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*ark1978

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Online dating guide - with really good advice for you

This question has 3 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted

28 June 2014: So why use Internet Dating? Over the last few years Internet Datings popularity has soared! There are now millions of us looking for love, romance and friendship online. Like so many aspects of life - shopping, banking, communicating with frie...

< Prev123456789101112131415Next > [15 pages, 575 answers]

What kind of man lies like that?

Q.   I have been seeing a guy for the last couple of years. The connection seemed to be undeniable. He committed to me giving me an expensive piece of jewelry. We connected on FB. After little time, I realized that the immense majority of his friends ...

A.   18 July 2014: DONT respond. Ignore him completely. Any response will feed his appetite further. Don't try to rationalize, persuade, discuss or communicate in anyway, shape or form. Block his emails, or change your email address. Speak to your employer and tell... (read in full...)

What kind of man lies like that?

Q.   I have been seeing a guy for the last couple of years. The connection seemed to be undeniable. He committed to me giving me an expensive piece of jewelry. We connected on FB. After little time, I realized that the immense majority of his friends ...

A.   3 June 2014: You just need to get rid, nothing more, nothing less. Its not actually that hard to get someone out of your life ;-) This is guy is like a verruca - he will keep coming back until being removed! And as with any unwanted attachment, warts, ingrowin... (read in full...)

What kind of man lies like that?

Q.   I have been seeing a guy for the last couple of years. The connection seemed to be undeniable. He committed to me giving me an expensive piece of jewelry. We connected on FB. After little time, I realized that the immense majority of his friends ...

A.   2 June 2014: He can only break you down if you let him. Clearly your co-worker has basically said that he has a reputation - we have all come across his type. You need to block him. Simple. Stop responding to him. Otherwise he will break you down. Mark... (read in full...)

I wonder if he could actually care for me.

Q.   Hi, I met someone on holiday five years ago. It was clear we liked the look of each other but nothing ever happened. He found me on facebook somehow when he got home and three years later we were still texting every other week. Last year he asked me...

A.   29 May 2014: Hello, To be honest I don't think it really matters too much if he cares about you are not as he lives in another country. For a relationship to work with this guy, either you need to move to Ireland, or he needs to move to England. If its take... (read in full...)

Am I being unfair by being annoyed at the situation?

Q.   My flatmate's boyfriend had been here Every. Single. Night. In. The. Past. Three. Weeks. Occasionally, after a braai or two (she likes to host parties on weekends), even his brother will stay over for the weekend!! When the boyfriend would start ...

A.   29 May 2014: Hi Noli, Glad its sorted out now. Im guilty myself of being too nice at times and too keen to make a good impression. Nothing wrong with that BUT others can sometimes take advantage. Its often not so much meant to be like that on their part, ra... (read in full...)

Does it take time to fall in love?

Q.   I have a question about love. People who are in love, did you fall in love right away or did it take time? When you met your love, did you ever have doubts in the beginning or were you confident he or she was the one? I recently met someone I ...

A.   28 May 2014: Hello, Real love; proper grown up, sensible, long lasting love takes time. Loving someone is about loving their personality, their quirky ways, their way of making us feel good, their ability to problem solve, the way they handle issues, the way ... (read in full...)

We've both decided we want different things in life but can't seem to end it

Q.   Hi everyone I've been with my bf for almost 3 years and from the start our relationship hasn't been great. We live together but I feel we're more like house mates than partners. We both work a 9 - 5 and while he's really into gaming on his ga...

A.   28 May 2014: Hello, I guess the only real way to do this is to sit down with him and tell him its over. Easy for me to say I know, but that's the only thing you can do. I know that doesn't sound very in depth, and I wish I could offer a special secret to break... (read in full...)

What's wrong? I never get invited back ! I invite them, and they never reciprocate after that.

Q.   My question is: Do you expect people to reciprocate your invites to dinner, brunch, lunch or a mere cup of coffee? I don't do it because I expect it, but since I have a particular taste and healthy diet needs, I tend to invite people over if the ...

A.   28 May 2014: Its a tricky question to answer without knowing more information about your friends and their situations. "Or could it be that people think my house and manners are too posh for them to keep up with? " I'm very sorry if this is a bit hurtful, b... (read in full...)

My fiancé wants to postpone the wedding?

Q.   My fiancé and I have been engaged for almost three years now and we have planned our wedding for about a year now. Our wedding is coming up in July and last week she told me she wants to postpone it because she is scared and she clams to not be ...

