgasm with my girlfriend. Any advice?
Q. Hi I am 21 years old and just gotten into a relationship very recently, we have had sex 3 times now, and each time I have been unable to reach orgasm, I think I have somthing called delayed ejaculation... When I lost my virginity I couldn't...
A. 24 June 2014: Hello,
Masturbating too often can lead to a problem ejaculating through intercourse. What happens, in basic terms, is that your penis becomes sensitive to the pressure you apply with your hand, which is unlikely to be the same with a womans v... (read in full...)
Why don't my family like my boyfriend?
Q. Ok so I need some help trying to figure out why my family (parents and aunt and uncles) have a gut feeling about my new bf but can't give me any reason why they don't trust him. I'm really close to my family and normally they are fine with people I...
A. 24 June 2014: With respect, you are still very young, whereas your parents are older, wiser and more experienced. Parents often see things we ourselves do not when we are young.
You like "Tommy" and so will have a subjective view of him, and his traits, ... (read in full...)
Is this retroactive jealousy or is it abuse?
Q. I'm not sure whether my boyfriend is suffering from retroactive jealousy or is actually a bad and possibly abusive person, what do you think? Story - we are 25 and 28, about the same number of partners (+1 for me), neither of us feels insecure, ...
A. 24 June 2014: The problem now is that you are thinking that he is a nice guy 90 % of the time and that you normally get on well. You need to get out of that way of thinking. You also need to get out of the "i will think on it" mode, as you will only convince ... (read in full...)
Is this normal for the pill or should I be rushing to the doctor?
Q. Hello, I have been on birth control for 4 months now. At the fourth month my doctor upped the dosage to help rid of the spotting. I never really got a full blown period before she raised the dose. I missed my wednesday pill and took it thrusday...
A. 24 June 2014: Hi,
I'm not qualified to answer your question fully, however I will offer some advice. Its very important to take the pill EXACTLY as prescribed. Missing the pill, if it is used for contraceptive purposes, can lower its effectiveness. Its also imp... (read in full...)
Should I end this friendship?
Q. So I am feeling totally betrayed and I'm not sure if I should end my friendship or not. I work with my very best friend. We both have told each other that we have never had such a great friend. We have always had each others backs and have always ...
A. 24 June 2014: Wise words from WiseOwl. The problem with working FOR, as apposed to WITH, friends, is that its hard to be someone's subordinate 9-5 and their best friend the rest of the time. The mistake a lot of people make in that situation is to assume the ... (read in full...)
Is this retroactive jealousy or is it abuse?
Q. I'm not sure whether my boyfriend is suffering from retroactive jealousy or is actually a bad and possibly abusive person, what do you think? Story - we are 25 and 28, about the same number of partners (+1 for me), neither of us feels insecure, ...
A. 23 June 2014: I would get out of this relationship with immediate effect! You don't deserve such treatment and some of the hoops you have had to jump through are crazy!
He is not a nice man, he is abusive, controlling and treats you in a way which is disgusti... (read in full...)
What can I do about this persistent kind of creepy guy who wants to see me? I am not interested.
Q. I have been out of high school for four years studying at university. This year I moved to a new city to be with my boyfriend. I have been trying to keep my presence in this city on the down low because there is a guy here I really did not want to k...
A. 23 June 2014: EDIT: men like him target women like you of a reason. should read FOR a reason.... (read in full...)
What can I do about this persistent kind of creepy guy who wants to see me? I am not interested.
Q. I have been out of high school for four years studying at university. This year I moved to a new city to be with my boyfriend. I have been trying to keep my presence in this city on the down low because there is a guy here I really did not want to k...
A. 23 June 2014: Thanks for the info.
You are too polite and too willing to give time of day to people who you want OUT of your life. I appreciate that if you are a nice person its hard to be rude like that and blank someone, but men like him target women like you... (read in full...)
What can I do about this persistent kind of creepy guy who wants to see me? I am not interested.
