| A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes: I need to know who feels the same and how to get rid of these feelings. I feel below women who are more attractive than me (pornstars, glamour models) I feel like they have more power over men, it hurts me. I feel small. I want a boob job. I'm a 34b and I'm really considering it, i want to go up to a c. I don't know how other women cope. I've had two boyfriends who both loved porn and showed little desire for me.
View related questions:
porn Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 May 2014): Hi,I want to start by saying I've been in the same position as you. I was the poster of a very similar question just over 5 years ago. I was a very very flat 32A with little self esteem and thought a boob job would help any relationship I may enter. I wanted boys to love my boobs and to think that I was the best thing since sliced bread. Then I met my boyfriend 4 and a bit years ago. He's a respectable, decent, and loving guy that loves me for all of me. He loved me with my flat chest and he loves me now, with my 32D's. In January of this year (2014) I had my breast enlargement surgery after 7/8 years of longing for them. My boyfriends opinion on me hasn't changed. He loves me no more with the implants. I guess the point that I'm trying to make is that you shouldn't want to change yourself because you want guys to view you differently. My boyfriend loved me and I loved him. Boobs or no boobs. My decision was solely based on my feelings towards my body. I would say when I go out I get just as much attention as I did when I was flat chested. The only thing that's changed is the way I view my own body. Don't ever change something about yourself because you want to change someone else's opinion of you. If you want the boob job for you, then get the boob job. I'm not going to lie to you, it was the best decision I have ever made. That's because I made it for me. I thought about my decision for years, give yourself time to think things through and age on the idea. A boob job isn't a guaranteed way to get every guy you want. At the end of the day it's a pair of boobs and it's you that really matters, not a bra size. Good luck with everything. X
A
female
reader, TasteofIndia  +, writes (17 May 2014):
 You got great answers. Back in the day I worked as a bartender at a strip club and I also worked at Victoria's Secret at the time. It was fun and informative. So, consider me a self-proclaimed expert on breasts.
I'm here to tell you that 34B is the best size of every single size. I've gone from a 34B (in high school), 34C (throw early 20s) to now, a 36DD (thanks BABY), so I have also have a range of personal experience.
34B, how I miss thee. A rack just big enough to get noticed, but small enough to look amazing in anything you put on. Trust me, the next cup size up and a deep v-neck looks hoochie. And once you get to my current size, an XXL hoodie looks hoochie.
Your boobs, it seems to me, are not the problem.
It's your LAME FREAKIN' BOYFRIENDS who are the problem.
You know, as well as I do, that there are women out there with AA cups that have great boyfriends who make them feel sexy, respected and loved. And they are - sexy, respectable and lovable. If some jerkwad shows little passion for you and would rather watch porn, I guarantee he's pulling that same BS with his girlfriend who has Ds and suddenly feels inadequate because her boobs aren't as perky as the smaller cupped girls in porn.
It's not you. It's not your boobs. It's your choice in men.
A boob job will not solve the problem because a better guy will be more attracted to your breasts. The only chance of a boob job solving your problem is that it will give you confidence in yourself so that you begin to show who you really are and feel comfortable in your own skin - that is what will attract a good man who will love you just as you are and make you feel great.
(Oh, making the strip club and Victoria's Secret relevant? Small boobs stay perkier for longer, and if we're talking superficially - yes, that's what men will gravitate towards.)
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 May 2014): I was a 32A and I never wanted huge breasts. I had breast implants and am now only a 34A, but fuller. It's not ideal - I think aesthetically they look better than before but I don't have much natural fat on top, so they look slightly artificial, but not really bad. With clothes on they look great. I was always slim but the only place I ever put weight on is my hips and thighs, so when I was a 32A I was constantly dieting to try to get into proportion. Thing is, before I had them 'done', I'd breast fed and it ruined my breasts - my nipples were totally out of proportion to my very small, and actually sagging breasts - and I was constantly wearing padded bras, to the point where it really drove me nuts, especially on hot days in summer. Also, I could not believe how many people felt at liberty to make passing comments about my breast size. I found it incredibly rude and insensitive - they would just make jokes about it or say "I don't mean this horribly but you have no boobs" - or men would say "my boobs are bigger than yours". And I'm talking about people over the age of 40 who should have known better. It really was unbelievable that they felt free to comment on that - but it goes to show that they will comment on anything you do. The thing is, other people's judgement in itself would NEVER have made me want bigger boobs but it did add to how I was already feeling. I felt disfigured and longed for my boobs to be as they were before I'd breastfed. I wish they'd just grown more or that I'd never breastfed, because I actually like small breasts just as much as larger ones. Implants for me were me accepting that I couldn't get my natural shape back, that's all.The problem I now have is not that I have not accepted my implants - I'm kinda fine with them - but that I stand to be judged solely on the basis that I had implants at all. There is such a backlash going on at the moment about implants and they're immediately associated with being 'cheap' or not having good self values and this is actually affecting me far more than the implants themselves. I have good self esteem generally, but I'm sick to death of reading all these judgements about what people choose to do with their bodies. I really wish people would see that it's not a 'cut and dried' case each time - women don't necessarily want bigger boobs, it's not always to attract men, it's not always to look like a porn star and it's not always for medical reasons either. Shit happens - we have babies and feed them and even small breasts can look the worst for wear. When you are trying to weigh up what to do then I suggest that you really try to 'forget' about the influence of porn etc. and the judgements surrounding that. You have to be sure, first and foremost, that you are doing it solely for you first and anyone else's judgements have to come later.