A.   28 May 2014: Hi It sounds like her talk of wanting to postpone the wedding due to being scared and not ready, is not the entire story. After 3 years of being engaged, and a year of planning, she should be ready now and, pre wedding nerves aside, be sure as ... (read in full...)

We've both decided we want different things in life but can't seem to end it

Q.   Hi everyone I've been with my bf for almost 3 years and from the start our relationship hasn't been great. We live together but I feel we're more like house mates than partners. We both work a 9 - 5 and while he's really into gaming on his ga...

A.   28 May 2014: Hello, I think you should end it. The bottom line is that you love him but in the wrong way. You love him like a friend or brother, but you are not IN love with him. No sex for three months, no kisses and sitting on separate sofas means you are ... (read in full...)

She is a really nice girl but I don't have strong feelings for her.

Q.   I have started seeing this girl who I know for 2 years now. I was never attracted to her but she made a pass at me a few months ago and now we have started dating. I still dont have very strong feelings for her but she is a really really nice girl. ...

A.   27 May 2014: Let her go. Pretence is no way to have relationship, its not fair on you to keep up the pretence and not fair on here to be led along thinking you feel differently towards her than you actually do. Realistically if you have known her for two year... (read in full...)

He was my first love. But drugs rule his life. How can I stop loving him?

Q.   Dear Cupid, I am a 27 years old female, when I was 15 I met a boy who was 16, just one year older than me, he was my high school sweetheart, we spent many years together after, we went to different universities I studied engineering and ...

A.   27 May 2014: I agree with imthehelpinghand. You are in love with the man he once was, but that person will never exist again. The kind, loving guy he was at 16 is a very different person tot he man he has sadly become. ... (read in full...)

What kind of man lies like that?

Q.   I have been seeing a guy for the last couple of years. The connection seemed to be undeniable. He committed to me giving me an expensive piece of jewelry. We connected on FB. After little time, I realized that the immense majority of his friends ...

A.   26 May 2014: Oh dear - sounds like this guy is one of these men who finds out a woman's birthday, sends a card/gift and then offers more gifts and hopes you will give him a "gift", ahem, in return. "When he tried to solidify the relationship, he asked th... (read in full...)

Why would they be interested in me?

Q.   Two childhood sweethearts. . Looked me up after twenty years.. One grade school kept in touch more than the other from Jr high.. they have children and our grandparents. .and from different states .. I finally have a four old daughter and am not ...

A.   26 May 2014: when times are hard people reminisce to a simpler time in their life, when things such as relationships seemed so much easier and more naive. ... (read in full...)

Twenty eight and throwing tantrums

Q.   My lovely live in boyfriend has some sort of anxiety and depression. He has spoken to people about it in the past, and been on antidepressants before my time. His recount on things I've said or scenarios that have happened where he ended up getting ...

A.   26 May 2014: I want to add that I have an issue with the title of this post. ie "Twenty eight and throwing tantrums", im not sure if the OP wrote that or not but this is not a tantrum. Tantrums are childish outburst of negative or stroppy behaviour which ar... (read in full...)

Whose move next?

Q.   A man I like, whom I met several months ago and have bumped into a couple of times asked for my number when we randomly saw each other one evening a few weeks ago. I had a missed call 2 weeks ago and I sent a text back to say I saw the missed call ...

A.   26 May 2014: give him a call, arrange something and take it from there. Strike while the iron is hot as they say, you may be waiting for him to make a move, while he does the same.... (read in full...)

Twenty eight and throwing tantrums

Q.   My lovely live in boyfriend has some sort of anxiety and depression. He has spoken to people about it in the past, and been on antidepressants before my time. His recount on things I've said or scenarios that have happened where he ended up getting ...

A.   26 May 2014: Sadly this situation has gone from being verbally and emotionally abusive (which is bad enough) to physical abuse. There is no point staying with this man as he has crossed the line. He has flung you up a wall and that is completely unacceptable. ... (read in full...)

My ex treated me better than this boyfriend!

Q.   I was in a relationship for 9 yrs with my ex boyfriend who I dumped a year ago since the relationship was going no where and there was lot of trouble as it was a long distance relationship. After breaking up I immediately got into another ...

A.   26 May 2014: You split with your ex for a reason. You don't give too many details about that but looking at your age and length of the relationship, im guessing the two of you matured into two different people who were no longer as compatible as you once were? ... (read in full...)

Should I run or risk a broken heart?

Q.   Hello, well I've been talking to this women on line, we get along ,seems real good, but I think there is some red flags poping up, her car broke down she says, talk to her on the phone she seemed drunk, she told me she was raped about two years ...