Q. I have been out of high school for four years studying at university. This year I moved to a new city to be with my boyfriend. I have been trying to keep my presence in this city on the down low because there is a guy here I really did not want to k...
A. 23 June 2014: Hi,
OP can you please answer me an important question? When you saw him when out jogging did you blank him like you should have done? Or did you stop and speak to him?
How did this guy get your number to text you sexy stuff? Why didn't you c... (read in full...)
If he's married then obviously it's a disaster waiting to happen
Q. Ok. Long story short, someone tried to break into my house but did'nt manage to do so. I was'nt home at the time but found my front door broken when I came home. I went to the police station to report what happened. While I was there, I was ...
A. 22 June 2014: If he wears a wedding ring stay well clear. Yes he MAY be divorced, may be in the process of splitting OR, most likely, married. Just don't go there.
What he did was extremely unprofessional. You were, as such, a vulnerable young woman who was ... (read in full...)
What do guys mean when they call a girl 'cute'?
Q. Dear Auntz. I have always told myself that i will never date a guy who describes me as 'cute'. And here i am now dating that guy. He is very nice and sweet to me. We went out twice so far so we just started dating. I am really attracted to him phys...
A. 22 June 2014: Cute is a term used often by young people to describe someone they find attractive, sexy, etc.
Although "cute" is also a term to describe babies, kittens and new born puppies, in the context of men and women it means physically attracti... (read in full...)
I've just learned that my boyfriend's parents dislike me
Q. Why do boyfriends parents always hate me? I have had 3 serious boyfriends and the parents have always disliked me but I don't know why. An event that happened today has opened my eyes to this. My partner and I have been together 2 years, livi...
A. 22 June 2014: "I have had 3 serious boyfriends and the parents have always disliked me..."
The common denominator here is you. You need to think about what behaviours you may be exhibiting which your partners parents dislike. No offence but if all of the pare... (read in full...)
I am my ex boyfriend's booty call .....
Q. My boyfriend split up with me in February, because "he didn't love me anymore and the spark wasn't there".. He has been sleeping with ALOT of girls, and drinking ALOT! I have been sleeping with him still, but now I'm starting to get jealous and have ...
A. 22 June 2014: You have made the big mistake of allowing this guy to both dump you and still use you for sex when he wants it. He gets the best of both worlds, you get used. Plus your health is at risk as he is sleeping around.
He has taken advantage of the fact... (read in full...)
Their father did nothing when they were growing up but now he is "Mr Wonderful"
Q. I was a single parent after my Ex walked out when the kids were 6 and 7. I made sure they had contact with their dad although in the early days it was hard to get them to go and one refused to go for over a year, mainly because of his new girlfrie...
A. 22 June 2014: Hi,
What you are feeling now is understandable. You are feeling sad and lonely because A: your children have grown up and left home, which will hit you hard having brought them up alone, and B: They are now close to their dad again.
You bec... (read in full...)
My husband always was an agressive man but his cancer has made him worse!
Q. Im so sad, very very sad, help me please. My husband is a cancer patient. Before this illness come, he is already soooo loud and so aggressive but it get more worst now that he is in this situation. My problem is, aside from being so loud and ...
A. 22 June 2014: if he scares you leave. Nobody deserves that kind of treatment. I know he is going through a bad time but taking it out on you is not the way to deal with it/ You haven't caused his cancer so you should not be in the situation he is putting you in. ... (read in full...)
My long time friend is drinking herself into oblivion ...
Q. Hi everybody. This is a touchy subject. My close friend of nearly 40 years is an alcoholic. I met her through my husband at the age of 17, his best friend was dating her. We went out as a four some regularly, she was my bridesmaid and v...
A. 22 June 2014: Cary Grant is spot on, you cannot help her, she has to help herself. She has to WANT to help herself. Its only by hitting rock bottom that Alcoholics can start, hopefully, to rebuild their life. But with her family and history I have to sadly say ... (read in full...)
I don't know how to deal with her bad behaviour at work!
