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What is the deal with people who say all women are bisexual or bi curious

Tagged as: Gay relationships, Health, Sex<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (16 May 2014) 9 Answers - (Newest, 17 May 2014)
A female United States age 30-35, anonymous writes:

What is the deal with people who say all women are bisexual or at least bi curious? Then they say there are studies to back it up. Maybe so, but studies still cannot speak for every woman in the world. Or men for that matter.

It's total bull. I have never been interested in a woman in any kind of a romantic or sexual way. I'm perfectly happy going through life never having a sexual experience with another woman, so I'm not "curious". I have not fantasized about women. I don't find female genitalia attractive, etc. Yet I argued with someone recently over this, and he was insisting I must not be telling the truth when I told him this. I was rather offended.

If I were bi or gay, I wouldn't be ashamed of it. So why would I need to lie about being straight? His statement didn't make sense to me. He's a friend of mine, and we get along for the most part, but sometimes we get into stupid arguments like this. The thing is, I've heard of this before so I know it's not just him being stupid. Rather, it seems a lot of people believe this.

What do you aunts and uncles think? Why do some people insist all women are bi? And for you other straight women out there, would it offend you if someone tried to claim you must not be because of some damn study?

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A female reader, YoungButNotNaive South Africa +, writes (17 May 2014):

YoungButNotNaive agony auntI've heard of this before as well. Studies were done in which women were shown pictures of naked women (not sure if they were engaged in sexual activity or not). I don't know the full details. Anyway, even the ones who identified themselves as being heterosexual were aroused by the images.

I still don't agree with the concept, regardless of what they've "proven". Women can get moist but not actually feel aroused, and they can also feel aroused but not get moist. I also don't believe they factored in whether or not these women had recently had a sexual release, as I feel this could affect the results. Things that wouldn't normally arouse them would be more likely to. I don't know for sure that would make a difference, but I'd be willing to bet on it.

I wouldn't be offended if someone said this to me. I know I'm not bi, so why should I care what someone else tries to say? I have only ever had interest in being with men, and like you I don't find female parts attractive. If anyone tried to say I'm lying, I'd tell them to go fly a kite.

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A female reader, Honeypie United States + , writes (16 May 2014):

Honeypie agony auntI think it's bullshit.

I find woman more PLEASING to look at (generally) then men, but I have no sexual desire or attraction for women. But when it comes to sex... I want a male.

I would NOT be embarrassed to be bi-sexual, but I know I'm not. I'm not even CURIOUS. Never was. And I had PLENTY of opportunity to try it out in my younger days.

I have no confusion. I have never doubted my sexuality. Growing up I had friends who were gay, who we all KNEW were gay before they came out, and I was raised in a family that really didn't give a flying fart about what people preferred sexually. Though my Dad USED to think it was a no-no for homosexuals to marry. But even that stubborn old coot accepted that he couldn't give a good reason as to why.

I DO think there are people out there who ARE bi-sexual or homosexuals who CHOOSE or who HAS to live in a straight environment for fear of family, religious and other persecution.

I'd like to see that study. My guess is, it's from some Men's magazine and not a REAL study.

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A female reader, CindyCares Italy +, writes (16 May 2014):

CindyCares agony aunt I don't know about all the studies on woman bisexuality- there were many - but I know of one by Boise State University which puts the figure of women somewhat attracted to their own sex at 60 % . And another from Utah State Universay that says- I think - 50 %.

I doubt that other studies, even conducted on a much larger sample, or applying different research criteria, could just double the figures to be a whopping 100%.

So, they are many women , but by no means, ALL of them. Your friend got it wrong, or exaggerated on purpose.

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A female reader, So_Very_Confused United States +, writes (16 May 2014):

So_Very_Confused agony auntI am bisexual woman and I have had lots of bi-curious friends... and also totally straight friends who have never even considered it.

I think that the idea that ANYONE can be anywhere on the sexual spectrum is accurate... but to think that EVERYONE is lying to themselves about their sexual desires is wishful thinking.

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A male reader, C. Grant Canada +, writes (16 May 2014):

C. Grant agony auntNonsense. Or, as others have suggested, wishful thinking. If there was ever someone who was 100% straight it's my wife.

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A male reader, Mark1978 United Kingdom +, writes (16 May 2014):

Mark1978 agony auntSome men would love to think all women are bi curious! the prospect of a GF or female sexual partner getting it off with another women will turn a lot of men on. They wish!

Some women, perhaps more than is often thought, do have fantasies/experiences regarding other women. Some women, when young and coming to terms with their sexuality, do explore that avenue either mentally or physically. But then an awful lot of women don't. For anyone to claim that ALL women feel that way is crazy. Several of my GFs have had experiences with women, but that doesn't make them Bi curious or bi sexual. As we adjust to adult life and our sexuality we sometimes feel the need to confirm or deny. Yet often we don't feel that need.

Im a straight male. Ive never had any confusion over my sexuality. Yet because I am sometimes quite "different" to many young(ish) men in that I don't life football, im not competing for the role of alpha male, I dress smart, wear pink shirts, etc, many people assume im gay. That in itself doesn't bother me. I have nothing against gay men and don't get the whole "proving" your not gay routine so many men perform. But it annoys me that just because I like the Arts, dress smartly and know nothing about football I get stuck with a label.

So called "studies" are often biased. Maybe some Lads mag so called study might claim such nonsense but in reality? I don't think so.

Your happy with your sexuality so who cares.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (16 May 2014):

It's not just some "damn study". It's based on Freudian analysis. Freud basically argued that women were men without penises and that is ALL they are. He only conceived of them as LACK.

In addition to this, because they don't have a penis, they are considered to not have fully accepted the world/sociality in a psychological sense - they have not developed into adulthood (which for him is ONLY masculine).

Because Freud defined women ONLY as LACK (of penis) this means that his analysis of their sexuality is 'indeterminate'. For Freud, the only way that a woman can be attracted to a man is because she envies his penis and wants it to be hers. Beyond this, she can only be gay or bisexual BECAUSE he could think of no other way of conceiving of what a woman, and what straight woman's sexuality actually is.

Thousands of texts have been written about this since - especially feminists who claim his thinking is just totally unacceptable for women - the time of his writing. It filters down through literature and media as well.

But it sounds like whoever is saying this to you has no idea of Freud and is just saying it to wind you up.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (16 May 2014):

The only thing I believe relating to this is that nobody is 100% straight or 100% gay because it's a spectrum, but I don't think everyone has had homosexual fantasies and such.

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A male reader, BrownWolf Canada +, writes (16 May 2014):

BrownWolf agony aunt

That is beyond CRAP!! People will say and come up with all kinds of studies to support their habits. Heck, even the smoking companies at one time tried to prove smoking was good for you. Then the said regular cigarettes were "not so good", but menthols were better for you...yeah sure.

They pick 100 young women who are coming into their sexuality, most likely in a college somewhere, and that is their study. Pick a young woman who is bombarded by sexual content, fueled by alcohol, surround by other young, sexually alcohol fueled woman, and what do you think may or may not happen? Bet the studies didn't list on what occasion women may feel bi curious. Women are much more loving and caring for each other than men are.

If that were true, they would have to ask every woman in the world how they felt about being Bi curious.

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