A.   26 May 2014: This woman clearly has issues going on which you really shouldn't get involved in. To be honest I don't think this should be so much a gut feeling as a big, obvious red flag to run away from. Drinking, drinking and driving, possibly having b... (read in full...)

She came across sexual and experienced, but she's a virgin?

Q.   I'm confused at what the girl i'm dating told me yesterday, I don't judge her for it and never would but it doesn't make sense judging by her actions and the things she says that she is. She's very affectionate and feely with me, she'll roam her ...

A.   26 May 2014: To answer your first question, as to why you would be turned on by her virgin status, lots of men are aroused by the thought of being the one who gives a gorgeous, sexy woman her first experience. Knowing that a hot, flirty woman who is very sexual ... (read in full...)

Am I being unfair by being annoyed at the situation?

Q.   My flatmate's boyfriend had been here Every. Single. Night. In. The. Past. Three. Weeks. Occasionally, after a braai or two (she likes to host parties on weekends), even his brother will stay over for the weekend!! When the boyfriend would start ...

A.   26 May 2014: Hi Unfortunately this is a common problem with flat mates. Sharing a house/flat with someone you are not in a relationship with can be difficult at times, especially is you don't know the other person well. I do think this is a bit unfair on her p... (read in full...)

What kind of man lies like that?

Q.   I have been seeing a guy for the last couple of years. The connection seemed to be undeniable. He committed to me giving me an expensive piece of jewelry. We connected on FB. After little time, I realized that the immense majority of his friends ...

A.   26 May 2014: Im afraid you have to realize you are one of many women who he is playing. The fact he bought you and expensive piece of jewellery at the start should have set off alarm bells im afraid. He is the kind of man who uses charm, manipulation and money ... (read in full...)

My friend ditched me when I was going to the hospital. Why did she get angry?

Q.   A friend of mine recently got very angry with me, without me understanding why. I was wondering if you could help me with this. I had become quite sick, and wasn't getting any better. I was talking to my friend that Saturday, and she asked me how...

A.   25 May 2014: This is getting a little silly now. It seems the original point has been lost. OP the only way to solve this issue it to talk to your friend after the exam and ask her calmly and respectfully why she was mad at you. Maybe then you can both lea... (read in full...)

After a year I still don't have my online boyfriend's phone number

Q.   Met a guy online over a year ago, we fell in love, never spoke on phone. It is a LDR and I gave him my number but he never gives me his. Lately, he is busier at work and he says he loves me but I don't know what's going on. Is it normal t...

A.   25 May 2014: Hi, Im sorry but I think you need a reality check here. As an experienced internet dater I can tell you from first hand experience that you never, ever know someone until you have spent time with them in face to face, real life situatio... (read in full...)

He was so eager to see me. Then we had sex. Is he now fobbing me off? If yes, then why?

Q.   I want an honest opinion, please don't judge me. I met a guy on a night out a month ago in a different city. We talked every single day via messaging/phone calls ect. a significant amount. We agreed on a date for him to come and see me at my pla...

A.   25 May 2014: Clearly he used you for sex. When he wanted sex he was Mr Charmer. showering you with compliments and doing anything for you. Then, sex over, he grunts an excuse about being busy and disappears into the night. You have been played. Put it down ... (read in full...)

New workplace for me. Guy there is married, attractive and older. What's my next move?

Q.   hi.theres this man whos pretty elder to me but is ravishingly handsome,at my workplace. i just started working there 2 weeks ago and he makes frequent eye contacts and shows many other signs of attraction.it makes me feel really awkard to gaze back ...

A.   25 May 2014: You need to put your feelings and attraction to one side for a moment and stop and think this through. Say something happened between you. Then what? Is he going to leave his wife and, if he has any, kids for you just like that? Hardly. Either h... (read in full...)

I'm curious. How do I find out if she is too?

Q.   I am a married woman, but this woman I work with is attractive we often joke about being lesbian. I would really love to experience another female. How can I know if she feels the same?...

A.   25 May 2014: As others have said I doubt your husband would be too happy with the idea of you having sex with anybody else, regardless of their sex. Even if he was turned on by the idea, it would likely to cause insecurity and jealousy. Plus if you sleep wi... (read in full...)

The ex stayed with the family for the funeral so why not me?

Q.   Hi So I am after some opinions as to whether I am over analysing things and being silly or if I am right to feel upset. I am new to this site and so am expecting there may be some readers who will judge me pretty harshly but that's ok, maybe I dese...