Q. Dear cupid, in these last few months iv watched my work friend/collegue slowly turn into an absolute cow. She started off by admitting she didn't like certain members of our work team which surprised me and it was just a downward spiral from there ...
A. 22 June 2014: Hello,
In any workplace, or at least most of them, there are people like the "friend" you have described. Work can be more bitchy than a playground at times and, at the risk of sounding sexist, its usually women that do this. One of the skills w... (read in full...)
He is pressuring me for anal sex and he is out of my league anyway......
Q. I have just turned eighteen years old and I have been with my boyfriend for about six months. Recently he's been pressuring me to have anal sex with him. He goes on and on about it even though I've said no several times. He doesn't respect my ...
A. 22 June 2014: "I feel like I owe it to him or something though because I feel like I don't deserve to be treated well because he's out of my league really"
NO! NO! NO! Don't ever think like that. Please don't ever think you owe ANYONE something sexual you are ... (read in full...)
Is there a book available on ettiquette for online dating?
Q. I started an online dating profile recently. First timer just thought I'd see how it goes!! Met a really nice guy, loads in common we swapped number and messaged each other for 8 hours non stop late into the night! He even text me this morning ...
A. 22 June 2014: Hiya,
The first thing to bear in mind here is that, until you have met a few times, you really don't know each other at all, as talking via dating sites and texts is not the same as real life. No matter how intimate and caring the texts, how much... (read in full...)
Unwanted attention from an old guy at the restaurant
Q. Hello, This isn't really a relationship question but I need advice. I have 30 minute lunch breaks every time I work more than a 6 hour shift, which is about 4 days a week. Around my work, there's no where to really eat. We have a Dunkin Don...
A. 21 June 2014: You just say "Im sorry but I need to read through some things here (holding up your phone or a piece of paperwork) and have a lot to go through on my break, would you excuse me".
Don't fall into the trap of being too polite not to stop someone ... (read in full...)
Feeling down because my dad is never present in my life. How do I forgive and move on?
Q. I've been feeling a bit down these days, perhaps since Father's Day just came and went. While everyone else was posting lovely quotes and photos about the "best dad in the world", I couldn't relate. My parents both came here in their mid-late t...
A. 21 June 2014: My brother treats my dad like dog turd. My dad had a heart attack and a triple heart bypass but it doesn't stop my brother stressing him, using him, upsetting, him and with no apology or remorse either....yet on fathers day came the card, from my ... (read in full...)
Should I stay with a no ambition burger flipper?
Q. I'm 18 and well I'm going to college pretty soon I asked my boyfriend that we needed a break because he keeps lying he has no no career goals he works in a fast food restaurant if he wants a future with me he has to know that flipping burgers ...
A. 21 June 2014: Op you sound quite Naïve to be fair. If your boyfriend is of similar age to yourself, say around 18 or 19, then trying to find ANY job at that age is so, so hard. Even a burger bar job will have hundreds of applicants, many of which are highly ... (read in full...)
Should I stay with a no ambition burger flipper?
Q. I'm 18 and well I'm going to college pretty soon I asked my boyfriend that we needed a break because he keeps lying he has no no career goals he works in a fast food restaurant if he wants a future with me he has to know that flipping burgers ...
A. 21 June 2014: Op what do you do for a living? While he is in the real world of work, having found employment and kept that going for 9 months, in these very tough economic and poor job market, presumably your still studying and assuming you are going to walk into ... (read in full...)
It feels like I am putting in all the effort with this girl!
Q. Hey everyone so ill try to make it as short as i can ive been stressing over these past couple of days trying to make the best decision. So ive been in a LDR for about 3 months ive met this girl as a friend i also met her family aswell before we ...
A. 21 June 2014: Hello,
To be honest, and I am sorry if its not what you want to hear, but it sounds like this isn't going anywhere.
To be fair - you have been in an LDR for three months, so talk of true love and commitment is a bit premature at this stage. A... (read in full...)
Should I stay with a no ambition burger flipper?
Q. I'm 18 and well I'm going to college pretty soon I asked my boyfriend that we needed a break because he keeps lying he has no no career goals he works in a fast food restaurant if he wants a future with me he has to know that flipping burgers ...