...............................
A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (17 May 2014):
 It's unfortunate that you think that those immature "boyfriends" you had took to looking at porn, AND that you learned of it....
Fact is, that MANY guys (I'm one of them) LOVE women with modestly-endowed breasts. YOU have fallen for the public fallacy that, somehow, large(r) breasts translates to desireability and/or sexiness. The reality is QUITE THE CONTRARY. A woman is sexy and desireable largely by NOT being so caught up in the "media" personna that she perceives for/of herself.... and, instead, she is genuine and modest.....
Save the $$$ you might have spent for breast augmentation for your college costs.... (NO red-blooded man can resist a SMART woman!!!!!)....
Good luck...
P.S. 50 years from now, you'll be happy when you do not have to hitch your generous breasts to your belt-buckle to keep from stepping on them!!!!
...............................
A
male
reader, CMMP +, writes (17 May 2014):
I think women think men only want big boobs, etc, but the truth is that those are easiest to see with clothes on so they get more attention.
Naked, I don't think most guys give a shit. I know I don't. My wife has nice boobs but they're b's, so when she's clothed they're not very attention grabbing.
She actually prefers it that way because then she's not being treated like she is just a pair of tits.
...............................
A
male
reader, crushed_by_love  +, writes (17 May 2014):
My advice is to not even consider it.I once knew a girl in a similar situation to you.Her boyfriend was a porn addict and made her feel unattractive and undesirable even though she had a beauty that surpassed most other girls.He had knocked her self esteem to an extent that she thought she had to compete with pornstars to get his attention.
Any man worth knowing realises that natural beauty in a woman is far more alluring than any surgical enhancements
...............................
A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (17 May 2014):
 Do some googling on botched Breast enlargement surgeries, if that doesn't change your mind I don't know what would...(shudder)
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 May 2014): Thanks for your replies.
Ever since college I noitced when you mention porn men have this slecial smile that they don't have for me. I just feel like if I looked the same as pornstars they would have showed more desire instead of treating me like I was just an ordinary person.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 May 2014): You need to value yourself and your beauty and what you have. You need to realize that porn workers and glamor models are basically prostitutes- most are on drugs and they hate their lives for the most part and they look HORRIBLE. You don't want any man who wants you to look like that, so find one who isn't addicted to porn. Having any type of surgery like this is always a health risk, you could end up scarred with horrible breasts, you could die or have serious health complications later because of this. Many of these disreputable doctors will never tell you this but it's the truth. Is your self esteem so low that you would be willing to risk all of this simply to have larger breasts?
...............................
A
female
reader, llifton +, writes (17 May 2014):
 Cut myself off before I was done. I was going to finish by saying, if it will make you feel better, get the boob job. However, I hope you can realize that you don't need to look like a super model to be beautiful.
Good luck.
...............................
A
female
reader, llifton +, writes (17 May 2014):
So you equate power and your self-worth on whether or not you can get mens attention? I think you're worried about the wrong things in life. Looks fade. I judge my self-worth on who I am as a person and what I can do for others. I worry about my character and how I treat those around me. I couldn't care less what others thought of me physically. I'm happy with myself.
There's nothing to feel "small" about. I'm sure you're attractive and are just being hard on yourself. Only like, .5% of the population is attractive enough to be a super model. Cut yourself some slack. If it will make you feel better, get the boob job.
...............................
A
male
reader, Mark1978 +, writes (17 May 2014):
 As a male, A and B cup is my preferred choice. I don't go for large breasts. Not would I date a woman with fake boobs, no offence to anyone who has them but to me they are like tattoos or smoking, a deal breaker.
You obviously suffer confidence issues that are deeper than your skin. Having a boob job might make you happier temporarily, but many women soon go back to the bad feelings a while after surgery. Plus there are all sorts of potential problems with such a procedure which would make you feel a damn sight worse!
A lot of women I have met who happen to have big breasts tell me that their chest gets a lot of attention from men, but they as a person do not.
Its not difficult for attractive women, or indeed very unattractive ones with large boobs to get a lot attention from men. But most of that attention will be from men who see her as a pair of breasts. Someone they want to shag, feel and not much else.
One woman I know compared having her boob job to being like coming into mega money: suddenly people find you very attractive but not because they want you as a person. Also she noticed a difference in the TYPE of men she attracted. Before, as a well dressed, professional, intelligent women she generally attracted sensible, mature, professional types. After her boob job, going up quite large, she found that "Hi how are you?" suddenly became "Alright Babes!", attracting Men trying to impress their mates by chatting up a large pair of boobs (literally as they talk to her breasts, whats that about?!)
