A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend has never been able to handle stress very well. Anytime he has a bad day or is stressed out I usually get the brunt of it. He never tells me what's bothering him I always have to pry it out of him. It always seems to be family and work issues. He says he doesn't like to tell me because it makes him look weak. There are two ways he always handles stress. For example he starts to avoid me and doesn't answer me. Sometimes we go a full day without talking because he's "stressed". The next way he will handle it is the complete opposite he will antagonize me for anything such as my clothes, cooking, cleaning etc. I know men don't express their emotions well but is this just a guy thing and I'm overreacting or do I have a right to be upset? I personally feel that it's immature on his part and the tantrums are getting old. I tried talking to him about it but he seems he is set in his ways. Thoughts?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 May 2014): As another respondent pointed out, this person will DRAIN all your energy. For me this is unforgivable - it's worse than someone being actively nasty, because it saps and bleeds away at you without you even realising what they're doing.I was with someone for nearly 20 years like this. He literally could not cope with anything. It was only AFTER our relationship ended that I went online and researched things like "personality disorder" and "oedipus complex" trying to figure out why he had never really grown up.What I discovered was that he had ADD - Attention Deficit Disorder - which makes it very hard to deal with normal life and especially stress. I almost felt sorry for him, but then I realised his mother KNEW all along and she had known since he was a kid and had basically 'offloaded' him on to me, to the point that I'd become ill trying to cope with his moods, aggression, and total inability to handle anything at all. Even if your partner doesn't have ADD, the principle is the same - someone who cannot cope will naturally gravitate to someone who can AND effectively and over time GIVE THEM NO CHOICE but to become stronger and keep coping with more and more of their stress in order to 'protect' them from it.I say get rid of him pronto.
A
female
reader, Caring Aunty A  +, writes (22 May 2014):
 DITTO; my boyfriend can’t handle stress and my mental health has suffered living with these immature tantrums...
Caring Aunty A has just about to come to the end of her patience. Polite calm discussions, couple/individual counselling, switching off to his babble so as not to trigger further upset, asking him to leave, live elsewhere and return when he’s better have all been exhausted and to no avail in the end :(
BE NOT MISTAKEN; these people are who they are, they like their own misery, stress or temper tantrums, they BLAME and like to find fault in you as it takes the focus away from their issues (of weakness)! This will drain and break you down eventually.
FACT IS; its preset within them! Of course there are skills and methods of learning how to communicate (express emotions etc.) effectively yet they’ll reject that idea until you’re at your wits end, generally when you’re about to leave them they’ll accept they need help (this will only be a temporary fix). Do you really want to go that road at your age?
Save yourself the angst OR be prepared to walk on eggshells…
P.S. I just heard my man ‘stress’ over hitting the wrong button on the remote control – what a life!?
Take Care – CAA
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A
male
reader, Mark1978  +, writes (21 May 2014):
 This guy sounds very adolescent. You are an adult now and need to be able to communicate with your partner and sort issues out in a mature, sensible way. We all have bad days, we all get stressed, we all want to be left alone occasionally or take our problems out of innocent people around us. But he is clearly very shut off and making your life misery.
Men do tend to be less open about their emotions than women but I think he has a strange idea of "weakness". Is he one of these "mans man" types who thinks its effeminate or weak to express emotion? If so you will have a hard job changing that.
I don't really see a solution except find someone more suited to you and more mature. If he wont discuss it with you and gets angry if you try then you will just go round in circles.
Obviously I don't know his troubles or what his problems are but if he is of similar age to you then how is he going to cope as he gets older and takes on more responsibility and more problems? If he is going through a very tough time with tragedy and terrible things happening then maybe a bit of patience is required but if these are just "bad day at the office" issues then he really needs to grow up and learn to handle life's slings and arrows.
If you stay with him in your current situation it will drain you, sap your self esteem and make you feel worthless. Especially if he blanks you like you dont exist for days on end. Maybe he has a condition or health problem? Perhaps he is unable to relate to you on an emotional level, either way why put yourself through this?
Mark
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