A.   25 May 2014: I think you are over reacting. Your boyfriends Ex was present at the end of your boyfriends fathers life because her daughter (who your boyfriend fathered) was about to loose her granddad. She may have been close to, or at least cared about, t... (read in full...)

Online friend won't talk to me

Q.   I have been good friends with a man online for over a year now, we chat nearly everyday and take the piss out of each other. We sometimes have disagreements but always resolve them by talking. A day ago I posted something funny on Facebook and...

A.   25 May 2014: Have you ever actually met him in the flesh? I wonder if he was one of these guys who claims to be 53 but in reality is a lot older. Hence the fact your comment struck a nerve. Find a real life friend/boyfriend to spend time with and don't wa... (read in full...)

I'm thinking of splitting up with my boyfriend but I just can't, what should I do?

Q.   I've been with my boyfriend for nearly three years now and it's just fizzled out on my end and I don't know why, he's caring, loving, respectful and everything a person could ask for. It just started very rocky with some horrible behaviour when i ...

A.   25 May 2014: Like many relationship you have drifted apart and instead of being IN love you now love him like a brother, or a friend. You are (and I assume he is of similar age to yourself) both at an age where you and your lives, feelings, ambitions and so ... (read in full...)

No strings attached sex with coworker - could this progress into more?

Q.   Dear agony aunts, I need to understand how men's mind work... There's this guy at work I go out with sometimes. We both made it clear that we don't want to be in a relationship and that "it's just sex, no strings attached". I know mys...

A.   24 May 2014: p.s. All guys are nice guys when they want sex!... (read in full...)

No strings attached sex with coworker - could this progress into more?

Q.   Dear agony aunts, I need to understand how men's mind work... There's this guy at work I go out with sometimes. We both made it clear that we don't want to be in a relationship and that "it's just sex, no strings attached". I know mys...

A.   24 May 2014: "is there any chance that, in time, he'll fall for me?" NO! NO! NO! Men don't need/develop an emotional attachment with someone they are having sex with. Women do! That's why these "arrangements" always end in tears. When a man says he wa... (read in full...)

My boyfriend often gets angry at me for no reason and offends me!

Q.   Dear Cupid My bf of 3 years is getting angry all the times these days. He goes on weeks without talking to me. He gets angry if i talk about my work related issues or if i forget to buy his stuff or ask him to pick me up from work or to take me ou...

A.   24 May 2014: Well he sounds a barrel of laughs. How old is he? If, as his behaviour suggests, he is 13 wait for him to grow up. If he is of similar age to you, 30-35, accept he is an ignorant, aggressive jerk and find someone who treats you with respect. ... (read in full...)

If he's married now why is he trying to contact me?

Q.   *I know that what i did and how i acted was my fault so you don't need to tell me that.* I'm feeling quite low at the moment and have been trying to get my head around everything that's happened in the past couple of years. I got involved with a ...

A.   24 May 2014: Why would this guy suddenly change his bad ways just because he has a ring on his finger? Once a user and a cheat, always a user and a cheat! Ok so first he used you for sex. Nice. Then he used you for sex while he was with another women and used... (read in full...)

My boyfriend keeps registering on dating sites and tells me it's just "for a laugh"

Q.   Could some one advise me what to do please? I have found my boyfriend to be registering on different date sites. This is the fourth time I found out about it now. He says its just for a laugh and unregisters from them, but then secretly registers on ...

A.   24 May 2014: I think you need to stop being so guiliable. If he is registering on dating sites its to chat to/meet other people. When he says "its just a laugh" maybe his idea od a great joke is to cheat?... (read in full...)

My friend ditched me when I was going to the hospital. Why did she get angry?

Q.   A friend of mine recently got very angry with me, without me understanding why. I was wondering if you could help me with this. I had become quite sick, and wasn't getting any better. I was talking to my friend that Saturday, and she asked me how...

A.   24 May 2014: OP If your friend has exams then maybe she was stressed about the exams and her studies and, in the nicest possible sense, your request for her help came at the wrong time. If she was studying hard and getting frustrated by being unable to fully ... (read in full...)

Started a new diet last week, however its been a week and I have lost no weight. Advice?

Q.   Hey! Basically I have been un-happy with my weight now for some time and I am REALLY desperate to lose it. It kinda started about a year ago, I got put on these pills which made me put on loads of...

A.   24 May 2014: Hello, I lost two stone last summer through diet and exercise and I know that loosing weight can take time, effort and commitment. Even if you eat almost nothing and ran for miles it would unlikely show up much on the a scales after a week. ... (read in full...)