A. 21 June 2014: How old is he? The job market at present, especially for young people is dire! How long has he being flipping those burgers and does he do any studies or anything other than that?
Mark
... (read in full...)
Making Out With Different Guys, in Different Situations?
Q. Does anyone here have any experience with making out with guys they've just met...? Or like a ONS, but only going so far as to makeout? Or, have you even gone back to their apartments, and still only went as far as making out? Did the guys get angry ...
A. 20 June 2014: Hi
As im from the UK im guessing the term "making out" means passionate kissing, fondling, etc but not actual sex? I will base my response on that basis, forgive my ignorance if the language difference makes me misunderstand the term.
If you ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend and best friend had a FWB relationship 3 years ago and never told me! Why not?
Q. It may be something or nothing but ever since I found out my boyfriend and my best friend had a very short relationship (purely sex) nearly 3 years ago, I can't work out why neither of them told me before, instead I found out from a mutual friend. ...
A. 20 June 2014: You are making something out of nothing here. You knew your BF was not a virgin when you started seeing him and would have known that he had had sexual relations with others before you. He doesn't have to give names, reasons or justification for his ... (read in full...)
Relationship between son and stepfather at breaking point.
Q. My son, who is 16 spends most of his time playing on the computer with his friends, when he is not at school. At the moment this is way too much as he has finished his exams. To be honest, it has always been too much. He is very clever, a bit of a ...
A. 20 June 2014: To be honest I don't think your son sounds any different to most 16 year old. He is hardly a problem child. Most kids his age behave like that. Rebellious, struggling with the conflict of wanting independence while being told what to do by parents, ... (read in full...)
Does this older man have a thing for me?
Q. Does this older man have a thing for me? I know him through work but don't work directly with him, he is always and am not paranoid others have noticed that he always stares at me, when i chat to him i try and be professional and to be fair so does ...
A. 20 June 2014: Hi,
I would advice any young woman against getting involved with an older man in the workplace.
One thing you learn with experience and age is that in every office, or every workplace, there is at least one middle aged guy chasing any youn... (read in full...)
Why do people suddenly seem to find me appealing?
Q. Ok so im 14 and this year I went to a school with like fifty kids . Because there were so little kids, it was natural that nobody had a crush on me. I went to a huge school in seventh grade and nobody not guys or girls thought i was even a little ...
A. 20 June 2014: Hello,
Why have you suddenly gained a lot of attention? Its because your body is changing. At 14 you will be starting puberty and your body will start to change from a kids figure to starting to look like that of a young woman. You will be devel... (read in full...)
Is my boyfriend all talk or should I give him more time?
Q. I am getting very frustrated with my boyfriend. He has dreams to become a stand up comedian, and wants to write books etc. he has big ambitions. A few months ago he took on a job earning a respectable salary, with the view to buying his flat and ...
A. 19 June 2014: Ok so he IS working? That wasn't made clear as you said he quit a well paid job. Okay, so he doesn't get his rent paid for him by the state? I understand and apologise if I got the wrong end of the stick.
You want to know if his goal is achievab... (read in full...)
Is my boyfriend all talk or should I give him more time?
Q. I am getting very frustrated with my boyfriend. He has dreams to become a stand up comedian, and wants to write books etc. he has big ambitions. A few months ago he took on a job earning a respectable salary, with the view to buying his flat and ...
A. 19 June 2014: Thanks for the update.
Keep the clock ticking for a few weeks? Then what? Hope that, aged 30, he suddenly makes it big as a comedian? I'm sorry but while the rest of society pays for the roof above his head, he doesn't want to make the effort t... (read in full...)
LDR boyfriend called me names and hasn't called in a week. Is it over?
Q. Dear Cupid I am with my current bf for 4 years, for past 3 months we are in LDR as he has to work overseas. We had our ups and downs, nowadays we have more downs than ups. He is always calling me names or belittling me whenever possible,...