Why do you think these other women have "power" over men? I think you are confusing men wanting to use a woman as a pair of boobs sexually, with those women having power over a man. Yes, men might queue up and even fight over a woman with large breasts but those same men will usually forget that woman's name the moment they have "done what they want to do".
Im not suggesting all women with fake/large boobs can never find love nor respect, far from it. But any well endowed woman will tell you big boobs can be a curse in many ways unless you like to be a plaything.
So called glamour models and porn stars tend to be adolescent fantasy figures. Fake tan, fake breasts, fake hair, fake everything. An awful lot of us men do not like that look at all. Please bear in mind OP that glamour models and porn stars are basically someone for men to look at while they masturbate. Once the man has, well, finished in that respect, would he want to cook Ms Fake a meal? Listen to her personal problems? Hardly.
Porn is not real. Its fake...from the cringe-worthy "oh yeah baby! Its so good baby! Oh yeah! Oh yeah! Give it me baby!....", which any sexually experienced person knows is so fake and unrealistic, to the people who take part with there various "modifications".
Porn women are supposed to be like Barbie dolls. A plaything. Something to get men hard and not much else. They are not meant to have a personality. Nor do men actually want relationships with them, in the wider sense. If you make yourself look like a porn start/glamour model, your likely to be seen as a piece of meat.
You should never change your body just because of two boyfriends who burnt out there sexual abilities watching porn. Porn is like booze: fine in moderation. Its when people become addicted or take it too far that it becomes an issue.
Concentrate on finding a decent boyfriend who will enable you to move from the two previous ones who lacked enough self control to enjoy a normal, sexual relationship. They would have been the same no matter who there GF was, not just with you ;-)
...............................
A
female
reader, YoungButNotNaive  +, writes (17 May 2014):
 Well, it's incredibly self destructive to compare yourself to those women. Not only that, you're taking it a step further by actually consider mutilating your body with unnecessary surgery over it. There is NOTHING wrong with your boobs. I know it's difficult to do, but please at least try to be thankful for what you have. And make the most of it. Anyway, most porn stars and glamor models are surgically enhanced in both their boobs and labia. They also have fake tans, heavy duty makeup, and hair extensions. Basically, these women are faking their image from head to toe. However, the fake image is only the beginning of why you shouldn't feel jealous or insecure over them. I'm going to copy and paste what I wrote in response to a similar question about porn stars that was asked by another poster awhile back. I hope it will help put this in perspective for you: "The women you're jealous of, have at some point in their lives, felt exactly like you do. They want to be noticed and validated just like you, and it isn't any easier for them than it is for you. If anything, you could say it's more difficult. The ones who want to have a name in the industry have to perform extreme acts, ones they aren't comfortable with, possibly even downright disgusted by. On top of that, they have to act like they enjoy it, and be at least somewhat convincing. Otherwise they'll just blend in with their hundreds of other competitors who are also trying to be noticed. Is this what you feel inferior to?" Please don't get surgery. Besides, there is always the chance you would get it done only to find something else you don't like about yourself. Then you'd be right back to square one. Insecurity isn't solved by plastic surgery, after all. It's about changing your mindset. One last thing, I suspect those 2 boyfriends of yours may have been addicted to it if they weren't showing much interest in you. That has nothing to do with the women being more attractive than you, it has to do with the power of addiction. They may have relied on it too much while single.
...............................
A
female
reader, Dionee' +, writes (17 May 2014):
 Coming from someone who knows what you're feeling i'm going to give you my honest advice and opinion. A B cup is perfect in my eyes, i'm an A. I discovered that you will only feel as terrible as you allow the world to make you feel. Let's face it, big breasts are glamorized everywhere we turn our heads to look BUT small breasts are just as, if not more beautiful. Small breasts mean more freedom: our chests don't bounce around when we run or jump, we don't get backaches, we don't even have to wear a bra! These are all things that are inevitable for large breasted women. You've let what your exes saw in porn make you feel less of a woman. I'm sure those porn stars breasts were fake anyway. Feeling beautiful is being comfortable in your own skin. As i've said, i was where you are but i managed to pull myself out of it. You will notice that even if people won't admit it to you, they are envious of certain things, sometimes even the things you don't like i.e your breasts. I'm not here to lecture you on why not to get breast enlargement surgery, i'm just giving you the facts. It will take a long while for you to realize it but its not impossible for you to accept yourself as you are. I completely understand you and i wished i had someone to talk to when i felt the way you now do. The choice is still ultimately yours though. My advice is do some soul searching. Learn to love yourself first. If you must do it, do it for you, not because you're envious of pornstars and models. That's my advice to you.
...............................
A
male
reader, BrownWolf  +, writes (17 May 2014):
First of all let me say, I would NOT date a woman with fake boobs, unless she did it for medical reasons. I do not go the store to buy a fake apple or any other fake product…so why a fake woman.
Most of what I find sexy in a woman’s breast, is sensitivity. If sucking on your nipples turn you on…Bonus!!! When you think about it…it is not the size of your breast that make a man want you, it’s how good you are in bed.
To be blunt…If you vaginal area “truly” matches the size of you breast…well then.
So…keep your small breast, and be good at the rest :)
...............................
|