Am I wrong for shaving my head even though my gf prefers it long?

Q.   Hey everyone, I'm a young guy with an extremely noticeable receding hairline. I'm cool with shaving my head, I think it's comfortable and looks alright on me..but my gf hates! She makes me grow my hair out and it looks ridiculous. Am I wrong for ...

A.   24 May 2014: As a head shaver myself I say go for it! I used to have long hair as a younger guy but I had to spend most of my life trying to manage it. Plus long hair made me look adolescent. Now my hair is thinning and receding a bit so I shave it. Some men... (read in full...)

What is your "Ultimate Love Song"?

Q.   Ok, totally frivolous, recreational question here... Recently a poster asked suggestions about love songs,.. I'd like to extend the question to know which is for you ,fellow Dear Cupiders, the Ultimate Love Song. Not the best, the most original...

A.   24 May 2014: Thank you CindyCares, Some great ideas and superb song choices. Glad you liked my mention of the Avalon album. My all time fav! Mark ... (read in full...)

I feel like I'm stuck in the friend zone with girls

Q.   I don't know what to do anymore, I'm stuck . I've been putting up with liking girls for years and years and years and etc... I really hope that I'm not just being ignored? First it was a girl I liked for 8 years, saved my virginity, didn't date ...

A.   24 May 2014: Hi OP We are giving you relationship/love/dating advice but before you can dive into the world of love and relationships you need to sort out the problems you have with approaching women and reading their signals. Im sorry but we cannot give you... (read in full...)

I feel like I'm stuck in the friend zone with girls

Q.   I don't know what to do anymore, I'm stuck . I've been putting up with liking girls for years and years and years and etc... I really hope that I'm not just being ignored? First it was a girl I liked for 8 years, saved my virginity, didn't date ...

A.   23 May 2014: By a rubber ruler do you mean that the you feel goal posts keep moving? If other people, other than those on this site, have also suggested you have Aspergers then yes you really need to bring it up with your doctor or psychiatrist. It may be t... (read in full...)

My friend ditched me when I was going to the hospital. Why did she get angry?

Q.   A friend of mine recently got very angry with me, without me understanding why. I was wondering if you could help me with this. I had become quite sick, and wasn't getting any better. I was talking to my friend that Saturday, and she asked me how...

A.   23 May 2014: Hi Can you tell us, is this an isolated incident? By that I mean you visiting the hospital and asking her to get you things? Or is it a regular thing? If this is an isolated occasion then i'm not sure why she would be so upset about it, but ob... (read in full...)

I feel like I'm stuck in the friend zone with girls

Q.   I don't know what to do anymore, I'm stuck . I've been putting up with liking girls for years and years and years and etc... I really hope that I'm not just being ignored? First it was a girl I liked for 8 years, saved my virginity, didn't date ...

A.   23 May 2014: Hello, Op having read your original post, and your follow ups, I would respectfully recommend for your own well being that you get your self tested for Aspergers or a similar condition. Many people suffer from this common condition and wi... (read in full...)

I drunk-dialed him, HUGE mistake. How do I get over that?

Q.   I'd been kind of seeing a guy for about the last six months. Nothing serious, just a lot of chatting and the occasional hookup. The problem is, I REALLY like him and I was beginning to get frustrated with him not seeming to want to commit. Last week ...

A.   23 May 2014: Hi He only wanted sex. Nothing more, nothing less. You were his friend with benefits. You developed feelings for him and he didn't feel the same for you. Its the common problem with casual hook up/FWB situations. Either one of the two people i... (read in full...)

What is your "Ultimate Love Song"?

Q.   Ok, totally frivolous, recreational question here... Recently a poster asked suggestions about love songs,.. I'd like to extend the question to know which is for you ,fellow Dear Cupiders, the Ultimate Love Song. Not the best, the most original...

A.   23 May 2014: "Take A Chance With Me" by Roxy Music, from the "Avalon" album, 1982. ... (read in full...)

I feel like I'm stuck in the friend zone with girls

Q.   I don't know what to do anymore, I'm stuck . I've been putting up with liking girls for years and years and years and etc... I really hope that I'm not just being ignored? First it was a girl I liked for 8 years, saved my virginity, didn't date ...

A.   20 May 2014: Op can yo maybe give us more details to go on? Such as why the girl pour drink on you or what your approach is when chatting up girls? Also how did you behave towards the women you liked for 8 years and 13 years? were you friends but they did... (read in full...)

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