A. 19 June 2014: What should you do now? Move on and find a decent guy to date.
Mark... (read in full...)
Will he regret breaking up with me?
Q. I've been with a guy for over 5 years now - 3 years being a long term relationship and living together for 2 years. About a week ago, he went out with work colleagues and out of the blue he said he didn't want to be with me. He told me that he ...
A. 19 June 2014: Hello
I am sorry to hear of your troubles. This is a very common situation in couples your age who have been together since their teens. Many of us go through it. I hope you can take some comfort knowing that most of us go through a similar ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend is insisting I go meet his parents and sister this weekend even though his mam said not to!
Q. Ive been seeing my boyfriend since august. Been official since december. I live in the north of england as does he, but is from the midlands. I know we havent been together too long but its going really well and i really think its guna last and i ...
A. 19 June 2014: Hi
Im glad you are going to do it. Sometimes people are very different when you meet them in the flesh than you expect from their demeanour before hand. His mom might be very different face to face. She may be very warm and welcoming and offer yo... (read in full...)
Is my boyfriend all talk or should I give him more time?
Q. I am getting very frustrated with my boyfriend. He has dreams to become a stand up comedian, and wants to write books etc. he has big ambitions. A few months ago he took on a job earning a respectable salary, with the view to buying his flat and ...
A. 19 June 2014: Hi there,
I hope you are well. I started reading your post and was going to give you my standard "he is young, let him mature into reality in his own time and he will soon looser his idealistic streak" response, only to then read that this guy... (read in full...)
My boyfriend is insisting I go meet his parents and sister this weekend even though his mam said not to!
Q. Ive been seeing my boyfriend since august. Been official since december. I live in the north of england as does he, but is from the midlands. I know we havent been together too long but its going really well and i really think its guna last and i ...
A. 18 June 2014: Hello,
So you will be coming to my part of the world - The Midlands eh? I'm originally from Birmingham and have the accent to prove it unfortunately.
Sounds like his mother may have some issues with memory loss, confusion or dementia. Assumi... (read in full...)
Why would he say, "in another life, we would have been inseparable"?
Q. Can someone help me understand? I'm just getting to know this guy and our relationship is growing by the day. But he said something really odd and I couldn't reply except say "oh ok" because I didn't really understand. He said "I think in another...
A. 18 June 2014: Hello,
Here in the UK when someone says "in another life we would...." it is usually a polite way of saying something cannot happen but you would like it to. For example - a married man may say to a flirty female co-worker he likes "In another ... (read in full...)
Was the choice I made cowardly or sensible?
Q. A few nights ago, I took my girlfriend out to eat. It was about 1:30 in the morning when we left home, and yes there are restaurants open at that time. I've never personally been to the place but my friend recommend it with high praise. We were on ...
A. 18 June 2014: Hi,
I would absolutely have done what you did. If in doubt get the f*** out!! Was it cowardly? No way!!! Too many men get stabbed or shot or beaten to death letting ego and the need to be a man get in the way of being sensible.
As you said y... (read in full...)
Shouldn't he be focusing on the time she has left, instea of planning her funeral?
Q. My mum has terminal cancer and is under palliative care. Recently she's gone downhill and my dad is preparing for her death. He's organising the order of service, timings, list of people to tell, music, food etc ringing people up and having lengthy ...
A. 18 June 2014: Hello,
I'm really sorry to hear about your mom. Im sure its hard for all of you right now.
Having a partner who is terminally ill is one of the most difficult experiences anyone can endure and im sure your dad is doing his best. Your dad i... (read in full...)
He seems awfully close to his ex
Q. So I've been dating this guy for a month almost to. Him and his ex just recently broke up. And he's still friends with her. They talk every single day and all day! Even when he's with me sometimes. They dated for over a year and lived together. ...
A. 18 June 2014: You are his play thing while he tries to get back with his ex. Ditch this looser right now as he is making a fool of you. He is sleeping in the same bed with another woman and you are questioning what's happening? If they cuddled then slept in the ... (read in full...)
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